What??? I can't hear you!!!

I woke up this morning and my head felt funny. Like it was stuffed full of cotton balls. My ears were plugged up and my hearing is all wonky. Everything sounds muffled still. The last time this happened was a couple of years ago. I went to the doctor and can you guess what it was?

An ear infection. That's right. I'm a 29 years old and I still get ear infections. WHAT THE HECK?? You're supposed to outgrow them by the time you're a teenager, but not me. I'm fully committed to being the ear infection kid. Blerg.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go use my prescription nasal spray. Meerp.

Another year.

I am not super sad to put this year behind me. There have been some massive changes in my life over the past 12 months. As horrible as some of it was, (and still kind of is) I'd be lying if I said it had all been bad. I got to meet some fantastic people this year and I am so happy for that. My life is 10 thousand times more often because I know these awesome folks.

Change is necessary and good. I'm sure that when my life is sorted out again, I'll be glad for having gone through this. I can only hope that I'll come out of this situation as a smarter, stronger person. So there you go. Smell ya later, 2010.

I love you and your ice cream, Galen Weston.

Okay. So it is no secret that I love Galen Weston. But that has nothing to do with this. I just really need to tell you about something. I am NOT a Christmas person. People usually attempt to insult me by calling me names like "Scrooge" or "Grinch". (I know. HARSH DISS.) But this ice cream? THIS MAGICAL, DELICIOUS ICE CREAM??? It makes me like Christmas. For serious, y'all. GET IT. EAT IT ALL. GET SOME MORE. REPEAT.

So good.

Hire me!

I don't know what it is about the Christmas season, but it has lit a fire under my butt. I am straight up DETERMINED to find a job for January. Let's make this happen! (Why hello there, future employer. How are you doing today?)

When I was 20, I left a well paying job with the government in order to attend broadcasting school full time. It was the best thing I ever did. Being that I've been unemployed for a few months, you might think I feel differently about my education, but that's not the case. I really feel that doing what I have done so far in my career has given me a lot of varied experience, which I think is really great. I've done so many different kinds of things. I've written scripts for radio ads, imaging, written and produced documentaries and features, worked with sales contracts, worked in an ad traffic department, worked in a creative department, learned about social networking through my own experiences, guest posted on other blogs, written how-to articles, advice pieces, longer narratives, had a tweet published in a book, and a million other things that are on my resume. That's a lot of awesome stuff.

I am amazing and I know how to do things. There's no reason for me to be unemployed. BRB gotta go find a job!

Hello, blog!

I suppose it must seem odd to some of you that I am unemployed, yet I barely post here anymore. I have been having trouble coming up with things to write about. I post frequently in other places (like Tumblr and Twitter) because I feel like those places are better suited to short little bits and bobs. This here is an official bloggy-blog, you see. I have it stuck in my mind that everything I post here needs to be longer and more official. I don't know where I got that idea. I think I'm going to try to spend a little more time on thinking up a way to use this space more often. I like that idea.

On that note, I shall tell you about the most annoying thing in my life right now. Seriously. Looking for jobs, amirite? It is the worst thing ever. Some days I will spend hours in front of my computer, searching everywhere I can think of and I come up with nothing. Not a single place to send my resume off to. I find it all so confusing. There is this whole hidden job market that people talk about, but they never tell you where to find it! There just doesn't seem to be a lot out there for a writer with a background in radio who likes to spend much of her time trying to make people laugh. Does a job like that even exist? I bet it does. It's probably just hidden. I should start looking at Where's Waldo books to get practice on finding hidden things. It might help.

Holy crap.

It is November. NOVEMBER, PEOPLE. That's just bananas. Time seems to have been flying right by me. This whole years seems like a bit of a blur. I only worked for three months of it. CRAZINESS, DUDES.

I would really like to start working again. Soon. Like... yesterday. One can only spend so much time taking self-portraits with things stuck to one's face. It starts to get a little boring after awhile. Though fake mustaches? ALWAYS AMUSING.

Also amusing: leftover Halloween candy, attempting to learn new dance moves off of British television shows, playing dress up in your own closet.

BLERG.

I must tell you something. Something that may upset you. Something that may change your opinion about me.

I just watched both live episodes of 30 Rock. I didn't really like them. It was too gimmicky for me. It looked weird, the flow was gone because it was live and it was kinda meh. I liked the Matt Damon and Jon Hamm bits, but other than that... meh.

Did it jump the shark? I don't know how to feel about this.

It's like the tidal changes or whatever.

I suppose it's the natural cycle of relationships. They grow and change as you grow and change. Sometimes it's a little difficult to accept the ways in which your relationships change. But you learn to just roll with it. Maybe this person will start to float away from you for a bit and you'll be a little sad or afraid. But there are some people you just know will always be in your life. So you let them float away a little bit, because you know the tide will eventually start to bring them back. It's just the way it happens.

WHAT.

STEVE MARTIN IS ON TWITTER AND I WANT TO MARRY HIS BRAIN OR WHATEVER

A long, long time ago.

I'm sure I've probably written about this day before. I must have. It's one of those dates that you couldn't erase from your mind if you wanted to. September 11th. Here's a little bit I wrote about it this morning.

