Wednesday, October 29, 2008

El supreme-o lack-o of concentration-o.

I have had a bitch of a time focusing on things at work today. Could be something to do with the fact that I think I am getting sick. It has gotten progressively worse throughout the day... what started as the sniffles has now morphed into an achey body, stuffy nose and a little bit of coughing. I feel like my head is stuffed with cotton balls. MEH.

So this has all meant that I feel tired... and therefore can get about 3 mins into a given task before I star staring into space or some shit like that. About 10 mins ago OMD came on the radio. It was "If You Leave", which was on the Pretty in Pink soundtrack. So I'm sitting there, working away, when I hear the song and immediately stop doing what I am trying to do. I sat there for the entire song thinking about the moment in the movie where Andie totally chooses Blaine instead of Duckie, and how EVERY TIME that happens I yell out "NOOOOOOOO! ANDIE! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? ANDREW MCCARTHY HAS A WEIRD FACE! AND HE'S BORING! DUCKIE IS AWESOME!" Seriously. I get all riled up whenever I see it. I mean, really. Who wants to see Awkward McCarthy make out with ANYONE? Yawn.

ANYWAYS, I finally noticed that I had stopped working so I started up again. But then I started thinking about how I had stopped working when I heard OMD and I thought I needed to write about that. So now you have this steaming pile of crap. And it's all because I have ADD. (Heh. When I first typed ADD I accidentally typed ASS.)

So... I'm sorry I got sick and made you read this.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Take a bite out of crime... or perhaps just this delicious apple.

When I walked into work today, one of my coworkers was wandering around handing out apples from a giant shopping bag. He put one on my desk, and right away I was really excited about it. You see friends, this is no ordinary apple. This particular apple comes from an orchard which is owned by said coworker's mother. This particular apple was picked from the tree, put in a box and brought right to my desk! (There was probably a little bit of a stopover along the way, but you get the point.)

There is no wax on it. It is a beautiful shiny red colour all on its own. The most remarkable thing about this apple is that it SMELLS LIKE AN APPLE. It is sitting in front of me, on my desk and I can smell it from here!

This is going to be the best apple I will have all year. I'm going to eat it right now. YUMMMMM!

Monday, October 27, 2008

A mavericky maverick.

That's me, a mavericky maverick! Particularly with regards to oatmeal.

Well, friends... I've done it again! This morning I decided to make a latte instead of just using the ol' french press. Making a latte requires more of my attention, since you can't really walk away from it. You kind of have to stand there the whole time. This meant that if I hoped to leave my house on time, I would have to skip making toast for breakfast as I had planned. So out came the tupperware and in went a scoop of plain quick cooking oats. I was just about to put some sugar in with it when I noticed the tub of peanut butter that I had set out on the counter when I had thought I was going to eat toast. "Hmmmm..." I grabbed a spoon and plopped a scoop of peanut butter in there with the oats.

When I got to work I added in the hot water and let it sit for a bit. When it was all cooked, I stirred in the peanut butter and added in a squirt of honey. IT. WAS. YUMMY.

In my mind, I thought it would end up tasting much like a peanut butter oatmeal cookie. And it did. But without all the insane amounts of sugar. I AM SO DAMN CLEVER SOMETIMES. I'm sure you are all intimidated a little by that, aren't you? ;)

Sunday, October 26, 2008

The one where I totally saw your butt.

In honour of the celebration of the b-days of my super rad cousins, I went to a club. (I KNOW, RIGHT????) Yes, friends. It is true. I went to a club. A fancy one.

It is called Canvas Lounge. Perhaps you have heard of it? It's an art gallery by day, and bumpin' (shit. Do the kids still say that?) party spot by night. In the name of family drinking night, I agreed to go. It was a little crazy. Here's why:

First you wait in the line for a bit. We didn't wait too long cause we be rollin' with the VIP's and were on the guest list. So they check your ID outside, BEFORE you go in. No big deal. Then they checked in my purse. A little weird, but whatevs. Apparently if you are a boy, you also have to go through a metal detector. (WHAT?) So then you get inside and you show your ID AGAIN to another dude, who then scans it into a computer. Then he takes your picture. Then you move over to a new line where you pay cover. This is where the girl says, "That will be $21." Then I say, "SERIOUSLY????"

