Thursday, May 29, 2008

Awwww yeah.

Darling, you have made me so happy today. Thank you for dumping that completely random waitress. It's time for you to move on. To me! A completely random unpaid blogger.


Seriously though. If you took me to the Oscars and were all, "Pick one of these Valentino gowns to wear. I love you more than anything in the whole wide world. Want to procreate?" I would TOTALLY NOT PICK THE ONE THAT LOOKS LIKE A SOFA. This is my solemn promise to you.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

I should probably invest in some black eyeliner.

Last night standing outside GM Place after the Cure concert discussing The Cure vs. The Smiths:

Erin: "So what about Morrissey? Did he die? Is he still alive?"

Me: "Yeah, he's still around. He's always pretty close [to dying] though. He's very sad."

Man, those dudes were emo before emo was emo.

Monday, May 26, 2008

I don't love cats, but I love Love Cats.

Tonight I shall see The Cure! WOOOOOOOT. I bought these tickets like a friggin year ago. I kept forgetting about it, so when I realized the show was tonight I was pretty happy about it. Yay!

In other news, I just wanted to tell you that I kind of hate the automatic spellcheck in Outlook. Every day it makes me a little more annoyed. I wish there was some sort of way to tell it how I feel. You know, some way to express this:


Or you know, something like that.

I would also like to tell it that maybe it is right. Maybe when I say "HAHAHAHA!" I really DO mean "HASHANAH!".

Idiot computer.

Saturday, May 24, 2008

The best day EVAR.

Sometimes you just have crazy days. And they start out so simply... that you have no idea what it will snowball into. In my case it started out with a coffee. I got to work yesterday morning and was thinking about how I was going to need to make a trip to Starbucks when lo and behold, there was already a coffee sitting on my desk. Jackpot! My boss totally bought me a coffee. Awesome.

Then I went for a nice walk with Amanda at lunch and still had time to manage my workload. At 5:00 I got a call from downstairs asking me if I wanted free REM tickets. HECK YES, I did! I ran downstairs, grabbed the tickets and ran back upstairs to pack up my crap and leave work. Then Brie called me to ask if I wanted to go to the meet and greet with Heather B. Armstrong, aka Dooce! HECK YES, I DID!

So there I am, waiting for Brie to come pick me up near a parking lot behind the Cactus Club when someone comes out of the back of the restaurant. It was Rob Feenie! Right away I called Lydia because I know she would geek out about it. I was right. It was pretty hilarious. He came out again right when Brie got there and he drove down the street behind us. So crazy!

Now onto the REALLY exciting part. The meet n' greet was conveniently located in a bar so that allowes us to calm our nerves with beer. Mmmmm, beer. We met a cool girl named Tara in the lineup who was all by herself, so we chatted with her while we waited in the lineup. (It should also be noted that there were cute nerd boys there. I think I need to start going to more of these things!) When it was our turn Jon called us over and we shook hands. Seriously, guys. Jon and Heather are so friggin COOL. They are super sweet and super friendly.

I just kind of started talking and wasn't really nervous anymore... and I made them laugh. I, Sarah of this humble little blog with 4 readers made the blog superpowers laugh. I feel validated. Jon was nice enough to volunteer to take our picture so we could have a pic of both of us with Heather. Here it is:

We are cute! Heather is insanely tall and was wearing these amazing super hot heels. Maybe one day I can wear heels too? No. I cannot.

After we left I hopped on the train and ventured out to Deer Lake Park to see REM. I got there right when they started playing and managed to find Lydia so that was handy! It was pretty awesome, though I kind of wish they had played more old songs... because I like to sing. Out loud. Obnoxiously. And they weren't feeding that enough. But I like them anyways.

THEN... after the concert we went to see the Indiana Jones movie. I don't know how I didn't fall asleep during it, because at that point it was 11:00pm and I had already had a pretty freaking full day. I ate dinner at 11pm thanks to Taco Bell (I know, I know.). The movie was pretty entertaining, but I did have a few gripes about it. First off there is waaaaaay too much CGI in this movie for my liking. The other Indy movies had just as much action without being so fakey looking. I wish they had kept that going. The other thing was ummm... well, a major plot point, actually. This Crystal Skull business. Come ON, George Lucas! Aliens? Really? Had they just made it about some crazy generic non-alien artifact in the Amazon it would have worked better. Meh. Aliens. Stupid. I do have to say that Harrison Ford has aged REALLY well. Dude looks good for being so old! I can only hope I have that kind of luck.

So then I ended up getting to bed sometime around 2am and was slightly exhausted. The good thing is that since I packed so much friggin action into one day, I don't have to do a damn thing for the rest of the weekend and it won't be a waste. I rule!

