Whew! I feel so much better now...

This morning on the bus I saw a kid wearing a shirt that advertised the fact that he was on his way to physics camp at UBC. PHYSICS CAMP!!!!

Suddenly I don't feel so bad about spending so much time alphabetizing my CD's.

Heh. Physics camp...

N.E.R.D.

Today I partook in what is quite possibly the nerdiest activity I have in my repertoire of activities. I know how nerdy it really is, but I don't care because I LOVE doing it.

Every once in awhile I get bored and decide to rearrange my CD collection. I have a ton of them, because I have kept every CD I have ever bought/had given to me/"borrowed" from my Dad. I'm not going to lie to you. I had made a frigging mess of it lately. They were scattered all over the place, and completely devoid of any sort of classification system. I finally got pissed off today when I couldn't find my frigging copy of Midnite Vultures. So I went to town.

Now, I know what you're thinking. Just alphabetize that shit and get it over with. It is not so simple! This is the kind of thing one really needs to think about. I once organized them all in chronological order, according to time of purchase! Mind you, it was a much smaller collection back then so it was easier. Frig if I remember when I bought/swiped them from the campus radio station!

I decided to go alphabetical for now... which ended up being the easiest way... but also the most shameful.

There is a Bush album (Deconstructed... I HAVE THAT???) right beside my London Calling CD.

Don't worry. I'm going to go kick my own ass right now. Damn my 16 year old self!

So imagine that you walk outside and you are standing in a meadow where there are fat little babies who just learned how to walk playing with puppies, bunnies, kittens, baby pandas and baby ducks. Cute, right? NOT AS CUTE AS THIS VIDEO.



A cute boy with a cute accent, singing a cute song WITH HIS EYES CLOSED while a video of frolicking baby animals plays in the background. It makes me melt.

It also makes me feel kind of pervy because he's only like, 20. But really, can you blame me? His name is Paulo Nutini and he's Scottish! It's such an awesome trick!

You can thank the flux capacitor for that one...

Conversation between slightly drunken friends on a Friday night:

DAVE: *blah blah blah, makes joke about someone's mom*

ME: (speaking in fake British accent, which is actually pretty good) "Oh, shut up you tosser."

DAVE: "Did you just call me a tosser?"

ME: "Indeed, I did."

DAVE: "HAHAHA! That's awesome. Oh wait... SHUT UP!"

(This carries on for bit.... 5 mins later...)

*Dave's mobile rings... his ringtone is "American Psycho" by Treble Charger*

ME: Ummmm... Dave, 1999 is calling, you'd better answer that!"

*Hysterical laughter and mad props courtesy of Amanda and Seth... and me.)

Damnit, I'm awesome.

Memory *mostly* full (of crap).

When I was little my brother and I used to watch a lot of TV together. It was pretty much the only time we didn't fight. Hence, a good number of my childhood memories are centred around the television. Some of them are pretty funny... and completely random. It makes me wonder why I remember them at all, since they were so weird and insignificant.

1) When I was 3 or 4 I was sick one day and couldn't go to preschool. I was pretty pissed off about having to stay in bed. My mom felt bad, so she brought our teeny tiny little black and white Grenada TV into my room, and we spent the morning watching scrambled up episodes of Mr. Dressup and Sesame Street. I'm pretty sure we got a 21 inch colour TV like 2 days later. I love my mom.

2) When I was 5 my brother and I were watching Magnum PI (I really liked the theme song) when he turned to me and said, "Magnum PI is a gaylord!". I'm pretty sure he didn't know exactly what that meant, because he turned around and started watching again. I wonder what my mom was thinking when I came up to her a few mins later and said, "Jason just called Magnum PI a gaylord! What does that mean?" (I think an appropriate answer would have been "BWAHHAHAHAHAHA!")

3) I loved watching Family Ties and thought that Alex P. Keaton was the coolest dude EVER. I loved him. I wanted to be like him. My hopes were crushed years later when I found out what a Republican was.

4) I used to watch Muchmusic ALLLLLLL day. This is where I discovered reruns of the Monkees! My mother came to regret exposing me to it after I saw the Christmas episode when Davy got knocked off a ladder, clung onto the Christmas tree and sent the whole thing falling over. Why did she regret it? Because I thought it was SO FUNNY that I had to replicate it by standing on the corner of the couch and falling onto the cushions like 70 times a day for years afterwards.

And now you can share the memories with me...



Heh. Nice shorts, gaylord. (Just kidding. I love Tom Selleck.)

Who needs the Kwik E Mart?

I dooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...

