DON'T LEAVE A MESSAGE AFTER THE BEEP

When you call me and I don't answer, you get my voicemail message. The message that clearly says you have reached SARAH and if you want to talk to SARAH you should leave SARAH a message. (Okay fine, so it doesn't actually say SARAH that many times. But it is clear that you are talking to SARAH.)

So why, Simon-from-the-mortgage-company, do you keep leaving messages for NICHOLAS about his mortgage when you know you are leaving a message on SARAH's voicemail? I mean, okay. The first time, maybe. But after not getting a return phone call after the 2nd message, why did you keep doing it? At that point, it should have been obvious that this was not NICHOLAS's number. It should have also probably crossed your mind that perhaps after you left the 7th message, SARAH was starting to get a little annoyed with you.

You called again today. You hung up after the voicemail message. I hope this means you have finally figured it out. IDIOT.

p.s. Yes. I know I could have called him back and told him to stop calling me, but that shit was long-distance.

Ugh, cherry!

There is nothing funnier than watching someone use the map to navigate a box of chocolates, only to end up with the gross cherry one anyway. SICK.

BAHAHAHAHA!!!

Wing? Sprinter?

It's possibly the most annoying time of year. That first bit of spring where it's still SO COLD in the morning but then it warms up later in the day. You're itching to wear your spring clothes, but that means walking to the bus in ballet flats and freezing your little toesies off because it's only 4 degrees. If you err on the side of caution and dress for the cold bit, then you're hauling around a wool coat at the end of the day when it's too warm to wear it. It is the worst!

Just hurry up already, spring!

I have rules. Phone rules.

I've had a mobile phone for about 10 years. I like it. It's handy to be able to give someone a ring whenever I need to. The problem with having a mobile phone though, is that everyone else has them too, and they seem to be under the impression that because I own one, they should be able to reach me all the time.

But they can't.

You see, I have my own set of rules. I am not bound by my phone. If you call me and I'm in the middle of something, I won't answer. If you text me, I don't feel obligated to respond within 30 seconds. I've been known to come home from work and place my phone in the charging dock upstairs and not look at it for the rest of the night. Sometimes I just straight up turn the thing off. I'm social on my schedule, yo. I also don't expect anyone else to drop everything and pay attention to me when I try to call or text. It's just how I roll.

I KNOW. This is practically unheard of. But hey. What can I say? I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel.

How I'm Going To Jumpstart My Musical Career

It's pretty easy, actually. When they turn on music in the office, (typically 90's rock music) I will turn on my music (hip hop) but with only one headphone in. Then I'll just wait for the mashups to happen.

Then BOOM! I'm famous.

when girls says "maybe we can hang out on the weekend"

Of all the search terms people have used to arrive at my blog, this one is my favourite.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

9 to 5

I've done it. I've made it through my first week of work. (Oh yeah. Did I tell you? I GOT A JOB.) The first week is always a little overwhelming, isn't it? You're just figuring out how things work and getting to know how everyone else likes to do things. And if you're like me and have been unemployed for nearly a year, you are also just trying to remember how to be a person who has a job. (So, wait. You're telling me I have to get up early and leave my house every day? Say whaaaaaaa?) It's a little overstimulating. Hence why I almost went to bed at 8pm on a Friday night.

Even though I have arrived at home every night this week feeling totally zapped of all energy, it has been awesome. Because that means I've spent all day putting my energy into writing and learning. And learning more. And revising the writing. And revising the writing again. And learning MORE more.

In short: I think this is going to be pretty awesome.

What??? I can't hear you!!!

I woke up this morning and my head felt funny. Like it was stuffed full of cotton balls. My ears were plugged up and my hearing is all wonky. Everything sounds muffled still. The last time this happened was a couple of years ago. I went to the doctor and can you guess what it was?

An ear infection. That's right. I'm a 29 years old and I still get ear infections. WHAT THE HECK?? You're supposed to outgrow them by the time you're a teenager, but not me. I'm fully committed to being the ear infection kid. Blerg.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go use my prescription nasal spray. Meerp.

Another year.

I am not super sad to put this year behind me. There have been some massive changes in my life over the past 12 months. As horrible as some of it was, (and still kind of is) I'd be lying if I said it had all been bad. I got to meet some fantastic people this year and I am so happy for that. My life is 10 thousand times more often because I know these awesome folks.

Change is necessary and good. I'm sure that when my life is sorted out again, I'll be glad for having gone through this. I can only hope that I'll come out of this situation as a smarter, stronger person. So there you go. Smell ya later, 2010.

I love you and your ice cream, Galen Weston.

Okay. So it is no secret that I love Galen Weston. But that has nothing to do with this. I just really need to tell you about something. I am NOT a Christmas person. People usually attempt to insult me by calling me names like "Scrooge" or "Grinch". (I know. HARSH DISS.) But this ice cream? THIS MAGICAL, DELICIOUS ICE CREAM??? It makes me like Christmas. For serious, y'all. GET IT. EAT IT ALL. GET SOME MORE. REPEAT.

So good.

Hire me!

