Everything's coming up Milhouse!

So I think I'm Milhouse. 

I'm serious! Stupid crap keeps happening to me, but then there's always some tiny positive thing to laugh about. Just like Milhouse. 

I lost my job, but then got to go on vacation for the first time in forever. I moved back home but then realized that meant my mom would cook for me. I finally got a job, but then my hours got cut, giving me 4 day weekends for the entire summer. My roommate is moving out, but still paying rent until the end of the year which means I have a few months to hang out in my underpants. 

Also, I get injured a lot. See? Milhouse! 

30. It's not so bad.

So, yeah. I totally turned 30. You know what? It wasn't bad at all.

I was having a chat about being in your 30s last night with a new friend, and we both agreed that 30 is so much better than 20. Sure, when you're 20 you get to mess around and have relatively few responsibilities. I mean, I had fun when I was 20, but it was also kind of crazy. When you're 20 you make lots of mistakes. By the time you're 30, you've learned how to avoid making most of those mistakes again.

When you're 30, you know what qualities you appreciate in others and can easily spot those qualities in people. You waste a lot less time on people who don't have any of the things you like in a person. You know so much more about how you react in certain situations. You have a better understanding of where you fit into the world. You can find your people and your places more easily. Your choices are more informed because most of the time you actually have past experiences to draw upon for reference.

Yeah, maybe my back problems are getting worse, but it's okay. I'm having a pretty great time being 30. (Though maybe you should ask me about this again in 6 months. I've only been 30 for about 2 weeks.)

Summer. It's kind of difficult.

I have mixed feelings about summer. I mean, I like the sunshine and all. But why does it have to be so damn HOT? Ugh. I am not lucky enough to be part of the percentage of the population who are in possession of those magical sweat glands that allow you to just walk around in moderate heat without melting into a puddle. No, I am a Sweaty Betty. I sweat all the damn time and it is NOT CUTE. My hair gets flat, my makeup melts off... it's just a bad scene, yo. I prefer cooler sunny days. The kind where you can get by with a light sweater and jeans.

In addition to being a sweaty mess, I am also terribly pale. My skin is pretty white, you guys. For someone like me, sunshine bespells doom. When I go outside, I prefer to be covered up. Pants, long sleeved sweater, light scarf. It protects me from the evils of UV rays and shit. But nooooo, when summer is here, I can't do that. It's just WAY too hot dress like that, so I have to wear summer clothes. Exposed shoulders! Bare legs! Trust me, that's not good for anyone. My legs are so white you can't look directly at them. This means I have to add another step to the process of getting ready, as I cover myself in SPF a million so I can go outside without burning my epidermis. It's kind of bullshit. I like it when I can just put it on my face (as I do every day) and cover the rest of me with clothing. It's just so much easier.

Summer is a lot of trouble, sometimes.

Ha!

"I don't know. I'm just not mechanically inclined, okay?"

She said this as she tried to pull open the door that actually pushes open. Man, how did I go so long without working in an office? Comedy goldmine, I tell you.

OH NOES!!!

Hello, friends. I am writing to you from my phone, because my computer has just died. Yes, it finally bit it. Had this happened two weeks ago, I would have been overjoyed and run out to the Apple store to replace it STAT. But today is different.

You see, my hours have been cut at work. At the end of the week I'm moving to part time. It's only temporary, but I'm not sure how temporary. So it's not the best time to be dropping big coin on a new computer. Crappy timing, to say the least. But that's how things go, I suppose.

I'm hoping to be able to get it fixed at the end of the week. As long as it lasts until I'm back full time, I'll be fine with it.

Life is pretty fun, huh?


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Election night fever!

Haha, get it? Fever? Because the results are making me sick! Haha!

I just moved into my new place yesterday, which means I don't have cable or Internet yet. So I'm sitting in my room refreshing Twitter every 3 seconds on my phone. I really think this has been the most stressful election night ever in time.

I'm trying to be optimistic about this, but it's so hard. There's a reason this election was called in the first place, and it pains me to see so many people ignoring that and voting for Mr. Harper anyways. It's just sad.

Le sigh.

DON'T LEAVE A MESSAGE AFTER THE BEEP

When you call me and I don't answer, you get my voicemail message. The message that clearly says you have reached SARAH and if you want to talk to SARAH you should leave SARAH a message. (Okay fine, so it doesn't actually say SARAH that many times. But it is clear that you are talking to SARAH.)

So why, Simon-from-the-mortgage-company, do you keep leaving messages for NICHOLAS about his mortgage when you know you are leaving a message on SARAH's voicemail? I mean, okay. The first time, maybe. But after not getting a return phone call after the 2nd message, why did you keep doing it? At that point, it should have been obvious that this was not NICHOLAS's number. It should have also probably crossed your mind that perhaps after you left the 7th message, SARAH was starting to get a little annoyed with you.

You called again today. You hung up after the voicemail message. I hope this means you have finally figured it out. IDIOT.

p.s. Yes. I know I could have called him back and told him to stop calling me, but that shit was long-distance.

Ugh, cherry!

There is nothing funnier than watching someone use the map to navigate a box of chocolates, only to end up with the gross cherry one anyway. SICK.

BAHAHAHAHA!!!

Wing? Sprinter?

It's possibly the most annoying time of year. That first bit of spring where it's still SO COLD in the morning but then it warms up later in the day. You're itching to wear your spring clothes, but that means walking to the bus in ballet flats and freezing your little toesies off because it's only 4 degrees. If you err on the side of caution and dress for the cold bit, then you're hauling around a wool coat at the end of the day when it's too warm to wear it. It is the worst!

Just hurry up already, spring!

I have rules. Phone rules.

I've had a mobile phone for about 10 years. I like it. It's handy to be able to give someone a ring whenever I need to. The problem with having a mobile phone though, is that everyone else has them too, and they seem to be under the impression that because I own one, they should be able to reach me all the time.

But they can't.

You see, I have my own set of rules. I am not bound by my phone. If you call me and I'm in the middle of something, I won't answer. If you text me, I don't feel obligated to respond within 30 seconds. I've been known to come home from work and place my phone in the charging dock upstairs and not look at it for the rest of the night. Sometimes I just straight up turn the thing off. I'm social on my schedule, yo. I also don't expect anyone else to drop everything and pay attention to me when I try to call or text. It's just how I roll.

I KNOW. This is practically unheard of. But hey. What can I say? I'm a loner, Dottie. A rebel.

How I'm Going To Jumpstart My Musical Career

It's pretty easy, actually. When they turn on music in the office, (typically 90's rock music) I will turn on my music (hip hop) but with only one headphone in. Then I'll just wait for the mashups to happen.

Then BOOM! I'm famous.

when girls says "maybe we can hang out on the weekend"

Of all the search terms people have used to arrive at my blog, this one is my favourite.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

9 to 5

I've done it. I've made it through my first week of work. (Oh yeah. Did I tell you? I GOT A JOB.) The first week is always a little overwhelming, isn't it? You're just figuring out how things work and getting to know how everyone else likes to do things. And if you're like me and have been unemployed for nearly a year, you are also just trying to remember how to be a person who has a job. (So, wait. You're telling me I have to get up early and leave my house every day? Say whaaaaaaa?) It's a little overstimulating. Hence why I almost went to bed at 8pm on a Friday night.