It was weird.

I was 20. I was going to school full time during the day and worked full time in the evenings at a government job. I worked for the Canadian government, so I probably didn’t need to be nervous about going to work that day. But I was. We all were. It was weird, watching those news clips over and over again while standing in the lobby of a government building. It was scary.

We all tried to ease our minds by thinking hey, we’re Canadian. No one hates Canada, right? Yeah. Over the next 6 months our building was evacuated and shut down at least 7 times due to bomb threats and anthrax scares. And it was right around this time that I started to become so disappointed with society. With people in general. But I suppose that would have happened with age, anyways.

It was a weird day. It was a weird time, really.

Grrrr?

I am having one of those days where nearly everything makes me mad. GETTIN' MY GRUMP ON, YO. I feel like I should spend the day hanging out with Grandpas. We could complain about rotten kids, the price of apples, that horrible rap music (it is just noise!!!!) and that darn weather.

It would be a good day.

Sure.

There are many things I am unsure about, but there are some things I am completely and absolutely sure about. Like how one day George Clooney is going to fall madly in love with me. Ummm, how is that NOT going to happen?

*winkyface*

All day.

Yesterday I watched the episode of Sex and the City where Carrie goes to the gay prom with Stanford at the end. They slow dance to a song at the end, and I have been singing it out loud ALL DAY.

"If you leave me now, you'll take away the biggest parrrrt of me. WooooOOOOOOoooo no, baby please don't go!"

Best. Song. Ever.

Eeeeeeep.

Here I am, in the midst of living my new old life. New because it's different from where I was a month ago. Old because it's exactly where I was 5 years ago. Life is strange.

I just drank a giant beer. Alone. In my parents' house. Where I live. Again. At the age of 29.

Life is so weird.

NOM NOM NOM

I had a mega super craving for a burger and milkshake today, so I decided to treat myself to a take out lunch from White Spot. (What? It's the closest place to my house!) I got the same thing I normally get, which is a combo. Normally, I'd eat the whole darn thing. But today I barely managed to finish the burger before I was totally full. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN????

I think I have inadvertently taught myself about portion control, via having the worst eating habits ever in time. You see, when I get stressed out, I tend to forget to eat. I also tend to develop a nervous stomach. So I average about one meal a day, and when I eat that one meal a day, I don't eat much. Just because I'm not that hungry. But I've been finding that since I've gotten better (meaning SINCE I'VE GOTTEN SOME DAMN SLEEP) when I get hungry, I need to eat way less in order to feel full. I've actually lost about 8 pounds in two weeks because of it. 8 pounds!!

Ummm... high fives for anxiety? Ha!

It is not an easy thing.

It is not an easy thing to finally look at yourself in the mirror and admit it to yourself. I AM NOT OKAY. It is not an easy thing to admit it to your friends and family. I AM NOT OKAY. It is not an easy thing to walk into a little room and sit in front of someone you have never met before and say it. I AM NOT OKAY.

It is really, really hard.

But after you say it to each of these people, yourself, your friends, a doctor, you know that you will be okay. And they will help you get there again.

I'm awake.

Last night I slept more than I have in a long while. I still woke up at 4:30am, but prior to that there was some legit sleeping going on. I laughed so much this morning. I feel like a human again. It's a nice feeling, as I really wasn't looking forward to dining on your brains for dinner so that I could maintain my zombie-like existence.

This is it.

Well, this is it. Soon it will be tomorrow (July 19th). Tomorrow is the last day I will spend as a 28 year old. I must say, I've learned a lot in these 28 years. Especially during the last year.

I've learned that I am not my situation.

I've learned that I'm much more fragile than I thought.

I've learned that I'm so much stronger than I thought.

I've learned that I'm important.

I've learned that I mean something to someone. To lots of someones.

I've learned that friendship is more like family than I ever knew.

I've learned to communicate my needs.

I've learned that I have real talent and I shouldn't hide from it.

I've learned that it's okay for me to be proud of myself.

I've learned that it's okay to cry.

I've learned that I am full of surprises.

I've learned to ask for help when I need it.

I've learned to accept help when it's offered.

I've learned that I'm better than that.

Huh.

Some days I can't quite figure out what to do with myself. I get the feeling there are all sorts of things I am supposed to be doing, but I don't know what they are. Sometimes I keep lists to make sure I remember these things I'm supposed to be doing, but then I forget about the lists. Maybe I need a list of all my lists. Or maybe I just need a new brain? Wheeeeeee!

Moving is a good time.

IF YOU ARE INTO THINGS THAT ARE TOTALLY HORRIBLE.

I'm moving out of my current housing unit at the end of the month. I got off to a good start last week by getting rid of a whole bunch of junk I had stashed away in the storage room. It was incredibly satisfying... until I realized that I still have to go through the rest of the crap in my house too. I have lived in this place for 5 years. That is a long time. Do you know how much junk one can obtain in 5 years? A lot. A lot of junk. A lot of junk that becomes very dusty after just sitting there for who knows how long. Which is super awesome when you have bad allergies like I do. So basically what I'm saying is that I am likely to be sneezing my stupid face off for the rest of the month.

Yeah. You wish you had my life.