Even Nazi Germany has to deal with inflation.

I'm sure I must have mentioned this to you before, but the man who takes care of the vending machine in my office looks pretty much exactly like Hitler. I wish I was lying about this, but I assure you I am not. It is so creepy. When I see him in the mornings, I actually RUN away and avoid making eye contact. My instincts tell me that I am very likely to have problems dealing with a man who intentionally trims his moustache in such a manner. I mean come on, HOW DO YOU NOT REALIZE WHAT YOU ARE DOING??? He knows. He knows he is Hitler in a track suit.

ANYWAYS, last month he raised the price on chocolate bars from $1.00 to $1.15. Everyone was pretty pissed off about it. It wasn't a big deal to me, since I don't normally use the vending machine because despite being German, there are some things I just can't support. (LIKE HITLER!) But this afternoon I was feeling really very sickly and tired and sluggish, so I thought a sugar rush was in order. I ended up buying a Kit Kat bar. It wasn't until I bit into it that I realized how mad I was about paying the extra $0.15. I mean, it was okay... but hardly worth $1.15! I'd say $0.85 tops would be a fair price for mass produced, morally questionable chocolate!

So basically what happened here is that I am back to square one, because I still hate Hitler Jr. for raising the prices... despite the fact that without him I wouldn't have any chocolate at all. Whatever.

PS: I am also upset that during the entire time I was eating my Kit Kat that no one came into my office to ask me any inane questions. I was hoping they would so that I could point to the Kit Kat and say, "Can't you see? I'm taking a BREAK." Then we both would have laughed. Then I would have said, "No, seriously. Piss off."

The Hitler Wears the Exact Opposite of Prada.

So, remember how the guy who owns the vending machine where I work looks like Hitler? True story. He does. It is kind of terrifying. I'm always afraid that I will run into him when I go downstairs. It would be weird because he'd be thinking, "Why is she looking at me like that? What a jerk." Of course, he won't know that it is because I'm standing there looking at him and thinking, "OMG, HITLER."

I suspect everyone else has this same reaction to him. Which is probably why he gets away with hiking up the prices so much. I went down there today to see about some Cheetos, (Which were not there, btw. I ended up with Sour Cream & Bacon Ruffles. They do not taste like bacon. I feel robbed.) and as I stood in front of the vending machine, I was appalled by what I saw. Chips used to cost $1. Now they cost $1.15. $1.15!!!! This is highway robbery!

In my dreams, I am brave enough to confront him about his business practices. Via strongly worded note, of course. But in reality, I am hungry. So I look at the price and think, "OMG, HITLER." and I pay. Out of pure fear.

Movin' On Up...

Sorry. No Deee-luxe apartment in the sky to be found here, friend. BUT... we do have a shiny new car on the way! I'm terribly excited. I got a brand new Yaris! Woot! It's good times. I am going to get it next week sometime. Awesome. You are sooooo jealous right now. It's okay. Need a hug? Go ask your MOM! (ohhh, BURN!)

Today has been fairly awesome as far as Mondays go. I'm having a good time. I'll tell you why.

This morning I went downstairs to fill my water bottle and the vending machine guy was there. Why is this hilarious and strange? Because the vending machine guy kinda looks a little bit like Hitler. Seriously. You just imagine what it looks like to see a sort-of-Hitler refilling a vending machine. See? Funny stuff! (Note: Before I committed to the idea that he looks like Hitler, I made sure to ask a jury of my peers. He agreed. There are no rules that say I can't have a one person jury.)

I got some other very exciting news this morning. I get to see a secret concert that no one else knows about! YEAH! It's going to be awesome. I can provide no details at this time... as I fear you will use this vague information to figure out things about me... and next thing I know you'll be following me home on the bus. I just don't want to deal with that right now. Plus, I like the idea that you are sitting there right now thinking "WHAT SECRET CONCERT???" It is killing you. And I love it. *MUAHAHAHAHA!*

THEN... I got to eat leftover Shepherd's Pie for lunch. My mom made it. It was delish. That's the thing I miss about living at home... the mom cooking part. I bet YOU didn't get to eat Shepherd's Pie for lunch, did you? Nope. That's why today is awesome.