Even though I have arrived at home every night this week feeling totally zapped of all energy, it has been awesome. Because that means I've spent all day putting my energy into writing and learning. And learning more. And revising the writing. And revising the writing again. And learning MORE more.

In short: I think this is going to be pretty awesome.

What??? I can't hear you!!!

I woke up this morning and my head felt funny. Like it was stuffed full of cotton balls. My ears were plugged up and my hearing is all wonky. Everything sounds muffled still. The last time this happened was a couple of years ago. I went to the doctor and can you guess what it was?

An ear infection. That's right. I'm a 29 years old and I still get ear infections. WHAT THE HECK?? You're supposed to outgrow them by the time you're a teenager, but not me. I'm fully committed to being the ear infection kid. Blerg.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go use my prescription nasal spray. Meerp.

Another year.

I am not super sad to put this year behind me. There have been some massive changes in my life over the past 12 months. As horrible as some of it was, (and still kind of is) I'd be lying if I said it had all been bad. I got to meet some fantastic people this year and I am so happy for that. My life is 10 thousand times more often because I know these awesome folks.

Change is necessary and good. I'm sure that when my life is sorted out again, I'll be glad for having gone through this. I can only hope that I'll come out of this situation as a smarter, stronger person. So there you go. Smell ya later, 2010.

I love you and your ice cream, Galen Weston.

Okay. So it is no secret that I love Galen Weston. But that has nothing to do with this. I just really need to tell you about something. I am NOT a Christmas person. People usually attempt to insult me by calling me names like "Scrooge" or "Grinch". (I know. HARSH DISS.) But this ice cream? THIS MAGICAL, DELICIOUS ICE CREAM??? It makes me like Christmas. For serious, y'all. GET IT. EAT IT ALL. GET SOME MORE. REPEAT.

So good.

Hire me!

I don't know what it is about the Christmas season, but it has lit a fire under my butt. I am straight up DETERMINED to find a job for January. Let's make this happen! (Why hello there, future employer. How are you doing today?)

When I was 20, I left a well paying job with the government in order to attend broadcasting school full time. It was the best thing I ever did. Being that I've been unemployed for a few months, you might think I feel differently about my education, but that's not the case. I really feel that doing what I have done so far in my career has given me a lot of varied experience, which I think is really great. I've done so many different kinds of things. I've written scripts for radio ads, imaging, written and produced documentaries and features, worked with sales contracts, worked in an ad traffic department, worked in a creative department, learned about social networking through my own experiences, guest posted on other blogs, written how-to articles, advice pieces, longer narratives, had a tweet published in a book, and a million other things that are on my resume. That's a lot of awesome stuff.

I am amazing and I know how to do things. There's no reason for me to be unemployed. BRB gotta go find a job!

Hello, blog!

I suppose it must seem odd to some of you that I am unemployed, yet I barely post here anymore. I have been having trouble coming up with things to write about. I post frequently in other places (like Tumblr and Twitter) because I feel like those places are better suited to short little bits and bobs. This here is an official bloggy-blog, you see. I have it stuck in my mind that everything I post here needs to be longer and more official. I don't know where I got that idea. I think I'm going to try to spend a little more time on thinking up a way to use this space more often. I like that idea.

On that note, I shall tell you about the most annoying thing in my life right now. Seriously. Looking for jobs, amirite? It is the worst thing ever. Some days I will spend hours in front of my computer, searching everywhere I can think of and I come up with nothing. Not a single place to send my resume off to. I find it all so confusing. There is this whole hidden job market that people talk about, but they never tell you where to find it! There just doesn't seem to be a lot out there for a writer with a background in radio who likes to spend much of her time trying to make people laugh. Does a job like that even exist? I bet it does. It's probably just hidden. I should start looking at Where's Waldo books to get practice on finding hidden things. It might help.

Holy crap.

It is November. NOVEMBER, PEOPLE. That's just bananas. Time seems to have been flying right by me. This whole years seems like a bit of a blur. I only worked for three months of it. CRAZINESS, DUDES.

I would really like to start working again. Soon. Like... yesterday. One can only spend so much time taking self-portraits with things stuck to one's face. It starts to get a little boring after awhile. Though fake mustaches? ALWAYS AMUSING.

Also amusing: leftover Halloween candy, attempting to learn new dance moves off of British television shows, playing dress up in your own closet.

BLERG.

I must tell you something. Something that may upset you. Something that may change your opinion about me.

I just watched both live episodes of 30 Rock. I didn't really like them. It was too gimmicky for me. It looked weird, the flow was gone because it was live and it was kinda meh. I liked the Matt Damon and Jon Hamm bits, but other than that... meh.

Did it jump the shark? I don't know how to feel about this.

It's like the tidal changes or whatever.

I suppose it's the natural cycle of relationships. They grow and change as you grow and change. Sometimes it's a little difficult to accept the ways in which your relationships change. But you learn to just roll with it. Maybe this person will start to float away from you for a bit and you'll be a little sad or afraid. But there are some people you just know will always be in your life. So you let them float away a little bit, because you know the tide will eventually start to bring them back. It's just the way it happens.

WHAT.

STEVE MARTIN IS ON TWITTER AND I WANT TO MARRY HIS BRAIN OR WHATEVER

A long, long time ago.

I'm sure I've probably written about this day before. I must have. It's one of those dates that you couldn't erase from your mind if you wanted to. September 11th. Here's a little bit I wrote about it this morning.

It was weird.

I was 20. I was going to school full time during the day and worked full time in the evenings at a government job. I worked for the Canadian government, so I probably didn’t need to be nervous about going to work that day. But I was. We all were. It was weird, watching those news clips over and over again while standing in the lobby of a government building. It was scary.

We all tried to ease our minds by thinking hey, we’re Canadian. No one hates Canada, right? Yeah. Over the next 6 months our building was evacuated and shut down at least 7 times due to bomb threats and anthrax scares. And it was right around this time that I started to become so disappointed with society. With people in general. But I suppose that would have happened with age, anyways.

It was a weird day. It was a weird time, really.

Grrrr?

I am having one of those days where nearly everything makes me mad. GETTIN' MY GRUMP ON, YO. I feel like I should spend the day hanging out with Grandpas. We could complain about rotten kids, the price of apples, that horrible rap music (it is just noise!!!!) and that darn weather.

It would be a good day.

Sure.

There are many things I am unsure about, but there are some things I am completely and absolutely sure about. Like how one day George Clooney is going to fall madly in love with me. Ummm, how is that NOT going to happen?

*winkyface*

All day.

Yesterday I watched the episode of Sex and the City where Carrie goes to the gay prom with Stanford at the end. They slow dance to a song at the end, and I have been singing it out loud ALL DAY.

"If you leave me now, you'll take away the biggest parrrrt of me. WooooOOOOOOoooo no, baby please don't go!"

Best. Song. Ever.

Eeeeeeep.

Here I am, in the midst of living my new old life. New because it's different from where I was a month ago. Old because it's exactly where I was 5 years ago. Life is strange.

I just drank a giant beer. Alone. In my parents' house. Where I live. Again. At the age of 29.

Life is so weird.

NOM NOM NOM

I had a mega super craving for a burger and milkshake today, so I decided to treat myself to a take out lunch from White Spot. (What? It's the closest place to my house!) I got the same thing I normally get, which is a combo. Normally, I'd eat the whole darn thing. But today I barely managed to finish the burger before I was totally full. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN????

