Thursday, March 29, 2007

Ohhhhhhhhh, kids.

I miss my kids. Well, they are not my kids per se... they are technically other people's kids that I have developed an emotional attachment to.

Steph sent me new pics of miss Ella today. She is so FRIGGIN' CUTE! I haven't seen her in awhile and seeing the pictures made me miss her a lot. I bet I could totally make her laugh now.

Ummmm... CUTE MUCH????

I just saw this commercial on tv that showed a little boy crying. Suddenly I missed my nephew Gavin SO MUCH. He is about to turn 4 at the end of the month and is the most hilarious kid I've ever met. I love how he hassles my brother and laughs at all my jokes. I love how he thinks everything he says is the funniest thing EVER. I hope I get to see him soon. I miss my little buddy.

I also miss my actual baby. My dog DeeDee! I miss cuddling with her and watching her try to eat peanut butter. So funny.

Don't worry little ones. Auntie Sarah will come visit soon. And she's bringing gum!

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

One way or another, I'm gonna find you, I'm gonna getcha-getcha-getcha!

I am a girl on a mission. And I need your help on this one, ladies.

I was out shopping with the sister on Saturday and we stopped in at Roots, which is where I saw this:

It is the coolest fanny pack EVER MADE. Just imagine... I could be walking down the street in Vegas, carrying all my crap with me BUT NOT CARRYING A STUPID PURSE! It's amazing. I need it. I want it.

The problem is, Roots knows just how friggin cool this thing really is, so they priced it at $88.00.
I really don't want to spend $88.00 on a fanny pack. Mostly because if people found out that I spent $88.00 on a fanny pack, they would totally judge me... and we don't want that now, do we?

No. We don't. So, my mission is to find a similar version that is not leather and is therefore cheaper. I have no idea where I'm going to find such an awesome bag. Which is why I need your help. If you can think of anywhere that I might find a fanny pack that does NOT look like the one my dad wore circa 1992, please share this information with me. I will be forever grateful.

Please, people. Help me give my poor shoulders a much deserved break from carrying all my crap.

Monday, March 26, 2007

The sun'll come out tomorrow.

After the endless days of rain, the sun is finally back! This is very exciting news. But honestly, I don't think the rain is all that bad. When you live here for a while, you just kind of come to terms with it. It makes you all the more appreciative when the sunny days actually do come around.

The rain this weekend actually made me think of an amazingly awesome song that I had completely forgotten about. I never would have remembered it if it hadn't have been for the rain. Enjoy it, and put it away for the next rainy day. (Which I heard won't be this week!)

I love Supertramp like Brangelina loves foreign kids. They are THAT good.

Always read the fine print.

I went to the movies on Saturday to see Reign Over Me... but it was totally sold out! So then we decided to watch Zodiac instead, because it only started about 15 mins after. I was totally down with seeing Zodiac, cause I thought it looked pretty okay.

The movie started at 10:05. So I'm sitting there, watching the movie and really enjoying it... but then I started to think, "Wow, I feel like I've been sitting here for a really long time." The movie didn't seem to be wrapping up any time soon. Finally, at 12:50am it ended.

I seriously had NO IDEA that it was 3 hours long. Hence why you should always read the fine print.

Thursday, March 22, 2007

A conversation with my favourite person...

This took place this afternoon.

"I've been looking at this bloody thing all damn day and I think I've finally figured it out. I think this makes sense... doesn't it? Yeah, dude. It totally does. Let's effing DO this shit!"


"Why am I talking to myself? Because there is no one else here, that's why."

And I didn't even have coffee today. Weird.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007


This morning I heard something mentioned on the radio about Chicago coming HERE! Immediately I started thinking about how friggin AWESOME it would be to go and see Chicago. I was already imagining myself sitting in the seats, singing along. When I saw Rob this morning, we chatted about it:

Me: "I was looking for you! Guess what? CHICAGO IS COMING HERE!"
Rob: "I didn't know you were a fan of musicals."

Me: "What? Musicals?"

