Saturday, December 29, 2007

There's a reason they call lame dudes "Chachi".

So I'm sitting here in my pj's watching "Scott Baio is 45... and Single" and feeling a little anxiety. (Mind you, I did just drink a latte, so it could just be the caffeine.)

ANYWAYS... so the basic idea of the show is that Scott Baio is 45... and single... because he's a total asshole. So he hired this life coach woman to help him figure out why he can't commit to any serious relationships and why he has cheated on every single woman he has ever dated.

This show is mildly entertaining because it is SCOTT BAIO... and because he's such an asshole... and because he hangs out with Wayne from the Wonder Years... but mostly because it is interesting to see how messed up this dude is. He dates these beautiful girls and breaks up with them for weird reasons such as "Denise Richards has big feet that look like flippers so I dumped her." Whaaaa?

So why the anxiety? Well, obviously I'm not as effed up as Scott Baio, but the thought of wandering around at 45 and still trying to find a spouse is downright terrifying. Seriously. Screw horror movies, THIS is the really scary shit. It may give me nightmares. *shudder*

Friday, December 28, 2007

Not so bad after all...

You know, being at work becomes slightly more enjoyable when you listen to Fleetwood Mac at your desk.



TUSK!

So good.

Thursday, December 27, 2007

Holiday Math!

Here is a little festive math lesson for you:

Christmas + presents(hilarious aunts and uncles) = GOOD TIMES

HOWEVER...

Work + week between Christmas and New Year's = TOTALLY LAME^2(!)

It's the truth.

How was your Christmas? Mine was good times. I got some new technology. Woot.

Monday, December 24, 2007

It's like Festivus, all over again.

So here I am, at work on Christmas Eve. Everyone else around here didn't have to come in today. I figured that I would be done by around 11:30 or noon... and I was. At 11. But I am still here... because I have to help other people do their work. I know it's the season of giving and crap, but SERIOUSLY. I was done... and I should be eating a delicious brunch right about now. But no. I am stuck at work, not eating and being REALLY hungry. I'm starting to think that I am going to miss brunch entirely.

I AM NOT HAPPY ABOUT IT.

Brunch is so delicious. Working is so lame. THIS SUCKS!

I'm in a glass case of emotion right now. I'm really hungry. Please save me some scraps of bread or something. This is total bullshit.

I'm a writer? I'm a writer.

Last night I went to a super crazy Christmas party where I didn't really know anyone. So I met new people. One of these people was a friend of Ange (the hostess). We were making all the usual small talk... and when she asked me about my job, I did the best I could to explain what it is that I do.

Girl: "So, do you do any writing at your job?"

ME: "No... I'm not really a writer."

Girl: "But do you write?"

ME: "Yeah... but not at work."

Girl: "So you like to write... and you write for fun..."

ME: "Yeah... but I'm not really a writer."

Girl: (laughing) "You're totally a writer. Don't be so modest about it. Just because you don't get paid for it, doesn't mean it doesn't count!"

ME: "I guess you're right. Awesome! I'm totally a writer."

Sweet.

Thursday, December 20, 2007

If the sun isn't awake yet, I shouldn't be either.

I got up stupidly early this morning to go to the annual Christmas time work breakfast... which was at 7am... which is kind of bullshit. The breakfast is always fun and delicious, but it is the time that is bullshit.

It is now just after 9am and I am 2 cups of coffee in. I am still way tired. We will just have to see how this plays out... my guess is not well.

YAY CHRISTMAS!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Ouch.

I still can't believe this conversation actually happened. It hurts me so.

Work Ladies: "Hey, who sings this?"

Me: "What?"

W.L.: "Bohemian Rhapsody. Who sings it? It's Meatloaf, right?"

Me: "GAH!" *puts hands over heart and falls over dramatically* "QUEEEEEEEEEEEENNNN!"
W.L.: "Ohhhhh, Queen!"

Me: ""That personally offended me. Meatloaf? MEATLOAF????? I can't believe you said Meatloaf..."


I'm still getting over it. MEATLOAF???? That's just insulting.

Monday, December 17, 2007

ARE YOU KIDDING ME????

MSN seems to think this was important enough to write about:

Ben Affleck's Ginger Addiction

Ben Affleck is addicted to gingerbread men.

The Hollywood actor - who has a two-year-old daughter, Violet, with wife Jennifer Garner - says his favourite part of Christmas is snacking on the sweet treat.

He said: "For me, Christmas is all about gingerbread cookies. I love them. My friends and family always tell me to stop eating them but I can't! I can't! They're so addictive, I just can't help myself."

The 'Hollywoodland' star admits he is looking forward to taking a break from work and spending some "quality" time with his family.

Meanwhile, Ben's wife Jennifer is set to be seduced by Ricky Gervais.
The 'Alias' beauty is to play the British comic's love interest in new film 'This Side of Truth', in which Gervais plays a man who discovers how to lie in a world where people only know how to be honest.


You know, I'm so glad they posted this, because last night I woke up in a panic thinking
"HOLY SHIT, DOES BEN AFFLECK LIKE GINGERBREAD????" Finally a kid can get some sleep around here!

Jesus.

Tomorrow's story: "Matt Damon Also Enjoys Christmas Baking."

A man so attractive he makes heterosexual men blush...

I went to see Bon Jovi last night! It was free! Otherwise, I would not have attended. But I'm glad I did. Here's why:






















LOOK AT THAT SMILE!!!! Seriously. How friggin cute and charming is that dude? He made Craig blush a little. I don't blame him.

However, seeing the show last night made me realize something. As far as rockstars go, Jon Bon Jovi is a kind of a nerd. He does not bring with him the usual tales of scandal and saucy behaviour. He married his high school sweetheart and has 4 kids. HELLO?? LAME!

He also kind of dances like a bit of a dork. There are points when you are watching him and thinking, "Really? Are you really doing that?" But then he smiles. And you forgive him.

It also doesn't hurt when she shakes his butt either. The dude has a nice butt, I gotta say.

Friday, December 14, 2007

What Christmas means to me, my love...

I got you a present. You can open it early. Why? Because nothing says Christmas like shirtless Steve Perry and a little Wheel In the Sky.




This is what the wise men were singing when they were following that star thingy.

Also, is it just me or does Steve Perry kind of have a cute haircut? Layered with bangs... he's so in right now.

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Just because.

I just found out that there are some locations of Superstore that are staying open 24 hours a day from now until just before Christmas. This seems CRAZY to me. I kind of want to go... only because it seems so weird and forbidden.

Can you imagine? Me! In a grocery store! At 2am!

That's just wacky.

None of the Vancouver ones are open that late... so if you wanna go, you have to haul your butt out to Langley or Coquitlam. I'm so there.

Thanks folks, I'll be here all month.

So that's it. I'm officially done with the holidays for the rest of the month. That's weaksauce! At least I don't have to work on the stat holidays... but it's still lame. If I were not forbidden to take time off for the week of Christmas, I would have taken it then. Diss!

I've been at work for about an hour now, and I'm ready to go home now. How did I do this all year long? Crazy.

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Back with a vengance.

My seasonal rage issues, that is.

I was really happy when I got to hang out with Jamie and Carla this afternoon, because I hadn't seen them in AGES. It's funny how you never really realize how much you have missed someone until you see them again. It was so fun hanging out with them again.

I was fine when I got to the mall to meet my sister. But by the time I got out of there, I was effing MISERABLE. Not just regular style grumpy... but like, yell at children kind of mad. I would have too, because about 17 of them had run into me by the time I left.

THEN I got home... only to leave again 3 mins later to run to the grocery store to pick up ingredients for 7 dozen cookies that I really don't want to fucking make, but must make TONIGHT.

I'm so not happy right now. You can only hope that by the time you cross my path, I will have brightened up a bit. However, I can say that right now it is not bloody likely to happen any time soon. I HATE CHRISTMAS!

Actually, I kind of hate everything at the moment. Including NPR. RAWR!

Thursday, December 06, 2007

A slightly selfish Christmas gift.

When I was a kid, I had this toy that I LOVED. It was seriously the coolest thing EVER. Somewhere along the line my mom got rid of it... but I tell you, that thing was the most fun a kid could ever ask for. Which is why I freaked the hell out when I found it in Winners yesterday and bought it for my nephew for Christmas. (It's okay for me to say this on the internet, because he is 4 and can't read.)

What is this magical toy?? You know you love it, child of the 80's...





















