Saturday, August 30, 2008


I am so damn smart sometimes.

I just figured out how to cure my anxiety. What I need is my own personal Obama. He would just follow me around and whenever I start to get nervous he would take my hand and say, "Yes we can."

Yep, that would do it.

Friday, August 29, 2008

The Shit Mix

Remember when I told you about that contest I was in? Well, the humiliation has been completed. For your viewing pleasure, I present to you the loser of the contest, Reggie. In his walk of shame.

I don't even know this guy, but I wish I did. Cause obviously he is hilarious and awesome. So funny.


So I never really did wake up today. I'm still in the same sort of daze I was in this morning on the bus when I was listening to Neil Diamond and suddenly I was all, "Oh CRAP! I'm supposed to get off the bus now." It's lucky I snapped out of it when I did. I could have ended up in... Yaletown. *shudder*

Thursday, August 28, 2008


Many a person has commented on my apparent lack of emotions. (Other than anger and rage, of course.) I have long suspected that there were some in there somewhere... and today I found them. And it is all his fault.

Barack Obama made me cry. Out of joy, excitement and pride. And I'm not even American. He's like magic. He makes me happy.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

*wink wink*

Today I was sitting at my desk making faces at the computer screen (as I normally do) when I tried to wink with my left eye. I can't do it. When I try to do it, it just looks like I am squinting. What the heck? Why can't I wink with both eyes?

Can you? Try it. Go ahead, I'll wait.


Well, can you?

My new task is to teach myself to wink with my left eye. You never know when that sort of thing might come in handy. You know, like if you were trying to wink at a cute guy and he like... couldn't see your right eye for whatever reason, so you had to wink with the left one. And because you had trained yourself to be so very versatile, he totally saw it and BAM! the next thing you know you are like, married or whatever. So you know. That's probably something I'm going to thank myself for in the future. You can never be too prepared, right? Right.

Monday, August 25, 2008


This morning I got changed no less than 3 times before I left the house. And this is not counting all the various combinations I had tried on BEFORE committing to outfit number one.

First I was all, "Okay this looks fine." Then I ate breakfast and when I went to put shoes on I was all, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME? This shirt and these pants can never be worn together. NEVER!" So I changed my shirt. And then I was all, "ARE YOU KIDDING ME? That looks ridiculous!" So then I changed my pants. And then I changed my shirt again. And then I looked at the time and though I still thought I looked stupid, I had to leave to catch the bus. So basically what I am saying is, some mornings I hate all my clothes.

The End.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Lest we forget.

This morning in a bid to avoid listening to the radio today at work, I grabbed a bunch of cd's before I left the house. It was an odd little assortment. I brought:

1) Cat Stevens - Gold
2) 80's New Wave Compilation - Various
3) 80's Movies - Various (Dudes! It had Axel F AND DeBarge! Gah!)
4) Radiohead - Kid A
5) The Dandy Warhols - Welcome to the Monkey House

I didn't make it to the Cat Stevens today... and both the 80's discs are obviously just for the novelty. Kid A is a classic... a staple for me. That album (along with Amnesiac, Massive Attack's Mezzanine and TV on the Radio's first album) has served as my lullaby every night. I put one of those albums on every night before I go to bed and listen to it as I fall asleep. I just love it. It calms me down and makes me feel so happy.

Now, The Dandy Warhols. I had totally forgotten about this album and I hadn't listened to it in over a year. When I popped it in at work this morning, I was reminded as to why I stole it from my college radio station in the first place... BECAUSE IT IS AWESOME.

It is seriously great, you guys! If you have it, give it a listen. You won't be sorry. I'm totally putting it back into regular rotation. Here is a video of one of my fave songs from the album... I bet you can guess why I like it so much!

I practically DO live on science alone. It's awesome.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

There are two colours in my hair.

Okay. So... Radiohead. I'm not going to give you the rundown on the entire setlist or anything like that. It's not what I do. What I do, is tell you how it made me feel.