I don't know what it is about the Christmas season, but it has lit a fire under my butt. I am straight up DETERMINED to find a job for January. Let's make this happen! (Why hello there, future employer. How are you doing today?)

When I was 20, I left a well paying job with the government in order to attend broadcasting school full time. It was the best thing I ever did. Being that I've been unemployed for a few months, you might think I feel differently about my education, but that's not the case. I really feel that doing what I have done so far in my career has given me a lot of varied experience, which I think is really great. I've done so many different kinds of things. I've written scripts for radio ads, imaging, written and produced documentaries and features, worked with sales contracts, worked in an ad traffic department, worked in a creative department, learned about social networking through my own experiences, guest posted on other blogs, written how-to articles, advice pieces, longer narratives, had a tweet published in a book, and a million other things that are on my resume. That's a lot of awesome stuff.

I am amazing and I know how to do things. There's no reason for me to be unemployed. BRB gotta go find a job!

Hello, blog!

I suppose it must seem odd to some of you that I am unemployed, yet I barely post here anymore. I have been having trouble coming up with things to write about. I post frequently in other places (like Tumblr and Twitter) because I feel like those places are better suited to short little bits and bobs. This here is an official bloggy-blog, you see. I have it stuck in my mind that everything I post here needs to be longer and more official. I don't know where I got that idea. I think I'm going to try to spend a little more time on thinking up a way to use this space more often. I like that idea.

On that note, I shall tell you about the most annoying thing in my life right now. Seriously. Looking for jobs, amirite? It is the worst thing ever. Some days I will spend hours in front of my computer, searching everywhere I can think of and I come up with nothing. Not a single place to send my resume off to. I find it all so confusing. There is this whole hidden job market that people talk about, but they never tell you where to find it! There just doesn't seem to be a lot out there for a writer with a background in radio who likes to spend much of her time trying to make people laugh. Does a job like that even exist? I bet it does. It's probably just hidden. I should start looking at Where's Waldo books to get practice on finding hidden things. It might help.

Holy crap.

It is November. NOVEMBER, PEOPLE. That's just bananas. Time seems to have been flying right by me. This whole years seems like a bit of a blur. I only worked for three months of it. CRAZINESS, DUDES.

I would really like to start working again. Soon. Like... yesterday. One can only spend so much time taking self-portraits with things stuck to one's face. It starts to get a little boring after awhile. Though fake mustaches? ALWAYS AMUSING.

Also amusing: leftover Halloween candy, attempting to learn new dance moves off of British television shows, playing dress up in your own closet.

BLERG.

I must tell you something. Something that may upset you. Something that may change your opinion about me.

I just watched both live episodes of 30 Rock. I didn't really like them. It was too gimmicky for me. It looked weird, the flow was gone because it was live and it was kinda meh. I liked the Matt Damon and Jon Hamm bits, but other than that... meh.

Did it jump the shark? I don't know how to feel about this.

It's like the tidal changes or whatever.

I suppose it's the natural cycle of relationships. They grow and change as you grow and change. Sometimes it's a little difficult to accept the ways in which your relationships change. But you learn to just roll with it. Maybe this person will start to float away from you for a bit and you'll be a little sad or afraid. But there are some people you just know will always be in your life. So you let them float away a little bit, because you know the tide will eventually start to bring them back. It's just the way it happens.

WHAT.

STEVE MARTIN IS ON TWITTER AND I WANT TO MARRY HIS BRAIN OR WHATEVER

A long, long time ago.

I'm sure I've probably written about this day before. I must have. It's one of those dates that you couldn't erase from your mind if you wanted to. September 11th. Here's a little bit I wrote about it this morning.

It was weird.

I was 20. I was going to school full time during the day and worked full time in the evenings at a government job. I worked for the Canadian government, so I probably didn’t need to be nervous about going to work that day. But I was. We all were. It was weird, watching those news clips over and over again while standing in the lobby of a government building. It was scary.

We all tried to ease our minds by thinking hey, we’re Canadian. No one hates Canada, right? Yeah. Over the next 6 months our building was evacuated and shut down at least 7 times due to bomb threats and anthrax scares. And it was right around this time that I started to become so disappointed with society. With people in general. But I suppose that would have happened with age, anyways.

It was a weird day. It was a weird time, really.

Grrrr?

I am having one of those days where nearly everything makes me mad. GETTIN' MY GRUMP ON, YO. I feel like I should spend the day hanging out with Grandpas. We could complain about rotten kids, the price of apples, that horrible rap music (it is just noise!!!!) and that darn weather.

It would be a good day.

Sure.

There are many things I am unsure about, but there are some things I am completely and absolutely sure about. Like how one day George Clooney is going to fall madly in love with me. Ummm, how is that NOT going to happen?

*winkyface*

All day.

Yesterday I watched the episode of Sex and the City where Carrie goes to the gay prom with Stanford at the end. They slow dance to a song at the end, and I have been singing it out loud ALL DAY.

"If you leave me now, you'll take away the biggest parrrrt of me. WooooOOOOOOoooo no, baby please don't go!"

Best. Song. Ever.