THE SNOOPY SNO CONE MACHINE!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh yes, it is real. It is sitting in my house right now. This thing is worth its weight in gold, I tell you. It provided me with so much amusement as a child... I can't imagine any kid NOT loving it.

Now I will just have to convince him that this is one of those special toys that lives at Grandma and Grandpa's house... (don't look at me like that. It says Ages 4 - ADULT on the box!)

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Oy to the world... Chrismukkah is here!

MERRY MAZEL TOV!




Well kids, it is that time of year again... it is Chrismukkah!


In keeping with tradition, I have strung up my Hanukkah lights and set up my makeshift menorah. AND this year we also have a little Christmas tree! In keeping with the Chrismukkah colour scheme, it is silver with blue ornaments. Oh yes, it is awesome.


I love Chrismukkah! It is way better than regular old Christmas, that's for sure. My mother has always been happy to indulge me in celebrating this wacky little holiday by making me latkes and calling me on the first night of Hanukkah... but I still don't get any presents. Meh. For me, it is more about the fun I have making matzoh ball soup and latkes. THIS year, I am going to make an attempt at my very first Matzoh Bread house! I'll try and put some pics up when it is done.


In the meantime, check this out. It's pretty much the best holiday music EVER. Chrismukkah is hilarious, yo! HILARIOUS.

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Goodbye, old friends.

My landlords officially moved out today, as the new owners are moving in. (In the snow! Ack!)

They moved out all of their stuff last week sometime, so I didn't get to say goodbye to the baby (Vesna) and the puppy (Duka) or the mommy (Marina). Frankly, I'm a little sad. I'm going to miss playing with Duka and getting puppy cuddles to make up for the fact that I don't get to see my dog as often as I would like. I told Darren to send us pictures of the Vesna and Duka. I really hope he does, because they are seriously CUTE.

However, it's not all sad news. I met the new landlords today and they are super nice and really cool. They also happen to have A REALLY CUTE BABY!!!! They also have a 4 year old that I haven't met yet, but odds are that she is totally adorable. It's only a matter of time before they get a puppy, right? Kids LOVE puppies.

I think this is going to work out just fine. Hooray for cuteness!

Friday, November 30, 2007

Pearl Jam was right.

Ticketmaster can suck it.

I went online at 10am SHARP(!!!) to try my hand at getting tickets to see my darling Bruce Springsteen. It did not end well.

I spent about 7 mins in some sort of weird internet lineup only to be offered the shittiest seats in the world for the low low price of $115.00. Each. $115.00. For seats at the back of the stadium on the balcony. This is about as far away from Bruce as one could get.

Now I don't know about you, but this girl isn't sleeping on piles of money. Scrooge McDuck, I am not. So $115 is a lot of money for me to shell out for a concert ticket. If I am going to pay that much for anything, it had better be fricking AMAZING. I simply can't justify dropping that much money on the worst seat ever. (Even though I love him. I would likely cry if I got to see him.)

So now I'm going to mope about it for the rest of the day, and curse the families of all those bastards on Craigslist who have already put their tickets up for sale for 3 times the original price. Fuckers.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

I'm so cut out for politics.

I may or may not have just spent a significant portion of my morning doing internet research, re: my new email notification sound. This is very important work, as I receive several gagillion emails in a given day and hearing this sound is sometimes the only amusement I get in a day.

Also, please keep in mind that our measurements of time are purely subjective, as what I may deem to be a "significant" amount of time may seem like no time at all to you.

SO ANYWAY... I decided on a clip of Mr. T. saying "It's time to quit jammerin' before I start hammerin!"

I suspect this will only last until the end of the day. Then I will have to start all over again. It is very important work I am doing here... very important work.

I gotta go. It's time to quit jammerin'.

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Do do do do dodododo... (repeat)

I would be lying to you if I said that this song does not get stuck in my head at least once a week. The only thing better than the original British new wave is friggin' Canadian New Wave. Straight outta Burlington, bitches. Surely this must have won a Juno...



On a side note, I'm getting my hair cut on Friday. I think I will make Alan watch this video for inspiriation and then ask, "Do you like, totally have a crimping iron?"

Aaaaand... boom goes the dynamite!

That is what the announcer would have said yesterday had my curling game been televised. You see, my dear friends, I made the shot of the century. OF THE CENTURY! (The century being that one game. I have my own system of measurement.)

The skip called this wacky shot which involved me throwing a rock hard enough to take out another rock, while curling it so that it went through a hole and thus taking out TWO rocks at the same time. I was all, "Yeah, SURE. I'll get right on that." I never actually make the shots they call for me. So I threw... and I threw it hard enough, I threw it with the right amount of curl on it, and the ice didn't eff me over.

I watched it go through the gap... and as soon as I heard the crack of the rocks colliding I yelled. I didn't yell, "WOOOO!" or "YEAH!" in celebration, like any other person would yell. This is me we are talking about. My celebratory cry, heard all across the rink was...

"WHAT THE HECK??????"

What can I say? I'm really very modest.

Saturday, November 24, 2007

The one where I was detained by Homeland Security. Seriously.

Ah, the wonders of cross border shopping. After waiting for 2 and a half hours in the friggin lineup at the border this morning with my sister, it was finally our time to shine.

I pulled up to the window and handed the Border Lady (BL) our identification. She proceeded to ask us the usual questions... Where are you from, where are you going, why are you going there, blah blah blah. Then she typed away on her computer for a really long time. We were sitting there for over 5 mins. She asked a few more questions before handing me a bright orange slip of paper and politely informed me that I had to pull over and go inside the building.

I was not so pleased about this, as it was now 11am, and I had been up since 5:45am and hadn't eaten anything. But apparently US Customs (the Department of Homeland Security) doesn't care about my feelings.

So I pulled over, and my sister and I wandered into the building with bewildered looks on our faces. A border guy (BG) who looked like Ned Flanders called us over to the counter and I handed him the slip. He looked at it and then looked at me ans smiled. "Oh, he'll be right with you... he's busy right now."

About 30 seconds later another border guy (BG2) walked up to the counter. The following is the conversation that ensued:

BG2: "Which one of you ladies is Sarah?"
Me: "I am."
BG2: (looks at my id and looks at me) "Okay, just have a few questions for you... ummm... were you born in West Virginia?"
Me: (pauses for a moment and looks up at him with the same face I make when someone asks me to do math in my head) "Noooooooo..."
BG2: "Okay. Ummm..." (looks at me again) "Are you... bipolar?"
Me: (pauses again and looks up at him with the calculus version of the math face) "Noooooooo..."
BG2: "Alright, and have you used narcotics at all?"
Me: (pauses again because I am wondering what counts as narcotics) "Noooooooo..."

The two border guys look at each other and kind of shrug while they both say, "See? It's not her. No, it's not her." BG2 looks at me again and says "You're not her!" He hands my id back and tells me to have a nice day, without explaining what the HECK that was all about.

Sister and I then wander out of the building looking totally confused. Just before we reach the door I grab her arm and say, "Oh, shit! Does this mean I'm on the no fly list? DISS!"

Then we burst out laughing as soon as we get in the car.

I really wish that crazy, crackhead Sarah would stop sullying my good name. I'm going to need to go back there one day to get some sweet deals. Stupid jerk. *sigh*

Friday, November 23, 2007

I just don't know how to feel about it...

Bruce Springsteen is awesome. This is just a fact. There is just something about his songs that make me love them. Some of them are rockin... some of them are haunting. Nearly all of them are good. This is not what I feel weird about. I feel weird because...





















Bruce Springsteen is kind of... hot.

He's older than my dad! That is so wrong! I just don't know how to feel about it...

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

The one where Christmas exploded in ma face! It made a noise like "poof!".

So there I was, standing at the bus stop at Cambie and King Edward, when I had one of those moments where I really thought I was going crazy. I looked up the street to see if a bus was coming, and just then one rounded the corner. From far away I could see the route sign on the bus... but it didn't quite look like a regular bus. I rubbed my eyes in my morning haze, thinking that maybe I was just seeing things in my sleep hangover... as the bus got closer, I could see that this was not true. I really was seeing it for reals.
















The bus was dressed up as a friggin' reindeer. (I have no idea where this pic came from. Someone else stole it and put it on a blog last year. So I re-stole it. Whatevs.)


That's just crazy. There are also cartoons on the side of it, featuring Charlie Brown and Fred Flintstone discussing the merits of said reindeer bus. It's seriously weird... and seriously hilarious.