Then they move you over to another spot where another chick says "Mandatory coat check! $9." And I say, "Touche." Once you hand over your coat, you are FINALLY allowed to go in. Seriously. I half wanted to ask someone if this is where they housed the REAL Mona Lisa or some shit like that. But at least one can say with relative confidence that you are unlikely to get a cap in yo ass while you are inside the building. I think it is easier to obtain entry to most foreign countries.

So THEN we went in and found out that our peeps were in the VIP room. That was kind of alright. It was pretty hilarious drinking with the fam, as it always is. How does that saying go? The family that drinks together is fucking awesome? Something like that. ANYWAYS... this was where the real fun started. As the place started to fill up, there were more and more ladies out in their club gear. Which apparently means wearing an effing SHIRT and that is all. These chicks were wearing "dresses" that maybe covered their butts IF they happened to be standing still. Which they were not. Because they were very busy dancing like ho's. I think you can see where I am going with this. Basically, because the VIP room is sunken and located down some stairs, and the ladies were shaking it at the top of said stairs... it was all in plain view. And it was disturbing.

However, aside from those traumas, it was pretty fun! I really do have the most awesome family EVAR. Yay!

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Tangled up in blue.

I want to be like Bob Dylan. He knows what people want of him. He knows that people want him to play his songs they way they sounded a million years ago. But he doesn't care. He has been playing these songs forever, and he plays them in new ways... the way HE wants to play them.

I hope that one day (when I need to) I will be able to say, "You know what? I'm going electric. SUCK IT."

But in a far more poetic and eloquent manner, of course.

Friday, October 24, 2008

Economic crisis? Meh.

Earlier this week I made a huge mistake. (I STILL laugh every time I use the phrase "huge mistake".) After work I was watching some TV and flipping through the channels. I paused for a moment on the news. Not because I wanted to see me some news, but because Kevin Newman is muy caliente! ANYWAYS... he was talking about the current state of our precious little economy and it sucked me in. After about 15 mins I was FREAKING OUT.

Money is something that has always triggered anxiety in me. I'm used to worrying about ME not having any money. But now I gotta worry about THE ENTIRE WORLD not having any money? That's enough to drive a kid insane! (Not really. But it *does* have the potential to make a kid spend some time hiding under a pile of blankets and engage in other avoidance behavior.) So after worrying about it for a good long while, I was prompted to write this statement (in the form of a tweet):

"Fuck this shit, I'm moving back to the barter system."

I thought I was being pretty hilarious there. But then I started to really think about how that might work out for me. Sure, I've probably got a lot of crap that I don't want anymore that I could trade in for things... but the barter system also relies heavily on bartering with your skills.

My marketable skills include: sarcasm, observational humour, tap dancing, trombone playing, writing jokes .000001% of the population understands, entertaining the elderly and I also make a pretty decent vegetarian chili.

So unless the goods/services I am seeking to obtain are along the lines of "let me guest blog for you" or "invite me to your party" I am kind of screwed.

Please. Offer me some help here, people. What else could I use to barter with? I have a feeling like this is something I'm going to need to know.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Heroes: Whaaaaaaaa???

Lydia is totally into watching Heroes, and therefore since I am home at the same time and it comes on right after Gossip Girl (WHICH IS AWESOME) I end up sort of half watching it as well. Which, since I have not watched any other seasons of the show, makes for a terribly confusing hour of my life.

First off, I'm always squinting at the TV because it is so dark! What, like people with random superpowers to not need the aid of light? Was this covered in Season 1? Did I miss the line where they were like, "Hey, welcome to Heroes. All of said Heroes can see in the dark. It is very eco-friendly and we save so much money on electricity bills."

I just sit there, trying to see if I can piece things together by myself. (I don't want to be THAT person who asks questions every 30 seconds because I don't know what is going on.) Every now and then she yells something at the TV like, "OH MY GOD!" or "HURRY UP! GET OUT OF THERE!" which helps me a little bit because I am able to determine that something sort of important just happened. So far I have determined that the blonde girl's Dad is kind of a jerk, there are lots of evil people, and I am supposed to think the Japanese kid is funny. (Which I don't, really.)