I think I have inadvertently taught myself about portion control, via having the worst eating habits ever in time. You see, when I get stressed out, I tend to forget to eat. I also tend to develop a nervous stomach. So I average about one meal a day, and when I eat that one meal a day, I don't eat much. Just because I'm not that hungry. But I've been finding that since I've gotten better (meaning SINCE I'VE GOTTEN SOME DAMN SLEEP) when I get hungry, I need to eat way less in order to feel full. I've actually lost about 8 pounds in two weeks because of it. 8 pounds!!

Ummm... high fives for anxiety? Ha!

It is not an easy thing.

It is not an easy thing to finally look at yourself in the mirror and admit it to yourself. I AM NOT OKAY. It is not an easy thing to admit it to your friends and family. I AM NOT OKAY. It is not an easy thing to walk into a little room and sit in front of someone you have never met before and say it. I AM NOT OKAY.

It is really, really hard.

But after you say it to each of these people, yourself, your friends, a doctor, you know that you will be okay. And they will help you get there again.

I'm awake.

Last night I slept more than I have in a long while. I still woke up at 4:30am, but prior to that there was some legit sleeping going on. I laughed so much this morning. I feel like a human again. It's a nice feeling, as I really wasn't looking forward to dining on your brains for dinner so that I could maintain my zombie-like existence.

This is it.

Well, this is it. Soon it will be tomorrow (July 19th). Tomorrow is the last day I will spend as a 28 year old. I must say, I've learned a lot in these 28 years. Especially during the last year.

I've learned that I am not my situation.

I've learned that I'm much more fragile than I thought.

I've learned that I'm so much stronger than I thought.

I've learned that I'm important.

I've learned that I mean something to someone. To lots of someones.

I've learned that friendship is more like family than I ever knew.

I've learned to communicate my needs.

I've learned that I have real talent and I shouldn't hide from it.

I've learned that it's okay for me to be proud of myself.

I've learned that it's okay to cry.

I've learned that I am full of surprises.

I've learned to ask for help when I need it.

I've learned to accept help when it's offered.

I've learned that I'm better than that.

Huh.

Some days I can't quite figure out what to do with myself. I get the feeling there are all sorts of things I am supposed to be doing, but I don't know what they are. Sometimes I keep lists to make sure I remember these things I'm supposed to be doing, but then I forget about the lists. Maybe I need a list of all my lists. Or maybe I just need a new brain? Wheeeeeee!

Moving is a good time.

IF YOU ARE INTO THINGS THAT ARE TOTALLY HORRIBLE.

I'm moving out of my current housing unit at the end of the month. I got off to a good start last week by getting rid of a whole bunch of junk I had stashed away in the storage room. It was incredibly satisfying... until I realized that I still have to go through the rest of the crap in my house too. I have lived in this place for 5 years. That is a long time. Do you know how much junk one can obtain in 5 years? A lot. A lot of junk. A lot of junk that becomes very dusty after just sitting there for who knows how long. Which is super awesome when you have bad allergies like I do. So basically what I'm saying is that I am likely to be sneezing my stupid face off for the rest of the month.

Yeah. You wish you had my life.

OH HAI.

I just had a good long chat with a friend and I feel really good about things right now. (Aside from the fact that I'm sick today. Wah.) After 5 years here, I gave notice on my apartment today. I don't know where I'll be living in August. Everything in my life is so up in the air right now. I might get a job in another city and have to move away. I might get a job here and will finally have an apartment of my own. I might not have a job at all, which would have me temporarily staying with someone. All I know is that it's the start of something. Something crazy. Something good.

It's not just for me, either. So many of my friends are going through big changes right now. Buying houses, selling houses, moving to new places, moving back home, starting new jobs, leaving old jobs, etc. I'm just really excited for everyone. It helps a lot to be going through this transition along with so many others. We're all going to be so scared, but we're all going to be so happy. It's going to be great.

Like magic.

It's a weird thing to not have any idea what you are going to do next. I have no idea where I'm going to work or where I'm going to be living in a month. It's strange, but I'm not really scared. I just have a feeling that it will work out. Like magic.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

1am

1am used to mean, "Time to leave the bar."

Now 1am means watching Real Housewives of Orange County and wishing I could sleep.

I haz an old.

Not that I need to explain it.

Here's the deal. When I had a job, I was at my desk all day. Right in front of a computer. For 8 hours. Now that I'm not at a desk all day, I am not always in front of my computer. In fact, most of the time I use my phone. Posting things to this space via phone is not the most convenient thing. So when I am out and about and think of short bits and bobs to share, I don't bother going through the hassle of posting them here. Anything that goes here is usually something a little longer, or something I think of when I happen to be on my computer. Hence why the frequency of posts has dropped off recently.

If you are aware of a decent Blogger iPhone app, please tell me about it. I'd like to give it a try. I just haven't found anything I like using. Okay? Cool.

Also, HOH! New template. It's about time, yo.

Dear Lady Gaga

Dear Lady GaGa,

Huh?

Regards,
Sarah

Hot tip!

Friends. If you decide to use Google Chrome as your new browser, you can apply custom themes to make it look pretty. Themes created by many delightful designers such as Todd Oldham, Anna Sui, D&G, Kate Spade and the one I chose, which is by Jonathan Adler. It's fun! Check it out!

Wife.

It's like I live in 1950 or something. If people asked me, "So, what do you do?" I could tell them, "I'm a housewife."

It's almost like that. You get up in the morning and you have coffee and breakfast and then he leaves. He leaves and you stay there, all alone. What are you going to do today? You've got big plans. Maybe a little exercise. Then you'll get cleaned up. Then you'll so a little laundry and some dishes. Or you could organize the cupboards. And the fridge, well the fridge needs to be cleaned out. You could definitely do that. Then what? I guess you could take a nap. Or maybe watch some television for a bit. Maybe read a book? Eventually you might get to leave the house for some groceries. That will be fun! But you won't go anywhere else. Not by yourself. That would feel strange, being alone in public. People would stare! No way. Just to the grocery store and back. Then you can cook dinner. Then he will come home, and you'll eat, watch more television and go to sleep. Then you'll get up and do the same thing all over again tomorrow. Because you're a housewife.

Yeah, it's almost like that. Except, you know. Without a "him".

Nice.

Yesterday I received an email from one of the guys I used to work with. It had the usual things like "good luck with the job search" and giving me updates on the latest goings on at the office. But there was one line that really made me smile.

"Your unique charm is one that will never be replaced."

It was so sweet. And kind of funny. Because I'm charming. And my charm is unique. It is one of those things that I will probably go back and read again when I am wondering why anyone bothers to talk to me in the first place. A delightful little reminder of who I am. I am me, and that's alright, man. That's alright.

Here's the thing.

It sounds odd, but I really needed a vacation from being unemployed. I went to Toronto for a week and spent time with some people that I just don't get to see very often, because they live so far away from me. It was one of the best vacations I have ever had. There was not a moment of grumpiness from me, even when I was tired and trying to get over the jet lag on 3 hours of sleep. It was end to end amazing. It was good for my brain to be around people, watching them make things and do things and create things and talk about making things.

