Trade secrets.

Most of the things I write here are true. This is not to say that some of the things are lies, because none of them are lies. These strange, weird and wonderful things really do happen to me. However, I am a writer. I understand that sometimes, in order to make something funny into something REALLY FUNNY, I must inject a little bit of fiction into the situation. Which parts are totally true? Which parts are embellished? Is any of it fiction?

I'll never tell. I AM SUCH A MYSTERY.

Baby steps.

First you finish the laundry. Then you put it all away. Then you make your lunch. Then you wash your dishes.

Then you change your life.

Here I am, back at home.

Here I am, back at home. Six days away isn't a long time. Mostly it felt like it wasn't long enough. At one point, surely due to lack of sleep, it felt like way too long. I called the airline because I wanted to go home. They told me it would cost $500. I changed my mind. I'm glad I stayed.

I have never laughed so hard and smiled so much. There were hugs every five minutes. Then they started leaving. I cried. I cried so hard. I don't think I've ever cried when saying goodbye before. Now I'm pretty sure I'm ready to go pro.

Come back, friends. I miss you. I really fucking miss you.

NOMS.

In an effort to slowly get myself back on the "HEY I LOVE EATING" train, I went to Whole Foods yesterday to get some things. I bought a loaf of my favourite pumpkin seed bread and some delicious cheeses to go with it. I was going to make THE BEST GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH EVER IN TIME. I was also going to make a non-grilled cheese and tomato sandwich to take to work today. BUT... last night I ended up with a bunch of leftover sushi, so I brought that for lunch today. I have to wait until I get home tonight before I get to eat my yummy yummy bread. But I want toast NOW.

This is exciting. There's a kind of food I actually want to eat. TOAST IS THE BEST THING EVER.

OKAY, FINE.

I think it is time to admit it. I have not been taking very good care of myself lately. I mean, I have been exercising, which is a pretty big deal for me. But there are so many other areas in which I have totally been failing myself.

I am not eating properly. I used to really enjoy cooking and trying new things. But it seems like lately I've just lost interest in food. I'm not thinking about it as something to be enjoyed. I think of it as something I have to do. Eating has become a chore to me. Something I wish I could survive without doing. Grocery shopping has become a horrible and confusing experience for me. When it comes time to make dinner, I sit in front of the cupboards and stare. I can't ever think of anything I want to eat or anything I want to make. It must have stemmed from being busy and not having the time to cook proper meals, and then just starting to rely on the convenience foods. This is something I hope to change soon. I know I'll start to look and feel better if I start to actually think about what I'm putting in my body again.

I'm also not sleeping well. This probably has a lot to do with the not eating properly (and vice-versa). I suppose there's no time like the start of a new year to start fixing the things you have been doing wrong. Wish me luck, friends. Delicious, delicious luck.

Goodbye, 2009.

This year was really difficult for me. I spent far too much of my time feeling stressed, upset, sick, tired, worried, angry, unsure of myself. I'm not sorry to see it go.

But even with all the bad things, there were some great things. Friends got married, there were babies, people went on exciting trips, I helped people, people helped me, I made new friends, I missed old ones, I danced, and I laughed. HOLY SHIT, DID I DO A LOT OF LAUGHING.

My world has changed a lot in the past year, and I spent a lot of time being afraid of that. I guess I just wasn't ready for it. But I'm ready now. Let's do this, 2010. I'm bringing my A-game. BOOSH.

Changes.

Christmas is going to be so very different this year. I come from a gigantic family. My Dad has 4 siblings and my Mom has 6. When I was growing up, Christmas dinner meant 25 people MINIMUM. I'm used to crowding around a big table with barely any elbow room, hearing 17 different conversations going on at the same time, laughter coming from every room in the house. But this year is going to be different.

My brother and sister aren't coming over for Christmas Eve. It's just my parents and I. They're coming late in the morning on Christmas Day. My nephew won't be at Christmas dinner. There will only be 8 of us this year. It's so WEIRD.

I guess we're all older now, so things are changing. That doesn't mean I have to like it. Meh.
Or HUMBUG, I suppose.

