Friday, August 31, 2007

Even Nazi Germany has to deal with inflation.

I'm sure I must have mentioned this to you before, but the man who takes care of the vending machine in my office looks pretty much exactly like Hitler. I wish I was lying about this, but I assure you I am not. It is so creepy. When I see him in the mornings, I actually RUN away and avoid making eye contact. My instincts tell me that I am very likely to have problems dealing with a man who intentionally trims his moustache in such a manner. I mean come on, HOW DO YOU NOT REALIZE WHAT YOU ARE DOING??? He knows. He knows he is Hitler in a track suit.

ANYWAYS, last month he raised the price on chocolate bars from $1.00 to $1.15. Everyone was pretty pissed off about it. It wasn't a big deal to me, since I don't normally use the vending machine because despite being German, there are some things I just can't support. (LIKE HITLER!) But this afternoon I was feeling really very sickly and tired and sluggish, so I thought a sugar rush was in order. I ended up buying a Kit Kat bar. It wasn't until I bit into it that I realized how mad I was about paying the extra $0.15. I mean, it was okay... but hardly worth $1.15! I'd say $0.85 tops would be a fair price for mass produced, morally questionable chocolate!

So basically what happened here is that I am back to square one, because I still hate Hitler Jr. for raising the prices... despite the fact that without him I wouldn't have any chocolate at all. Whatever.

PS: I am also upset that during the entire time I was eating my Kit Kat that no one came into my office to ask me any inane questions. I was hoping they would so that I could point to the Kit Kat and say, "Can't you see? I'm taking a BREAK." Then we both would have laughed. Then I would have said, "No, seriously. Piss off."

Thursday, August 30, 2007

I just called... to say... your song SUCKS.

I loves me some Stevie Wonder, let me tell you. Uptight is seriously an amazing song. Higher Ground? Forget it! So good! And Superstition... well, you know how effing awesome that song is. I don't even need to tell you. It is just one of those things that everybody in the world knows and accepts as fact. Stevie Wonder is kind of amazing. Except for that one error in judgement he made in 1984...

Or as it more commonly referred to as, "I Just Called to Say I Love You".

I know it was the 80's. Who didn't make questionable choices during that time? Republicans were everywhere, it was a very confusing time for all of us. But still. That's not really a good enough excuse for this.

I suppose the lyrics are kind of cute... they make you think of like... love and crap... but like maybe more like platonic love. Like how nice it is to just ring up your spinster great Aunt to tell her you love her (because lord knows she doesn't hear it that often). So I GUESS it is kind of nice... my problem isn't really with the lyrics. It is with the music.

Take away the vocal track. What do you have? A MIDI FILE. That is what this shit sounds like. It's bloody awful. Don't get me wrong, I love drum machines and synthesizers. But not like this. Maybe it would have been okay if he had used a guitar? Or an actual piano? Or a better melody? I don't know.

Every time I hear it, I try to convince myself that maybe it isn't total crap... maybe it is decent enough to be forgiven? But then you get to the end, which really just ruins any shred of credibility the song could have ever had... CHA CHA CHA! Ohhhhhhhhhhh, Stevie. Cha cha cha? You should have known better. You really should have known.


Top five musical crimes perpetuated by Stevie Wonder in the '80s and '90s. Go.
Sub-question: is it in fact unfair to criticize a formerly great artist for his latter day sins, is it better to burn out or fade away?

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Country, Bluegrass, Blues and Other Music For Uplifting Gourmandisers

Hilly Kristal died yesterday. If it were not for this man, I very well may have turned out to be an entirely different person than I am today. How so?

Hilly was the founder of CBGB's... which is basically the birthplace of the American punk scene of the 70's. If he had never let The Ramones play there, then I very well may have never heard of them. Or Blondie. And had I not ever heard Blondie, I wouldn't have discovered my love for the Talking Heads. Had I not ever listened to the Talking Heads, I probably wouldn't have discovered New Wave music at all... which lead me to Depeche Mode, Squeeze, Erasure, and Duran Duran. I could keep going from here, but I think you get the point.

The music that came out of CBGB's ended up being pretty important to me, despite the fact that I wasn't even born yet when it all started. Discovering early punk was the thing that got me through adolescence. It's just the kind of music you like to hear when you are 16 and annoyed with everything in general. I kept thinking that maybe once I finally escaped the trappings of high school, I might be able to be half as cool as Debbie Harry. I don't know if it really worked out that way, but I still idolize the woman. (And every time I get a haircut, I briefly think about asking for Debbie Harry bottle blond.)

