Monday, April 03, 2006

ANTS IN MY BOOKBAG! THERE WERE ANTS IN MY BOOKBAG!

So this morning there were totally ants in my bag. It was DISGUSTING!!! Gross. Now I feel like there are ants crawling all over me. MAKE IT STOP!!!!!

The following is an excerpt from some emailing between Dave and I the other day. Keep in mind that this is only part of the story, so the beginning may not make sense. But read on anyways. Ants are GROSS!

-----Original Message-----
From: Dave
Sent: Wednesday, March 29, 2006 3:28 PM
To: Sarah
Subject: RE: [very important information]

How about I don’t give you five dollars... and we call it even.I hope hunter is well these days. He’s a top-drawer guy.As for your “crying” theory... I don’t see sad people making millions of dollars.


From: Sarah
Sent: Wednesday, March 29, 2006 3:38 PM
To: Dave
Subject: RE: [very important information]

Hmmm... but remember how supposedly money does not aid in the purchasing of happiness? Keep in mind that this is still only a theory, as I have not yet had the opportunity to test it out. You know, being ghetto and all. Did I tell you that my house has ants? I feel as though this helps to illustrate things.

-----Original Message-----
From: Dave
Sent: Wednesday, March 29, 2006 3:45 PM
To: Sarah
Subject: RE: [very important information]

I have ants too. Or I did.I appear to have killed them all or else they simply packed up and left when they beheld my awesome power.It was pretty insane for a while there because they were all up in my grill. I was killing ants left right and center and I was pretty sure they would never go away.

Now they are gone and I kind of miss their company. Maybe I could just have one or two ants... but no. It is all or nothing.They are so selfish.I have seen A Bug’s Life and the film Antz and I do not feel that either film accurately represents the world of ants. In truth they are assholes and they will gladly fuck up your shit. If all ants died one day, I would not be very upset.











This guy’s an asshole

In summary: Fuck you ants. Fuck you. -DT

From: Sarah
Sent: Wednesday, March 29, 2006 3:50 PM
To: Dave
Subject: RE: [very important information]

I totally agree. Ants don't care about you and me. They are jerks. I found one on my duvet this morning. I flicked it off and was all, "OH NO YOU DIDN'T!" I mean, honestly. I sleep in there, yo! You know what else I hate about ants? They have no respect for ones personal space. They will just crawl on top of you if they want. That's so not cool.

-----Original Message-----
From: Dave
Sent: Wednesday, March 29, 2006 3:52 PM
To: Sarah
Subject: RE: [very important information]

Sometimes you will be going to the washroom and your leg will itch and you look and it’s an ant!“NOT WHILE I’M PEEING MAN! AIN’T YOU GOT NO RESPECT?”

From: Sarah
Sent: Wednesday, March 29, 2006 3:55 PM
To: Dave
Subject: RE: [very important information]

ummm... That never happened to me, but I do see your point. Do you ever eat at McDonalds? I saw 2 people here eat it today. I just don't get it.

-----Original Message-----
From: Dave
Sent: Wednesday, March 29, 2006 4:02 PM
To: Sarah
Subject: RE: [very important information]

PEOPLE EAT MCDONALDS?! THAT SHIT IS INSANE! No. I don’t eat McDonalds. I have in the past but it tastes so terrible. It is like paying to lick the bottom of a public bench. Burger King is kind of good though. At least there is tomato to make you feel like this isn’t so unhealthy.

Today I ate a cheap microwave dinner. I am pretty sure that it was worse for me than two McDonaldses and I am hungry again already so I feel ripped off. I am like that football player in the hungryman commercials. I want a trunk full of microwave dinners.I’m pretty sure he eats them all for one meal. He is a fat dude.

From: Sarah
Sent: Wednesday, March 29, 2006 4:12 PM
To: Dave
Subject: RE: [very important information]

Yeah, that guy is totally fat! What I find strange about that commercial is that how everyone just looks at the trunk full of hungry man dinners and they are all just like.. "Wow. That guy is very hungry, isn't he?". LOOK AT HIM. Why is no one concerned about the man's health??
Plus, you have to wonder if they are putting some kind of drugs into the food. That dude has some anger issues surrounding his hungry man dinners. He's totally addicted. And something tells me it's not because they are delicious.
I smell conspiracy!!

----end of excerpt----

After that we were just talking about weird stuff. It's not important. The point is, I HATE ANTS!!!

And so does Dave.

We also do not enjoy McDonalds and Hungry Man dinners. (Though for different reasons. Dave doesn't like Hungry Man because they are unsatifying, I think they are sexist.)

Ants - consider yourselves warned. I'm coming after you and I do not intend to show you ANY mercy. You are so going down, bitches! You have tainted a perfectly good bookbag, and now you shall pay dearly... WITH YOUR LIVES!

That is all.

PS: I got my new car and it is rad. I am going to use it to pick up hot boys. Apparently sweet rides help boys to pick up hot chicks, so why can't it work the other way?

"Hey there hot stuff. Wanna take a ride in my Yaris? That's right. I said Yaris. It's a 2007, bitches!"

2 comments:

Dave said...

NEWSFLASH!

Spider-man is back.
http://tandtrouble.blogspot.com

also,
Thanks for STEALING MY WORDS!

Mina said...

speederman?