Last night Kelly was nice enough to drive Lydia and I out to Coquitlam (or the Coq, as I like to call it.) to visit the Kwik E Mart! I highly recommend checking it out, mainly for the sweet photo ops and the fact that there are like, 9 different flavors of Squishees. (Dr. Pepper AND Root Beer included! Yessssssssss!)

Check out Kelly's Flickr for more sweet photos of our adventure. Including one of the man the dudes outside in the lineup called "a real-life Apu". Actually, before he even said that, I was talking about how I was sort of worried that basically any person of Indian descent who happens to work at a 7-Eleven is probably about 100% more likely to get harrassed by drunk kids wanting them to say "Thank you, come again!" due to this whole promotion. Let's hope that doesn't happen.

IMG_1498.jpg Originally uploaded by Jeffery Simpson

Oh, Ralph.

She's turning up the heat...

Karaoke party at my house! Good lord, did this make me laugh. I love Loverboy.

I've waited hours for this...

It's a good song, isn't it? IT WILL BE EVEN BETTER WHEN I SEE IT LIVE AND IN PERSON FROM MY AWESOME SEATS THAT I JUST GOT THIS MORNING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Holy crap, am I excited about this show. Lydia and I have AMAZING seats... row 15 at the corner section! I might cry a little. October 9th can not come fast enough. I am filled with glee right now. GLEE!

Pump up the jam, fool!

Guess what? It is Friday! On a long weekend! This is how happy I am about the situation:




I just did this exact dance in my office 5 mins ago. WOOOOOOOOOO!

The visual equivalent of caffeine.

After another late night of jazz (The Bad Plus played a sweet version of Bowie's "Life on Mars", woot!) I am WAY tired this morning. Here's a little something that that can perk up anybody. It's that awesome. Sing along if you know the words, kids!



I'm stuck in a basement, sittin' on a tricycle
Girl gettin' on my nerves
Goin' outta my mind, I thought she was fine
Don't know if her body is hers...

AHHHHHAHAHAHAHA! This will never get old. "Brefmints. Brefmints. Brefmints. Brefmints. BREFMINTS!!!"

Don't stop till you get enough.

Conversation I overheard at the bus stop between hilarious gay dude (HGD) and his lady friend (LF):

HGD: "OMG I can't wait to get my nose job!"
LF: "What? Why do you want to get a nose job?"
HGD: "BECAUSE... I don't like my nose."
LF: "Oh, come on!"
HGD: "Seriously. I already know what it will look like. I'm getting Michael Jackson's second nose."
LF: "MICHAEL JACKSON'S SECOND NOSE???"
HGD: "Yeah, it was totally cute."
LF: "So you're just going to go to the doctor and say 'I want Michael Jackson's second nose. Be careful. If you hit the third one, you've gone too far!'"

Amazing. I was dying a little on the inside trying to hold in the laughter.

Obrigado, Bebel.

Bom dia!

Last night I saw Bebel Gilberto at the Centre. She is the funniest, strangest little woman ever. She pranced around the stage in her boots and metallic minidress, rolled around on the floor Madonna style (circa 1984 MTV awards, Like A Virgin), and took sips of wine in between songs. They had this really funky chair in the middle of the stage on a platform, which she used to lounge around in while she sang. She's got a lovely voice, and when you are listening to her music it makes you feel like you are sitting in the sun and having a fantastically lazy day.

I especially loved her interaction with the audience... which was in hilariously cute randomized English. "When you break the ankle you break the leg AND the foot. Both! Help heal my leg, Vancouver. Chant with me. Give me your energy." This is where she led us in meditation chants... "OMMMMMMMMMMM. OMMMMMMMMMMM." "Come on, Vancouver. Imagine me jogging." So funny.

If you haven't heard her, here is a little taste. This song is in English, which I enjoy because I can't understand when she sings in Portuguese. If I hadn't returned those "Learn how to speak Brazilian Portuguese" tapes to the library 5 years ago, I probably WOULD understand. (Don't worry, Brie. I did return them. You don't have to turn me in to the library authorities!)

Friggin' transit.

This morning I had a breakfast meeting at 9am. The previously mentioned President of the Universe was going to be there, so I did NOT want to miss it. He's terribly charming and I kind of have a crush on him. I DIGRESS. So yeah, breakfast meeting! That meant free muffins and whatnot from Bread Garden. Woot. I left my house at a perfectly reasonable time, that would have normally had me arriving at work at exactly 8:30am.


BUT THAT TOTALLY DID NOT HAPPEN.


On my way to the bus stop, a bus drove past me just before I got to the corner to cross the street. This happens to me pretty much every morning, so I didn't think much of it. I got to the bus stop and waited. They usually come along every 5 mins, so I wasn't concerned. But then it was 10 mins later. And 15 mins later. At this point, there was quite the little lineup forming. Finally, after 20 mins there was a bus coming down the road. It drove right past us, because it was FULL. We all kind of groaned in collective annoyance. So then we waited some more. Another 10 mins goes by. But hark! Another bus! Also full. Totally drove past.

