Wednesday, December 27, 2006

It's all over now, Baby Blue.

So that's it, kids. Christmas is over for another year. It was pretty okay. What was not pretty okay was getting up to go to work this morning. I was really not pleased about it. Not at all. But when I got on the empty bus (with the nerdily adorable bus driver) and sat down at a window seat and realised that wearing my new coat felt like wearing a fluffy duvet, I was alright with the situation.

Now I am at work and it is kind of relaxing because there is no one here. I am not allowed to take time off at Christmas, but EVERYONE ELSE IS. It is way better this way. It is kind of like being on vacation, except that you aren't at home and you are doing some work, but not enough to make you feel cruddy about things. Plus, I'm pretty sure most of the people that are actually here right now are going to cut out early because they can. It is like an office full of the kids that always sit at the back of the class and just walk out right in the middle of the lesson because we are badasses. I plan to finish out the week with a little hard work, heavy on the heckling people and lots of chillin with my homies. WOOT.

It's not so bad, I guess.

Sunday, December 24, 2006

It just wouldn't be the same without a little Charlie Brown.

Denis Leary, I friggin love you!

This can be found on Denis Leary's Merry F$%&in' Christmas. He's so hot when he gets mad... so like, pretty much all the time he's really hot. *sigh*

Saturday, December 23, 2006

So maybe it doesn't suck 100%.

This morning I woke up at 8:00. AM. On a Saturday. In case you were not aware, that is kind of bullshit. Whatevs. It actually worked out okay, because that allowed me to get out of the house and finish all my errands by noon! That is kind of awesome, because I completely avoided the crowds and traffic. Woot! But when I finished everything at noon I was left to ponder something. What the hell was I going to do for the rest of the day?

The answer is: NOTHING! It was totally lame and awesome at the same time. It was a wonderful kind of melancholy. I felt so great about having nothing left to do that I even went so far as to order pizza! I NEVER DO THAT. EVER. I am told it will arrive in no less than 30 minutes, and I am pretty friggin' stoked about it. It is going to be so hardcore delicious. Especially when I drink some chocolate beer while I am eating it. *yesssss*

I am totally on board with this Christmas thing, now that all that is left to do is EAT FOOD, DRINK BEER/WINE WITH SAID FOOD AND OPEN PRESENTS. I choose to be in denial about the "spending time with annoying family members" bit. It just ruins the fun. Though... they might very well give me the chance to yell "You ruined Christmas!" like I promised Dave I would do. It will be even better if I actually mean it! HA!

AND THEN there is brunch. I looooooove me some brunch. I am so excited that I get to go to one tomorrow morning! I think it will be AWESOME.

So yeah, Christmas is coming. What about it?

Thursday, December 21, 2006

City busses, city busses, dressed in holiday style...

I worked late today in preparation for the hurricane of CRAP that is bound to hit my work email inbox tomorrow morning. So, when I was waiting for the bus on the way home it was cold and dark. When I saw the bus coming after only waiting for about 8 mins I was super excited. Then I got on the bus. This is where things really got exciting.

The bus driver was this cheerful man in his 50's, who was wearing a magical santa hat with flashing LED lights and holiday pins all over it. He seemed pretty into this whole Christmas thing. But that was not the best part. This funny little man had taken the time to decorate the inside of the bus!!! All along the front windows he had placed sparkly garland and FRESH ACTUAL TREE GARLAND.

Now, I'm not big into this "being festive" business, but I totally dug the Christmas bus. Perhaps it was the sheer volume of Christmas spirit this man posessed and I got zapped by it... but it was probably because the whole bus smelled like yummy fresh Christmas trees as opposed to the "my brother's feet" smell I am usually greeted with. Who knows.

Tuesday, December 19, 2006

Oh, Degrassi! You're crazy!

I seriously love Degrassi. It is so friggin' hardcore. Right now there is this creepo teacher with severe anger issues threatening a kid! It is crazy!!!!

There's a kid who just got out of jail, a kid who is a recovering anorexic/whore, evil teachers and SO MUCH MORE!!!!!

You should probably watch it. It is like something they should be showing on Showcase, except there is no swearing. Good times.

In other news, today I made matzoh ball soup for dinner. It was freaking delicious. If you have not had it, you totally need to try it. It is like you are eating chicken soup and dipping yummy bread into it... except that it is wayyyyyyy cooler because the bread is already in the soup! It is like magic! Plus it is super easy because you can buy a mix in the kosher food section. I think it is my new favourite thing. I'm totally eating it for lunch tomorrow. Yummmmmmmmm.

The pinnacle of organization and professionalism.

Yes, that would be me. I have developed a plan and I have put a system in place that will (hopefully) allow me to handle this week spectacularly. I'm quite pleased with myself at the moment. But we will have to wait and see how this turns out. I'm still half expecting a shitstorm. I hope I DO NOT get one.