I always wanted to go to CBGB's to see the nastiness with my own eyes. Sadly, I still haven't made it to NYC, and it's long gone now. I guess I'll just have to order my t-shirt off the Internet. *sigh*

Thanks for helping to make me so hardcore and rebellious, Hilly. Rock on.

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

I hate society for making him famous and successful.

Every time I hear his name my face scrunches up and my eyes become filled with hate.

Every time I hear his voice I shudder and my entire body shakes with rage.

Every time I see his stupid face I wish I could roundhouse kick him in the head.

He is the devil.

He is Aaron Neville.


I got stuck listening to the mom station today at work. The mom station seems to be rather fond of his "songs". I was having a nice day. I played Mah Jong and drank a pumpkin spice latte. And then it happened.

"I don't knooooooooow much. But I know I looooooove youuuu-oooooooouuu-ouuuuuuuuuu."

GAME OVER FOR THE GOOD TIMES I WAS HAVING. It is like some weird psychological trigger for me. I hear his disgusting lady singing and I fly into a rage. But seriously. Can you blame me?

In an effort to calm myself down, I have spent some time on youtube watching videos where people openly mock him. It really did make me feel better. Here is my favourite:

The Aaron Neville megaphone! Makes you sound like a douche!

I hate him so much. Aaron Neville ruins lives. That is a fact.

Big news!

I bet you are expecting me to say something really crazy now, aren't you? Something like, "I won a million dollars!" or "I'm moving to Toronto!" or "I talked to a boy!". And I am about to do just that. Something big happened today. This news is going to rock your world harder than that one dude who rocks so hard. (You know who I'm talking about, right? You know... that guy...) ANYWAYS, here it is. Are you ready? Okay. The big huge crazy awesome news is...


Wooooooooo! I totally just got one this morning! It was an unexpected joy. I totally thought I was going to have to wait another week or two. But I don't. YEAH!

It's all about the small things in life, kids. The small things.

Monday, August 27, 2007

The suburbs are a goldmine.

I must say, I had myself quite the nice little weekend. On Friday night I took my sister along with me to see Blue Rodeo at Malkin Bowl. It was simply lovely. After all the intense rocking we did the day before at the ZZ Top show, it was a nice way to wind down and cruise into the weekend.

On Saturday I made a yummy squash, apple and roasted red pepper soup or dinner and then went and hung out with Steph and baby Ella. That kid is the cutest. Plus, I think she kinda likes me! I was a bit worried for a bit there when she was younger, but now she seems to have no problems with hanging out and sitting with me. Yay! I really love being an aunt... even though I am not *technically* her aunt. Who cares! We have fun.

On Sunday I drove out to the burbs to see my parents. My mom asked me to walk up to visit her friend Celeste with her so I could see her new house. I got the grand tour from Celeste and then was bombarded with questions about what sort of things I might need for my apartment. Do I need a microwave? Cheese grater? Basically everything in the world that you might put in a house. They have a lot of stuff that they are trying to get rid of. I kept saying no until she mentioned one thing... "Do you want an espresso maker?"


She then went rummaging around in the garage to find it, pulled it out and cleaned it all up, even thought my mom and I both said that we could just do it ourselves. So we sat and ate Portuguese pastries while it ran through the dishwasher. When it was all cleaned up, she wanted to show me how to use it. So we pretended like we were making a coffee. But Celeste decided that wasn't quite the same, so she informed me that she was making me a latte and I was going to watch. It was sooooooooo yummy and seems to be pretty easy too! So yeah... I can now make delicious fancy coffees without even leaving my house! How rad is that? SUPER RAD.

Back at my parents house I was talking to my mom about making soup when she whipped out this kosher soup cookbook and told me to take it. She said that since I like to keep kosher every now and then that it made her think of me when she bought it and that I should keep it. Again, totally rad!

THEN my dad's friend Terry was over and we got to talking about the Sopranos. I am only on Season 4, but he told me that I could totally borrow seasons 5 and 6! SWEEEEEET.

So I arrived back home last night with all of the necessary equipment to make a wicked awesome evening:

I can now watch the Sopranos while I eat kosher soup and sip espresso from little cups just like Tony does. I am one happy girl. YAY!

Friday, August 24, 2007

And they came by the thousands... all from Surrey.

Imagine if you will, spending an evening listening to sweet music in the following order:

You start with this:

Then you add this:

... and you finish it up with this:

Add in the fact that you are actually seeing it LIVE and you've got yourself quite an awesome little evening!