At this point I was debating with myself whether or not I should just give up, run home and hop in my car, or wait it out a little longer. Since I had already waited over half an hour, I decided to stick it out. I finally managed to cram onto a but at about 8:40am! I was totally late, but was hoping that I could still make it for 9am. The rest of the ride was relatively quick, so I felt okay about it.

Then when I got to my second bus stop, I waited for another 10 mins. I was pretty pissed off about being late, because I wanted to avoid having EVERYONE STARE AT YOU when you walk into a room late. Things were loving along pretty well down Cambie street... until suddenly at 10th ave, I heard this huge BANG!!!! and the whole bus lurched. People went flying forward and everyone was yelling. We all just kind of stood there, confused. The back door light went on, so instead of sticking around to see what the heck happened, I was all, "Bitches, I am LATE! Out of my way!" and I ran down the street.

I got to work, snuck in the super secret back way and got there just before the meeting started. I ate a delicious muffin and didn't miss a thing. *whew*

I really do love the environment, but EFF is transit ever annoying sometimes. Which is why I am totally selling out and driving my car downtown tonight. HA!

Zzzzzzzz.

I'm sitting in the Media Lounge at the jazz festival. I'm waiting. Waiting for something to happen. It's really very boring at the moment. You would think that this place would be brimming with attractive musician types... but not so much. Most of them are old men. Or men who do not speak English. Or old men who do not speak English.

There was one lovely boy who wandered in here to ask a question about where one might get some breakfast at 2 in the afternoon. Since I ALWAYS want to eat breakfast at 2 in the afternoon on weekends, I was kind of smitten. His sweet CBC t-shirt helped too.

Now all I can think of is what kind of food I'm going to eat. I really want some noodles and dumplings. Where might one find such culinary delights in this neighborhood? The internet will help me. Hey, awesome. There's only 3 and a half hours to go until I blow this popsicle stand. Woooooooooooo. *yawn*

The way I see it...

Dudes. This morning the quote on my starbucks cup was awesome!

"Playing in an independent rock band will eventually make you equal parts truck driver, gladiator and mule. Glamour is for those with trust funds." - Neko Case

Neko Case! On a Starbucks cup! That is crazy.

Proof that emotionally speaking, I never progressed past the age of 3.

I am nearly 26 years old. In the eyes of the government, that makes me an adult! But the fact that I can't stop singing this song in my head proves that the government has erroneously awarded me the title of adult.

The fact that I actually enjoy singing this song proves that I am unlikely to ever take a husband.




What can I say? I am a sucker for a clever pun. "It's so a-PEEL-ing..." That's gold, Jerry. GOLD!

Cruisin' for some boozin'.

Hey it is almost noon. What a lame regular Tuesday afternoon this is... NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm outta here! I'm going on a booze cruise!

Our boat is called the SS Minnow... anybody heard of it?

Time to get my drink on!

It's not a habit...

So maybe over the last month my coffee intake has grown exponentially from one a week to like... 3 or 4... or 5 a week. So maybe I like it. So maybe I always want to drink it. It is not because I am addicted... it is because I like the taste, okay? OKAY???

I've been really careful about limiting how much coffee I drink, because I'm afraid of getting addicted. I need to get back to the days when I drank decaf tea or green tea and only used my lattes as a once a week treat or for dire emergencies!

I think I'm going to be okay. I have to be... otherwise this is my future:



It's just so sad...

Because sometimes you just miss the '90's real bad...

I don't know why, but I love this damn song. So much. It is one of those songs that you never hear, but when you do it is SO EXCITING and so you yell, "YEEEEAH! I LOVE THIS SONG!" and then you sing the parts you know, which is usually only the chorus.

A good portion of my morning was made up of me singing, "Girl, you've got to rohh-ohhh-olllll..."

I love it.

So you think you can dance, jokey jokerson?

Okay, so last night I totally fell into the summer tv trap. It all started innocently enough... I am a sucker for some killer choreography, so I started watching So You Think You Can Dance. It was the first stage episode where they dance with partners... and it was FRIGGIN' GOOD! These kids are INSANE. There were some really killer routines in there. It made me feel like I really need to get my butt on down to Harbour Dance and take a hip hop class or something. I've got rhythm... I swear! Just give me some choreography to work with and I will blow your damn mind!

THEN... I was flipping through the channels and happened upon the Montreal auditions for Last Comic Standing. Apparently every single comic who has ever appeared on that Muchmusic show where they make catty comments about old music videos auditioned this year. I was surprised when I found myself LAUGHING MY FACE OFF. We have some really funny people living up here. Did you know that? I did. Because I am one of them, bitches! HIYO!