HOWEVER, now I'm back at home and have to jump back into my life. Head first is the approach I'm taking. Here's the thing: I need a job. But what kind of job? I've come up with a list of things I want to get out of a place that I have to spend 8 hours of my day.

1) I want to create things. I want to be able to have a thing I can look at and say, "I made this".
2) I want a positive environment. I want to be recognized for the good things I do. I also want feedback on the things I don't do so well. I want them to help me get better at what I do.
3) I want to be paid fairly.
4) I want to be excited about what I do.
5) I want to work with other creative people. I feed off the energy of others, and I would love to be back in a creative environment again.

Now that I know this much, I need to figure out what I bring to the table. This is the tricky part. But after my vacation from vacationing, I feel like I'm finally ready to figure this out.

Also, I have learned that the best way to start your morning is to read a hilarious email, drink some coffee, and dance around in your underwear. Then you can start to get shit done. WOOT.

What to do when you have nothing to do.

The first week an a half of unemployment was just straight up MAGICAL. I would wake up every day at my normal time (6:30am) and hear my roommate getting ready for work. There would be a moment of, "Awwww MAN!" and then I would remember. OH YEAH. I DON'T HAVE TO GET UP BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE A JOB. WOOOOOOO! Then I'd go back to sleep until whenever-I-goddamn-feel-like-it o'clock. It was great. When I finally did get out of bed, there was a leisurely schedule. Make a latte, (I need to develop some barista skills JUST IN CASE) watch some television, write some things, think about possible activities, read the entire Internet. I kept pretty busy. It was nice. It sort of felt like a vacation.

But then one day, it happened. I got bored. It suddenly dawns on you that pretty much everyone you know is at work, so if you go anywhere, you will be going by yourself. You can't really call anyone because everyone is busy doing work crap. You rapidly run out of ideas to keep yourself busy. You start making lists of possibly career ideas, but that all turns to crap once you notice that you have written "rocket scientist" and "robot butler" three times each. WHAT NOW????

I like to search for cheap airfare for a last minute vacation, because I can actually take last minute vacations with like zero planning. I can't really afford one, but this is not the point. The point is to remind myself of the fact that I could, in theory, flee at any time. I also like to shop for things on the Internet, because I enjoy the thought of receiving a package in the mail. If I order something online today, that gives me at least a full 7 days of waiting for a package. But I never actually order anything, because HELLO? BUDGET.

I suppose after I clean my entire house, organize some stuff, and doing absolutely everything else I can in order to avoid having to sit down and seriously think about my situation, I will eventually have to just suck it up and do it. I will have to rewrite my resume, decide what I want to do with the rest of my life, and start getting serious about looking for work.

But I'll save that for tomorrow. These origami zoo animals aren't going to fold themselves.

Sucks to your assmar.

So I don't *actually* have asthma. Well, I don't think I do. I've never been diagnosed with it, but I have been treated for asthma-related symptoms. It sounds more complicated than it is. ANYWAYS, I don't actually have asthma. This is the point.

However, sometimes I get breathing problems when I exercise. Today I went for a run and it turned out to be a lot colder out than I had thought it was. When I was running it was okay. But now, it has been a few hours and I sort of feel like I have the beginnings of a chest cold. What the heck, man? It was just a little cold air. This always happens, which is why I stopped running in the first place. It's rather annoying. I'm not sick... my lungs just don't like all that cold air, I guess.

LAME.

A story.

Once upon a time, I had a job. A job that I hated. A job that made me miserable. A job that made it hard for me to get out of bed every day. A job that didn't challenge me. A job that held me back from reaching my potential.

One day, I lost that job. It was a great day.

Normally, here is where I would write THE END and leave you with that. But it's not the end. It's just the beginning.

Grumble grumble.

I recently became the proud owner of a Cafe Artigiano gift card. This was a very exciting thing, because I was about to be living without access to my espresso machine. YES this is a big deal. I should go see a surgeon about getting that thing attached to my body. THAT IS HOW MUCH I LOVE IT. Anyway, the first morning I was cat sitting I stopped in for a latte at the location right around the corner from work. When I went to pay for it, I was informed that the gift card reader wasn't working. ARRRRGH. I paid for it with cash, because I needed the coffee. I needed it real bad, yo. It was delicious, so I forgot about the mild annoyance.

The next time I went to use it, the card worked fine. Yippee! Delicious coffee, courtesy of Lydia. This morning, I went to use it again. THE CARD READER WAS DOWN AGAIN. WHAT. THE. HECK. Again, I really needed a coffee, so I paid with cash. STUPID JERK CAFE ARTIGIANO. That's $10 I would not have normally spent on coffee. I think I am going to save the rest of the gift card to try at a different location. I suspect that it works just fine at all the other ones. Blerg.

Sometimes I think about strange things.

I was just sitting here at my desk, wondering what it would be like if I was in Back to the Future Part II. Like what if past me was standing around the corner RIGHT NOW and spying on me. And past me is reading this and is like, "OMG NOOOOOO!!!!!!! YOU ARE GOING TO CHANGE EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!" But I don't even know that I'm changing anything because I don't know what happens in the future. But past me knows what happens in the future because past me has also seen the future. Past me is trying to stop me from ruining the future by doing whatever it is I am about to do. But what if it's too late? What if past me can't stop present me from doing the thing I'm not supposed to do? What if this is the thing that I'm not supposed to do????

Crap. Have I just ruined EVERYTHING?

Twitter: The Criterion Collection from sween on Vimeo.

HEY INTERNET! LOOK AT THIS THING THAT MY FRIENDS MADE! IT IS HILARIOUS! My words are in there. Just look for the giant spoonful of dessert and the dance sequence. WORD.

Fix it.

I never go to the doctor. I've never liked going and have been lucky enough to be pretty healthy all my life, so I never really had to. I once went for 9 years without setting foot in a doctor's office. I know, right? Kind of impressive. So you know when something is bothering me enough to need to go to the doctor, it is a big deal.

Yesterday, I went to the doctor. Yesterday I reached a point where I was finally able to admit to myself and to someone else that something wasn't right. I'm not supposed to feel like this all the time. It's not normal. I'm not okay, and it is time to fix it.

Here's hoping we can figure it out.

I'm ready to relax.

My brain is a strange and wonderful place.

My brain is a strange and wonderful place. Yesterday afternoon, for no reason at all, a word popped into my brain and I could not get it out. That word was yurt. Over and over again, I repeated that word. Yurt. Yurt. Yurt. I finally decided that it was the best word ever. I also decided that I would like to stay in a yurt one day. Yurts are awesome.

Today there is a song in my head:

I like to eat, eat, eat ohpples and banonos!

Not sure why, but ohpples and banonos is my favourite one. I like it even more than ooooples and banooonooos.

What was I talking about? Lunch? Nevermind.

VICTORY!!!!!

I did it. I finally did it. I COOKED MYSELF AN ACTUAL MEAL. I USED INGREDIENTS. I USED A RECIPE. THERE WERE MULTIPLE STEPS.

I'm back, baby. I'm back!

The recipe that brought me back to life was this magic spicy peanut sauce from Everybody Likes Sandwiches. It really was magic. I used it in a stir fry with some rice noodles. OM NOM NOM.

Sometimes life is hard.

Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes you don't know how do do things. Sometimes you aren't sure how you're going to get out of this jam.

Sometimes you cry about it. Sometimes in the middle of the crying about it, you realize that you are being ridiculous. Sometimes you stop crying and start laughing.