Rob: "Yeah... Chicago... the musical..."

Me: "Oh SHIT! I thought they meant the band!"

Rob: "Well, I haven't heard anything about Peter Cetera re-joining the band..."

Me: "Well, frig. That sucks. I was so excited! Stupid Chicago the musical."

Then Rob told me the story (for the 17th time) about how his girlfriend broke up with him and 2 days later, "If You Leave Me Now" hit it big. It was a rough time for him. I think he cried every time they played it.

Man. What a let down! I was dreaming of seeing this:

But instead, I get this:

Oh well. I guess I will just have to go have all my fun in VEGAS instead. Take THAT, Cetera!

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

5 things that you should know about me.

I feel as though this is a pro topic to go with whenever you can't think of anything else to write about. I'm pretty sure I'm right.

1. I am completely neurotic. I hate walking over bridges, am terrified of birds, cats make me nervous and I wander around all day secretly worrying that everyone thinks I'm stupid. (I have yet to prove them wrong on that last one, if it is indeed the case.)

2. Between the ages of 7 - 18, I flat out refused to wear skirts or dresses. The cycle was finally broken when my friends asked me if I was going to wear a suit to grad and I yelled out, "NO! I AM NOT A BOY!" My response was to go with an elaborate hairdo, a low cut dress and a feather boa. I probably just should have stuck with a suit.

3. Even now, whenever I wear a skirt or dress to work, people ask me if it is laundry day.

4. When I was 5 I spent most of my time watching music videos on Muchmusic instead of cartoons. Hence my weird love of Steve Winwood, Erasure and reruns of the Monkees.

5. There is currently an entire garbage bag full of shoes in my house that I am giving away. I haven't worn any of them in years, but it feels like I am giving away part of my soul. I think I love shoes too much.

And that's just the beginning...

Monday, March 19, 2007

weeeee-ooooh. WEEEEE-OOOOOH!

I just want to go on record as saying that I am not really all that appreciative of that new Gwen Stefani song. It seeps into my head and I don't like it! Plus, Akon is super annoying to the extreme for reals. But that was totally not what I wanted to write about at all.

I wanted to write an open letter. So here it goes:

An Open Letter to the A-hole Who Honked the Car Horn at 4:30am

Dear A-hole who honked the car horn at 4:30am,

Ummm... JERK. I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt the first time. For all I know, you just flew in from Newfoundland and you forgot to change your watch back to BC time which wasn't helped by the fact that the clock in your rental car was TOTALLY BROKEN. But then you honked again. And again. And again. And one more time for good luck.

I have a strong suspicion that you did NOT just fly in from Newfoundland. Rather, it seems that you were raised in Inconsideratejerkfaceville, USA. Had my body not been in a coma like state, I would have been able to crawl over, open the window, stick my head out and scream, "I'M SLEEPING, YOU FUCKER!!!!!" like I really wanted to. I guess that last honk really DID bring you good luck.

However, please take note that the honking did NOT work... and you still had to get your stupid lazy ass out of the car anyways. I hope you scuffed your shoes doing so, asshole.

And no. I did NOT get back to sleep, because I couldn't stop thinking about how I wanted to kick you. IN THE FACE.



Sunday, March 18, 2007

I've missed you, old love of mine...

My dear old friend came back to me today. Friend, I've missed you so! I never really realized how much I loved you until you were gone. But now that we are back together once again, I hope we will never be apart.

Full cable, I love you.

It is because of you that I am once again able to watch the TV edits of my favourite films for the 1000th time. Today it was Goodfellas. Who knows what tomorrow holds for us! (Besides TV Guide...) Maybe tomorrow it will be my most favourite of all TV edits...

I can't wait.

J'taime, full cable. J'taime.

Looking out for number one!

There is this great quote from Lauren on the Hills this season when her and the ladies are talking about dating.

"The only time I miss having a boyfriend is when I have to put something together, when I have to pick something like a TV out, or when I have a lot of groceries. Missing the boyfriend."

