Saturday, November 24, 2007

The one where I was detained by Homeland Security. Seriously.

Ah, the wonders of cross border shopping. After waiting for 2 and a half hours in the friggin lineup at the border this morning with my sister, it was finally our time to shine.

I pulled up to the window and handed the Border Lady (BL) our identification. She proceeded to ask us the usual questions... Where are you from, where are you going, why are you going there, blah blah blah. Then she typed away on her computer for a really long time. We were sitting there for over 5 mins. She asked a few more questions before handing me a bright orange slip of paper and politely informed me that I had to pull over and go inside the building.

I was not so pleased about this, as it was now 11am, and I had been up since 5:45am and hadn't eaten anything. But apparently US Customs (the Department of Homeland Security) doesn't care about my feelings.

So I pulled over, and my sister and I wandered into the building with bewildered looks on our faces. A border guy (BG) who looked like Ned Flanders called us over to the counter and I handed him the slip. He looked at it and then looked at me ans smiled. "Oh, he'll be right with you... he's busy right now."

About 30 seconds later another border guy (BG2) walked up to the counter. The following is the conversation that ensued:

BG2: "Which one of you ladies is Sarah?"
Me: "I am."
BG2: (looks at my id and looks at me) "Okay, just have a few questions for you... ummm... were you born in West Virginia?"
Me: (pauses for a moment and looks up at him with the same face I make when someone asks me to do math in my head) "Noooooooo..."
BG2: "Okay. Ummm..." (looks at me again) "Are you... bipolar?"
Me: (pauses again and looks up at him with the calculus version of the math face) "Noooooooo..."
BG2: "Alright, and have you used narcotics at all?"
Me: (pauses again because I am wondering what counts as narcotics) "Noooooooo..."

The two border guys look at each other and kind of shrug while they both say, "See? It's not her. No, it's not her." BG2 looks at me again and says "You're not her!" He hands my id back and tells me to have a nice day, without explaining what the HECK that was all about.

Sister and I then wander out of the building looking totally confused. Just before we reach the door I grab her arm and say, "Oh, shit! Does this mean I'm on the no fly list? DISS!"

Then we burst out laughing as soon as we get in the car.

I really wish that crazy, crackhead Sarah would stop sullying my good name. I'm going to need to go back there one day to get some sweet deals. Stupid jerk. *sigh*

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hopefully they find the crazy crackhead sarah soon. We do not want this to happen again. I just hope there isn't a crazy crackhead kathrina Robinson.