Sometimes you aren't sure if you've said too much. Sometimes you find it hard to stop saying things. Sometimes you have nothing to say.

Sometimes you write crap on the Internet. Sometimes people read it. Sometimes people don't.

Sometimes life is awesome. Sometimes life is hard.

The worst.

Today was just the worst. I was the worst at being funny, the worst at being a grown up, the worst at drawing pictures of hands, the worst at telling you how I feel, the worst at cooking dinner, the worst at being awake, the worst at cleaning, the worst at understanding things, the worst at not being annoying.

Today was just the worst.

Trade secrets.

Most of the things I write here are true. This is not to say that some of the things are lies, because none of them are lies. These strange, weird and wonderful things really do happen to me. However, I am a writer. I understand that sometimes, in order to make something funny into something REALLY FUNNY, I must inject a little bit of fiction into the situation. Which parts are totally true? Which parts are embellished? Is any of it fiction?

I'll never tell. I AM SUCH A MYSTERY.

Baby steps.

First you finish the laundry. Then you put it all away. Then you make your lunch. Then you wash your dishes.

Then you change your life.

Here I am, back at home.

Here I am, back at home. Six days away isn't a long time. Mostly it felt like it wasn't long enough. At one point, surely due to lack of sleep, it felt like way too long. I called the airline because I wanted to go home. They told me it would cost $500. I changed my mind. I'm glad I stayed.

I have never laughed so hard and smiled so much. There were hugs every five minutes. Then they started leaving. I cried. I cried so hard. I don't think I've ever cried when saying goodbye before. Now I'm pretty sure I'm ready to go pro.

Come back, friends. I miss you. I really fucking miss you.

NOMS.

In an effort to slowly get myself back on the "HEY I LOVE EATING" train, I went to Whole Foods yesterday to get some things. I bought a loaf of my favourite pumpkin seed bread and some delicious cheeses to go with it. I was going to make THE BEST GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH EVER IN TIME. I was also going to make a non-grilled cheese and tomato sandwich to take to work today. BUT... last night I ended up with a bunch of leftover sushi, so I brought that for lunch today. I have to wait until I get home tonight before I get to eat my yummy yummy bread. But I want toast NOW.

This is exciting. There's a kind of food I actually want to eat. TOAST IS THE BEST THING EVER.

OKAY, FINE.

I think it is time to admit it. I have not been taking very good care of myself lately. I mean, I have been exercising, which is a pretty big deal for me. But there are so many other areas in which I have totally been failing myself.

I am not eating properly. I used to really enjoy cooking and trying new things. But it seems like lately I've just lost interest in food. I'm not thinking about it as something to be enjoyed. I think of it as something I have to do. Eating has become a chore to me. Something I wish I could survive without doing. Grocery shopping has become a horrible and confusing experience for me. When it comes time to make dinner, I sit in front of the cupboards and stare. I can't ever think of anything I want to eat or anything I want to make. It must have stemmed from being busy and not having the time to cook proper meals, and then just starting to rely on the convenience foods. This is something I hope to change soon. I know I'll start to look and feel better if I start to actually think about what I'm putting in my body again.

I'm also not sleeping well. This probably has a lot to do with the not eating properly (and vice-versa). I suppose there's no time like the start of a new year to start fixing the things you have been doing wrong. Wish me luck, friends. Delicious, delicious luck.

Goodbye, 2009.

This year was really difficult for me. I spent far too much of my time feeling stressed, upset, sick, tired, worried, angry, unsure of myself. I'm not sorry to see it go.

But even with all the bad things, there were some great things. Friends got married, there were babies, people went on exciting trips, I helped people, people helped me, I made new friends, I missed old ones, I danced, and I laughed. HOLY SHIT, DID I DO A LOT OF LAUGHING.

My world has changed a lot in the past year, and I spent a lot of time being afraid of that. I guess I just wasn't ready for it. But I'm ready now. Let's do this, 2010. I'm bringing my A-game. BOOSH.

Changes.

Christmas is going to be so very different this year. I come from a gigantic family. My Dad has 4 siblings and my Mom has 6. When I was growing up, Christmas dinner meant 25 people MINIMUM. I'm used to crowding around a big table with barely any elbow room, hearing 17 different conversations going on at the same time, laughter coming from every room in the house. But this year is going to be different.

My brother and sister aren't coming over for Christmas Eve. It's just my parents and I. They're coming late in the morning on Christmas Day. My nephew won't be at Christmas dinner. There will only be 8 of us this year. It's so WEIRD.

I guess we're all older now, so things are changing. That doesn't mean I have to like it. Meh.
Or HUMBUG, I suppose.

Lazy Sunday

I've been sitting around all day, doing nothing. I managed to make myself some food and got myself showered, but that's about it. I can think of a million things I could be or should be doing, but I'm not doing them.

Housework? Meh.

MOAR PLZ.

2 minutes ago I was working on something, when "Little Red Corvette" came on the radio. I stopped what I was doing and just sat and listened to it for a bit. I just sat there and thought about how much I fucking LOVE Prince. It made me so happy, just thinking about how great he is.

I REALLY LOVE HIM.

Next time you have one of those, "I LOVE THIS SONG!" moments, I suggest you stop for a moment and think about WHY you love it and HOW MUCH you love it. You don't have to do it, but it's pretty great when you do. It will make you smile.

SERIOUSLY, THOUGH. I FUCKING LOVE PRINCE.

BRRRRRRRRRR.

HOLY MOTHERLOVIN CRAP IT IS COLD OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW.

I know. I'm a total west coast baby when it comes to winter weather. We do get pretty spoiled over here in Vancouver. But seriously. Minus 5 is friggin COLD to this kid.

If I ever have to move back east, I am so effed.

SQUEE!

This day started out all wrong. It seemed to steadily get worse. It was pulling me down with it, into a pit of despair. There was a moment when I was sitting at my desk, where I decided that I wasn't going stress out anymore. I was going to snap the fuck out of it. So I tried a little relaxation technique. It took about 4 minutes to do and afterwards I already felt a little bit better.

Slowly, as the afternoon progressed, I began to feel lighter. Tiny things were making me smile. I was cheering up. By the time I headed home, I was actually smiling as I walked down the street. A firefighter said hello to me. I had a bounce in my step. I walked up the front steps to check the mail. MY BOOTS FROM J. CREW HAD ARRIVED!!!!!!!!!

I have been downright giddy since then. THEY ARE THE PRETTIEST BOOTS EVER IN TIME. I FEEL MAGICAL WHEN I WEAR THEM. I HAVEN'T TAKE THEM OFF SINCE I GOT HOME. I WORE THEM OUT WHEN I WENT TO GET MY BANGS TRIMMED.

I AM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW.

Hence the caps lock.

I think I may have just learned a lesson today, friends. I don't have to commit to being a grumpy miserable jerk just because things start out that way. I can turn it around if I want to.

HA! IN YOUR FACE, NABLOPOMO!

So. I thought I had buggered it up, but I kept going anyways. But then I realized that I had in fact posted twice in one day, therefore giving me a grand total of 30 blog posts in 30 days. So I'm calling this a win. A WIN!

Yay me!

The idea here was to make it a habit to remember to post here every once in awhile. I hope I can manage to do just that.