But at the end of each episode I am left sitting there thinking, "HUH?" I could probably make this easier on myself if I would just go watch the show from the beginning, but I'm not really interested in it at all. My verdict so far (after 3 episodes, I think) is: meh.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Don't just stand there, bust a move.

At midnight. In Walmart.

I am terribly easy to please. Last night at around 10, Lydia said "Let's go to the Walmart that is open until midnight!" and I was all, "HELLS YEAH!"

It was a friggin awesome field trip. I am so amused by being in stores or restaurants that are open really late, or 24 hours. It just feels so crazy, like you shouldn't be able to do it. I love it!

So there we were, at 11:30 on a Friday night in the Walmart grocery store. Lydia was pushing the cart and checking out bargains, while I was having a Steve Winwood dance party. I think I danced my way through that entire store, and was not the least bit embarrassed. Because I was in Walmart. At 11:30 at night. It's like, the one place where nobody can judge you for acting like a giant dork. Because they are also in Walmart. At 11:30 at night. On a Friday.

I want to learn how to live every day like I'm in Walmart at midnight. Life is just so much more fun when you feel free to dance around like an idiot and are not worried about what other people are thinking about you.

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Sweaters and sneezes.

Normally I am a fan of Fall (or Autumn, as some call it), but not this year. As soon as the air decided to go ahead an become crisp, my nose got angry and staged a full scale revolt. For about a month or so, I have been fighting off allergies like CRAZY. It's pissing me off, yo!

If I do not take an allergy pill before bed, I get super stuffed up and don't sleep very well. So I take the allergy pill. I am fine for about 10 mins in the morning. After that, I have a really runny nose. For the remainder of the day at work, I sneeze like mad and alternate between runny and stuffy nose.

Upon my arrival at home the sneezing remains steady, but there is a gradual move back to full on stuffy nosedness. Then I take the allergy pill at bedtime, and we start all over again.

This is all very trying. It is making me a bit of a grumpy pants. Am I the only one dealing with this? It sort of feels like I am perpetually fighting off a cold that just never seems to materialize. What the heck? If that is the case, I'd almost rather get full on sick so that I can just get better already! Grrrrrr. Fall can SUCK IT!

ALSO... you may have noticed that I am making you jump through some new hoops if you wish to comment. You see, dear friends, I have finally gotten to the level of SUPREME annoyance with those who choose to leave negative and weird comments and are not brave enough to attach a name to them. That's the Internet for you! So please continue to leave comments, but know that they might take awhile to be published because now I have to approve them first. Look at me, ruling with an iron fist! (But don't worry. I am not hiding anything under my sweater.)

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

And here is where I roll my eyes and contemplate fleeing to America.

That's it. Tomorrow I buy a plane ticket to California to go hunt down Mr. Belding so I can drag his ass back up here to scold some people.

"Hey, hey, hey, WHAT is going on here?"

Indeed, Canada. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? Michael Moore is SO going to kick your asses. You should be afraid. He's big!

Meh. Knowing Harper, we'll be voting again in a year anyways. Idiot.


If one were to take the time to repair the flux capacitor to travel back in time to the last time we voted, you would be able to see how excited I was about voting. Whoa! What's this? We can do so without the aid of a time travelling device? Magnificent!

Flash back to the present. I AM STILL REALLY FRIGGIN EXCITED ABOUT VOTING!!!!!!!!!! I brought my election card to work with me so that I don't even have to stop back at home for 5 seconds to grab it. I can just get off the bus and GO VOTE! I'm even going to take a different bus home so I can walk to the polling station on the way to my house! THIS IS GOING TO BE AWESOME.

I was totally going to make some coffee this morning, but then I was all, "WAIT. It is Election Day. I am so not going to need it, as I will be high... on DEMOCRACY!" And I am. I totally am.

Now I just have to debate whether or not I will choose to enforce the 3 hours of voting time rule so that I can jam outta here half an hour early.