So ANYWAYS, there was this one guy who made me laugh so hard my tummy hurt. He calls himself Mel Silverback. He has a little bit of a shtick. Basically, his thing is that he dresses up as a gorilla wearing a brow tuxedo, kickin it 1972 stylz. Holy frig. He came out on stage and I thought, "Oh GOD. This is going to be lame." The first thing he said was "Hi my name is Mel Silverback. I'm originally from Africa, now living in Canada." So damn funny. It was pretty awesome. I found this clip of some of the Montreal stuff on YouTube... watch for the gorilla! Also check out Debra DiGiovanni. She's hilarious.



I love you, TV.

Wakey wakey eggs and bakey!

It is possible that if there was indeed the possibility for eggs and bacon for me this morning, I would be a heck of a lot more chipper. But there is NO delicious breakfast in my near future, so I am one tired duck right now.

This morning while I was eating my bagel I made the decision to go coffee and cola free today, in an effort to get myself to the point of utter exhaustion so that I might sleep normally once again. I so miss the days of being in bed by 10pm. Now I don't seem to get tired until midnight. This is some crazy business. I am losing out on nearly 2 hours of sleep EVERY NIGHT! That adds up, people!

If I don't perk up soon I might have to cave. BUT... rest assured, if I do it will be in the name of science! I'll order a decaf coffee and see if the placebo effect kicks in. Though it won't REALLY be the placebo effect if I know that there is no caffeine in it. Whatevs. It is science!

Why for so tired, are you?

I had a great deal of trouble getting to sleep last night. When I was finally feeling tired enough to actually go to bed it was around midnight. This is pretty weird business, since up until about 2 weeks ago I was in bed by 10 every night cause I couldn't stay up any later than that.

But now I seem to stay up later and later every night. It sucks. I'm really just not getting enough sleep right now. (I blame the extended hours of daylight!)

ANYWAYS, last night around midnight I was just about to drift off to sleep... when my landlords apparently decided to do some work on the ongoing renovations of THEIR part of the house. I swear to god it sounded like he was sanding the dang floors. At midnight. On a Sunday. So there was the awful scraping noise which would go one for a bit, followed by loud clomping footsteps going baaaaaack and forth a few times, followed by more scraping noises. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Then it combined with kitchen noises for a short bit before I finally passed out. I would imagine this was some time around the 12:30 - 1:00am window. Then I woke up at 7am. Now I am sitting at my desk, wayyyyy tired and debating the merits of coffee. To caffeinate or not to caffeinate? I can't decide if this will make my situation worse or not. But holy crap would it taste delicious.

Sigh.

These staycations must really be getting to me...

I think I'm running on Beijing time, because it is after 11pm and I am still wiiiiiiiiiide awake.

This is so not cool.

Every Little Thing She Does is Magic *

Okay, so I totally just whined about not eating breakfast due to being unable to dress my damn self... but I am not sorry that happened anymore.

The reason I am no longer upset about it is because I went across the street to the deli and got a bagel with cream cheese. They toasted it in this panini grill thingy and it got all flat and squishy... and you know what THAT means... more surface area for cream cheese! Woot!

The cream cheese got all warm and gooey and I ate it like a sandwich. It was so friggin good. How have I not been eating this every goddamn day for the past 20 years? But seriously... this panini grill technique is revolutionary! I even wrote a haiku about it:

*ahem*
bagel with cream cheese:
squished by grill for paninis
you unsquished my soul

















Oh, I know. HAHAHA! This is what will happen the next time I go get a bagel.


In the game of life, the deli across the street just got 15 million points for cream cheese bagels. They are totally the winners right now.

* I'm pretty sure that the "she" refers to a cream cheese bagel.

Canada's Next Top Indecisive Little Twit

This morning I was late getting out of the house because I couldn't decide what to wear. 7 outfits later and I wore the first thing I tried on. Then I discovered that I had forgotten to do my dishes from the night before... and frantically tried to wash some of them... but got only a few done before I looked at my watch and ran out the door.

I am wearing no makeup, haven't eaten breakfast, am not totally satisfied with my outfit and probably have questionable hair.

I think I'm going to have to start picking out my outfits a week in advance.

Do the math!

Since Wednesday, I have been seriously trying to figure out a way for me to be able to see the Police again. Whenever I am not busy doing something, this is what I think about. How can I make it happen? Gah!