It also earns points for me because cyclists will get pissed off when the bus comes and they can't use the bike rack on account of the giant red nose in the way. Now you lazy bums will just have to RIDE YOUR BIKES all the way home. *tear*

I am full up of festive holiday spite. (Nope, I didn't mean spirit. I meant spite.)

Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Well played, Gap marketing department.

I'm not big on conspiracy theories, but I'm pretty sure the last time I bought something at the Gap they secretly stuck a microchip into my brain. I can prove it.




















Jesus lord, they have finally done it. They have figured out how to market directly to me. And it's working. I'm going to buy 12 of those sweaters... and maybe pretend like John Krasinski gave me them as a present... after he wore them... good god, I want that sweater... with that man inside of it.

I actually gasped out loud when I saw that pic in the mall yesterday... AND IT WAS GIANT SIZED. I love it. I also love this one, but it is a different kind of love...























This is more like a "awwww, buddies!" kind of love. I may or may not try to copy the facial expressions in this photo and make my own version of this for Christmas cards. That would be awesome.

So there you have it. Proof. They stole my idea. I can't even tell you how many times I have thought of John Krasinski wearing a sweater and looking bashful. See? Totally thought of it first.

Friday, November 16, 2007

I love him, despite his obviously poor judgement in regards to cocktail waitresses from Vegas.

Tonight was officially chill out night in the Lydia/Sarah household. It involved me eating my freaking delicious sweet potato chowder, both of us eating a yummy desert of ice cream covered in hot espresso and my favourite part of all... a film starring one Mr. George Clooney.

Said film was Good Night, and Good Luck. It was pretty freaking good, I must admit. Even if he wasn't in it I would have thought it was good. I swear. It kind of freaked me out a little. As I pointed out to Lydia, if you just took the words "communist" and "Russian" and replaced them with "terrorist" and "Middle-Eastern", 1953 becomes 2007. WTF? That is frightening.

Now, back to the important part... the Clooney. He even looks hot wearing nerd glasses. He even looks hot when he is slightly chubby. It's pretty much impossible for him to look ugly. *sigh*

If only he wasn't dating that whore... erm... I mean waitress.

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

CRAP!!!!!

I totally just accidentally got a friggin bleach spot on the sleeve of one of my favourite sweatshirts!!!!! F$&@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is a lovely shade of grey... and now there are 3 small pink dots on the sleeve. I can still wear it, right???? It's too new and awesome not to. WHAT A HARSH DISS!

Happy anniversary! (To me.)

Today is my official 2 year anniversary of working at my job. Yay!(?)

Honestly, it is kind of weird. On one hand it is kind of a good thing to have kept a job for 2 years. That's kind of alright. On the other hand... I have had the same job for 2 years. Knowing that I haven't moved up at all in the ranks does not feel so great. Nor does not having moved up in SALARY.

So really what I'm saying is that I don't know how I feel about this. I suppose this anniversary is a bittersweet one. I should eat a lemon cupcake for the symbolism. Or just because they are delicious. Whatever.

Sunday, November 11, 2007

I'm from New Jersey, I swear!

I saw American Gangster last night and for the most part I really enjoyed it. It's kind of harsh, but kind of awesome considering it was based on a true story. I did, however, have a few minor issues with this film.

Exhibit A: I think everyone in Hollywood is fucking terrified of Russell Crowe. They must be. They were all so bloody afraid of getting bludgeoned in the face with a telephone receiver that no one was willing to tell him to get a frigging dialect coach. Seriously. Shittiest Jersey accent EVER. I'm not kidding. In one sentence it was like "Hey look at me I'm from Joysey, no wait make that England... err, Yugoslavia? OKAY FINE, YOU GOT ME. I AM AUSTRALIAN." Good god.

Exhibit B: I really tried not to laugh out loud when they were all sitting in a room in
1970-whatever, and the camera totally focused in on RZA's Wu-Tang tattoo. HA!

Exhibit C: Common is 34. He looks 34. TI is 27. He looks 27. I'm pretty sure Common played TI's dad. Whaaaa?

Other than that, it was good. Also interesting to note is that Denzel Washington does not appear to age... at all. It's kind of remarkable... and creepy. He might be a cyborg.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Sometimes I blow my own mind.

This morning I was a little slow getting my ass out the door and to the bus stop. Hence the not eating breakfast at home. In a mad rush I dumped some quick oats into tupperware and scanned the cupboard for something to flavour it with. My eyes focused on the jar of Nutella. Nutella, you say? That's crazy! Or is it?

I put a blob of it in with the dry oats, threw the container in my bag and ran out the door.

When I got to work, I added some hot water and stirred it up. The verdict?

NUTELLA AND OATMEAL IS AWESOME.

It is sort of like eating Cocoa Puffs that are mushy and hot... except that it is not gross like it would be if you actually WERE eating hot and mushy Cocoa Puffs.

Go ahead and tell your friends. They will love you forever.

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

Jazz hands!

So I'm watching tv and a commercial comes on promoting a concert at River Rock Casino. When I saw it, I seriously said "WHAAAAAAAAAA?????" out loud to no one but myself (and Lydia's a-hole cats).

How did I not know that LIZA MINNELLI was coming??? IT IS LIZA FREAKING MINNELLI!!!!!



She is bat-shit crazy, but holy crap is she AWESOME!

I wish I could afford a ticket. DAMN IT!!!!

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

At least I've never called anyone "T-Bone"...

Uh-oh. I think I might be the Office Jerk.

I think this mostly because of my irrational spurts of anger. Thus far I have managed to (mostly) keep them under control and not actually verbalize them to my co-workers... but still. I say seriously mean things about people in my head sometimes.

Oh well. I suppose it's all okay, as long I don't actually say it out loud. It kind of amuses me that people think I'm actually a nice person. Heh.

Monday, November 05, 2007

What is it with dudes and ladies in red dresses?

I just thought that since it is Monday morning and all that you might want to get down with yo bad self. So watch this, and do that.




This song can snap me out of a boredom coma in 3 seconds flat. It can also change my mood from "Eff off!" to "Eff yeah!" in about the same span of time. It really is amazing.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

I loves me some bargains.

I love me some shopping. Especially for deals. If a place has the term "outlet" or "warehouse" in the name, you bet your ass I'll be there.

Yesterday my mommy came to visit me for some shopping fun. I took her to my beloved Lululemon Outlet. We both went to town. My mom got some really cute yoga pants and a really nice warm jacket (for bargain prices!) and I got some awesome swishy mens pants to use for curling and a super cute zip up jacket. I friggin love that place.

We were still on the hunt for more sweet deals, so I took her over to the Lotuswear Outlet on Hastings. That was kind of lame... but do you know what is located right near there? This little place called The Gourmet Warehouse. It should be called "THE AWESOME EMPORIUM". I thought it was just going to be some lame place where you can buy wooden spoons and pots and pans... but it is so much more than that. They have food! And spices! And fancy teas! And chocolates! And cheese! So good.

I bought some organic coffee syrups for my lattes for only $7 each! I thought that was a sweet deal. My mom and I were totally nerding out over everything in the store and pretty much decided that it is the funnest store ever. I'm going to go back there again before Christmas to buy hilarious little gifts for people. I highly recommend that you go check it out. Do it!

Saturday, November 03, 2007

Total DISS.

Last week Lydia and I decided to take Kelly's parent's up on an offer to buy a chair and sofa from them on the cheap. This was all very exciting news. Lydia thought we should just get rid of our exisiting couch before the new stuff came so she put it up on Craigslist and someone came to get it the same night.

This meant that I spent nearly an entire week without a couch to sit on. It was not cool. So I was pretty happy to hear that the new furniture was coming today. Yay! Or so I thought.

As it turned out, it was deemed impossible to fit the new couch through the door in my house. WHAT A DISS.

So I still have no couch. I am however, the proud new owner of an intensely comfortable armchair. I love it. Now we just have to find a couch to match it. Fun times!

Thursday, November 01, 2007

I'm not even joking.

Last week I got on a crowded bus in the morning on my way to work. I was carrying a travel mug and my giant purse, but nothing else. So I was kind of puzzled as to why a very nice woman who was probably older than I am asked me if I wanted to sit down. At the time, I didn't really think much of it...

HOWEVER, after giving it some more thought and eating a reasonable amount of Halloween candy, I have determined that this woman was not suffering from a case of crazy-politeness.

I think she thought I was pregnant.

Granted, I was wearing a sweatshirt, and that kind of makes it look like your tummy sticks out more than it really does... or it could also have something to do with the fact that I HAVE A HUGE GUT.

