You are NOT going to live forever, and you are NOT going to learn how to fly!

This morning I received a very troubling email from my dear friend in Toronto. He had witnessed something truly horrendous and was obviously traumatized:

You gotta help me out with something. Remember stirrup pants? Well, I saw a woman today wearing the stirrup but no pants. She had a dress on so it wasn't completely inappropriate but just high heels leading directly into… stirrups. They looked like toit legwarmers at first glance ended at mid-calf…. Then they just stopped. I don't think they were therapeutic. Have you seen such a thing? Is it a backlash against the whole tights thing? So confused.

You are not the only one, friend. I imagine what he saw to be a shorter version of this:

Ugh! Stirrup legwarmers! This isn't friggin Fame, people. Unless you are in a dance studio making your dreams come true, I don't want to see you in legwarmers. If your legs are cold, perhaps you might like to try something else... like say, tights? Or maybe... I dunno... PANTS????

This is just the worst. It really is. Just don't do it.