I think this is the most hilarious and profound thing EVER. In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a very single girl... who spends most of her time hanging out with her very married and encoupled friends. It never really bothers me... until of course someone looks over at your side of the table whilst holding hands or cuddling and says, "We need to find you a boyfriend."

In that very moment, I go from thinking about which pair of shoes is truly my favourite to thinking about everything in my life that could possibly be functioning as man-repellant. I then proceed to think about this for hours upon hours... never really seeming to find an answer. After about hour 5, I get really mad at myself for putting so much thought into it.

Eventually, I end up convincing myself that I will find myself at 42, still single and never having a meaningful relationship. It's kind of a terrifing thought. But then I think, why would that really be all that bad??? I could probably get a lot accomplished if I never get married and have kids. Like writing a hilarious screenplay adapted from the hilarious novel that I wrote at the tender age of 31. Or you know... buying a condo or whatever.

But for the moment, I'm inclined to agree with Lauren. Those really are the only times I ever feel like I'm missing out. And don't worry. I've been lifting weights to help me get this grocery situation under control.

Friday, March 16, 2007

This is what happens when you get TOO good at your job...

You finish all your work at 1:30pm and then you have NOTHING TO DO until 4:30pm when you are actually allowed to leave. So how do you fill your time? Here's how:

1) You devise a system which allows you to take files over to different parts of the building in 10 minute intervals... but that only kills 20 mins.

2) You make up a fake reason to go visit Dave.

3) You hang out with Dave and watch him work for a while... but that only kills 15 mins.

4) You star in a series of short films written by you and directed by Dave.

5) You come back upstairs.

6) You sit at your desk and think about what you've done.

7) You plan escape routes out of the building in case of fire, flood, or earthquake.

8) You start researching for your plan to zombie-proof your office.

9) You blog about all the crap you have done to kill the last 2 hours.

But that only takes 10 mins.

Only an hour to go... what to do, what to do...

Thursday, March 15, 2007

If I lived in Kits and it was an island in Survivor I would so be voted off for this.

When I woke up this morning I was super excited for a change. No, it was not because the sun was shining (cause it wasn't) and it was not because I was going to do something really cool at work (cause I'm not). It was because this morning was to be the first time I got to use my BRAND NEW DEODORANT!

Normally this is not an exciting occasion for me. I always get some fruity smelling one filled with aluminumy-goodness (no hippie deodorant for this girl). Sometimes it's peach, sometimes pear. It's really no big deal.

Until yesterday. I purchased some Secret Platinum that smells like Vanilla Chai. VANILLA CHAI! It smells seriously wonderful. I am having to hold myself back from smelling my armpits because I'm at work and that would be weird. I also really want other people to smell them, but that would be weirder.

It's still early... perhaps someone will be standing beside me and notice that I smell like a delicious tea drink, then proceed to compliment me on it. Then I can be the classy lady I was raised to be and politely reply, "Why thank you! It's my armpits. New deodorant."

Right now my mom is thinking, "If I only had a nickel for every time Sarah asked someone to smell her armpits... I could retire and buy a small raft."

No problem, Mommy. I'm glad to help.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

The waiting is the hardest part.

I am so tired. I want to go to bed, but I can't because I am waiting for my laundry to finish drying. It takes FOREVER. It is also made worse by the fact that in order to fetch said laundry I must venture out into the cold dark night and up a shady staircase.

When we move, we are so getting insuite laundry. Or at least some that does not require going outside in sub-zero weather. Because really, who needs that??

On a side note, I am watching Medium and I can't stop thinking about how friggin attractive the Detective guy is. Seriously so hot.

Sooooo hot. Want to touch the heiny. (Hey, don't look at me. Adam Sandler said it!)

Equally attractive is the husband type.


I guess my point is, that even if this show totally sucked (which it doesn't...) I would watch is anyways. Just for the hotness factor. As should you.

Spy aides for amateur stalkers.

Otherwise known as... Facebook!