Lazy Sunday

I've been sitting around all day, doing nothing. I managed to make myself some food and got myself showered, but that's about it. I can think of a million things I could be or should be doing, but I'm not doing them.

Housework? Meh.

MOAR PLZ.

2 minutes ago I was working on something, when "Little Red Corvette" came on the radio. I stopped what I was doing and just sat and listened to it for a bit. I just sat there and thought about how much I fucking LOVE Prince. It made me so happy, just thinking about how great he is.

I REALLY LOVE HIM.

Next time you have one of those, "I LOVE THIS SONG!" moments, I suggest you stop for a moment and think about WHY you love it and HOW MUCH you love it. You don't have to do it, but it's pretty great when you do. It will make you smile.

SERIOUSLY, THOUGH. I FUCKING LOVE PRINCE.

BRRRRRRRRRR.

HOLY MOTHERLOVIN CRAP IT IS COLD OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW.

I know. I'm a total west coast baby when it comes to winter weather. We do get pretty spoiled over here in Vancouver. But seriously. Minus 5 is friggin COLD to this kid.

If I ever have to move back east, I am so effed.

SQUEE!

This day started out all wrong. It seemed to steadily get worse. It was pulling me down with it, into a pit of despair. There was a moment when I was sitting at my desk, where I decided that I wasn't going stress out anymore. I was going to snap the fuck out of it. So I tried a little relaxation technique. It took about 4 minutes to do and afterwards I already felt a little bit better.

Slowly, as the afternoon progressed, I began to feel lighter. Tiny things were making me smile. I was cheering up. By the time I headed home, I was actually smiling as I walked down the street. A firefighter said hello to me. I had a bounce in my step. I walked up the front steps to check the mail. MY BOOTS FROM J. CREW HAD ARRIVED!!!!!!!!!

I have been downright giddy since then. THEY ARE THE PRETTIEST BOOTS EVER IN TIME. I FEEL MAGICAL WHEN I WEAR THEM. I HAVEN'T TAKE THEM OFF SINCE I GOT HOME. I WORE THEM OUT WHEN I WENT TO GET MY BANGS TRIMMED.

I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW.

Hence the caps lock.

I think I may have just learned a lesson today, friends. I don't have to commit to being a grumpy miserable jerk just because things start out that way. I can turn it around if I want to.

HA! IN YOUR FACE, NABLOPOMO!

So. I thought I had buggered it up, but I kept going anyways. But then I realized that I had in fact posted twice in one day, therefore giving me a grand total of 30 blog posts in 30 days. So I'm calling this a win. A WIN!

Yay me!

The idea here was to make it a habit to remember to post here every once in awhile. I hope I can manage to do just that.

Also, it is December today. WHAT THE CRAP? Weird, right? I suppose I should probably start shopping and whatnot. OOPS.

Goodbye, old friend.

I got a text from my friend early this morning. Her dog had passed away last night. She thanked me for being a friend to her little dog and said that she was planning a funeral for him.

I spent lots of time with that little guy. He hated bicycles and would bark his face off at every passing cyclist. We would get kind of embarrassed by his freak outs, so we would tell people that he was just thanking them rather enthusiastically for being so kind to the environment. It was hilarious.

I'll admit, I thought it was a bit strange at first, when I read that she was planning a funeral for a dog. But then I remembered what it was like when my dog Ebony died. I was in college and was home alone, enjoying my first day of my month-long Christmas vacation. I was wrapping presents in the den when she came walking in. She whimpered, and I looked up at her. She looked at me with big, scared eyes and started wheezing. I grabbed her face and asked her if she was okay, as if she was going to be able to answer me. She started to wobble, so I grabbed her body in a hug. She collapsed in my arms. I panicked and ran around the house, looking for the phone. I needed to call the vet. I couldn't find it.

Ebony came wandering into the living room behind me. She suddenly seemed fine. I started to calm down. But then it happened again. She tried to get up and walk to me, but she couldn't stand. She was too heavy for me to carry her all by myself. I found the phone and called the vet. They told me to bring her in right away. I didn't have a car. I ran to the house across the street for help. They came over and helped me pick her up and drove us to the vet. They rushed her inside. 5 minutes later, they took me into a room and told me that she had died. I managed to make it out to the waiting room before I started sobbing.