Then yesterday, my mom brought up the subject of going to New York this year because my neighbor was telling her about how awesome it is. We had tossed the idea around before, but kind of abandoned it when my sister and I determined that we couldn't really afford it. The neighbor is determined for us all to go, so he said he was going to watch for cheap tickets! I got really excited about the possibility of going... and became even more excited when I realized that if we wait until the end of October to go, my sister will be old enough to drink in the US, which was making her really whiny before, AND we could go see the Police play at Madison Square Garden!!!!

This is the best idea I've had in years! Too bad it will never happen. *sigh* Stupid cost of living. If I didn't have to pay for food or rent I could totally afford it. Grrrrrr.

If you ask me about this tomorrow, I will deny everything.

I am relatively unemotional, with the exception of anger, rage, bitterness and happy-ish. I'm not a big crier... I rarely cry at movies and not even really at funerals. I have had people describe me as being emotionally "dead inside". One time I told Amanda that I possibly felt sorry for someone and she replied by asking me if I even had the sympathy gene. It's true, I don't really have that. I take pride in this. I am not a fricking baby.

So would someone please explain to me why I spent Friday night alone at home sitting on the couch and getting all teary eyed whilst watching Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit????

Fucking hormones.

Eeeee-YOOOOOOH-OHHHHHHH-ohhhhhhhh!

Holy crap.

The Police 05 Originally uploaded by penmachine

This show was so effing good. I screamed. Really loud. I sang. Really loud. For two solid hours.

Stewart wore tight white pants with matching gloves and a headband.*sigh*

Sting has one hot bod, for an old dude.

There was hardcore rocking out, mellowed out jazz improv, super sweet reggae/skatastic vibes and general AWESOMENESS. The entire time I was blown away by the fact that not only can these guys play awesome rock music, but they can all play the shit out of their instruments. You can totally tell they all come from jazz backgrounds... and that makes me love them even more because SO DO I!

I loved being able to sing to every song. Frig. I am one happy girl right now.

If there is a heaven, I hope it is like one really long Police concert. EFF YEAH!

PS: I really do think that Stewart Copeland is one of the best drummers in the history of rock. Every time I heard that signature snare drum crack I fell a little bit more in love. *sigh*

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

This morning I got to work at the usual time, 8:30am. I worked for a very long time, and then wondered, "Is it 4:30 yet?? IS IT TIME FOR THE POLICE???"

It was 10:30am.

Welcome to the LONGEST WORK DAY OF MY LIFE.

Hurry! I need to go home so I can get cuteified and practice my dance moves! Hurrrrrryyyyyyy!

In the meantime, watch this and get incredibly jealous thinking about how I get to see this LIVE in but a few hours...




I AM SO EXCITED TO THE EXTREME FOR REAL!!!!!!

I might start crying or something. Seriously.

I actually wish you would stand CLOSER to me, if possible.

I am seriously excited right now. You don't even understand. I am about to experience something that I have been waiting to see for 20 years or so, which is impressive considering that I am only 25 years old. This is something that I honestly NEVER thought I was EVER going to get to see. I am sitting at my desk thinking about it and getting goose bumps. Tomorrow can't come fast enough!

TOMORROW NIGHT IS WHEN I FINALLY GET TO SEE THE POLICE LIVE AND IN PERSON TO THE EXTREME FOR REAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TOMORROW NIGHT IS WHEN I FINALLY GET TO SEE MY VERY FIRST OFFICIAL IMAGINARY BOYFRIEND IN PERSON!!!!!























Well, hello there, Stewart Copeland. You were looking fine in 1982, weren't you? STILL ARE IN MY OPINION!


It is mostly just exciting to see them all in the same place at the same time, playing all of their friggin' AWESOME music. None of that Sting solo business. NO ADULT CONTEMPORARY ALLOWED! However, the following is encouraged:

• Sweet new wave/ska type dancing.
• Furious drumming.
• Rocking out so damn hard.
• Showing of the pectoral muscles belonging to one "Sting".

I am SO not going to be able to sleep tonight!

And so I leave you with this video. Please note the awesome dance moves, the fact that Sting is wearing an English Beat shirt (awesome! Though they were known as "The Beat" over on that side of the pond.), when Sting takes his shirt off and looks devilish whilst doing so, and the look on Andy's face when he sees Sting's hot bod. Priceless.

Bore da! Oy vay...

So it turns out that Welsh is like, really hard to learn. They put w's and y's in EVERYTHING and when you try to say the words just from reading them, the results are disastrous. Nothing is pronouned how you think it would be.

So my first lesson (online, courtesy of the BBC!) was a little trickier than I anticipated. I learned greetings, how to say "tea", how to say where I worked (but not where I work, because that wasn't on the list) and how to say bye. That's a lot, huh?

TOO BAD I HAVE FORGOTTEN IT ALREADY.

I can just tell, this is going to work out well.

Hwyl!