It was everything I could have possibly imagined. Standing in the pouring rain, dancing my butt off and getting far too close to strangers. On any other day, the rain and lack of personal space to me would have been horrifying. But it wasn't, because it was for RADIOHEAD!
I would have to say that my favourite moment was hearing the first few notes of "Everything In Its Right Place". I got chills. Chills!

I loved every song. I loved the rain. I loved Ed in his super sexy suit and scarf combination. He makes me blush, just by looking so attractive.

I love Radiohead.

In Rainbows

There were no rainbows. Just rain. Glorious rain. Giant, big fat soak you to the bone raindrops. And I loved every goddamn minute of it.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Aisle 10

Yesterday I was taking a look through my weird little collection of cd's and rediscovered something. I listened to this song nonstop for an entire summer (2000, maybe?). When I heard it again yesterday, it made me happy.

It's called "Aisle 10 (Hello Allison)" by a band called Scapegoat Wax. They were on Grand Royal Records, which totally folded and is probably why they were never heard from again after this album came out.

The reason I love it so much is because it reminds me of nearly every job I have ever had. There were times when I absolutely HATED my job. You know, when you are mindlessly going about your daily tasks wondering why the hell you even bother to show up. But then out of nowhere some incredibly attractive man would show up and change my mind. Going to work didn't seem so totally awful anymore, because it meant that there was a pretty good chance I would get to see HIM again. *sigh* There has been at least one of those at every job I have ever had.

So when I hear this song, I am reminded of all the beautiful men that unknowingly helped me to remain gainfully employed. Because if it had not been for them, I would have surely quit at least 2 of them before I should have. (Especially you, British Paul. You will always be my favourite.) Again... *SIGH*

Rain down on me...

Yay! It is finally here! Tomorrow I get to see RADIOHEAD!!!!!!

I'm way super excited about this, in case you hadn't noticed. I have seen them twice, both at Thunderbird Stadium. The first time I saw them, the weather was a bit dodgy. The rain held off for most of the show... but then, (and I swear to the Great Bearded One that I am not lying) just as Thom Yorke started singing "Rainnnnnn down... rain down..." from Paranoid Android IT STARTED FREAKING RAINING. I AM NOT EVEN JOKING. I may or may not have gotten a little weepy about it. It was beautiful. The second time around was even more amazing. Highlights included a flock of geese flying overhead, a magnificent sunset and Michael Stipe helping out on Karma Police. Good lord. It was one of the best shows I have ever seen. Hence the anticipation of tomorrow!

However, this is also causing me a bit of worry. My homies over at the Weather Network are telling me that it is going to rain tomorrow. Being one who has studied media literacy, I am not content to trust only one source. How do I know they aren't in cahoots with the umbrella industry? Wouldn't they just love to keep me in perpetual fear of rain? Sure enough, CBC shares this theory of raining tomorrow. Which leads me to my current predicament.

I have no rain boots. I have wanted a cute pair of wellies for years now, but have never actually gotten around to buying them. So now I can't stop thinking about how I should probably run straight out the door after work and buy some. Which leads me to yet ANOTHER issue: the ones I covet are $125.

They are SOOOOOOOOO cute. I want them. But I am pretty sure spending that much on rain boots is irrational. So... is it? If so, where can I get some tall lovelies like this on the cheap? Help me out here, people.

Friday, August 15, 2008

The Phantom Menace

So I have this shitty little radio that sits on my desk. I have it there to rescue me from the lovely sounds of soft rock hits from yesterday AND today... which is actually not lovely at all. In fact is is awful. So that's why I have the radio... which admittedly is sometimes just as bad as the soft rock, but it is usually much better, because sometimes they play that "Everybody Everybody" song by Black Box, which makes me laugh.

So this stupid little radio has recently been taken over by some crazy phantom that likes to randomly increase and decrease the volume. It is creepy, yo! Not only is it creepy, but it has also become highly embarrassing.

