Bored.

I'm bored. Yeah, that's right. I said it. And don't give me any of that whole, "Only boring people get bored" crap. That's a lie. I know this. I know this because I am a very interesting person. A very interesting person WHO HAPPENS TO BE BORED OUT OF HER MIND RIGHT NOW, YO.

Now you're thinking I'm arrogant, calling myself interesting and shit. But I'm not. This is based on the fact that people are always telling me how interesting I am. Okay fine. The word they actually use is "weird", but that's like, basically the same thing. So whatever. I'm interesting.

AND I'M REALLY, REALLY BORED.

Hair today, gone tomorrow?

I used to have short hair. Really short hair, at one point. I loved it. The first time I went short (when I was 19) I was convinced that I would never have long hair EVER AGAIN. Short hair is so easy! I lasted about 8 years with short hair. I started growing it out over the past year, and now it is way long. It has been long for awhile now... and I'm starting to get bored with it. I feel like I want a change. But every time I talk about cutting it shorter again, people freak out. They keep telling me not to cut it, because I look so much better with long hair.

The problem is that when I had really short hair, I didn't ever take photographs of myself. This means that I don't really have anything besides my memory to go on. At the time I thought I looked great with short hair.. but what if I was wrong? If I had pictures, I would have PROOF of looking awesome. (Or possibly ridiculous.)

I'm going in tomorrow. I still have no idea what I'm going to do. But then again, I pretty much never do. I don't decide until I'm in the chair.

Until then, I'll get lost in Google results for "haircut awesome cool".

I think I'm pretty hilarious.

Self-deprecation is the kind of humour I am most fond of. I use it because I would much rather make fun of myself than to possibly offend someone else. This is why I do it so often. The problem with this is that when you do it as often as I do, people seem to read it the wrong way. If I make fun of myself, I must hate myself.

I don't. I swear.

To me, self-deprecation is about knowing yourself. No one knows me better than I do. I know my limitations, my strengths and weaknesses, my fears, my everythings. So when I make jokes about how I don't go out or talk to people it is not because I HATE MYSELF, it is because I KNOW MYSELF. I know that I don't go out and that I don't talk to people. I'm not sad about it. I think it is FUNNY. And it's okay for you to laugh about it too.

I make jokes about myself because I know I can take it. I think I'm HILARIOUS, so why wouldn't I share that with the world?

Haha, I'm totally arrogant.

SEE WHAT I DID THERE?

Down with the sickness.

I am pretty sure I am getting sick, which SUCKS ASS. I just feel so tired. I feel like I could go to sleep right now and sleep straight through until next Tuesday.

Hey, I should totally do that. BEST IDEA EVAR.

Everything is going to be alright.

I was driving home from downtown tonight and feeling a little bummed out about some things. As I headed over the Georgia Viaduct, I saw a bright light out of the corner of my eye. I looked over and saw a sign on top of a building in Chinatown. It was written in the brightest neon lights:

EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT.

I smiled and laughed to myself.

"It is." I said. "It really is."

My little part in a big thing.

There it is. The most famous tweet of them all. (All of MINE, I mean.) The original is here.

So this happened.

HEY GUYS, I'M ALIVE.

I'm also published. Sort of.

WHAT?

Yes, it is true. One of my tweets is in there! Want to see for yourself? Buy it! If you are able to, please purchase it through HERE, as part of the sale of your copy will go to help out a very deserving little girl and her family. If you can't buy it from there, (does Amazon.com ship to Canada? I don't know. Look it up!) you can find it here.

Woohoo!

Would you put your brain in a robot body?

I think I would. I mean, think about it. You could still do all the stuff you like doing, but you would never have to stop for bathroom breaks. And you would probably never have to worry about getting dressed ever again. It would be like walking around in the nude all the time, but way less controversial because you would have nothing but robot-y things to see on your body. That would be kind of cool.

If you ever had anything wrong with you, it would be way easier to fix than a human body. You would be like, "Ow, my knee hurts." and then you would just go to Home Depot. You would never forget to eat, because you would never need to remember. Your video game machines would never act like jerks to you ever again, because you would be one of them. You would never need to type ever again, because you could just use your human brain to think things and it would go straight to the computer in your robot body. If you wanted to print them out, you would just think, "Print that out!" and then it would come shooting out of the printer in your robot belly button.

It doesn't sound so bad to me.

Oh, wait. If I had a robot body I couldn't drink beer, because it would short circuit me.

Fuck that noise. HUMAN BODY FTW.

The internet threw up in there.

I just looked at my GMail inbox, and GOOD GOD. That place is a disaster area! The problem is that they make a point of telling me that I have all of the space in the whole wide world. ALL OF IT! IT IS ALL MINE! So I don't delete anything. And then it end up looking like the Internet just threw up in there.

So, I have decided to make some sort of organizational system. I don't know what exactly I am going to do, but I'm going to do something. Do you have any tips for managing your inbox? Let me know if you do. WORD.

Never forget.

I never drive to work. Like, EVER. I drove in this morning, because I was supposed to drive out to Delta after work to go for my dress fitting. But then my fitting got cancelled. And now there is a pretty good chance that I'll forget that I drove today and leave my car sitting in the parking lot.