I signed up for Facebook yesterday and it kind of blew my mind a little. I got an account, set everything up and about an hour later I was in contact with people that I haven't seen in YEARS. It's kind of creepy... yet kind of awesome.

I would never go to any great lengths to track someone from high school down. That would be weird. But if you find them on facebook, it's suddenly not so wierd. They want to talk to you about old times. They want you to find them.

If nothing else, it's a handy tool for determining exactly how elaborate your back story will have to be at your 10 year high school reunion. I mean, I was planning on going with your standard "own a condo, work in media, own a YARIS, I know local celebrities and I saw Pierce Brosnan outside the art gallery... twice." But if all of my classmates are extremely successful, I might have to make my lies slightly bigger and more impressive. Like, say... "own a castle, work in movies, bought a hybrid Hummer, know many international celebrities and made out with Pierce Brosnan outside the art gallery... twice."

Just like the boy scouts always say, Be Prepared. They say that shit for a reason.

Monday, March 12, 2007

War. HUH! What is it good for?


We have ants in our house and I am fed up. This morning I openly declared war on these little buggers. On my lunch break I wandered over to Canadian Tire to fetch some ant killing spray. I stood in the aisle for ages, staring at all the RAID. Every single can I picked up was all, "Hey, I'm totally poisonous, so keep pets out of the room for 1 hour after you use this shit."

I was suddenly involved in this super-intense internal struggle. Do I kill the ants for reals even if I could possibly poison Lydia's cats? Hmmm... I really do hate cats... and they will probably be okay... and I do REALLY hate ants... but what if it DOES poison the cats? Hmmm... I really am not a huge fan of the cats anyways... but the poisoning of said cats is probably the kind of thing that someone would hold against you for a really long time, even if it IS accidental... OH FINE, I WON'T GET THE POISON!

Rather annoyed, I decided that surely Capers would have something I could use... or at least a good suggestion. So I dragged my ass all the way up there in the crazy winds. Again, I stood in the cleaning aisle, searching for something... anything that would kill the ants! No luck. So then I asked a guy that works there about it. Here is what was said:

ME: "Do you guys have anything that might deter ants? Well, maybe not just deter, but actually KILL them? I want to kill some ants."

CAPERS GUY: "Ummm... no."

ME: "Oh, that sucks. I was hoping I might find something that wasn't poisonous, but I guess not."

CAPERS GUY: "So you have an ant problem?"

ME: "Ummm... yeah. I can't figure out how to get rid of them."

CAPERS GUY: "Oh, you know what you should do? Clean. Ants will live forever in a dirty house."

ME: *getting angry* "Yeah, THANKS."

CAPERS GUY: "Why do you need to kill them? Can't you just live with them? Why can't you just live with them?"

ME: "BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO. Thanks for your help."

*grabbing a bottle of all purpose cleaner off the shelf and muttering to myself*
"Fucking hippies."

One way or another, I am going to kill those sons of bitches. Out of spite. In an environmentally friendly manner.

Put that in your hippie pipe and smoke it, CAPERS!

Friday, March 09, 2007

Music nerds unite!

I'm not even going to lie to you about this... I totally stole this from Brie's blog.

1. Of all the bands & artists in your collection, which one do you own the most albums?
Oddly enough, I have oodles of Outkast, Jamiroquai and Radiohead.

2. What was the last song you listened to?
“Your Woman" by White Town

3. What's in your CD player right now?
“Mezzanine" by Massive Attack, "Desperate Youth, Bloodthirsty Babes" by TV on the Radio and Simon and Garfunkel's Greatest Hits.

4. What are your favorite instruments?
Trombone, violin, synthesizer and kazoo. (I am really good at two of those...)

5. Who's your favorite local artist?
Young and Sexy and Sparrow... among others.

6. What was the last show you attended?
Octoberman, Blood Meridian, and The Mohawk Lodge at the Railway Club.

7. What was the greatest show you've ever been to?
That's a tie between Radiohead at Thunderbird (the 2nd time... with the REM combo) and Depeche Mode for the Exciter tour at the Coliseum.