Also, it is December today. WHAT THE CRAP? Weird, right? I suppose I should probably start shopping and whatnot. OOPS.

Goodbye, old friend.

I got a text from my friend early this morning. Her dog had passed away last night. She thanked me for being a friend to her little dog and said that she was planning a funeral for him.

I spent lots of time with that little guy. He hated bicycles and would bark his face off at every passing cyclist. We would get kind of embarrassed by his freak outs, so we would tell people that he was just thanking them rather enthusiastically for being so kind to the environment. It was hilarious.

I'll admit, I thought it was a bit strange at first, when I read that she was planning a funeral for a dog. But then I remembered what it was like when my dog Ebony died. I was in college and was home alone, enjoying my first day of my month-long Christmas vacation. I was wrapping presents in the den when she came walking in. She whimpered, and I looked up at her. She looked at me with big, scared eyes and started wheezing. I grabbed her face and asked her if she was okay, as if she was going to be able to answer me. She started to wobble, so I grabbed her body in a hug. She collapsed in my arms. I panicked and ran around the house, looking for the phone. I needed to call the vet. I couldn't find it.

Ebony came wandering into the living room behind me. She suddenly seemed fine. I started to calm down. But then it happened again. She tried to get up and walk to me, but she couldn't stand. She was too heavy for me to carry her all by myself. I found the phone and called the vet. They told me to bring her in right away. I didn't have a car. I ran to the house across the street for help. They came over and helped me pick her up and drove us to the vet. They rushed her inside. 5 minutes later, they took me into a room and told me that she had died. I managed to make it out to the waiting room before I started sobbing.

I cried when I called my Mom at work to tell her. I cried when I called my Dad. I cried while I sat on the sofa waiting for them to come home. It was probably one of the most traumatic experiences of my life. I cried harder for that dog than I had ever cried for any person I had known in my whole life.

But she was a dog, so we didn't have a funeral for her. It seems weird that we didn't, considering that she was such a huge part of our lives. When you think about it that way, it doesn't seem so strange to pamper them in the way that we do. We do it because we love them. Because they are offer us what no one else can. Absolutely unconditional love.

Goodbye, old friend. We'll miss you.

Too much.

I think I have too much stuff.

About two or three times a year I go through my closet and get rid of a bunch of things I don't wear and don't need anymore. It's a pain in the butt to go through everything and I end up creating a huge mess in the process, but when it's finally done it feels pretty great. I'm left with a better organized space and it feels kind of great to get rid of things I don't absolutely love.

But that's only clothes. I still manage to accumulate piles and piles of random things. Things that people give me, and therefore don't want to throw away. Things that I feel some sort of weird emotional attachment to for no apparent reason. These things are harder to get rid of. I'm not sure why.

For clothes, I have rules that I follow in the purging process. If I haven't worn it in a year, it goes. If I have never EVER worn it, it goes. If it doesn't fit right, it goes. But I don't have rules like this to apply to my other things. It's just... stuff. What are the rules for getting rid of random stuff? How do I figure out what to keep and what not to keep?

Going, going, going, going...

ALL DAY LONG. Going here and there and everywhere. In the pouring rain. Walking, walking, talking, talking, more walking. Wandering around, not knowing what you want. Seeing things but not wanting any of it. Wandering, wandering. Wanting to sleep. It's so dark out. It's so early.

Goodnight.

Things I learned this week.

I learned that I'm getting older. Consequently, so is my body.

Maybe I shouldn't participate in what I called "lo-fi acrobatics". (There's a reason they told you never to jump on the bed. You really can hurt yourself.) Maybe I shouldn't stay out until 1am in the middle of the week. Maybe I can't just eat whatever I want. Because I'll get hurt, I'll get tired and I'll get fat.

But my spirit isn't getting older, so fuck that shit. If you need me, I'll be over here jumping on the bed at midnight on a Tuesday whilst eating cookies. Then I'm going to fall asleep in my pillow fort. SO SUCK ON THAT, 28 YEAR OLD BODY.

A post is a post!

I am VERY tired, after staying out way too late at the Hidden Cameras show. WOOOOO! ACTING MY AGE!!!!

Anyway, I thought I would mention to you lovely people that I have some Google Wave invites. Want one? You can have one! Either leave me your email address in the comments, or send me an email and tell me you want one. Happy waving and whatnot!

Going out.

I'm going out. Tonight. On a school night. To a show. That starts at 9:30. In the PM. That's my bed time. Concert organizers are jerks.

Whoa.

FACT: Competition chili has NO BEANS in it.

Beans qualify as filler, and there must be NO FILLER in competition chili.

I discovered this today, at a chili lunch fundraiser thingy at work. It was weird, because I had never encountered chili without beans before. In fact, when I make chili, I put TWO kinds of beans in it. So, if there are no beans in competition chili, what is in there?

Meat. 7 different kinds of meat. Also, some onions and like, red peppers or something. But mainly meat.

In a related story, I think I'm dying. From too much meat. Ohhhhhhhhhh.

AWWW CRAP.

So I had written a little thing for yesterday and I saved it as a draft and FORGOT TO PUBLISH IT. So I suppose this means that I have officially buggered up NaBloPoMo? SHIT!

I will probably post it later anyways. Using some sort of trickery. MUAHAHAHAHA!

Today I woke up feeling under the weather. Normally when I feel like that, I just push on and go to work anyways. But today I decided to listen to my body and so I stayed home. I'm all achey and headachey and blah. I think I just need to relax and sleep and drink tea. So that is what I will do.

THUG LIFE, BITCHES.

I fell into the trap.

I am not a huge fan of the Christmas thing. I find the whole lead up to the day to be very stressful. Everything is hurried, you rush everywhere, you worry about finding the exact right gifts for everyone, you can't find what you are looking for, there are people everywhere ALL THE TIME. It is not a fun time for nervous girls like me.

I normally try to hold off as long as possible on getting into it. I've always thought that I need to hold off until December 1st. It just seems downright silly to start thinking about it until then. But this year, I caved.

Yesterday, I bought eggnog. I KNOW, RIGHT? But here's the thing. It is ORGANIC. I'd never seen organic eggnog before. I picked it up to look at it, and found myself imagining drinking a homemade eggnog latte at breakfast. That was it. I was SOLD.

I made the latte this morning and OH MY GOD. It was divine. The most delicious coffee ever in time. I don't even care about being sucked into liking this Christmas stuff. It's totally worth it.

YUMMMMMMMMMMMMS.

For crying out loud.

I tend to write and joke a lot about crying. The truth is, I don't actually cry all that often. Sure, I often feel like I want to or am going to cry, but I don't really actually do it. Every so often, though, it does happen. And when it does, boy does it ever happen.

Yesterday was one of those days.

I felt it stirring up inside me right before I left work. It was about something that most people would think to be stupid. A non-issue. But I had been slowly getting worked up over it for two days. I could feel the tears coming as I walked down the street to the train station, but I shoved them back down. I felt them rise up into my throat again as I stood under my umbrella in the pouring rain, waiting for the bus. I managed to fight them off again. As I walked closer to my house, they came back. This time they were stronger. After checking the mail and finding nothing there to lift my spirits, it started to spill out. My eyes welled up and I ran down the steps and around to my door. I barely managed to get the door shut behind me before I was full on SOBBING.