So yeah. That was a fun realization. I guess this means I should like, work out or something.

Jesus.

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

If Bob Barker had been there, I'd have attacked him too.

This was me at work today:



AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

And I didn't even win anything! But trust me, it was still VERY exciting.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Lights! Camera! Spandex!

In the year 1990, I was but 9 years of age. That did not stop me from knowing the difference between awesome and lame. Had I ever seen this in 1990, I would have thought, "AWESOME!" and I would have been 100% correct.

I am fully aware that there is probably only one other person out there who will watch this and have the same kind of freak out that I just did when I saw it. (I think you know who you are!) If this doesn't fill you with glee, then I don't know WHAT will. It's just that fantastic.




The song! The dancing! The incredibly tight spandex unitard hotpants! Wow.

If anyone is ever up for a Erasure concert, you just let me know. I am SO there.

I think I need to track down an mp3 of this. The morning commute will become totally awesome.

Monday, October 29, 2007

26 or 62? You be the judge.

If what they say is true about people becoming increasingly ornery as they age, then boy is my family in trouble as the years go on. I don't think I'm old enough to be this cantankerous.

Do you know anyone who irritates you SO MUCH that the mere sound of their voice is enough to cause you to tense up immediately? Maybe also causes your hands to form tight fists without you knowing it? I do.

EXAMPLE:

Just this morning I heard said voice and my whole body tensed up. As I listened, my jaw started to hurt a little... BECAUSE I HAD BEEN CLENCHING MY TEETH REALLY HARD FOR 5 MINS WITHOUT EVEN NOTICING. Upon realising this, I looked up with mean squinty eyes and thought to myself, "I would rather listen to the Eagles sing Desperado for 3 hours straight than to hear you speak for 5 mins... and I really fucking hate when the Eagles sing Desperado."

AND considering that those jerks are putting out a new album, I don't see how my stress level could possibly go down any time soon. GAH!

Sunday, October 28, 2007

I've made a huge mistake.

In anticipation of staying up late at Odd Ball I went ahead and drank 2 cups of coffee... way the heck after my self-imposed cut off time of noon. In fact, this was done at 5pm and 7pm. It seemed like a great idea at the time.

However, around 11:30pm it really seemed to be wearing off. Maybe the dancing had made me tired? My eyes were seriously starting to rebel against the contact lenses I was wearing, so I jumped ship early and headed home.

Now I'm sitting here, yawning my face off at 1:20am, yet I still can't manage to go to bed. But I'm really tired. I really should have known better than to caffeinate with such reckless abandon.

I've made a huge mistake.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

It's like that dream where you go to work naked...

I'm on hold with the bank right now. There is something so creepy about sitting here listening to Rod Stewart on the "on hold" music while someone is on the other end of the phone looking at your entire financial history. Not that there's anything horrifically bad in there, but still. It's kind of private!

Obviously I gave them my permission... but it still feels weird!

Friday, October 26, 2007

It's the freakin' weekend baby, I'm about to have me some fun.

This weekend is going to be awesome. AWESOME, I SAY!

Tonight is a Guitar Hero party with my rad posse from work. I have been rocking out all week in preparation.

Tomorrow is Odd Ball! I had so much fun at the last one that I can't WAIT for this one! I think I am going to go as Lara Croft from Tomb Raider. Yeah. I know. I'm cool. I just happen to own a pair of black shorts is all.

All of this excitement will be accompanied by an amazing soundtrack. One of my wicked awesome co-workers loaned me a 3 cd box set "The Clash on Broadway", which is essentially the entire Clash collection. Quite frankly, I'm over the moon about it! I can't wait to listen to the WHOLE THING. Which I will then follow up with a 5 disc box set of The Jam. This includes a cover of Curtis Mayfield's "Move on Up". HELLO! AWESOME MUCH?

Here, watch this. It is a bunch of rockers, totally rocking out. I love it.



I think I miss 1982. Like, a lot. *sigh*

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Even BETTER!

Dear Sarah,

Your Single's Love Horoscope for October 24, 2007:

You're totally hilarious, and your personality's on fire today. The stars bless you with a knack for finding humor in the most bizarre situations. And guess what? Everyone's listening, especially that curious cutie.


Again, I think it meant to say "Dear Sarah, Here is your single's love horoscope for PRETTY MUCH EVERY DAY OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE."

HAHAHAHA! See? It is already true because you just laughed at that.

These things are really good at telling you what you already know.

Thanks for the heads up.

Look what I found in my inbox this morning!

Dear Sarah,

Here is your horoscope for Wednesday, October 24:

Your emotional nature is dominant today and you are that much closer to flying off the handle. Make sure that you avoid stressful situations and do your best to remain calm when you're provoked.


Ummmm, thanks tips. I think it was supposed to say, "Dear Sarah, Here is your horoscope for EVERY DAY OF YOUR ENTIRE LIFE."

Monday, October 22, 2007

The Anti-Sarah.

When one is a teenager, the number one cause of parental concern is when a kid up and dyes their hair dark.

Well, bitches better look out cause I just did that!

Ahhh, but don't worry. This is not a cry for help. I was only trying to colour coordinate. Now my hair matches my soul perfectly.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Shamalama-ding-dong.

Cold, rainy, stormy days like today make me realize just how much I love one particular group of friends of mine. Without their warmness and softness, I would be ever so cold and miserable. I love you guys. This one's for you!



I love you SWEAAAAAAATSHIRT. I don't have a red one at the moment, but I really do love my purple one. I love ALL of them. *sigh*

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

We heart coffee.

This morning I stopped in at Starbucks on my way to work to grab a London Fog (or earl grey tea misto with vanilla as they like to call it). Despite my desire to be able say that I hate it there because it's so corporate and uniform, I really can't. Because I kind of love it there. It is kind of nice to be able to be anywhere in the city and be able to get the exact drink you want, whenever you want it.

As I was sipping my tea at my desk, I decided to learn a little more about them. According to the wikipedia article, Vancouver has the most Starbucks locations than anywhere in the world. This didn't really seem shocking to me, because I know we seem to have a LOT of them around... but I was curious to see how many. So using the location finder on the Starbucks Canada website and typing in only "Vancouver, BC" as the location, I was actually kind of amazed at the number that popped up.

84. There are 84 Starbucks stores in this city alone. I'm only talking about Vancouver proper. This isn't even taking into account all of the stores in nearby cities like Burnaby, Richmond, North Van, etc. Within the borders of actual Vancouver there are 84 possible places for you to grab your favourite latte. (Actually, there are even MORE because that is not counting all those little ones inside Safeway!) That is slightly insane.

Just in the neighborhood I work in, there are 4 of them not too far apart. There's one at City Square, another one at Broadway and Heather, another one down the hill on 6th near Heather, and ANOTHER one on 2nd and Yukon! It's bananas! What I don't understand is WHY there are so many. Is it because they are greedy or because WE are incredibly lazy? Probably both. The good news is that if they continue to expand, we may never hear conversations such as this ever again:

Guy: "There's a Starbucks across the street. Let's go get a coffee."
Other Guy: "Jesus, we have to cross the street? UGH."

No wonder people make fun of this place. We are kind of ridiculous.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Like I really needed another reason to love Denis Leary...

So I'm watching Rescue Me, and who happened to just pop up on the show? AMY SEDARIS! She's so friggin hilarious. If you don't watch the show, this is yet another reason why you totally should. Awesome.

Curling - it rocks the house. Heh. Get it? Rocks the house? Heh.

Tonight, I curl. And for those who laugh about curling, may I present to you this.... concrete proof that curling is friggin awesome and totally not for 80's style nerds:



You know that in 1895 those bitches were the coolest cats in Manitoba. And that part about drinking beer afterwards? Totally true.

There goes the neighborhood.

I was 7 years old when my parents decided to sell our house in a shady neighborhood in East Van and move on to greener pastures. They wanted to raise us in a safer kind of place... so we moved to Surrey. (Ha!)

For the next several years they had to defend their choice to friends and relatives. "It's not like we live in Whalley..." That was kind of true. Our neighborhood was pretty nice and safe. Full of lots of families and not too many vagrants. However, as I got older I noticed that the Whalley grossness was slowly moving closer to us. It was big news around town the first time a hobo showed up in front of the Superstore. We never really had to deal with crime in the area or anything like that.

So it is kind of crazy that 19 years after making the move out to Surrey, it has finally happened: somebody stole my Dad's car!

I don't think he really cares all that much. I bet he's already been looking for a new car! Everybody wins, I guess.