8. What's the worst band you've ever seen in concert?
Oh god. American HiFi... IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, I SWEAR TO GOD! Phantom Planet was supposed to be opening, but they didn't show. I was trying to get me some Jason Schwartzman action.

9. What band do you love musically but hate the members of?
Oasis. I hear Wonderwall and I get all nostalgic... and then I see Noel and Liam on tv and I'm all, "You are both total douchebags."

10. What is the most musically involved you have ever been?
Grade 10 - 12 I was in 4 bands and got in about 3 solid hours of sweet trombone action a day on average. I was kind of a big deal on the local trombone scene. (NOT TO BRAG OR ANYTHING.)

11. What show are you looking forward to?
The Police on May 30th! Woot.

12. What is your favorite band shirt?
Well... I love my Depeche Mode "Violator" shirt is pretty amazing... though I am not entirely sure where it is. BUT... I am madly in love with my Clash t-shirt because they really are the only band that matters.

13. What musician would you like to hang out with for a day?
That is kind of an insane question. I have a million different answers. Here are but a few possibilities:
Tunde Adebimpe from TV on the Radio... mostly just so we could have makeouts.
OR Bob Dylan because he inadvertently changed my life.
OR Steve Winwood. Just because he's Steve Winwood and I've had this weird love of him since I was 4. I can't explain it.

14. What musician would you like to be in love with you for a day?
Tunde again. SWEET MOTHER HE IS HOT. Hot sex on a platter, that one. (Eh? Sweet musical reference!)

15. What was your last musical "phase" before you wizened up?
Erm... THE LATE NINETIES??? I own Everclear and Dave Matthews cds.

16. Sabbath or solo Ozzy?
I will say Sabbath, because anyone with a name like Geezer Butler deserves mad props. Especially now that he actually is one.

17. Did you know that filling out this survey makes you a music geek?
You haven't even scratched the surface, biatch!

18. What was the greatest decade for music?
Early punk, new wave, late 60's/early 70's folk and rock.

19. What is your favorite movie soundtrack?
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou and Pretty in Pink.

20. Where would you be without music?
This is going to sound dramatic, but honestly, WHAT WOULD BE THE POINT OF BEING ANYTHING?? That's how big of a nerd I am.

Thursday, March 08, 2007

Well that's hardly fair...

Yesterday, upon caving into a 3pm treat craving I wandered over to Starbucks with Robyn for a coffee. I only took enough money for my non-fat vanilla latte... and THANK GOD. While we were waiting in the lineup, I looked into the food case and saw this:


That's just mean. It's already hard enough for me to justify my lattes... and then NOT buy a lowfat vegan brownie while I'm at it. (But at least with that one, I feel slightly better due to the lowfat and vegan business.) I felt so guilty about getting those that I moved on to the cranberry chocolate soy protein bars, because I was all, "What? I NEED PROTEIN."

But cupcakes? There's no way I'll be able to justify that one, is there? How about, "I eat my feelings." or "I suffer from a complete lack of self control."? Does that work? It's just 100% bad for me.

But they look so pretty. I will probably end up trying one. FRIG!

Damn you, Starbucks! DAMN YOU

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Heck yes! I would.

Holy crap, do I ever wish I had come up with this.

... and this.


Dear Vern Fonk,

Holy mother of all that is sacred and true, you need to give me a job in your marketing department. It is like I was meant to write your commercials. Need a spec? I'M ON IT LIKE GRAVY ON POUTINE. You won't regret this, Mr. Fonk. You surely won't.



When nerds find friendship, magical things happen.

Conversation yesterday at lunch:

ME: I hate making reports. They are so dumb.

CRAIG: Yeah. The program we use for our reports is really badly set up. You can't create templates for custom reports!

ME: No templates??? That's so ghetto. I hate the program I have to use for reports. Did you know that you can't even use a mouse to navigate? Every time I use it, I'm all , "GOD! What is this, friggin DOS???"

CRAIG: (laughing) DOS... Oh, DOS... but I wish I didn't have to use a mouse at all. Keyboards are way faster.