I was seriously amazed by how awesome these bands still sound. Chrissie Hynde is a rock goddess! She still looks and sounds amazing... must be the vegetarian diet! The fact that I saw hilarious mullets, 2 fights and a real life AC Slater only made it more awesome. Jealous much? Yeah. I thought so.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Sam's Town

This morning Brie posted a link to an article in the Globe & Mail about the Vancouver civic strike. I can't believe it has been 5 weeks already! Though I guess if you look at the pile of recycling that is growing in my house it kind of does look like 5 weeks.

However, I'm more than willing to deal with piles of recycling if it means that people will finally get a fair deal... and more so if it means sticking it to the man!

So this one is for all my peeps that are on strike right now... roll on, kids! ROLL THE FRIG ON!

I'm not in a union, but I come from a union family. My mom's a Teamster! They don't mess around.

Monday, August 20, 2007

My life revolves around fibre optic cables.

If you had called me at work today, I might have said, "Sorry, can't talk right now. Busy doing nothing."

Because that is what I did all day. Seriously nothing. All thanks to the fine folks doing Canada Line construction who drilled through a Telus line on Sunday. Wooooooooo!

I couldn't even get on the internet! IT WAS HORRIBLE! May you never know such anguish.

I'm so glad I'm home now. Home with my internet and cable. Awwww yeah.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

Diamonds are a girl's best friend.

I secretly wish that one day I will be out walking around and will happen upon this exact scene. It would bring tears of joy to my eyes.

Buskers, this is how you make the big bucks.

Monday, August 13, 2007

Beepity beep beep beep to you too!

Sometimes a kid just feels like eating toast at 10:30pm whilst watching the Hills. So I made some. In the toaster oven. And I totally burned it.

Smoke filled the kitchen... and I knew what was coming... BEEEEEEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP!

The fire alarm went off! That sucker is loud! I managed to get it to shut up pretty quickly, so I aired out the room and ate the burnt toast.

Then my landlord came knocking at the door:

LL: "Is everything okay?"
Me (with a mouthful of toast): "Yep, it's cool."
LL: "Did the smoke alarm go off by itself again or was it just burnt toast?"
Me: "Just toast!"
LL: "Oh good! I'm glad it's not broken again."
Me: "No need to worry. It's just my pathetic kitchen skills!"

At least I can admit these things.

Friday, August 10, 2007

How to have an awesome Friday afternoon.

Step 1: Leave work early.

Step 2: Pick up the following items on the way home:
- chicken burrito
- crazy new flavor of Fanta

Step 3: Arrive at home and turn on the tv.

Step 4: Eat the burrito/Fanta lunch of amazingness whilst watching the end of The Rockford Files.

Step 5: Laugh hysterically when at the end, Rockford thinks everything has worked out fine... but then he makes a hilarious face when he gets a harsh DISS after all.

Step 6: Watch Magnum PI!!!!!!!

That's as far as I have gotten so far... but frig, it has been totally awesome.

Thursday, August 09, 2007

Detroit PBS is my homeboy!

Everyone is all, "Whoa the Ceeb is so awesome." and I must say, they are not totally wrong in saying so. Public broadcasting is alright, man. But there is one thing I must say about CBC television... it's no Detroit PBS.

Detroit PBS is wicked awesome. They are always doing pledge drives where they play the most amazing music-related programming. It's so good. Like "No Direction Home" which is a documentary about Bob Dylan directed by Martin Scorsese... reruns of Fleetwood Mac's "The Dance" and Ken Burns' "Jazz". Yeah, I saw that all on Detroit PBS!

Two days ago I flipped over there and came across this little gem... "Johnny Cash: A Man and His Vision". It is a bunch of old performances from the TV show he had from 1969 - 1971. There were some amazing clips! CCR, Derek and the Dominoes... and this lovely little surprise here. It was the first time I have ever seen/heard this version of this song, and I totally love it. I was swooning a little in my living room. It's just lovely. So here it is for your viewing pleasure, Ray Charles singing "Ring of Fire".

Seriously... how great is that? I love you, Detroit PBS! You are the best EVAR.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

No facebook? Denied!

I've been locked out of Facebook all day! What a diss! Stupid site maintenance. It has not only inconvenienced ME... but Amanda called me in a panic because she thought I had left Facebook when she couldn't see my profile. Hee hee.

Don't worry... I'm still there! Just not today.

What are you people on, dope?

There is a scene from Fast Times at Ridgemont High when Mr. Hand (the history teacher) goes on a bit of a rant when he realizes how bloody stupid all the kids in his class are. I nearly did the same thing today at work.