Sunday, October 12, 2008

Make up your mind.

Whoa! The election is on Tuesday! Can you believe it???

Voting can be very confusing an overwhelming to some. Who do you vote for? Why should you vote for them? Only you can really answer that for yourself, but I've found something to help you out if perhaps you are like me and are more than a little frightened by the notion of a Conservative majority.

I came across this article in the Georgia Straight about strategic voting. Basically, those crazy left-wing biased journalists at the Straight want to help you figure out how to best use your vote to stop Stephen Harper! How kind of them! It is broken down into 19 different ridings across the Lower Mainland, and they tell you who has the best chance of defeating the Conservatives in each one of them. (Keep in mind, they are not necessarily telling you who the BEST candidate is. Only who has the best chance of winning if we were all to vote strategically.)

Luckily for me, the candidate that they recommend in my riding is the person I would vote for anyways. So I don't have to feel guilty about strategic voting. However, I would say that it is definitely something to consider doing.

I happen to agree with the Straight, and would urge everyone to consider how to best use your vote.


Sunday, October 05, 2008


When I was growing up, both my parents worked full time. They worked opposite shifts so that we would always have one parent at home. This meant that I ended up spending a lot of nights at home with my Dad and my brother. Which until now, I didn't think had had much of an effect on me.

But it has, because apparently I have a total man brain. It is Sunday night and there are a few movies on TV. One is Annie... one is Escape From New York. Most girls I know would totally pick Annie. I picked Escape From New York, because there is shooting, fighting and shit getting blown up. (!!!!!!)

However, Annie is full of delightful choreography, which you KNOW I am a fan of.

I'm just going to have to find a way to make the man brain work with the lady brain. If I can figure that out, we are in business.


This just in! As it turns out, A Perfect Storm is also on. This satisfies the man brain to a certain degree due to its depiction of EXTREME! weather, while at the same time greatly satisfying the lady brain due to its representation of GEORGE! Clooney. I might just be okay after all...

Saturday, October 04, 2008

Use it.

I'm very lucky to have been raised by two people who believed that even as a child, I should be informed. We all used to watch the news together, every night. It probably had a lot to do with the fact that they wanted to watch it and we only had one TV... but they could have sent us out of the room while it was on. Instead, they made us watch it.

That's probably why I get so excited about elections. When I was really young, I used to LOVE elections. I remember waiting so anxiously for election day to arrive, because that meant HOURS of election coverage on TV. So much action! I remember watching out the living room window as my parents walked down the street to go vote and being SO JEALOUS that I couldn't do it yet. When I finally was old enough to vote in my first election, I was so proud. It felt so great to finally have the right and the authority to walk into that gymnasium and put a little X beside the name of my choosing. It is super nerdy, but I get a little surge of adrenaline from voting. Seriously.

This is why I simply cannot understand why anyone who is eligible to do so, does NOT vote. What the hell, people?? It is your RIGHT to be able to do so. It is your PRIVILEGE to be able to do so. For the love of god, USE IT!!!!!

I don't even care who you vote for. (Well, I do... but that shouldn't matter to you.) Just as long as you get off your ass and do it.

PS: I just watched Slacker Uprising. Can you tell? HA!

Friday, October 03, 2008

Barackin' out.

Holy crap. This is awesome. Here we find one of my favourite Bollywood movie songs combined with one of my favourite people EVER.

I'm just so glad that there are people out there with very little to do, because it gives me things like this. Love it.

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Debate this!

I just watched both the Canadian PM and American VP debates... at the same time!!! It was a little crazy. Here are my thoughts:
  • Elizabeth May is kind of alright.
  • Jack Layton is awesome.
  • Jilles Duceppe has pretty eyes.
  • Stephane Dion has a really adorable accent.
  • Stephen Harper is the most boring man alive.
  • Joe Biden said "Bosniacs" and it was AWESOME. But only because I suspect that he is actually kind of smart.
  • Sarah Palin does not pronounce the letter g. She also says "nuke-yuh-ler". This is not funny in any way, shape or form. She also says "also" a lot. (See what I did there?)

I'm tired. No more politics tonight!