An open letter to the internet.

Dear The Internet, (aka "Information Superhighway" aka "Interweb of Lies" etc...)

Please stop sending me pornographic emails. It's really inappropriate, considering that we do have a business relationship. Not to mention the fact that it's really very embarassing, especially when you are checking your email at work. I mean, that shit is MONITORED. Are you trying to get me FIRED???

Internet, I thought we were friends. Why do you insist upon acting in this manner? I don't like it one bit. May this letter serve as a warning to you, that if you don't stop it... I'll... well, I'll... get a new email address and you will have to wait for 3 months before you can track me down again. Which actually isn't a bad idea. Maybe I should do that anyways. Damn you!

I mean it, Internet. Stop it!

Your pal,

Sarah