You see, it has this little habit of waiting for the worst songs to come on, and THAT is when it turns the volume up! Just this morning, I was working away and some shitty Tracy Chapman song comes on and up goes the volume. What if someone had been standing there? They would be all, "Whoa, she really likes Tracy Chapman." WTF? I have to work with these people! I don't need them thinking these things about me! How friggin' embarrassing!

I am far too cheap to purchase a new radio, so for now I will look up some sort of "get rid of phantoms quick" spell on the Internet. IT BETTER WORK, BECAUSE SOMETIMES THEY PLAY THE MOODY BLUES AND IF THE VOLUME GOES UP WHEN THAT HAPPENS I WILL BE ENRAGED.

PS: I had too much caffeine today. CAN YOU TELL? DID THE CAPS LOCK GIVE IT AWAY?

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Meet you all the way.

So I feel like I need to apologize for yesterday... because that song I posted was so friggin shitty. I AM SORRY. I just didn't want to suffer alone. It was selfish.

So now I will make up for it, with this AWESOME song which is accompanied by an AWESOME video:

When I watch things like this it kind of makes me want to go back in time and tell all the ugly dudes who were in yacht rock bands to maybe not make personal appearances in their videos. Because really. Does Rosanna Arquette really want the ugly mustache dude singing to her to profess his love? Does she really? The answer is no. Because I don't think that's the one she dated. And also because he is kind of gross. But the sentiment is there, and I guess that's what really matters?

I don't know. I still think it would have been better with no band shots. Why? Because one of those badass dancers is Patrick Swayze. And that chick dancer? Totally Cynthia Rhodes, also of Dirty Dancing fame! I told you this video was awesome!

So there you go. How could you not totally forgive me after I just gave you all of that rad information?


Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Eureka! (Part 2)


THIS is why I can't sleep at night:

*shudder* Blasphemy!


I'm so nerdy the stars can see it.

Check out my horoscope from this morning:

Dear Sarah,
Here is your horoscope
for Wednesday, August 13:

It's a binary day, either good or bad with little to no room in between. See if you can cut your losses if things start to go south -- maybe by going home early or calling for a nice, long time-out.

IT'S A BINARY DAY! A BINARY DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 00000010000011! HAHAHAHA!

Also, I enjoy the part about going home early.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

I remembered! I remembered!

I was talking to Lydia about this the other day and she didn't remember it. I used to repeat this in my head over and over and over as a kid. I should go back to using this method again, cause I be forgetting things like crazy, yo!

And I would be lying to you if I said I didn't end up singing this song at least once a week:


Lately I have been experiencing some new health-related issues, such as the return of the insomnias, a frequently upset stomach, constant muscle tension in my neck and shoulders, grinding my teeth and these crazy new headaches that start with a very sore neck and work their way up to my head.

I had suspected that these things might all be interconnected, but wasn't really sure what it might be. So I started to do some research. Yesterday I found that these are all common symptoms of one thing: anxiety. Probably more of a social anxiety than anything else, though I do tend to worry a lot about money and my career situation.

I was reading this article about social anxiety when I came across this list of situations that people with some level of social anxiety fear and will often try to avoid:

Public speaking
Participating in meetings or classes(e.g. asking or answering questions)
Performing in public
Entering a room where everyone is already seated
Meeting new people
Talking to co-workers or friends
Inviting others to do things
Going to social events (e.g. parties or dinners)
Being assertive
Talking on the phone
Working in a group (e.g. working on a project with other co-workers)
Ordering food at a restaurant
Returning something at a store
Having a job interview

Ummmmm... HELLO, MCFLY!!!!! This is me. This is what I do. All the time. This is why I often have trouble making eye contact with people when I am talking. This is why I tell you I will go to a party and back out at the last minute when I think that if I show up, no one will talk to me. This is why I would damn near have a heart attack if I was ever called upon in class. This is why I have trouble talking to new people.

Some of these things I have already been addressing and working on for years. I have to constantly think about projecting my voice and not speaking quietly. I am now at the point where if I am in a meeting at work, I can share my thoughts without feeling like I am about to pass out or burst into tears. But I've still got a lot to work on.