I am totally a grumpy grumperson today. I really shouldn't be because I got free chocolate, free lunch and a Christmas present today. BUT... then a couple of crappy things happened, so I suppose this day is totally balanced, karmically speaking. I kind of wish it had just been 100% awesome without the bad crap involved. (Oh, you know what I am talking about, strange internet stalker guy.)

BUT... when I go home today I am totally going to eat a cupcake. It is going to be awesome. Assuming nothing falls on my head on the way home, we should end up sitting on the "not so bad after all" side of the fence today. Woot!

The Nightmare Before Christmas

I had the weirdest dream... I dreamt that I got a random email from someone I do not know politely (yet somehow menacingly) requesting that I delete one of my blog posts for an unspecified reason, so I did because I am such an accomodating person.

Weird, eh? It's a good thing it was only a dream.

That's totally the last time I eat nacho cheese rice chips before bed.

Monday, December 18, 2006

Talkin 'bout crazy cool medallions...

I was having a bit of a grumpfest this morning upon realizing that I might have to cancel my hair appointment on Friday because unlike last year, my office is not closing early on the last day before Christmas!!! THIS IS HORRIBLE NEWS. I really need my hair done like CRAZY BAD, and I made this appointment WEEKS ago. It's impossible to get in to see awesome Alan because he's crazy busy right now. WHAT THE HELL AM I GOING TO DO?? There's got to be a way.

ANYWAYS, I sulked about this all morning and I decided I needed some cheering up, courtesy of the YouTube. Boy, did I ever find it! I watched a couple of segments from this weeks SNL with my boyfriend JT. I was pretty friggin' excited to see the return of Barry Gibb Talk Show. BUT... finding the following two videos made me every so happy all afternoon. I love them!

We got eggs... we know how to cook them!

SOUP! There it is! Give it on up to homelessville! That's just plain fun.

Thursday, December 14, 2006


Thanks to Brie for this one:

HAHAHAHAHA! That is kind of hilarious in a sad and frighteningly true sort of way... erm... so... how about that weather, eh? Is that crazy, or WHAT?

I got 99 Problems...

... and potato latke mix ain't one! (I found it yesterday. Woot!) But there really are a lot of problems right now. Like how my refrigerator froze my damn cottage cheese. I totally wanted to eat it, but noooooooooooooooooooo it had to be frozen. Seriously, the one time I actually have a craving for something healthy and I can't have it. BOO-URNS TO YOU, FRIDGE!

Another problem: errands. I hate them, but it seems as though I have a lot of them to get done these days. Friggin Christmas. That sucks. The good news is that I got a few done yesterday, so that was pretty okay.

Next up: lack of storage space in my room. It looks like it has been hit by a friggin' tornado. I just don't have the room for all the furniture I require. I need another dresser like CRAZY, but there is no room for one. It is hardcore lame. I'm going to keep brainstorming this one though. There has got to be a way. As of this moment, my only solution is to make my room bigger by about a million square feet. (NOTE: I have no idea how big a square foot actually is, so it is impossible for me to tell you how much more room I actually need. It is probably way smaller than a million.)

Oy, the stress! Wah.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

You rock, baby!

The above title can be taken literally, as I am about to blow your minds with the awesomest baby picture you have ever seen. Get ready to rock out with baby Lukas!!!

SERIOUSLY. HOW FRIGGIN' CUTE IS THIS???? I understand that he is probably actually crying, but when I first saw it I imagined that he was yelling something like "FIIIIRE!" or "COME ONNNN!" And do you not see how he is making the little rock fists? I love it.

You've done well, Sheldon and Jackie. I love your work.

The lazy lunch.

This morning I decided that I was going to eat nothing but a giant portion of edamame for lunch. I even packed some salt to sprinkle over it. Yummmmmmmmm.

BUT... I worry about what this will do to my rep at work. They already think I am a total hippie because I like to eat vegetarian food sometimes and I am a fan of organic food. Now I am going to go down there and eat nothing but soybean pods and an organic apple? I might as well have come to work wearing Birkenstocks and wool socks.

Am I a hippie? God, I hope not... but I actually kind of enjoy the taste of granola. But I totally hate the smell of patchouli, so I think I'm still safe. That stuff smells like dirt, for reals.

Tuesday, December 12, 2006

Thanks, self!

So I had another day off today, and this time it was all about me. I bought myself two awesomely awesome presents and had a grand ol' time doing so. I'm so excited about my new stuff!

ITEM #1:

Bumble and Bumble Hair Powder! This stuff is going to give me great hair when I'm waiting for my new haircut. Woot! I WILL HAVE VOLUME!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fabulous.