Q: But seriously... why are so many people so dumb these days?


Rivers Cuomo has all the damn answers.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Total DISS!

So from time to time I take my laundry over to my parents' house because Lydia and I only get 2 days a week to do laundry at our place. I always seem to miss my laundry day during the middle of the week (as does Lydia) which means that there are 2 of us trying to do all of our laundry on Sundays. To avoid a pileup, I just take my stuff out to Surrey since I usually end up visiting on Sundays anyways.

However, this being a long weekend and having had stuff to do on Sunday, I decided to take it out there on Monday instead. Everything was awesome because my mom uses this wicked smelling laundry soap AND she has fabric softener! I was halfway home, driving onto the Knight Street bridge when I gasped out loud in horror... I HAD LEFT ALL OF MY BRAS HANGING UP TO DRY ABOVE THE DRYER IN THE LAUNDRY ROOM... IN SURREY.


Do you even understand how harsh that is? They are all my best bras! Without them I am nothing! I need their support! (I really, really do. All my well provided for sistas know what I'm talking about!) So here I am at work in my sports bra... and feeling weird... but really comfy. My mom said she would totally bring them to me tonight, along with a sweater and my short shorts that I also left behind. That's why my mom is awesome.

Monday, August 06, 2007

I'll count you out, like a mathematician...

This one goes out to Brie, who played this song at Oddball yesterday. That made me really excited because up until that point I thought I was the only person who knew this song!

Check out the serious rhymes, yo. "I'll hammer your toe like a pediatrician."

Konichiwa, bitches from Beijing to Saigon.

Friday, August 03, 2007

There will be no sausage parties here, thank you.

First off, let me say that miss Mary deserves mad props for the awesome massage she gave me yesterday! I'm on the road to recovery... which involves lots of stretching and trying not to carry my entire life around in my purse. Woot.

And now, I present to you a snippet of a conversation we had at dinner last night:

Craig: "I hate hanging around with other GUYS."
Me: "Ummm... does this mean you think Dave is a woman? Because... BWAHAHAHA!"
Craig: "NO. You know what I mean. Like in groups."
Mary: "Why do you hate it?"
Craig: "It just makes me so mad. They just always want to talk about sports!"
Me: "And you just want to talk about nerd stuff like computers and science!"
Craig: "Yeah! I need conversations. I can't have a serious political discussion with a FRAT BOY."
Mary: "That's funny. They would all be sitting around talking saying things like 'Hey man, did you see the game last night?' and Craig would be all, 'No, but I'm reading books about robots!'"
Sarah: "Dude. It's so true. He's such a nerd!"
Mary: "Oh Craig, my little nerd. Always talking about science... but that's why I like you!"
Craig: "Errrm... thanks?"
Sarah:" Man, nerds are the best!"

Viva la nerd!

Thursday, August 02, 2007

I think I fit nicely into both categories, personally.

Craig and Mary just finished watching the entire run of Freaks and Geeks on DVD! I am totally jealous. Apparently on the DVD's there are another 6 episodes that they didn't even air before the show got cancelled! I'm so watching it all. I can't wait. Until I get the chance, I'm using youtube to hold me over for now. This is probably one of my favourite scenes ever... because I think we've all had "that friend" who has done something so painfully lame and embarrassing whilst trying to be "cool" and "different". Watching it makes me both laugh hysterically and cringe at the same time.

Dudes, I am SO glad high school is over.

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

Kiss! Kiss! Bang! Bang!

If you had asked me about Kensington Park 5 mins ago, I would have told you that it was home to a really lame community centre with a crappy gym and a crappy pool. If you asked me about Kensington Park NOW, I would say pretty much exactly the same thing except with one extra part added: awesome place to watch the fireworks!

A few months ago some random chatty guy at the bus stop told Lydia that you could see the fireworks from there. Tonight when I heart the thunderous explosions start, I hopped in the car to check it out. The streets around the park were lined with cars and the park was full of people! Not English Bay or Vanier full by any means, but there were a hell of a lot more people there than you would normally find. When you get to the top part of the hill where the baseball diamonds are, you can totally see the fireworks! Obviously not the low ones, but pretty much everything else. I didn't bother to get out of the car and stop to watch the whole thing because I was all by myself, but it seems like a pretty good place to go if you want to see the light show and avoid the masses. I would suggest taking a little radio with you to hear the music.

I guess my neighborhood does have something going for it after all. Too bad I didn't think of that LAST Wednesday! Oy.