Old is the new new.

At Christmas dinner with my Dad's family when I was 16, my grandpa stood up to give a toast/blessing before we ate, which was weird because none of us bitches ever went to church. But I digress. ANYWAYS... so he started talking and whatever he was saying sounded like gibberish. Seriously not real words. Everyone was looking around at each other with confused expressions on their faces.

After dinner, I was talking to my Dad and I said, "Seriously, how drunk was he? All those nonsense words!" to which my Dad replied, "It was Gaelic, you idiot."

Apparently my Dad was the only one who knew that my grandpa knew a little bit of Gaelic. Weird, huh?

So ANYWAYS... yesterday I was listening to the Super Furry Animals who are cute and Welsh.(this song in particular) Suddenly I was struck by an interesting thought:

Really old languages from the UK region of the world are totally awesome!

I am totally going to try to learn how to speak Welsh, even though it is totally impractical because I don't know anyone else who speaks it. It's so going to happen.

Way to go, Poindexter!

So this morning when I woke up, I apparently moved my shoulder in a way that is STRICTLY FORBIDDEN by shoulders. All I remember is that one moment everything was cool, and then next? There was this weird sensation which was immediately followed by quite a lot of pain. WHAT THE FRIG, MAN???

I seriously wasn't even doing anything. Now it hurts. Sort of a dull pain... and it's really lame. I suppose my evening has now been planned out for me rather nicely, though. Me, on the couch alternating heat and cold. Woot!

Good advice, from someone who knows.

I simply could not leave without sharing this with you today. I feel that all human beings should watch this video, and take heed. If you go against this advice, you just might find yourself in an impossible situation! PAY ATTENTION!



For the record, I was up on this song AGES ago... but I just now discovered that there is a video! I think it does a good job of showing the potential dangers of robot trusting.

Blah.

I am not feeling all the great at the moment. I'm sooooooooooo tired. So very, very tired. And my tummy is not feeling awesome either. I kind of just want to go home, crawl into bed and sleep away the yuckiness.

But I will not.

Instead, I will run. Then I will sleep BETTER than a baby. That actually brings me to a question:

Why do people say "sleep like a baby"? Babies are like, the worst sleepers EVER. They only sleep for a bit at a time and then wake up screaming. How is that a good thing? I don't want to sleep like that. I want a good solid 8 hour run at it, minimum! I don't get it.

Can I go nowhere with you?

Joel Plaskett is lovely. Truly delightful. Want proof? (Ignore the little Trailer Park Boys clip at the beginning... the good stuff comes after.)



I love him. I love his sweater vests and his dorky little haircut. The music isn't bad either!

YES!!!!!!!!

Okay, seriously. How friggin great was the finale of The Office? Pretty friggin great, I say. Seriously awesome.

The only crappy part about it is that I have to wait until September to see what happens next. Gah!

If you leave me now, you'll take away the very heart of me...

I know I've posted this video before, but this time it has some emotional significance. Before it was just because I thought it was funny... but this time I am using it to express some real, raw, heartfelt emotions. So here we go.

This song is dedicated to the toenail on the second toe of my right foot, which I'm pretty sure is about to fall off.



Consider this a plea to salvage what is left of our relationship, toenail. I'm willing to do whatever it takes. Even if it means putting on a band aid and wearing closed shoes on a warm day. (Which I totally did this morning.) I'm just not ready to say goodbye to you yet.

Wooooooo-OOOOOOOO-oooooo, baby please don't go...

Oooooooooh, darlin'... I've just got to have you by my side on my foot...

The Stawamus Chief - aka the Assmaster 3000

So I totally hiked up the Chief in Squamish on Saturday and have been paying for it dearly ever since. It feels like my legs are on fire. Walking down the stairs has been a harsh task indeed. Kind of brutal.

I hobbled around work yesterday like a 100 year old lady, making lots of grimacy faces and saying things like "oooh!", "Ahh!", "arrrgh!" and variations on painful grunting noises. This whole thing has made me realize two things:

1) I am friggin OUT OF SHAPE, despite my best attempts at running on a regular basis.

2) I will not attempt to climb a mountain again without first consulting a little program I like to call, "Buns of Steel". Cause I'm pretty sure you need those in order to successfully climb a granite monolith and not feel like your legs are going to give out on you at any moment.

I have also come to another conclusion... those Von Trapp kids must have been friggin RIPPED muscle-wise. They hiked through the Alps! And they were only kids!

Munce. Tice. Fee Times a Mady.

Every once in awhile, I arrive home on Friday night slightly inebriated and ready to watch some damn hilarious television. Usually it's just the same crap, but every once in awhile you find a real gem. Tonight is one of those nights.