Oh, Surrey. You are just so crazy sometimes.

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Lazy = awesome.

Today is Sunday, otherwise known as the day that I visit my parents and do laundry. Since I saw them yesterday I'm not going out there to visit. That still leaves me with laundry to do though. Meh. I keep looking at the heap of clothes sitting on my floor that are begging me to wash them... and I really don't feel like doing it. But I will. Because I don't want to wear ugly pants to work all week.

So far this day has been great. It's nearly 2pm and I am still in my jammies. I've watched 2 episodes of the Sopranos, and eaten lunch.

I friggin love Sunday. It is the one day of the week where it is deemed as acceptable to be a complete lazy ass. Heck yeah! But I really must be going now. I should really get dressed, seeing as it is so late. I'm so wearing sweatpants. HA!

Friday, October 12, 2007

Laaaa la la la la wait till I get my money right...

IF my money was right at this very moment in time I'd whip on over to the Ticketmaster website and buy me some friggin Kanye tickets. KANYE! Oh how I would LOVE to see that show. I love him. And would love to be that annoying girl who has the seats in front of you and blocks your sight lines because she won't stop busting out all those kickass dance moves which all involve complex arm movements.

Yeah. You know you'd love it too.

I would wear a gold chain with HUGE gold pendants hanging off of it. And maybe a hat. And pink eyeshadow.

IF my money was right.

Instead I'll probably just stay home and wear sweatpants. But on the bright side, I now have a new theme song to sing whenever I get home:

"laaaa la la la wait till I get my sweatpants on..."

Thursday, October 11, 2007

So close, yet so frickin' far...

This morning I had wicked good bus karma. When I got to the first bus stop, I only had to wait a few mins before the bus came. When it got there, it was totally empty so I got a seat. Score! That almost never happens. It was awesome. Then when I got off the bus at Cambie, I managed to cross the street just in time to hop right on my second bus... which also had plenty of seating! Double score! Normally the Cambie bus fills up pretty quick, so by the time you get to 18th, you are packed in there like sardines... but not today.

The bus pulled up to a stop with a line of people at it. The doors opened and the second person to step on the bus just happened to be the most adorable boy I have ever seen. I call him my bus crush. I can never talk to him because the bus is always so full that when I am at the back, he is at the front. But not today. As soon as he stepped on the bus I looked around and grinned when I noticed that the seat next to me was empty. I looked up and watched as he walked towards the back of the bus... and sat down... RIGHT BESIDE ME!

I started to freak out a little. This beautiful boy is sitting beside me. His arm is touching my arm. How do I look? I'm wearing a hat. Everyone seems to think the hat looks cute on me, so this is good. I finally compose myself and decide to say something. Anything. I have to say something. I turn around with a smile on my face prepared to ask some asinine observation about public transit when I notice that he is wearing an iPod. An iPod. How is he ever going to fall in love with me if he never talks to me because of that damn iPod???

I made some sort of scrunched up face and turned back around. Instead of moping about it like I normally would I smiled again. Why? Because his arm is touching my arm... and I still have 2 stops left before I have to get off the bus. *sigh*

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

What a FOOL believes... (is that Michael McDonald is awesome.)

I think Paul Rudd really had a point in 40 Year Old Virgin... is it really necessary to play so much Michael McDonald in the workplace?

Something tells me that no, it is not necessary at all.

Pfffft.

Monday, October 08, 2007

Holiday math.

This mulitplied by 2:

















equals: I think I'm going to throw up.

Man alive.

Friday, October 05, 2007

Tell me something I DON'T know...

Okay, seriously. How shitty is Nickelback???

I think Def Leppard should sue them for effing up the Google search results for "photograph lyrics". Because let's be honest... as if this:



















...is any comparision to the supreme awesomeness that is this:


I think Nickelback may slowly become the new Aaron Neville. That's unfortunate for them, because there is a slight chance that I could totally run into Chad Kroeger when I am downtown shopping for jeans in the ladies section. Then I would have to kill him. Too bad for that guy!

Monday, October 01, 2007

"That's Andrea, the office bitch."

Today whilst at a work related event where drinking is encouraged (and paid for... yes, I get those.) I had at least three people make the same comment to me. It struck me as slightly odd. Here is what they said:

"Sarah? Get mad? Be angry? I can never imagine that happening!"

The first time I responded with, "Wow. Do I never talk to you at work? Cause I am always pissed off. Like, seriously all the time."

"Really? I never see it. You always look happy and seem to be in a good mood."

"Wow, I must hide it REALLY well, cause I'm effing MISERABLE."

Then they all laughed... because I am hilarious.

I kind of thought that I had been making it pretty obvious how pissed I was. Oh well. The awesome thing I learned here is that people seem to think I'm rather pleasant and nice. So when I blindside them with my cruel manipulations and evil schemes it will be so much more enjoyable... because they will have never seen it coming. MUAHAHAHHA!

PS: Here is a hilarious random quote I overheard at some point in my day, said by a lady:

"I hate that guy. I'd like to pull his scrotum up over his head. That'll teach him."

Wow. Graphic. I'd never even say that.

Update.

It has been about two full weeks since I first changed my email notification sound on my work computer to this.

And it still makes me laugh my head off EVERY TIME.

Seriously. I get a lot of emails, people. A lot.

Saturday, September 29, 2007

I bet this never happens in Florida...

One of the key things you look for when looking for an apartment are the words "utilities included". This means that heat and water costs are included in the rent... theoretically.

I am presently in one of those "utilities included" kind of situations. So why are my feet turning blue from the SEVERE LACK OF HEAT UP IN THIS BITCH?

Arrrrrgh. I just really don't want to have to wear 4 pairs of socks. It's not like an attractive single man is about to pop by randomly and see me wearing them... but still. You never know...

It's a matter of principle.

Am I asking too much? After all, it is fall.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Sarah here, reporting live from the shitstorm...

Today at work is stupidly busy. Like, and INSANE kind of busy. I am taking 5 mins to eat my lunch at my desk. Arrgh. This is pretty much all that has been getting me through this day:




You're goddamn fucking right I saw Def Leppard last night. My arm is a little sore from all the fist pumping.

So yeah, listening to Animal over and over again is awesome... as is listening to Biz Markie sing "Bennie and the Jets" and forget all the words. Bitchin.

Back to work. Frig.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

You got something I like...

I love this song.




Alright, will.i.am. You can have your street cred back... but on a TEMPORARY BASIS ONLY. I'll monitor your progress for the next 3 months and we can discuss having it fully reinstated at a later date. I'm not going to lie to you. It's not going to be easy. But you can thank "My Humps" for that one.

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Hey, buddy!

When you meet new people there is always this weird kind of social dance you have to go through before you become official friends. It can often be quite complicated and difficult to navigate, because if you muck it up they will run off and tell everyone they know about how big of a jerk you are. And then how will you ever make new friends? You won't, not with that crowd. You will have to move on to a new group, where you could potentially eff that up too. It's tricky business.

Typically this all starts when you encounter a new person the first time after you have first met them. This is where your people reading skills can really screw you over. So you are walking down the street or wherever, and you notice the new person. What do you do? How do you deal with this. Wave or not wave? Say hi or not say hi? Friendly smile? Witty elevator comment about the weather? Inquire as to when Friday will be arriving? It's just so confusing. Make the wrong move and an entire social circle will hear about how much of a spaz you are.

This happened to me this morning. I was walking down the street and I spotted the new person. Right away I thought, "Crap! What do I do?" Then there was the weird moment when you both know that you have recognized each other. You can actually see them going through the same thought process as you. I paused for a moment, trying to gauge the situation... and then... I get the wave. So I smiled and waved back and thought to myself, "Yeah that's right new kid. You so want to be my friend."

And who wouldn't want to be friends with this winning combination of self-deprecating humour, false arrogance and biting wit? As an added BONUS, I will totally write about you on the Internet!

Monday, September 24, 2007

Just remember, you would have been nowhere if it hadn't been for that 3rd wheel on your tricycle.

Nearly all of my friends are totally or "sort of" encoupled at the moment. That's pretty neato. That makes me the Bridget Jones... except for the fact that there really aren't any attractive men with fantastic accents competing for my affections and telling me that they enjoy the fact that I am a little bit pudgy. BECAUSE I AM PRETTY SURE THAT NEVER HAPPENED TO ANYBODY. EVER.

But I digress.

When you are the token singleton in any group of friends, they always seem to think it is necessary to find you a mate. That's not the weird part. I've grown used to that. What I have noticed though, is a disturbing new trend... which is that other single friends of mine are starting to utter that famous phrase, "We need to find you a boyfriend."