One more thing that makes today so awesome is that I recently discovered (my boss pointed this out to me 5 mins ago...) that a guy I work with totally lokos like Ricky Gervais!!! SO AWESOME!!! I get the feeling he doesn't watch the Office though. Now I just have to trick him into re-enacting all the best bits of the show. Like the dancing. My imitation of the David Brent dance has won rave reviews around town, btw. If you have any suggestions of hilarious David Brent moments you would like me to trick the look-alike into re-enacting, just ask. I'll let you know if my attempts are successful. This is going to be amazing.

One more thing before I go. Every year I taunt my family about how I am going to get them the most useless, crappy, lame-o gifts in the world for Christmas. This usually involves some new sort of Starfrit product. BUT, being the nice girl that I am... I always get them good gifts anyways.

But not this year. This year, everyone I know is going to get THE WORST GIFT YOU CAN EVER IMAGINE. IT IS TOTALLY USELESS. UTTER CRAP, I TELL YOU. SO AWFUL, YOU WILL BE CONVINCED THAT I HATE YOU.

Harry Potter for everyone, bitches!

AHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I hate you, Potter.

Encyclopedia Brown and the Case of the Tension Headache

Where did it come from, this tension headache? It came from my neck, which got all tense because that's what it does when I am under some stress. The neck tightens up sooooooo much that it is damn near impossible to relax it. Good grief! So added to the neck that is toight like a toiger, is a serious case of the tummy grumbles. Kids, this is what happens when they tell you that you are going to get off work early today at 1pm. So you think to yourself, "Sweet! I'll just eat lunch after I'm done work. Super awesome!"

But it is not super awesome, because they lied and you didn't get to go home early at 1pm because there was too much work. So now it's like, 2:15pm and you are still at your desk and you have still not eaten because there is no time. This is where I pull a Jessie Spano moment:

"THERE'S NO TIME! THERE'S NEVER ANY TIME! I NEED TO SING, ZACK! I HAVE TO SING! I'M SO EXCITED! I'm so... I'm SO CONFUSED!" Wah, wah, wah.

I am so hungry that I am considering making a trip down to the vending machine. You might think this is no great personal sacrifice, but considering said vending machine is owned and maintained by a man who surely realizes that he looks exactly like Hilter and is therefore doing it on purpose... then you can understand why I have issues with it. Being German, I just can't support that sort of thing.

Though, I bet they have some delicious chips in there... screw you, Hitler! I'm not giving in!

Can I leave yet? There is beer that wants me to drink it. The beer and I are really on the same page...

So... do you like... stuff?

Cause I like stuff. If you also like stuff, maybe we can hang out sometime and talk about... you know, stuff. Email me and we'll set it up. Chances are if you are reading this, you will be able to set up said date without emailing me because you can:

a) Yell down the hallway for confimation of hang out time.
b) Call me on the phone for confimation of hangout time.
c) Stand in front of me and give confirmation via high-fives.

Isn't nice to know that the internet brings us all closer together?

I have been feasting today, my friends. First I had organic raisin bran with flax seeds in it. Yummy. Then I ate some plain melba toast. Then I ate my way delish pasta for lunch which had loads of yumminess in it. But that is not the exciting part. The exciting part is how I have eaten my weight in yogurt covered raisins. They are pretty good, but good god you are not supposed to eat as many as I have! Now I have yogurt-breath and I hate yogurt breath. Wah.

What can I say? Compared to yesterday, today is a slow news day. No Hitler sightings today, my friends.

Tomorrow is secret concert day! I'm way excited. Lydia says I should bring my camera to take pictures. Ummmm... how about not? Most of the people around here already think I'm an idiot. I'll be damned if I just give them ammo! No way, man. If you are going to make fun of me, you are going to have to think of reasons to do so allllll by yourself!

I have work to do, believe it or not! Later, jerks!