I came home, made some toast and sat down to watch some tv... and I found this:



Dude. Purple leather suits are so fucking underrated.

Eddie Murphy Raw. Fucking RAW!!!!!

Oh god. Remember when Eddie Murphy was funny? Delirious and Raw are friggin amazing. And the SNL stuff he did was awesome. James Brown Celebrity Hot Tub? Buh-weet sings?



Wookin' Pa Nub. Shoot, that shit was hilarious!

Seriously though. What happened, yo? How did he get from comic genius to Norbit? NORBIT?????????

It will never be the same again. But I wish he was still funny.

Frig.

Today the most amazing thing happened at work! We got free ice cream! From Haagen Dazs!

And I didn't eat any.

Then I came home and DIDN'T go for a run.

Apparently, today was the day where I made all the wrong choices. Grrrrr.

A woman of many talents... yep, that's me!

Today my sister and I were talking about doing sweet impressions of people. Her boyfriend Myles is super good at doing impressions of the old perverted dude from Family Guy, among others. This lead me to talk about Little Dave and his awesome John Travolta impression. "Ohmigod, I'm John Travolta!" Big Dave does a wicked awesome Phil Ken Sebben impression. My dad likes to imitate Bob Dylan... which is guaranteed to make my sister and I fall down laughing. This leaves me. There is only one that I am any good at. Ladies and gentlemen, this is the one impression I can pull off without a hitch:




I do love the nightlife. I could use a little ak-shon. God, this is embarassing. Why do I tell you these things?

It's Bernielicious...

I can't believe I friggin' forgot to tell you about this RIGHT AWAY. But I remembered now, which is the important part.

On Saturday, I had the good fortune to take part in a work of culinary brilliance. Friends, meet THE LAVA BURGER:

















Sweet mother of god, look at that thing. That is what the air tastes like in heaven.


The lavaburger is the creation of the great and powerful Bernie. It has cheese and butter in the middle of it. Yes. Cheese AND butter. That is what makes it lava-like. The cheese melts into this gooey deliciousness and totally explodes when you bite into it. But you don't even care if it hits you in the eye, because it is DELICIOUS. It has three different kinds of cheese melted on top of it. Yes. THREE KINDS OF CHEESE. Then there were about 75 million different things you could put on your burger, because Bernie likes to make condiments. Yes. He makes his own mustard and whatnot. The whole scene was just this insane cornucopia of delicious amazingness... I'm tearing up a little just thinking about it.

Thinking about it is also causing me to have some minor heart palpitations due to the fact that it was cholesterol city up in that bitch, but that's okay. It was totally worth it. THANKS, BERNIE!!!

Born free...of pants.

Lydia left for a month in Europe yesterday, which leaves me all by myself with two cats that kind of frighten me a little. I think this is going to be interesting, to say the least!

I've always lived with other people, so I'm taking this month as an opportunity to do some things I've never been able to do... so far I have come up with the following:

1) hang out in my underwear for extended periods of time
2) pee with the bathroom door open
3) do laundry with reckless abandon

That's all I've managed to think of. I'm open to suggestions, so if you have any ideas, let me know!

I already wandered around in my underwear when I got home last night. It was a little strange. I'm going to make myself get used to it, though. (Don't worry, Lyds. Once you get back, I will start wearing pants again, I promise.)

So, if you should happen to feel like popping by over the course of the next month, maybe you should call first. I'll only need about 3 mins notice to run and put some pants on.

The sick day.

I took my very first sick day at my job today. I've been there for a year and a half. I went to work with bronchitis a few times because I am stupid. But not this time. This time, I stayed in bed. I'll be damned if if I let myself get the Black Lung again.

It was a weird day. Kind of like a snow day, except in no way was it fun or awesome. I stayed in bed until about noon or something. Then I got up and spent a very long time curled up in a little ball in the corner of the sofa. I watched Oprah, 90210, and Full House. Oprah taught me that I don't need to be fat, 90210 taught me that drinking and driving is a bad scene (SHAME ON YOU, BRANDON WALSH!), and Full House taught me that when puppies are born it is a gosh darn miracle! You could say that today has been quite educational.

I am finally starting to feel better. I think that once I hit the Nyquil again tonight, I will sleep awesomely and tomorrow I will be a stronger, better Sarah. YES!

I'm off to take a bath and eat something before I Nyquil it up. So in honour of my very first sick day, I leave you with this:



What? Kris Kross? Why?

Because my first attempt at putting on my pj pants this morning went horribly awry, and they were totally backwards. It reminded me of the good ol' days, when I did that shit on purpose.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

People at work are so terrified of me right now because I am incubating a disease. I am a germ factory and they are scared of said germs. I kind of like it. Mostly because they are telling me not to come to work tomorrow. I'm sort of okay with that idea. But, knowing myself all too well, I will totally end up coming to work tomorrow even if I am totally worse. I don't know why I do it, I just do. It's like this wierdo work ethic thing I inherited from my mother.