I know I've whined about my friends who are in relationships saying that to me all of the time, but at least I can kind of see why they say it. Married/serious relationship types are kind of like communists or members of Greenpeace, in the sense that they really believe in the cause and will gladly spend ages telling you about how great it is and why you should give it a try. This I can sort of understand.

But what I am not clear on is why my fellow loners would be so quick to sell me out like that. I thought we were part of a team! Is it just instinct to say that when you meet a single girl? I just don't get it. Nowhere is safe anymore!

It's okay though, because who doesn't want to constantly recreate that feeling of being the only one at a wedding without a date? I don't know about you, but I thoroughly enjoy explaining why I am ALL ALONE to an assortment of random people, 17 times over. Good times. Am I right???

Saturday, September 22, 2007

It's hard out there for a pimp...

You know, with all the worrying about trying to get your money from the hos who won't give it to you, dealing with the fuzz and making enough money to look fly... it's a lot of stress! Who needs that? Not me, man. Not me. What was I getting at? Oh yeah.

SO ANYWAYS... it is not only hard out there for pimps, but it is hard out there for nerdy white girls who like hip hop music. Really. It is.

On one hand, I love science. I love learning about chemicals, computers and biology. I love reading about genetics and randomly deciding to study new languages. I'm a pretty huge nerd. I admit it, and I am proud of it. I flaunt it by wearing nerd glasses and loudly discussing science in public.

But then there is the other part of me. The part of me that just wants to dance and rhyme about how hard it is on the streets. Cause it's friggin hard, man. Growing up in the suburbs can really harden a kid. And give them a seriously hardcore sense of rhythm, which makes for awesome hip hop and tap dancing skills.

Do you think maybe this is why I'm still single? You know, because I'm just so darn complex? Yes... that's why. That's totally why.

Friday, September 21, 2007

OMG!!!! IT IS TOTALLY FRIDAY!!!

*ahem*



Probably the first and only time I will ever say that R. Kelly's words echo my exact sentiments. BUT THEY DO.

Gotta go. Beer to drink. Love you!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Do they even realize?

When you look a little nerdy on the outside like I do, you often wonder if people can ever tell how friggin cool you really are without talking to you.

When I am on the bus I often think that the people around me probably think I'm just your regular type glasses wearing nerd. But they don't even know.

I mean, I'm going to see Def Leppard next week.

That right there just proves how cool I am.

Monday, September 17, 2007

The one time Ryan Seacrest didn't piss me off.

Dudes. Last night I watched the Emmy's and the craziest thing happened... it made me laugh.

This right here was one of the funniest and most awesome things I have ever seen on an awards show. I love it.



So great. The best parts are when Rainn keeps flowin and bursts out with "Let's get lost tonight, you can be my Black Kate moss tonight..." and at the very end when Kanye is all sad... "I never win." Ohhhhhhhhh, Kanye. You'll always be a winner in my eyes.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Mama's got a squeezebox.

Thanks to CBS, the following conversation from last Friday will be replayed in my head every time I hear a song by the Who:

*Baba O'Riley starts playing on the stereo*

ME: "Which fucking CSI is this one?"
DAVE: "Oh Jesus."
ME: "I know! They've ruined it. But seriously... which one? Is it the one with the annoying dude that quotes Poe and shit, the one with Gary Sinise or the one with fucking Horatio? I always get them mixed up."

Dave then went on to tell me about this clip from Two and a Half Men... but don't let that stop you from watching it! It is seriously hilarious to those who have ever thought "CSI!" upon hearing a Who song.



Ohhhhhhhh, CBS. If you are okay with mocking yourselves, then I am okay with you.

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Mom, she called me the H word!

A little while ago I was talking to my mom and sister about somethingorother, and we started talking about Main street. My sister scoffed and said that she hated shopping there because of a certain type of person that frequents these particular shops. When I asked her what she meant, she responded, "Hipsters. You're a hipster, you should know."

GASP!

I lost it. "WHAT??? Why would you say that to me?? I am SO not one of THEM."

I have always hated being associated with THAT WORD. To me it implies snobbery and arrogance... which is kind of weird, considering that many of them appear to have gotten their clothes from the dumpster. (Not all of them... but you know who I'm talking about.)

Why would she think I'm like that? I suppose I dress in a similar manner. I typically do have mod-ish haircuts... and lord knows I love some new wave music. But am I a total elitist jerk about it?

I just don't know how to reconcile being so annoyed by something that I may actually be.

Maybe it's the nerd glasses? *sigh*

I'm really not into Arcade Fire at all, if that helps.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Rock-a-bye, grown up.

Once you hit your twenties, you will find that as the years edge you closer to thirty the frequency of events that force you to act like a grown up and make sensible decisions will increase. It is your basic line graph, really. When these little situations occur, you are forced to think about how it is inevitable that you will actually eventually become a real live grown up.

Not all of these events are necessarily big in significance. On the weekend, Dave and I were hanging out and playing Scrabble. When we play Scrabble, we usually like to have a soundtrack to accompany the game. On this particular evening, it was 4 separate Rolling Stones albums. We got to talking about how much we both love the Stones, and how we had both only really started to appreciate them in recent years.

It is because the Rolling Stones is what you listen to when you are coming to grips with the fact that you are growing up.

When I was in high school, I was all about the Beatles. This makes perfect sense. When you are in high school you are thinking about how great life is going to be when you get out into the world and really start to discover things. The music of the Beatles has a sort of whimsy to it... when you listen to it, it is all kind of just lovely and magical. It makes you think of hopes and dreams.

Then when you are heading into your mid-twenties, you start having to deal with things. You have to make choices. You have to work, you have to make money, and you have to pay the darn rent. You start to realise that life is real. Life is sometimes messy and dirty. It is around this time that you start to discover the Rolling Stones.

The Stones are not about hopes and dreams. The Stones are about wants and needs. They have a grittiness to them that you can't really understand fully until you are a bit older and have seen a little more. When you are twenty-something, you don't want to sit back and imagine. You want to frigging rock. You want dirty, real rock. I think the anthem of my twenties so far has been, "You Can't Always Get What You Want". The older I get, the more I understand how true that really is.

Don't get me wrong, I still love the Beatles. I always will. The Beatles are all about love, and sometimes that's nice to hear. But the Stones? They aren't about love. You know what they are about. Right now, hot, sweaty, sexy rock music is just far more appealing.

I don't have time to dream anymore... I only have time to rock. Get 'er done.

The whole thing smacks of effort...

Today I feel sickly. I just did not want to get out of bed today. For starters, my legs were feeling mighty stiff today, on account of all the hardcore fricking curling skills I busted out last night at my curling clinic.























Curling is all about lunging and bending over. That is tricky business. Hence all of the hurting.

Curling is awesome. Awesome, yet totally fricking hard. I went into the whole thing feeling a little cocky. The instructors were all, "Today we are going to learn ___, ___ and _____. You may find it to be a little tricky." I was all, "Child, please. I totally curled like, 2 times. Whatevs."

And then I had to actually to the drills... Which mostly consisted of lunging like 20 thousand times in a row on the same leg. Ouchies! By the time I got around to actually throwing a rock, I was in a fair bit of pain, but managed to look like somewhat graceful. Woot.

HOWEVER... the soreness of my body is not the only problem today. Despite having a fairly decent sleep I feel SO TIRED. I got a coffee this morning to help me out, but it only made me feel worse. All day my tummy has felt not so good, my body feels not so good and I am so tired that I can barely focus on anything. I feel like throwing up could definitely be in my future. YAY!

I have another curling session tonight. I paid $30 for this thing, so unless actual vomit happens between now and then, I am showing up. But I will NOT try very hard. Just like Britney circa Sunday night and Santana since the 90's, I'm totally phoning it in.

PS: Hey BLOGGER, if you do not stop effing up my formatting every damn time I post a picture, imma hit you. Right in the face. For serious.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

Damnit, George!

Apparently George Clooney has a new girlfriend. Apparently the world is a cruel, cruel place.

Her name is Sarah. (MY NAME IS SARAH.) She is 28. (I AM 26.) She has a joe job... as a waitress. (I HAVE A JOE JOB.)

LIFE IS NOT FAIR.

If there was ever a reason to start working out and putting on makeup in the morning, THIS IS IT.

Traffic (the band) is cool. Traffic (the kind with cars) is not.

