Monday, January 09, 2006

ELECTION 2006: It's all about the ass.

So as you probably know, the election is fast approaching. It's time to start paying attention and looking at the important issues... like which candidate is the hottest! Which one of these sexy beasts is going to get your sexy vote? Can't decide? That's why I'm here! So lets take a look at each of the candidates and what they have to offer. (If you know what I mean... DIRTY!)

Paul Martin

Hey there, I'm Paul Martin. I'm the Prime Minister... of SEXINESS!

For god's sake, just look at him! Why would you NOT want him to be your leader? He has lovely eyes... and wonderfully white teeth. This is important because it shows us that he cares about personal hygene a great deal... which means that he cares about Canada.

Lydia says he looks very trustworthy and is a sharp dresser. She also imagines that he spends time at sea, with the wind blowing through his fantastic mane of hair. That's totally hot.

Now I think that his main selling point is that he is a very passionate man. He LOVES Canada. He loves Canada so much it's almost kinda dirty... ME-OW!


HELLO! That's pretty hot... if you are into that sort of thing. Do you think that is his real body? I bet he totally works out... when he's not busy saving us from ourselves.

Lydia says Stephen Harper is actually really gross. His eyes are dead and his hair doesn't move. I think maybe she is letting her political views influence her here... Or maybe she didn't see this picture!!

Honestly, he's not really my cup of tea either. But from what I hear, he's quite popular with the ladies. I think it has something to do with his rigid demeanor... cause you just know that underneath the cold and unfeeling facade, there's a tiger in there! Grrrrr! (NOTE: EEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!!!!! Objective journalism gives me bad feelings!!! Dirty.)


OH MY GOD. Gilles Duceppe is a stone FOX! Look at those eyes... I have never seen such amazing blue eyes... it's like someone stole some stars from the sky and put them in his eyes... *sigh*

Lydia is way in love with Gilles Duceppe. He is French and she totally digs that. He could probably say just about anything to her in French and she would melt like butter on a hot day in Chicago. Kanye West is from Chicago and he knows about hot stuff. I think he probably loves Gilles Duceppe too.

He totally has an advantage here, because of the accent. IT makes everything sound naughty. I bet Lydia really loves it when he gets going on that whole "sepratist movement" business. Awwww yeah.


So here's Jack Layton. So here is hotness on a platter. So here is the hottest guy to rock a moustache since Magnum PI! If only we all lived in Maui and he wore shorts all the time... that would be amazing. I really do think he's the sexiest one of the bunch.

Lydia says she thinks he's way sensitive which is hot. She thinks that this sensitivity probably makes him a very passionate lover. HELLO!!! Get in line ladies, this one's taken. You are one lucky lady, Olivia Chow.

He's got this real blue collar thing going on... look at you, Mr. Casual in your press photo! Wearing no jacket... I think this serves two purposes: 1) Look at me, I'm so average and don't wear a full suit, and 2) Hey ladies, check out my sculpted upper body and think about it allllll the way to the voting booth! Go get em, Magnum. Is it getting hotter in here, or is it just Jack Layton?

So there you go. Lydia and Sarah's guide to FOXY POLITICS!!! Screw policy and voting records! It's all about the hotness. Yummy.


Dave said...

Paul Martin has the corporate vote.
Steven Harper has the old-lady vote.
Jack Layton has the young people vote.
But Gilles Duceppe has definitely got the sexy vote. He is a sexy, sexy man. I'D HIT THAT!

Anonymous said...

This blog is the funniest thing on the Internet! You are truly a talented young humourist! Your roommate sounds RAD! I can't wait to read more of your antics!