Hot.

This heat. It is too much. It is making me upset. I am not sleeping well, therefore I am GRUMPY AS FUCK. I am also STUPID AS FUCK. Everything is making me mad. Everything makes me want to punch someone in the face and then probably cry about it a little bit afterwards.

Ugh.

I SAID UGH, GODDAMNIT.

Yuck.

I am so tired that I can feel each and every molecule of carbon dioxide leaving my body as I exhale. It is a great deal of work, this breathing. Existing. Everything feels like it takes so much effort. And if there's one thing I hate, it is try-ers. Ugh.

Almost true, except I don't swear at the ladies as much as I swear at the dudes.

Joan: "Excuse me, Sarah? Don't you think you should finish that copy before you leave today?"

Me: "What the fuck time is it, Joan? I think it's 5 o'clock. I think it's time to get my drink on. See you bitches Monday."

Peggy: "Oh my."

Me: "SUCK IT."

Go ahead, Mad Men Yourself. DO IT.

You were asking for it, missy.

It was really hot out today, so I had an iced coffee this afternoon. At about 3. Which was really fucking dumb of me because HELLO? I AM WIDE AWAKE STILL.

Fuckballs.

I don't really want to liveblog my insomnia again just yet. It's time to give that dead horse some rest before I start beating on it again. So I shall give you a brief rundown of my vacation.

My birthday was on Monday. It was the most lovely day. I woke up in the morning to messages from all my lovely internet friends and all my lovely real life friends. They kept pouring in all day and I was just delighted. You lot sure know how to make a girl feel special. I ate lots of yummy sushi with my Mom and sister and hung out with my dog. Awesome. I spent the next day shopping and hanging out with my Mom and sister again, because they are awesome.

Wednesday I spent the day at the swimmin' hole with my sister. We found the best secret swimming spot EVER. It was so rad that we actually went there twice in one day. i already want to go back. It was like I was a kid again. Swimming is the best.

Yesterday and today were all housey things and shopping things. Good times.

I was initially pretty upset about not being able to go anywhere on vacation this time around, but I've had a truly lovely week. Staycations aren't so bad after all, yo.

I'm still alive.

OH HAI. JUST VACATIONING AND USING THE INTERNET LESS THAN I NORMALLY DO WHICH IS KIND OF GREAT WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT.

Gumballs!

I got gumballs for an early b-day present! A whole box of them! Which is necessary, because the flavour in those suckers only lasts for like, 30 seconds. From then on it is a matter of how determined I am to make it last. I tend to keep chewing them long after the flavour first runs away, because I'm positive I'll hit another little flavour pocket. It's always a little sad when it's time to spit it out. BUT IT'S OKAY BECAUSE I HAVE LIKE A MILLION MORE.

I wish you a wonderful day.

Today has not been great. It has been a bad news day. I guess that's why this stood out to me so much.

It was just a regular work email, full of the usual stuff. But the end of it was slightly different.
It said :

"Thanks for your help and I wish you a wonderful day."

I wish you a wonderful day.

I wish you a wonderful day.

The sender of this email doesn't just hope that I have a wonderful day, he wishes that I have a wonderful day. It just seems so much more genuine and sweet. I love it.

Isn't it funny that one little word he chose to use changed my whole day around? Think about that.

Older? Yes. Wiser? Debatable.

Next Monday I will wake up, having gotten older again by one day. I will also have gotten older by one year.

I miss being younger. I miss having birthdays where all I cared about was what kind of presents I was going to get, or what kind of cake I’d get to eat. I don’t wonder about these things so much anymore. They have been replaced by bigger thoughts. Thoughts like, “Why am I still doing the exact same thing I was doing last year?” or “Shouldn’t you be moving on? Moving forward? Why can’t you bring yourself to do that?”

The answer is always the same. I don’t know. I never know. Which is exactly the problem. If I knew the answers, I’d be doing something about it. If I was doing something about it, I wouldn’t need to ask the questions.

Maybe this year will be different. Maybe I’ll figure it out. Maybe I’ll take a flying leap and change everything. Or maybe I’ll just do the robot dance. Again. For another year.

To the right.

It really hurts when I try to turn my head to the right. GUESS WHAT I KEEP DOING.

Eeeeeeeew.

Yesterday was a milestone. A big one.

I. Ate. Fish.

I KNOW, RIGHT? It's crazy. I've never been a fan of seafood, which is kind of a shame considering where I live. It's all seafood all the time over here. Yesterday I was convinced to try it again.

My friend Bernie is the most delightful cook, so I only tried it because he made it. We had this shrimp salad thing on baguettes in this yummy creamy dill sauce, crab cakes with chipotle aioli, crab ravioli with a chipotle cream sauce and two kinds of cedar plank salmon (one teriyaki, one wasabi glaze).

It was all delicious. I'm glad I mustered up the courage to try everything, because it would have been a shame to have missed out on any of it. I'm still not a huge fan of salmon, but I think I'll be more willing to try it now. I'm such a grown up!