It lasted for about 10 minutes. A good, hard, gasping for air, UGLY cry. Then it just stopped. So I took a picture of my tear-stained face and saved it away for later. It was a weird thing to do. But I just felt like I needed to do it. Not two minutes later, my phone rang. It was my Mom. I swear, the woman has radar. She always knows when to call. I talked to her for awhile, made some dinner and then went to bed. I slept for ages.

I woke up this morning, and pulled up the crying photo. I burst out laughing at the sight of my sad little face. It was so silly and kind of adorable. So I guess it wasn't such a weird thing to do after all.

I've been smiling ever since.

One small thing.

One small thing can turn into a much bigger thing, if you let it.

I let it.

I got really worked up about a grammatical error in an email. It made me so mad. It was completely irrational. Getting so annoyed about this one thing caused me to get annoyed about several other situations, probably just because I had decided to bathe in this negative energy I had been collecting.

So when the other small problems popped up, I was ill equipped to handle them and allowed those to be a bigger deal than they should have been.

And now I'm sitting here, all tensed up, on the verge of a headache and feeling like I might throw up.

I need to learn how to not care so much about the stupid things. It would be so much more pleasant to be able to live like that. *insert smiley face here*

I got the (social) skills to pay the bills.

Okay. So, Facebook. It's kind of annoying, right? And maybe sometimes you're like, "I am so going to quit this shit. YESTERDAY." But you don't, because you sort of feel like you need it to communicate with people. But you keep thinking that it's kind of stupid.

But then, one day someone awesome sends you a friend request. You get really excited. You feel super important. Mostly because you never get friend requests. So you talk about it a little in a public forum. People see it. Then you get more friend requests. And more. And even more. Eleven, to be exact.

Eleven. In one day. And you feel awesome about it, because eleven people think you are cool enough to be their friend.

I think this pretty much makes up for the entire 5 years of high school.

Internet, I love you.

The Internet is a wonderful place. It is full of awesome things made by awesome people. It is also full of crap made by jerks. But mostly awesome stuff.

It is where I have found people that like the same things I like, hate the same things I hate, get excited about the same things I get excited about, get annoyed by the same things I get annoyed by.

It is also where I find recipes and instructions for folding origami creatures. So, you know. Awesome.

My horoscope for today.

A much larger wave of emotion than you had expected washes over you, and you should find that your friends and family are there to support you -- though almost certainly not in the way you expect.

So it sounds like that's going to be pretty fun.

America!

I went to America today. It was great. Though I was pretty bummed out about not finding any clothes at Target (or anywhere, for that matter). I was, however, very pleased at some new cowboy boots, yummy food things from Trader Joes and a ridiculously awesome plaid trooper hat. I AM SO CANADIAN WITH THIS HAT.

This hat which I purchased in America.

Whatevs.

A strange thing.

Sometimes when I'm getting ready in the morning, I'll see myself in the mirror in my underwear and I'll think to myself, "Hey, not bad."

But then I put on my clothes and I think to myself, "Hey, maybe we could lose a few pounds. Like say, 30."

What is THAT about? It's strange.

TWO IN ONE DAY!

This one is just to tell you that I. CAN. NOT. STOP. LAUGHING.

Everything is funny this afternoon. I love it. I love it so hard.

Have a great Friday, kids.

Smiling makes me smile.

I fully expected to be a grumpy ol' jerkface today, as today is my jobiversary. 4 years ago, I started here. As this day approached, I started to think about my career path and what I'm doing and where I'm going and why I'm doing it and blah blah blah. I started to get anxious. Also, it is Friday the 13th and I dropped my bagel on the floor this morning. I took this as a sign.

But then something great happened. Two people went out of their way to tell me that I had made them smile and laugh today. Do you know how awesome that is? It is my favourite feeling in the whole world.

So it doesn't really matter that I've been at the same job for 4 years. Clearly, I'm doing something right in life.

Something to look forward to.

It's very easy to be grumpy these days. Stuck in the dark all day, rarely seeing the sun. Everyone around you is feeling the same way, so you all just feed each other that delicious negative energy. And you eat it up, greedily. You can't seem to get enough of it sometimes.

This is why the little joys in life are so important. You need to have something to look forward to. One tiny little thing that makes you happy.

For me, it is my mailbox. I have been informed that someone awesome is sending me a package soon. Even though I know it won't be there right away, checking my mailbox will be my favourite part of my day until it arrives. Because for those moments right before I walk up the front stairs, I will be SO EXCITED. SO HOPEFUL. And even when I see that it's not there, I'll feel that way again when I think to myself, "Maybe tomorrow!"

It's going to be so great when it's finally here. I really love mail.

Remembrance.

Today is Remembrance Day, which means having a day off. Normally, I'm all, "WOOO! DAY OFF!" but not today. I always feel a little weird about making plans for this day. I feel like maybe I'm not supposed to have fun today. I'm supposed to remember.

I usually just end up using this as a day for staying home and thinking. Quietly reflecting about life and stuff.

I'm sure by the end of all this reflecting, I'll need my mom.

This space for rent.

I am kind of the greatest friend ever, because I looked past my annoyance of Twitter marketing to help out Lydia with a thing. I tweeted about this contest, which I actually think is kind of cool.

It would be pretty awesome if one of my Internet buddies won it, because they could come here and visit me. So maybe you should enter. And maybe we can drink tea together. And maybe Lydia has turned me into some kind of corporate marketing monster. ROARRRRRRRRR.

Making friends is difficult.

If you take the train here in the morning, you will run into at least three different people at the entrance/exit to the train station all of whom are offering you a different free newspaper. I hate reading the newspaper. Mostly because the ink always gets on my fingers and I hate the way it feels. Also because I get really annoyed when the articles are on page A4 and then they are continued on E7 and then you are like, "Where the fuck is E7?" Then you find E7 and there's only like half a paragraph left anyways and it makes me mad that there is a whole page just dedicated to finishing up stories because why didn't they just finish the story on the next page? It is like the newspaper business is immune to logic or something. I DIGRESS.

So anyways, when I leave the train in the morning I always see the same old man. His name tag says Saul. Saul is likely nearing 80 years old, but he stands outside EVERY morning quietly asking everyone if they would like a paper. He is quite possibly the most adorable man on the planet. I want him to be my friend. I want to go to a diner with him and drink coffee while he tells me ridiculous stories. I want him to give me tips about life.

But it can never happen. Because I can never take a paper from Saul. He'll see it in my eyes. He'll know that I hate reading the newspaper. He'll know that it's a pity paper, and he will never want to hang out with me after that.

It's a shame, because I think Saul and I would get along really well. We could talk about brown pants and running shoes, since I already know that he is a fan of that look.

One week.

I've made it through week one of NaBloPoMo! WORD UP.

The first bit of the week was pretty easy, because I came up with some writing prompts to use. It's something I've never really done before, but I quite enjoyed it. Once I had the idea, I was able to sit down and write 4 posts easily. NO PROBLEM. It felt pretty great.

Sometimes I need to stop thinking so much about what qualifies as content, and just tell you what I want to tell you. Today I want to tell you about a sandwich. A magical sandwich. From Finch's.

It was made on a fresh baguette and had sliced pear with blue brie, prosciutto and toasted walnuts, drizzled with balsamic and olive oil. IT WAS AMAZING. With each bite of this sandwich, I kept wondering why I had ever bothered to eat any other sandwich in my life. Why would I ever eat a sandwich on stupid regular bread? With stupid regular cheese? WHY HAVEN'T I BEEN PUTTING WALNUTS ON THEM?