Whew! Yesterday I had quite a busy day! This involved driving to Metrotown to get a stupid ink tag removed from a shirt I bought there last week (holy ANNOYING), then driving out to Coquitlam centre to go to H&M with Steph (yay! I loved it. LOVED IT.) and THEN going from Coquitlam to meet Dave in Richmond!

This was a lot of driving. It was craziness! I learned some things about myself on this wild and crazy journey. Mostly that a) I don't understand Burnaby, b) I don't understand Coquitlam, and c) I REALLY don't understand Richmond.

There were a few wrong turns, only a slight bit of frustration, and a LOT of singing in the car. It was totally worth it though. I got to shop (yay!), eat delicious fish and chips in Steveston at Pajo's, and get a guided walking tour of Steveston with Dave! Pretty sweet day, if you ask me.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

My parents have taught me well.

I took a day off work today, just because I can. I went out for a bit this morning and came home to make myself a caramel latte (yummmmmm) and watch The Rockford Files. It's kind of the best show EVER.

It just so happened that when I turned it on today, it was an episode from Season 4 guest starring one Mr. Rick Springfield! Amazing! He played this spoiled British rockstar and was kind of unintentionally hilarious. Also involved in the plot of the episode were some crazy mafia types from New Jersey. I wanted to check it out and see if it really was Rick Springfield, so I looked it up on wikipedia... sure enough, it was him! But that is not the coolest thing I learned about this show. Do you know who was a main writer for the Rockford Files? David Chase! (Of Sopranos fame.) Now that I know this, it kind of makes sense. Rockford was always a cool hybrid of comedy/drama/action... and so is the Sopranos. He's just so darn clever.

I loves me some Rockford. I think "must love Rockford Files" is a new requirement that must be fulfilled by all potential new buddies.



So, how about it? Wanna have a Rockford party? We can drink everytime he gets annoyed.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

So PETA apparently controls fate.

It was not long after I had written about eating ribs that I moved in a weird way and put a rib out of place in my back.

The irony was not lost on me, I assure you.

But I'm still not sorry I did it. They really were delicious.

Today is not your day, mammalian farm creature.

I like to eat eat lots of vegetarian meals, just because I feel like I am a healthier person when I eat less meat. I've never really been crazily carnivorous anyways, so it's not really a big deal. Technically since I ate chicken yesterday I probably shouldn't eat meat today... but that is so not happening.

I'm eating ribs for dinner. And I ate them for lunch. SORRY FARM CRITTERS, YOU LOSE.

I feel very little remorse, on account of the ribs being so delicious. You can blame it all on my sister because she's the one who made them.

Mmmmmmmmm. BBQ.

Sunday, September 02, 2007

Babies, learning how to rock a party and getting a new roommate.

Whew! Yesterday was a little busy. I went to the wedding of Steph's sister Danielle to fulfill my duties as chief baby wrangler for one Miss Ella. Poor little Ella was sick, so she was a little cranky. I ended up spending the whole ceremony standing outside with a baby strapped to the front of me via a snuggly. (It was a Catholic ceremony... so it was pretty long!) I seriously don't understand how moms wear those things for so long. My back and shoulders were KILLING ME after less than an hour!

When we got to the reception, I found out that not only was I in charge of cuing up the music for the official things like the first dance and whatnot, but I was in charge of ALL the music! So much pressure! I made it my mission to make these people dance, and damnit, I tried! Overall, I think I did a pretty good job for a first time DJ... especially considering I was armed only with a cd player. There was only one incident due to a mislabelled cd (which was made by the groom, so TOTALLY not my fault) which resulted in "A Little Less Conversation" playing for the beginning of the father/daughter dance. Totally not my fault.

In the end, I ended up having spent tons of time with cute babies, dancing with Steph's awesome family, playing all my favourite music, AND leaving the party with my new roommate in tow. His name is Potsie and he is a Fighting Fish who lives in a vase! He was a centrepiece on the tables... and now he is my buddy. If you have any tips on the care of these lil guys, I'd like to hear them. I want him to live for a long time!

Friday, August 31, 2007

Even Nazi Germany has to deal with inflation.

I'm sure I must have mentioned this to you before, but the man who takes care of the vending machine in my office looks pretty much exactly like Hitler. I wish I was lying about this, but I assure you I am not. It is so creepy. When I see him in the mornings, I actually RUN away and avoid making eye contact. My instincts tell me that I am very likely to have problems dealing with a man who intentionally trims his moustache in such a manner. I mean come on, HOW DO YOU NOT REALIZE WHAT YOU ARE DOING??? He knows. He knows he is Hitler in a track suit.

ANYWAYS, last month he raised the price on chocolate bars from $1.00 to $1.15. Everyone was pretty pissed off about it. It wasn't a big deal to me, since I don't normally use the vending machine because despite being German, there are some things I just can't support. (LIKE HITLER!) But this afternoon I was feeling really very sickly and tired and sluggish, so I thought a sugar rush was in order. I ended up buying a Kit Kat bar. It wasn't until I bit into it that I realized how mad I was about paying the extra $0.15. I mean, it was okay... but hardly worth $1.15! I'd say $0.85 tops would be a fair price for mass produced, morally questionable chocolate!

So basically what happened here is that I am back to square one, because I still hate Hitler Jr. for raising the prices... despite the fact that without him I wouldn't have any chocolate at all. Whatever.

PS: I am also upset that during the entire time I was eating my Kit Kat that no one came into my office to ask me any inane questions. I was hoping they would so that I could point to the Kit Kat and say, "Can't you see? I'm taking a BREAK." Then we both would have laughed. Then I would have said, "No, seriously. Piss off."

Thursday, August 30, 2007

I just called... to say... your song SUCKS.

I loves me some Stevie Wonder, let me tell you. Uptight is seriously an amazing song. Higher Ground? Forget it! So good! And Superstition... well, you know how effing awesome that song is. I don't even need to tell you. It is just one of those things that everybody in the world knows and accepts as fact. Stevie Wonder is kind of amazing. Except for that one error in judgement he made in 1984...

Or as it more commonly referred to as, "I Just Called to Say I Love You".

I know it was the 80's. Who didn't make questionable choices during that time? Republicans were everywhere, it was a very confusing time for all of us. But still. That's not really a good enough excuse for this.

I suppose the lyrics are kind of cute... they make you think of like... love and crap... but like maybe more like platonic love. Like how nice it is to just ring up your spinster great Aunt to tell her you love her (because lord knows she doesn't hear it that often). So I GUESS it is kind of nice... my problem isn't really with the lyrics. It is with the music.

Take away the vocal track. What do you have? A MIDI FILE. That is what this shit sounds like. It's bloody awful. Don't get me wrong, I love drum machines and synthesizers. But not like this. Maybe it would have been okay if he had used a guitar? Or an actual piano? Or a better melody? I don't know.

Every time I hear it, I try to convince myself that maybe it isn't total crap... maybe it is decent enough to be forgiven? But then you get to the end, which really just ruins any shred of credibility the song could have ever had... CHA CHA CHA! Ohhhhhhhhhhh, Stevie. Cha cha cha? You should have known better. You really should have known.

Question:

Top five musical crimes perpetuated by Stevie Wonder in the '80s and '90s. Go.
Sub-question: is it in fact unfair to criticize a formerly great artist for his latter day sins, is it better to burn out or fade away?

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Country, Bluegrass, Blues and Other Music For Uplifting Gourmandisers

Hilly Kristal died yesterday. If it were not for this man, I very well may have turned out to be an entirely different person than I am today. How so?

Hilly was the founder of CBGB's... which is basically the birthplace of the American punk scene of the 70's. If he had never let The Ramones play there, then I very well may have never heard of them. Or Blondie. And had I not ever heard Blondie, I wouldn't have discovered my love for the Talking Heads. Had I not ever listened to the Talking Heads, I probably wouldn't have discovered New Wave music at all... which lead me to Depeche Mode, Squeeze, Erasure, and Duran Duran. I could keep going from here, but I think you get the point.

The music that came out of CBGB's ended up being pretty important to me, despite the fact that I wasn't even born yet when it all started. Discovering early punk was the thing that got me through adolescence. It's just the kind of music you like to hear when you are 16 and annoyed with everything in general. I kept thinking that maybe once I finally escaped the trappings of high school, I might be able to be half as cool as Debbie Harry. I don't know if it really worked out that way, but I still idolize the woman. (And every time I get a haircut, I briefly think about asking for Debbie Harry bottle blond.)