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Note to self...but not really.

This is a post it note which is stuck to my computer monitor at work.

He haunts me in my dreams. Just like Aaron Neville. I think it's some sort of conspiracy. A conspiracy of HARDCORE SUCKING AT MUSIC.

Wednesday, May 21, 2008

How odd.

So, I forgot to mention something crazy that happened on the weekend. I got a new cell phone!


It has a camera... and an mp3 player... and is all kinds of fancy. It is pink.

Naturally, after 5 years of oppression with my stupid old phone I was WAY excited about all these fancy new options I had available to me. Like ringtones. YAY!

So I was browsing around looking for a ringtone and before settling on the opening guitar riff of "Layla" (Seriously. How rad am I?) I came across a choice that I found to be a little strange. If I ever heard someone using this as a ringtone I think I would fall over. Due to the combination of explosive laughter and shock.

Steely Dan? Dirty Work? WTF?

Can you imagine? You are out in public and lets say you are chatting someone up. Things are going well... until your phone rings.

"I'm a fooool to dooo your Dirty Work... whoa whoaaaaaaaaa..."

Hey, guess what! Now you don't have friends anymore.

On second thought, I think my Dad would probably think that was a pretty sweet ringtone. But that just kind of solidifies my point, doesn't it?

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

I am le tired.

Man alive. Weekends are not meant to leave you more tired than you were when you started them! But it's okay, because I had a lot of fun getting this tired.

My uncle got married on Sunday... and it was a million times more fun than I expected it to be. Drinking, dancing and looking really good takes a lot out of a kid. Also, I now have photographic evidence of my dad wearing a tux. He has since been instructed by my mother to purchase a suit, because he looked so nice. (And badass. Because he hates looking "nice".) Motorcycle dudes just do not like suits.

Also amusing was my Dad's friend Terry who had a brand new suit picked out for him by his girlfriend Celeste. With the grey suit she picked out a lilac coloured shirt and matching tie. The following was a discussion regarding his ensemble:

Me: "I like your purple shirt. I think it's cool. What would you call that colour? Lavender?"

Terry: "I call it a lovely shade of GAY."


Celeste: "Shut up, Terry. It's Lilac."

Terry: "Whatever. I'd rather be wearing black leather. It's much more manly."

Me: "Wha??? Since when is a purple shirt gayer than head to toe black leather? BLACK LEATHER???????"

*The entire table laughs*

Terry: "Point taken."

There are not many things more entertaining than drinking with family. Unless you include dancing in the equation, which is how it always should be when any sort of drinking is involved.

Yay for long weekends!

Friday, May 16, 2008

Sarah is...

full of coffee and dreaming about beer. What a magical combination.

This is what I will probably change my Facebook status to in awhile. It is 11am. I have been thinking about the beer since about 9. Oh, glorious Friday!

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

My little black heart.

FACT: I had to get outside help when faced with the task of writing something in a sympathy card because I am severely awkward when it comes to talking to people who are going through emotional situations.

I am usually that person who makes jokes when everyone else is crying because I panic and I feel humour is my only resource. Either that or I just avoid talking about it altogether. I'm good like that.

So when it came time to write something in the card I couldn't think of anything, so I did something really weird. I did a Google search about what to write in sympathy cards so I could steal a sentiment.

I'm going to heck, aren't I?

I didn't end up using anything from my Google search because they all said things about praying... which is something I don't do. I may be a word thief, but I draw the line at lying in a sentiment. So I emailed someone I know who is pretty good at knowing the right thing to say. And then I wrote what he told me to write and added a little bit more of my own.

This makes me sound like a horrible person... but I really just didn't want to risk sounding awkward and insincere. Which is ironic, because one could argue that stolen words are insincere. But I really did mean them. I just had a little trouble putting it together.

There's hope for me yet!

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

So professional.

Email from me to a coworker after hearing about MORE of his vacation plans:

"Are you seriously going to Antigua in June? WTF? Did you win the lottery? If so, I've been meaning to mention something about how nice your hair has been looking lately. If not, go suck an egg. "

I mean, COME ON. Who goes to Hawaii AND Antigua within 2 months? Okay, fine... besides Jay-Z and Beyonce?

I hate my life.

Monday, May 12, 2008

The Master(piece) Plan

File this one under "Best Idea EVER #674".

So there's this EBay charity auction where you can bid on doodles done by quasi-famous people. I was interested in seeing what kind of weird crap these people would draw when asked to submit a doodle, so I went on over to the auction to check it out... which is when I found the best thing EVER.

One of the items you can bid on is a commissioned piece of art. A piece of art made by an artist named Sarah Robinson. Can you guess where I'm going with this?

