Yesterday I went to visit my grandma. It was the funniest thing ever. Here are some reasons why it was so funny...
1) Grandma really thinks that I do not eat properly. There was much talk of my fruit and veg intake, and how I simply do not meet the standards. I know this already. have not eaten any of my 5 a day so far... and I probably won't! So take that, grandma!
2) My grandma has a live in boyfriend. It's still weird, even after 3 years or however long it has been. His name is Roy. ANYWAYS, Roy carries this flashlight with him when he leaves the house and it is sort of dark-ish. It looks like one of those giant cone flashlights that traffic cops use. He seems pretty convinced that if he doesn't have it with him, people are going to hit him with their cars and/or bicycles. Did I mention that they live on perhaps what is the most brightly lit street in the city? Not bright enough, according to Roy!
3) My grandma swears a lot. She really swore a lot yesterday. It was awesome!!! Pretty much every story she told me ended with the sentence, "What an asshole.". I need more stories that end that way!
4) We made fun of everyone in my family. Heh heh heh... not like it's HARD! Y'all are crazy!
5) Roy walked me to the bus stop because it was dark out when I left. It was 8:00pm. I guess the point of it was so that he would be like... my bodyguard or something. Did I mention that he probably only weighs like 90 pounds? I guess if someone did attack, he could help out by shining the flashlight in their eyes to temporarily blind them while I kicked their asses.
6) They have digital cable. FUCKING DIGITAL CABLE!!! WITH A PVR!!! They don't even know how to use the PVR. It makes me want to cry a little. BTW, basic cable, you can KISS MY GRITS!
Okay, I'm done now. Peace out, homies! Perhaps I'll blog from wedding central. Perhaps I'll wear a funny hat. You just never know what's going to happen.
That is all.
PS: Oh yeah, basic cable... your mom just called. She thinks you're fucking LAME too! Boo-yah!
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