ME: I don't mind using a mouse. It's alright. Friggin' DOS...

Ironically, some of our co-workers are under the impression that we are the cool kids... little do they know, that if they actually sat at our table at lunch they would be subjected to our endless conversations about science.

Seriously, one day we talked about performing chemical titrations. It's that bad.

Monday, March 05, 2007

Best. Meeting. Ever.

Today my regular Monday morning meeting went way longer than usual. Possibly because we were missing two people, and without said individuals the rest of us are unable to focus on the task at hand without yelling at each other to shut up and make jokes every 3 seconds.

So basically what I'm saying is that it was the greatest meeting we've had in AGES! Here is but a small taste of the festivities:


ME: Owwwwwwwwwwwww!

OTHER GUY: What the hell?

ME: I totally hit my head.


ROB: Be careful. (laughs at me again)

ME: *makes a whiny noise*

PLATYPUS: Okay, back to the list. Who is doing *insert name of task here*?

ME: Erm, I believe your mom was handling that one...

PLATYPUS: What? (laughs for a bit) What?

ME: (laughing my face off) I don't even know. I seriously don't even know.


This sort of thing went on for ages and many excellent jokes were made at the expense of others who were not in the room.

Ahhh, good times.

PS: I just overheard a hilarious conversation in the hallway. One dude was making fun of the other dude for being old. They laughed it up for awhile... the guy who was doing the mocking said, "I'm just kidding. Have a good day, buddy!" That was met with a, "Thanks, you too... ya jerk..."

The small things in life really are the most amusing.

I'M SO TOTALLY GOING HOME NOW. Peace out... ya jerks.

An open letter to the microwave in the lunch room where I work.

Dear microwave in the lunch room at work,

Why are you such a piece of crap? You've only been here for about a month, and already you are letting the team down with your laziness. I mean, seriously. Since when has it ever been okay to nap on the job? Don't get me wrong, I wish it were allowed... I'd do it myself! BUT IT IS NOT. So why you think that it is okay for you to just shut 'er down after 6 mins of heating up lunches is beyond me.

So listen up, microwave. I'm going to give you a chance, because you are new and all. But you should be aware of the fact that pretty much everyone here hates you and your lame excuse for a work ethic. So buck up! You can easily be replaced. (That one is INDUSTRIAL STRENGTH!)

I have to eat my lunch at 11:55 now because of you. I hate going downstairs at 11:55. I feel like I'm being cheated. You are a jerk.



Friday, March 02, 2007

Friday I'm in love.

It is Friday and I love it! So, I thought I would share some other things with you that I love.

This awesome cover of Faith by Boy Least Likely To.

I discovered it last year and I used to listen to it over and over again because it's so darn CUTE! I think my record was about 15 times in a row. Excellent.

And then, for no reason at all I was going to show you a random video of Christopher Walken, because I'm pretty sure he is the funniest man alive... but then I found this instead:

A Christopher Walken impression is almost funnier than ACTUAL Christopher Walken. Seriously though... how awesome is he? Years later, and I'm still telling people that "I'm just a regular girl. I put my pants on one leg at a time. But once my pants are on, I make gold records."

Frig. I love Fridays. And Christopher Walken.

When it's true love, you just know it.

I just wanted to take a moment before starting work to let you know that I'm totally in love with Donald Sutherland. He's so brilliant. He's the perfect combination of nerd and cool. When he was in university he graduated with a double major... engineering and drama! He's pretty much the perfect man for me... except for the fact that he is nearly old enough to be my grandfather.

It's mostly his voice though. He has the most amazing speaking voice ever. If his voice was in a kung-fu fight with James Earl Jones' voice, Donald's would win for sure. Because it's so hot. PLUS... he makes lovely children... like Kiefer and Rossif whom I am also terribly in love with. So, basically... what I am saying is that I have a thing for Sutherlands.

You should also know that if you could manage to channel Donald's voice, you could pretty much get away with saying anything to me because it would sound like magic. *swoon*