If you said "Bid on this thing, win it, and commission a portrait of Woody Allen to hang on your living room wall." you would be correct. However, you left out one important detail. The correct answer is:

"Bid on this thing, win it, and commission a portrait of Woody Allen to hang on your living room wall. Then proceed to show it off to everyone that comes over and tell them you drew it yourself."

HOW BRILLIANT IS THAT??? If anyone were to challenge me on my artistic skills, I would just have to politely point out that it is indeed signed by one Sarah Robinson... which is me. (But is not REALLY me.) It's like lying and telling the truth all at the same time.

This is going to be so awesome.

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Chicken and Pears? That's... crazy. It's just crazy.

I fully understand that my Christopher Walken impression does not translate well into text. But there it is, all the same. I found this awesome video of him cooking a chicken on the internet. It's kind of the best thing ever, because it proves that he really is just like the rest of us. He puts his pants on one leg at a time... the difference, of course, being that once those pants are on he makes golden delicious chickens.

I love this man. I really do.

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Do you automatically get street cred from hanging out with David Bowie?

I was vaguely aware that Scarlet Johansson was putting out an album. What I was not aware of is that it is a Tom Waits cover album. (????????)

She is so weird.

ANYWAYS... David Bowie sings backup vocals (backup vocals???) on a few of the songs, and the whole darn thing was produced by David Andrew Sitek of TV on the Radio. All of these factors kind of make me want to like it. Because I like all of these things.

Listen to it here. What do you think?

*pausing while you listen*

Okay. Seriously. Does she kind of sound like a man? Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I'm so confused. I can totally hear the TV on the Radio influence there which I enjoy... but I'm just not sure that I like her voice. Though I must say that if she sounded like Tom Waits I would be more than a little concerned for the girl.

Le sigh.

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

Emergency muffins, E-schmergency muffins!

I am a little creeped out by food that seems unnatural or is "brand new". Like when you are in the produce market and there is a sign that says "NEW! Pygmy Asparagus from Taiwan!"
That shit is freaky. There is some weird sort of sciencey business going on there. While I loves me some science, I don't know if I want to eat it.

Hence why I am so unwilling to embrace this new discovery, which comes to us courtesy of Angus:

What is this, you ask? It looks like but a harmless cereal bar! (A concept which also took me awhile to get used to, btw.) No. It is not made of cereal. Apparently, this is some kind of crazy newfangled muffin!

WTF? Muffins are not muffins unless they are shaped like friggin muffins. That's like, the whole point of a muffin. You have your muffin TOP and your muffin BOTTOM. This muffin bar thing has no top nor bottom! It is a muffiny log. It freaks me out.

I tried one. It was weird. It has a muffin-like texture and muffin-like flavour... but it somehow does not taste muffiny. Not to mention the fact that there must be some really freaky preservatives in there to keep it from getting mouldy like regular baked goods are wont to do.

I am generally uncomfortable with the concept as a whole. It is NOT a muffin. Hence why I decided to call them "Emergency Muffins". Because I would only eat this in an emergency where I would not have access to a real muffin. If you should happen to come across one of these freakish bars, give it a try and let me know what you think. I wonder if anyone else will be as creeped out by these as I am... probably not. I'm kind of irrational about things like this.

PS: I don't think pygmy asparagus is real. I totally made it up. I checked google in case, but it really isn't there. Sorry if I got your hopes up, re: tiny asparagus.

Monday, May 05, 2008

Barackin' the vote.

I would not normally be so willing to pimp for a national newspaper such as the National Post, but this is not an ordinary circumstance. First off, the article was written by the wonderful Jian Ghomeshi, who I think is pretty awesome and was completely unaware that he is now working for "the man". It's okay though. As long as he keeps coming up with fricken sweet titles like this for his articles, I'll keep reading them:

He's got 99 problems, but the youth vote ain't one.

The article is about a moment on the campaign trail with Barack Obama that has turned into a little bit of a phenomenon. There is already something about it on wikipedia. It's kind of fantastic that he has stuck a chord with the young voters. It's been a long damn time since anyone even pretended to care about them. Check out the clip!

I certainly NEVER thought I would see the day when Jay-Z gets repped in a campaign speech. I love it!

Thursday, May 01, 2008

The zing of the day!

Said by me, to my computer screen with severely angry eyes and and a growly, menacing tone in my voice in response to an email I received:

"You stupid, STUPID LITTLE MAN! I'm going to squeeze your stupid little head until it explodes and your stupid little brain goes flying everywhere in a million little pieces. Then I will make your family members clean it up. JERK!"

I think this really showcases my evilness wonderfully. I really went the extra mile by including the family.

I love how I can get away with saying horrible things like that and people think it's funny. It's a talent, I suppose.