I cried when I called my Mom at work to tell her. I cried when I called my Dad. I cried while I sat on the sofa waiting for them to come home. It was probably one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. I cried harder for that dog than I had ever cried for any person I had known in my whole life.

But she was a dog, so we didn't have a funeral for her. It seems weird that we didn't, considering that she was such a huge part of our lives. When you think about it that way, it doesn't seem so strange to pamper them in the way that we do. We do it because we love them. Because they are offer us what no one else can. Absolutely unconditional love.

Goodbye, old friend. We'll miss you.

Too much.

I think I have too much stuff.

About two or three times a year I go through my closet and get rid of a bunch of things I don't wear and don't need anymore. It's a pain in the butt to go through everything and I end up creating a huge mess in the process, but when it's finally done it feels pretty great. I'm left with a better organized space and it feels kind of great to get rid of things I don't absolutely love.

But that's only clothes. I still manage to accumulate piles and piles of random things. Things that people give me, and therefore don't want to throw away. Things that I feel some sort of weird emotional attachment to for no apparent reason. These things are harder to get rid of. I'm not sure why.

For clothes, I have rules that I follow in the purging process. If I haven't worn it in a year, it goes. If I have never EVER worn it, it goes. If it doesn't fit right, it goes. But I don't have rules like this to apply to my other things. It's just... stuff. What are the rules for getting rid of random stuff? How do I figure out what to keep and what not to keep?

Going, going, going, going...

ALL DAY LONG. Going here and there and everywhere. In the pouring rain. Walking, walking, talking, talking, more walking. Wandering around, not knowing what you want. Seeing things but not wanting any of it. Wandering, wandering. Wanting to sleep. It's so dark out. It's so early.

Goodnight.

Things I learned this week.

I learned that I'm getting older. Consequently, so is my body.

Maybe I shouldn't participate in what I called "lo-fi acrobatics". (There's a reason they told you never to jump on the bed. You really can hurt yourself.) Maybe I shouldn't stay out until 1am in the middle of the week. Maybe I can't just eat whatever I want. Because I'll get hurt, I'll get tired and I'll get fat.

But my spirit isn't getting older, so fuck that shit. If you need me, I'll be over here jumping on the bed at midnight on a Tuesday whilst eating cookies. Then I'm going to fall asleep in my pillow fort. SO SUCK ON THAT, 28 YEAR OLD BODY.

A post is a post!

I am VERY tired, after staying out way too late at the Hidden Cameras show. WOOOOO! ACTING MY AGE!!!!

Anyway, I thought I would mention to you lovely people that I have some Google Wave invites. Want one? You can have one! Either leave me your email address in the comments, or send me an email and tell me you want one. Happy waving and whatnot!

Going out.

I'm going out. Tonight. On a school night. To a show. That starts at 9:30. In the PM. That's my bed time. Concert organizers are jerks.

Whoa.

FACT: Competition chili has NO BEANS in it.

Beans qualify as filler, and there must be NO FILLER in competition chili.

I discovered this today, at a chili lunch fundraiser thingy at work. It was weird, because I had never encountered chili without beans before. In fact, when I make chili, I put TWO kinds of beans in it. So, if there are no beans in competition chili, what is in there?

Meat. 7 different kinds of meat. Also, some onions and like, red peppers or something. But mainly meat.

In a related story, I think I'm dying. From too much meat. Ohhhhhhhhhh.

AWWW CRAP.

So I had written a little thing for yesterday and I saved it as a draft and FORGOT TO PUBLISH IT. So I suppose this means that I have officially buggered up NaBloPoMo? SHIT!

I will probably post it later anyways. Using some sort of trickery. MUAHAHAHAHA!

Today I woke up feeling under the weather. Normally when I feel like that, I just push on and go to work anyways. But today I decided to listen to my body and so I stayed home. I'm all achey and headachey and blah. I think I just need to relax and sleep and drink tea. So that is what I will do.

THUG LIFE, BITCHES.