ITEM #2:

MY HANUKKAH LIGHTS!!!!!!!!! I love them so friggin much. I put them up at home, and now it looks a little more festive up in this biatch. I'm starting to get really excited about Hanukkah. It starts on Friday night... and I still have so much left to do! Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! I love it.

This is going to be the best Hanukkah ever.

Monday, December 11, 2006


In order to make up for the trauma inflicted upon me earlier by Il Divo (more like EL DIABLO, if you ask me...) karma payed me back with something awesome. There is a stupid Christmas song playing right now... it is called "Christmas Is Coming" by the Payolas. The fantastic part about this song is that there is this fantastic little guitar riff that makes it sound like the theme song from Beverly Hills 90210! Now THAT is amazing.

Merry Christmas Brandon! You too, Dylan. (We can have makeouts in the quad later, okay?) Kelly, Brenda and Steve... best wishes for a festive holiday season (and BFF, right? RIGHT?) AND A BIG OL' HAPPY HANUKKAH TO DAVID SILVER! Andrea... whatever, nobody likes you anyways. Nerd.

Well, it was fun while it lasted...

Holy shit. Just when I thought things could not possibly get any worse, the ladies in my department broke out the old Il Divo Christmas album. It was traumatizing. I am still trying to recover from the severe psychological damage this has caused me. I don't know that I will ever get over it.

But then it got even worse. I was searching for a clip of them singing "Over the Rainbow", (because I think it is morally wrong for grown men to be singing that song and I thought you needed to see it) when I found this instead. It is like my worst nightmare has come to life. Seriously. You need to see this.

All I can say is that you should probably stock up on fire-proof umbrellas, because I'm pretty sure this is one of the signs of the apocalypse. *shudder*

Friday, December 08, 2006

Boney M is back in full effect...


Mostly because the ladies in my office were feeling festive and listened to it ALL DAY. It's bad enough that we have to listen to mom music all day, but now this??? I swear, someone out there is very angry with me... I'm pretty sure this was not an attempt by random programmers to appease listeners, but rather a targeted attack against yours truly. WHAT HAVE I EVER DONE TO THEM?? I bet the mall people put them up to it. Those bitches have been doing this to me every year since birth!

I tried to lessen the blow by listening to internet radio all day, but I can still hear it. Damn my sensitive ears! *sigh*

I'm trying to be a good sport about this whole Christmas thing, so I'd like to share with you one of the few Christmas songs I actually like. (Yes, there is at least one.) I hope you like it.

Oi to the world, indeed. Major props and raising of a lop-sided roof to the Vandals for that one.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Pump up the Volume

I have flat hair, and I hate it. It is all good right after I get a haircut and Alan makes it look all fancy and fabulous. But then it starts to grow out and BLAH. Flat city, sister!

It is unfortunate timing that I was not able to get a hair appointment before my Christmas party. Ack! My outfit is so cute, that I just can't handle having bad hair to go with it. So this is my solution:


Yeah. This stuff runs about $50 a bottle, but word on the street is that is works magic. Magic, I say! It will give me the ooomph my hair needs, plus it has colour in it, so you won't see my awful roots as much. I am kind of excited about it. Hooray for science!

Rumble in the Bronx

The number one (#1) thing you need to know about me if you cross my path on a semi-regular basis is that it really does not take much to piss me off. Kind of have a short fuse. I think that becomes pretty obvious after hanging out with me for about an hour, when I get irrationally angry at a bird or a mailbox and proceed to talk about it non-stop for the next 45 mins. I know this about myself. Most have come to accept it as an endearing personality quirk.

But others just don't get it.

Case in point: today I got kind of furious at a co-worker. Said individual has known me for about a year, so even if I hadn't ever gotten directly angry at them, they surely must have heard the rumours by now. So you would think they would know better than to imply that I am a liar. Oh yes, it happened. And this is the part where I go on a rampage, albeit a quiet-ish one. A serious rumble was about to go down. I was seriously ready to get all Jackie Chan vs. the Hovercraft on this person.

But I didn't. I calmed down and dealt with the situation the way any mature adult would. I proved I was right and will now giggle with glee knowing that I won. Hooray for maturity!

Hey Christmas, are you feeling okay?

I am concerned about Christmas. I think it has the flu.


I can't even flee to the mountains. Nowhere is safe.

Ewwwww. It even threw up on the hospital. But I guess they are used to that sort of thing.

Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Welcome back, Kotter.

I came back to to work today after a lovely 4 day weekend. To be perfectly honest with you, I wasn't totally happy about the situation. I became less happy about it when I opened the door to my office and to my horror, saw this hanging from my desk in a festive manner:

Yes. That is tinsel garland. With stars in it. Mine is silver and red. It is shiny. It wreaks of Christmas cheer and I hate it.

I prefer my decor to remain neutral throughout the holiday season, because non-denominational is the new... denominational. Haven't you heard?