So now that I am more aware of it, I can start to do things to try to help me become calmer and healthier. Yay! Or not. As it turns out, foods that trigger anxiety are caffeine (duh!) and sugar. I can probably deal with cutting down on caffeine, but sugar and simple carbohydrates? Those just happen to be my favourite kinds of carbohydrates! I love candy so much! The good thing is that I am supposed to eat a buttload of complex carbs, which I do so enjoy. Three cheers for grainy breads!

It would probably also help a great deal if I actually remembered to take my vitamins every day. And I should really take up yoga again.

So friends, have patience. I'm working on it.

Monday, August 11, 2008


Today my head feels a bit foggy. I'm all sinusy again, and I choose to blame this on air conditioning and cats. They are both for jerks.

The ears are slightly pluggy, there is a little bit of pressure in the sinus region and I feel so very sleepy. I had another moment where I wheeled my chair back a bit and stared longingly underneath my desk. I am convinced I could nap very well under there, but I am too chicken to actually try it. BOOOOO! If they just agreed to allow napping at work I wouldn't have to worry about getting busted, and my afternoons would probably be more productive. I should put together a report of some sort. Maybe with some graphs? You can't argue with science.

Go ahead. Just try and argue with that.

Friday, August 08, 2008

Suck it, Blogger! Ummm... what?

I didn't realize that when you publish a draft of something you wrote ages ago, it posts it under the date you wrote it instead of the date you published it. WTF? ANYWAYS, now that the results of the awesome contest I was in have been announced you can read about it here below, where it has been this whole time. Since before I got to work. I swear.

This post was totally not even edited at all.

The Final Countdown

Yes, that song by Europe is awful. But is it THE WORST??? (No. It is not.)

A couple of weeks ago I was invited to join a contest by Alan, my super awesome hair cutter guy. The basic premise is that all participants must attempt to create the SHITTIEST MIXTAPE EVER. What does the winner get? Glory. What is at stake for the loser? This:

Gah! Total humiliation! On Robson Street!

No way was I going to allow this to happen to me. Hence why I spent an entire weekend mulling this over. Here, is the list I submitted, complete with video links and my rationale for choosing these horrific little songs.

1. Sometimes When We Touch - Dan Hill
HOLY FRIGGING CRAP DO I HATE THIS SONG. I HATE IT WITH THE FIRE OF A THOUSAND SUNS. Here's proof. WHAT A GODDAMN BABY THIS GUY IS! I need to stop talking about this before I have another "episode".

2. Horny 98 - Mousse T
I just really think walking around with a bombox that is blasting out "I'm horny. Horny horny horny..." is really frigging funny.

3. I've Never Been to Me - Charlene
It's just bad. Awesomely bad.

4. Axel F. - Crazy Frog
This song makes me hate Europe. THE ENTIRE CONTINENT. Eddie Murphy should cut a bitch for this one. I am feeling physically ill after listening to this. Admittedly, I may have
over-caffeinated this morning, but this really sent me over the edge. RIGHT OVER IT!

5. We Don't Have to Take Our Clothes Off - Jermaine Stewart
This is mainly for the lyrical content, and how incredibly AMAZING it would be to see a dude listening to this in public. It is perhaps the single most embarassing song a man could ever be caught listening to. Especially if said individual were singing along. Seriously. I think my favourite line is "Come on baby, show some class. Why you wanna move so fast?" What I think he was trying to say was, "Eeeeeew, girl germs!"

As it turns out, I did not win. But I didn't lose! Here is the winning playlist:

1) Joan Osbourne- One of Us
2) Bette Midler- Wind Beneath My Wings
3) Sarah McLachilan + Delerium- Silence
4) Snow- Informer
5) Hanson- MMMBop

Which will be followed on the boombox by the LOSING playilist:
1. Black Velvet - Alannah Myles
2. How Bizzare - OMG
3. Don't Worry Be Happy - Bobby McFerrin
4. I've been thinking about you - London Beat
5. Kyrie - Mr. Mister

I can't WAIT to see this on youtube. Awesome.