I always wanted to go to CBGB's to see the nastiness with my own eyes. Sadly, I still haven't made it to NYC, and it's long gone now. I guess I'll just have to order my t-shirt off the Internet. *sigh*

Thanks for helping to make me so hardcore and rebellious, Hilly. Rock on.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

I hate society for making him famous and successful.

Every time I hear his name my face scrunches up and my eyes become filled with hate.

Every time I hear his voice I shudder and my entire body shakes with rage.

Every time I see his stupid face I wish I could roundhouse kick him in the head.

He is the devil.

He is Aaron Neville.

ARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I got stuck listening to the mom station today at work. The mom station seems to be rather fond of his "songs". I was having a nice day. I played Mah Jong and drank a pumpkin spice latte. And then it happened.

"I don't knooooooooow much. But I know I looooooove youuuu-oooooooouuu-ouuuuuuuuuu."

GAME OVER FOR THE GOOD TIMES I WAS HAVING. It is like some weird psychological trigger for me. I hear his disgusting lady singing and I fly into a rage. But seriously. Can you blame me?

In an effort to calm myself down, I have spent some time on youtube watching videos where people openly mock him. It really did make me feel better. Here is my favourite:

The Aaron Neville megaphone! Makes you sound like a douche!



I hate him so much. Aaron Neville ruins lives. That is a fact.

Big news!

I bet you are expecting me to say something really crazy now, aren't you? Something like, "I won a million dollars!" or "I'm moving to Toronto!" or "I talked to a boy!". And I am about to do just that. Something big happened today. This news is going to rock your world harder than that one dude who rocks so hard. (You know who I'm talking about, right? You know... that guy...) ANYWAYS, here it is. Are you ready? Okay. The big huge crazy awesome news is...

THAT PUMPKIN SPICE LATTES ARE BACK AT STARBUCKS!

Wooooooooo! I totally just got one this morning! It was an unexpected joy. I totally thought I was going to have to wait another week or two. But I don't. YEAH!

It's all about the small things in life, kids. The small things.

Monday, August 27, 2007

The suburbs are a goldmine.

I must say, I had myself quite the nice little weekend. On Friday night I took my sister along with me to see Blue Rodeo at Malkin Bowl. It was simply lovely. After all the intense rocking we did the day before at the ZZ Top show, it was a nice way to wind down and cruise into the weekend.

On Saturday I made a yummy squash, apple and roasted red pepper soup or dinner and then went and hung out with Steph and baby Ella. That kid is the cutest. Plus, I think she kinda likes me! I was a bit worried for a bit there when she was younger, but now she seems to have no problems with hanging out and sitting with me. Yay! I really love being an aunt... even though I am not *technically* her aunt. Who cares! We have fun.

On Sunday I drove out to the burbs to see my parents. My mom asked me to walk up to visit her friend Celeste with her so I could see her new house. I got the grand tour from Celeste and then was bombarded with questions about what sort of things I might need for my apartment. Do I need a microwave? Cheese grater? Basically everything in the world that you might put in a house. They have a lot of stuff that they are trying to get rid of. I kept saying no until she mentioned one thing... "Do you want an espresso maker?"

HECK YES, I WANT AN ESPRESSO MAKER!

She then went rummaging around in the garage to find it, pulled it out and cleaned it all up, even thought my mom and I both said that we could just do it ourselves. So we sat and ate Portuguese pastries while it ran through the dishwasher. When it was all cleaned up, she wanted to show me how to use it. So we pretended like we were making a coffee. But Celeste decided that wasn't quite the same, so she informed me that she was making me a latte and I was going to watch. It was sooooooooo yummy and seems to be pretty easy too! So yeah... I can now make delicious fancy coffees without even leaving my house! How rad is that? SUPER RAD.

Back at my parents house I was talking to my mom about making soup when she whipped out this kosher soup cookbook and told me to take it. She said that since I like to keep kosher every now and then that it made her think of me when she bought it and that I should keep it. Again, totally rad!

THEN my dad's friend Terry was over and we got to talking about the Sopranos. I am only on Season 4, but he told me that I could totally borrow seasons 5 and 6! SWEEEEEET.

So I arrived back home last night with all of the necessary equipment to make a wicked awesome evening:

I can now watch the Sopranos while I eat kosher soup and sip espresso from little cups just like Tony does. I am one happy girl. YAY!

Friday, August 24, 2007

And they came by the thousands... all from Surrey.

Imagine if you will, spending an evening listening to sweet music in the following order:

You start with this:



Then you add this:



... and you finish it up with this:



Add in the fact that you are actually seeing it LIVE and you've got yourself quite an awesome little evening!

I was seriously amazed by how awesome these bands still sound. Chrissie Hynde is a rock goddess! She still looks and sounds amazing... must be the vegetarian diet! The fact that I saw hilarious mullets, 2 fights and a real life AC Slater only made it more awesome. Jealous much? Yeah. I thought so.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Sam's Town

This morning Brie posted a link to an article in the Globe & Mail about the Vancouver civic strike. I can't believe it has been 5 weeks already! Though I guess if you look at the pile of recycling that is growing in my house it kind of does look like 5 weeks.

However, I'm more than willing to deal with piles of recycling if it means that people will finally get a fair deal... and more so if it means sticking it to the man!

So this one is for all my peeps that are on strike right now... roll on, kids! ROLL THE FRIG ON!




I'm not in a union, but I come from a union family. My mom's a Teamster! They don't mess around.

Monday, August 20, 2007

My life revolves around fibre optic cables.

If you had called me at work today, I might have said, "Sorry, can't talk right now. Busy doing nothing."

Because that is what I did all day. Seriously nothing. All thanks to the fine folks doing Canada Line construction who drilled through a Telus line on Sunday. Wooooooooo!

I couldn't even get on the internet! IT WAS HORRIBLE! May you never know such anguish.

I'm so glad I'm home now. Home with my internet and cable. Awwww yeah.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Diamonds are a girl's best friend.

I secretly wish that one day I will be out walking around and will happen upon this exact scene. It would bring tears of joy to my eyes.


Buskers, this is how you make the big bucks.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Beepity beep beep beep to you too!

Sometimes a kid just feels like eating toast at 10:30pm whilst watching the Hills. So I made some. In the toaster oven. And I totally burned it.

Smoke filled the kitchen... and I knew what was coming... BEEEEEEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!

The fire alarm went off! That sucker is loud! I managed to get it to shut up pretty quickly, so I aired out the room and ate the burnt toast.

Then my landlord came knocking at the door:

LL: "Is everything okay?"
Me (with a mouthful of toast): "Yep, it's cool."
LL: "Did the smoke alarm go off by itself again or was it just burnt toast?"
Me: "Just toast!"
LL: "Oh good! I'm glad it's not broken again."
Me: "No need to worry. It's just my pathetic kitchen skills!"

At least I can admit these things.

Friday, August 10, 2007

How to have an awesome Friday afternoon.

Step 1: Leave work early.

Step 2: Pick up the following items on the way home:
- chicken burrito
- crazy new flavor of Fanta

Step 3: Arrive at home and turn on the tv.

Step 4: Eat the burrito/Fanta lunch of amazingness whilst watching the end of The Rockford Files.

Step 5: Laugh hysterically when at the end, Rockford thinks everything has worked out fine... but then he makes a hilarious face when he gets a harsh DISS after all.

Step 6: Watch Magnum PI!!!!!!!

That's as far as I have gotten so far... but frig, it has been totally awesome.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Detroit PBS is my homeboy!

Everyone is all, "Whoa the Ceeb is so awesome." and I must say, they are not totally wrong in saying so. Public broadcasting is alright, man. But there is one thing I must say about CBC television... it's no Detroit PBS.

Detroit PBS is wicked awesome. They are always doing pledge drives where they play the most amazing music-related programming. It's so good. Like "No Direction Home" which is a documentary about Bob Dylan directed by Martin Scorsese... reruns of Fleetwood Mac's "The Dance" and Ken Burns' "Jazz". Yeah, I saw that all on Detroit PBS!

Two days ago I flipped over there and came across this little gem... "Johnny Cash: A Man and His Vision". It is a bunch of old performances from the TV show he had from 1969 - 1971. There were some amazing clips! CCR, Derek and the Dominoes... and this lovely little surprise here. It was the first time I have ever seen/heard this version of this song, and I totally love it. I was swooning a little in my living room. It's just lovely. So here it is for your viewing pleasure, Ray Charles singing "Ring of Fire".




Seriously... how great is that? I love you, Detroit PBS! You are the best EVAR.