I think I may have moved up into a whole new sandwich bracket. This could be trouble, friends. Big trouble. Delicious, delicious trouble.

Rituals

We all have little rituals that we perform (often daily) in order to keep ourselves sane. These little things make us feel like ourselves. I have one that I perform every week. I get a little sad when I miss it, even though missing it usually means that I'm off doing something awesome.

I spend my Saturday mornings exactly the same way, week after week. I look SO forward to doing it, even though it's nothing super special. I get out of bed around 9:30 or 10. I head to the giant chair and turn on the TV for a bit. I make myself a large vanilla soy latte, which I put into my favourite mug. (It's huge and was one of Lydia's. It came from La Senza, and I've been using it for tea and coffee since before I even lived here.) I turn on the W Network and watch whatever chick movie they happen to be playing that morning. (Last week was something with Amanda Bynes. DO NOT JUDGE ME.) I usually also eat some toast for breakfast.

Even if I think the movie is stupid, I still sit there and watch it. There is just something about the act of drinking THAT coffee out of THAT mug while watching THAT channel that makes me feel like... me. I never feel more at home than I do in those first few hours on Saturday morning.

Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a latte to make.

Ah-HA!

This past week has been HORRIBLE. I haven't been feeling so great. I've had crazy neck and back pain all week, which has lead to headaches and miserableness. But even before the neck pain started, I felt SO TIRED. Just completely physically drained. I couldn't understand why, because I had been sleeping fairly well. I just didn't feel like myself.

Today, it hit me. The time change always fucks with me a little bit. It often takes me a week or two to adjust. The fall one seems to be a little different, though. When I get up in the morning, it's dark out. It's light out on my way to work. In the office, we don't have overhead lights turned on, so it is really dark in there. On dark and rainy days, it is like working in a cave for 8 hours. Then I leave work in the dark. I've lived my entire week in the dark. I am pretty sure this is why I'm miserable.

I'm thinking about trying light therapy. The lights are a bit expensive, but I found some portable ones online from Target for a bit cheaper. I'm willing to give it a shot, because it's better than being a mopey old jerk for the next 6 months.

If you've tried light therapy, let me know. I'm interested to hear what you think of it. Or maybe you have other things that help you get through the winter blahs?

*sigh*

The things she could not live without.

The things she could not live without:

• her espresso machine


• hugs


• smiles from strangers


• making you laugh


• sleeping


• seeing your face


• Kid A by Radiohead


• real friends


• imaginary friends


• her iPhone


• seeing your smiling face

(Inspired by some postcards I bought at The Regional Assembly of Text.)

The things she loved.

The things she loved:

• Saturday morning coffee in her pjs


• movies about dancing


• the quiet moments right before she falls asleep


• brand new pens


• new shoes


• getting surprises in the mail


• science!
  

(Inspired by some postcards I bought at The Regional Assembly of Text.)

The things she hated.

The things she hated:

• waiting


• thinking about money


• cold water in the bathtub


• the taste of vitamin C tablets


• earaches


• being tired


• when Word automatically changes the font


• LOUD NOISES!


• spiders

(Inspired by some postcards I bought at The Regional Assembly of Text.)

The things she liked.

The things she liked:

• pancakes for dinner
  
• grape soda


• seeing new emails in her inbox


• hearing leaves crunch under her feet


• spinning around in circles in the sunlight


• the smell of freshly baked bread

(Inspired by some postcards I bought at The Regional Assembly of Text.)

NaBloPoMo, bitches!

Happy November, jerks! You know what that means... it is National Blog Posting Month. I've never taken part in this before, but I was thinking about it yesterday and I'm kind of sad about what has become of this space. I've been spending most of my time creating other kinds of content in other places, and therefore have let my writing here fall off. So I'm trying to kick myself in the butt and see if I can get back into the swing of things.

I shall be attempting to post once per day for the entire month of November. This doesn't seem like such a difficult thing to do, but sometimes you just feel like you have nothing to write about. I'm going to try to fix that. There's ALWAYS something to write about. I can write about having nothing to write about. WHOA. Meta.

Anyways, I'm excited about being back here. Let's see how this goes. Hopefully I don't muck it up.

Until tomorrow...

Bored.

I'm bored. Yeah, that's right. I said it. And don't give me any of that whole, "Only boring people get bored" crap. That's a lie. I know this. I know this because I am a very interesting person. A very interesting person WHO HAPPENS TO BE BORED OUT OF HER MIND RIGHT NOW, YO.

Now you're thinking I'm arrogant, calling myself interesting and shit. But I'm not. This is based on the fact that people are always telling me how interesting I am. Okay fine. The word they actually use is "weird", but that's like, basically the same thing. So whatever. I'm interesting.

AND I'M REALLY, REALLY BORED.

Hair today, gone tomorrow?

I used to have short hair. Really short hair, at one point. I loved it. The first time I went short (when I was 19) I was convinced that I would never have long hair EVER AGAIN. Short hair is so easy! I lasted about 8 years with short hair. I started growing it out over the past year, and now it is way long. It has been long for awhile now... and I'm starting to get bored with it. I feel like I want a change. But every time I talk about cutting it shorter again, people freak out. They keep telling me not to cut it, because I look so much better with long hair.

The problem is that when I had really short hair, I didn't ever take photographs of myself. This means that I don't really have anything besides my memory to go on. At the time I thought I looked great with short hair.. but what if I was wrong? If I had pictures, I would have PROOF of looking awesome. (Or possibly ridiculous.)

I'm going in tomorrow. I still have no idea what I'm going to do. But then again, I pretty much never do. I don't decide until I'm in the chair.

Until then, I'll get lost in Google results for "haircut awesome cool".

I think I'm pretty hilarious.

Self-deprecation is the kind of humour I am most fond of. I use it because I would much rather make fun of myself than to possibly offend someone else. This is why I do it so often. The problem with this is that when you do it as often as I do, people seem to read it the wrong way. If I make fun of myself, I must hate myself.

I don't. I swear.

To me, self-deprecation is about knowing yourself. No one knows me better than I do. I know my limitations, my strengths and weaknesses, my fears, my everythings. So when I make jokes about how I don't go out or talk to people it is not because I HATE MYSELF, it is because I KNOW MYSELF. I know that I don't go out and that I don't talk to people. I'm not sad about it. I think it is FUNNY. And it's okay for you to laugh about it too.

I make jokes about myself because I know I can take it. I think I'm HILARIOUS, so why wouldn't I share that with the world?

Haha, I'm totally arrogant.

SEE WHAT I DID THERE?

Down with the sickness.

I am pretty sure I am getting sick, which SUCKS ASS. I just feel so tired. I feel like I could go to sleep right now and sleep straight through until next Tuesday.

Hey, I should totally do that. BEST IDEA EVAR.

Everything is going to be alright.

I was driving home from downtown tonight and feeling a little bummed out about some things. As I headed over the Georgia Viaduct, I saw a bright light out of the corner of my eye. I looked over and saw a sign on top of a building in Chinatown. It was written in the brightest neon lights:

EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE ALRIGHT.

I smiled and laughed to myself.

"It is." I said. "It really is."