This year, the only exception to this rule will be the Hanukkah lights, should I actually get them. (I really hope I do. They are awesome.)

HOWEVER, I am choosing to be a team player and will leave the tinsel on my desk. This is actually more of a selfish move because it gives me a reason to be grumpy, and I loves me some grumpiness. Especially at this time of year. Hmmmpf.

PS: If you are a shopping mall and happen to be reading this, I just want you to know how much you totally suck right now. I mean it, man. You are a total jerk for telling everyone to come visit you when you know you do not have enough parking to accommodate everyone. Perhaps you should peruse THIS to prevent this situation from occurring in the future.

Monday, December 04, 2006

Hooray for the Big Brother!

My brother is 6 years older than I am, and I used to think that perhaps that was one of the big reasons for the weird relationship we have. When I was little, he was always really good about having to tow me around everywhere and was always making sure I stayed out of trouble. (Not like I could ever find it! I was a delightful child. Ask anyone.) But somewhere along the line, things changed.

When my brother became a teenager the entire dynamic in our household changed. He was impossible to deal with and was always in trouble for something. For a very long time all we ever did was fight with each other. It didn't get much better after he moved out. For a long time I didn't even speak to him or see him, because I couldn't handle being around him. I was so utterly disappointed with the way he chose to live and his behavior.

From the age of about 10 or 11, I had to be the big sister to my sister AND my brother. I was the first one to do everything, because my brother had messed everything up. I was the first one to go to college, the first one to buy a car, the first one to start a career. I didn't mind being the responsible, grown up one... I just kind of feel like he got ripped off.

But today, something brilliant happened. He finally beat me to the punch on something. My big brother, whom I thought would never get his head on straight, got engaged! I can't even tell you how happy I am for them. I'm proud of you, brother. Now I will finally get to follow your lead for once.

PS: Picking out engagement rings really is as fun as it sounds, ladies! Even if it is not for you. Apparently I have excellent taste in bling, so if you should ever need advice I am available for consultations.

PPS: I really want a diamond. Really, really bad. It would be pretty okay if there were a man that came with the deal too. I'm just putting it out there, people.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Me = Friggin' amazing.

So I think I want to take back what I said about the boyfriend thing. Why? BECAUSE I THREW OUT THE MOUSE ALL BY MYSELF. That's right, kids. I handled that ALL BY MYSELF.

I am terribly impressed with myself for doing so, and I think you should be proud of me too, damnit! It was pretty funny when I told the landlords about the situation and they both said "I'm so proud of you!"

I'm proud of me too. Woot.

Friday, December 01, 2006

Why not having a boyfriend is LAME: Reason #347.

So every now and again I like to go out for a few beers after work on Fridays. It is just plain good times. When I made it home all by myself on the bus this evening (without falling!) I considered it to be kind of a personal victory. Especially since I made a huge fuss about how I didn't need to take a cab and refused to take donations for cab fare. (In hindsight, it is never dumb to take a cab. Ever.)

However, all my feelings about being proudly independent rapidly vanished upon arrival at home when I opened the bathroom door to find yet another (yes, ANOTHER) dead mouse on the bathmat. I am kind of spazzing out right now. It is a very surreal moment for me. I am sitting on the sofa, watching the music video for Glass Tiger's "Don't Forget Me When I'm Gone" and thinking about the dead fucking mouse in my bathroom. Just think about it for a moment. I have been drinking since about 5 in the afternoon. I kind of need to use said bathroom. My bladder is not bionic. But I can't. Because there is a dead mouse in there. I am too drunk to drive anywhere else, otherwise I'd be halfway to my parents' house in Surrey right now. There is no way around it. I am going to have to deal with this mouse bullshit. ALONE. I have nowhere else to go.


An open letter to boys:

Dear Boys,

I am kind of totally annoyed with you for not asking me out on dates. I blame you for this mouse situation, because had you asked me on dates I might have a boyfriend right now and HE could be dealing with this frigging mouse situation. So yeah. You suck. But still consider dating me. I am super fun.



PS: I hate you, cat who brought the mouse in through the open window. I hate you SO HARD.

PPS: Frig, man.

Too Much Booty in da pants, DANCE!

This morning I got really excited when I heard "I Don't Feel Like Dancing" by Scissor Sisters on the radio. ON THE RADIO!!!! It was way cool. ANYWAYS, ever since I heard that this morning I could not stop thinking about how much I love dancing. I totally feel like dancing RIGHT NOW. I totally am, actually. Chair dancing.

SO ANYWAYS... the urge to dance caused me to think about this great television moment, which I would like to share with you. At the time of airing, this was some pretty sweet friggin' choreography. I hope you love it.

NOTE: I'll have you know that I can TOTALLY rock this dance right now. It would blow your mind. Just give me a day to memorize the moves.