Thursday, August 07, 2008

You are NOT going to live forever, and you are NOT going to learn how to fly!

This morning I received a very troubling email from my dear friend in Toronto. He had witnessed something truly horrendous and was obviously traumatized:

You gotta help me out with something. Remember stirrup pants? Well, I saw a woman today wearing the stirrup but no pants. She had a dress on so it wasn't completely inappropriate but just high heels leading directly into… stirrups. They looked like toit legwarmers at first glance ended at mid-calf…. Then they just stopped. I don't think they were therapeutic. Have you seen such a thing? Is it a backlash against the whole tights thing? So confused.

You are not the only one, friend. I imagine what he saw to be a shorter version of this:

Ugh! Stirrup legwarmers! This isn't friggin Fame, people. Unless you are in a dance studio making your dreams come true, I don't want to see you in legwarmers. If your legs are cold, perhaps you might like to try something else... like say, tights? Or maybe... I dunno... PANTS????

This is just the worst. It really is. Just don't do it.

Tuesday, August 05, 2008

Breathe easy.

Oh, hey there. How's it going? What did you do tonight? It was so nice out. Did you go for a walk? Did you go on a date? Did you hold hands with someone at sunset? Awwww. That's nice. Want to know what I did?

I stuck this up my nose and poured salt water through my nasal cavity.

Yeah. I know how to party.

I get it now.

This morning as I was sitting on the bus I had convinced myself that I probably needed to get an iced coffee from Starbucks. I was totally ready for it. But then when it came time to get off the buss I was annoyed to discover that they had moved the bus stop again! Now it is across the intersection from where it used to be. This meant that if I were to go get a coffee, I would have had to cross the street. TWICE.

You see, crossing the street would have meant that I would have been on the wrong side of the street, and would have had to cross the street again to get to work. That just seemed like way to much of a hassle, so I didn't get coffee. Suddenly that ridiculous two Starbucks stores in the same intersection at Robson and Thurlow seemed to make perfect sense.

OF COURSE! One should never have to cross the street for coffee! That's bullshit.

Monday, August 04, 2008

All growed up.

My little sister is going to move out of our parents house in a few months. Eeeek! She's only 21... and seeing as though I was not able to handle that kind of scary grown-upness until I was 24, I can understand why she is so nervous. She seems far more prepared than I ever was. Today she went out and bought a set of Gordon Ramsey pots and pans, which are made by Royal Doulton. THAT SHIT IS CRAZY! They come in special storage bags so you can keep them shiny and unscratched. They were crazy expensive, and I can't even imagine myself spending that much on kitchenware. Shoes, yes. Crap for my house? NO.

My mom was all proud and telling her about how she will probably never have to buy another set of them ever again, because these ones are so good. Since she is moving in with her boyfriend, it kind of makes sense for her to spend money on these things. But for some reason, I can't imagine spending money on things like that just for me. It always seems like that is the kind of thing you buy when you get married... or someone else gets it for you as a wedding present.

So basically what I am saying here is that my sister has fancy pots and pans, and I cook with the cheapest stuff from Ikea, which aren't even actually mine because I am pretty sure Lydia bought them. And I don't know how I feel about that.

Friday, August 01, 2008

I can cook.

Yesterday when I was waiting for the bus home, I was standing next to this older woman. She was holding a grocery bag and it wasn't very full. She was looking at all of the things she had just bought. When she pulled out a single serving Stouffers box and started reading the box, I was suddenly overwhelmed with a feeling of dread and slight panic:


And just as I had predicted, when I told Lydia about it, she laughed and said, "Oh, don't worry. You won't eat Stouffers."

Because I can cook. Sure, I'll be old and alone, but at least I won't be eating Stouffers.

So I've got that going for me, which is nice. (Aaaand cue the theme from Caddyshack. I'm alright.)