Don't ask, it can't be explained.

I've got a fever, and the only prescription is...

...bed rest, plenty of fluids and perhaps some fever reducing medication.

I'm totally sick, yo. It's not too awesome. I felt like crap this morning, so the fact that I even bothered to put makeup on is amazing. BUT TOTALLY WASN'T WORTH THE TIME. Why? Because 30 seconds after arriving at work, some dude I work with looks at me and says, "Are you okay? Wow, you look awful." THANKS FOR THAT. I suppose it's only appropriate to look bloody awful when you feel bloody awful.

Amanda is now feeling sick, and totally blames me for it. This is what I have to say about THAT: I didn't HAVE to come with you yesterday and perform odd jobs and manual labour around your house, did I? No. I did it because I am totally awesome. So you just think about that, missy! But it is always nice to have someone to blame for making you sick. I blame Ben, since he was totally sick on Friday, and I was totally sick the next day. You will be receiving your karmic punishment soon. It may or may not be in the form of a roundhouse kick to the face delivered by one Mr. Chuck Norris. I'm just saying, you might want to pay attention to your surroundings. He wears action jeans and is very swift.

It's time to go home and sit under blankets! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally using my superior debating skills...

with myself. I am currently in bed, debating the merits of actually getting out of said bed this morning and possibly doing stuff. There is much to be said about doing stuff... most of the time doing stuff is pretty fun times. But then again, sometimes doing nothing is totally just as good as doing stuff. It's kind of a Catch-22.

Whatever will I do? Stuff, or no stuff, that is the question.

The suburbs really DO ruin lives.

I was supposed to see Hot Fuzz tonight, but I didn't because everyone in my damn family thinks it is awesome to live in SURREY/LANGLEY. It takes a really long time to get home from there, in case you didn't know.

Then, just for fun they closed down a main friggin' road due to a "police incident" (in Surrey? Say what???) therefore causing me to take a 20 min detour to get to where I needed to go. That shit made me late for the movie. Now all of my friends can have sweet conversations about how awesome the movie was and I will just sit there and cry because I won't be able to understand the jokes!!!!! DAMNIT!!!!!!!!!!

My life is ruined! Cat Stevens feels my pain, because he is singing to me right now about how friggin' LAME it is to be all alone at home on a Saturday night. He is 100% correct. It is seriously fucking lame. GAH!

Get what you want, when you want it!

Honestly, if I knew how to do that, do you think I would be writing this blog for free? Come on, now! Let's be reasonable. I'm just testing out a new marketing scheme. Here is my theory: Cosmo is a way popular magazine. Pretty much all of their articles have titles like:

Get what you want, when you want it!

Or sometimes it is things like...

How to seduce a man and get him to marry you in 3 minutes!

My point is, that people really seem to want to read things with such awesome promises in the titles. I would be crazy not to jump on that! (That's what she said.)

I'll let you know how this pans out. If it is like anything else in my life, it will be wildly unsuccessful and you will all get a kick out of the hilarious situations I will find myself in as a result. Looking forward to the good times ahead!

Peace out, my little rockers who like to rock out way hard to the extreme for real! (Or is that just me?)

I've been reasonably arrested, and thrown in jail.

It is days like today that make me love YouTube like the dickens. You are searching for "The Police" because you really want to watch a video for Can't Stand Losing You, but then you find this instead... and you come out of the situation being a better person, really.





That Jasper kid is lucky to have such cool parents. I wish my dad had exposed me to more NWA... but nooooooooo. All I got was "You call it rap music, I call it CRAP music!" followed by a good solid 5 minutes of my dad laughing at himself.

These are arduous times, indeed.

I am back at work today. I must say, I am having quite a time of it. My brain is having a really hard time coming to terms with the fact that my real actual life does not follow this particular schedule:

- wake up whenever I feel emotionally and physically ready to do so
- eat a giant breakfast that nearly always includes pancakes and rarely includes nutritional value
- wear some short shorts
- drink some booze
- wander around all day with no concrete plans
- drink booze out of giant novelty cups
- basically just do whatever I want, whenever I want, wearing whatever I want.

Nooooooooo. I have to get up TO AN ALARM. And eat cereal. And not drink booze until after work. And wear pants.

Man, this SUCKS!

I'm back, baby. *sigh*

If you have ever thought to yourself, "Hey, maybe I should go to Vegas..." FRIGGIN' DO IT.

I love you, Vegas. I'll be back. I miss you already, friend.

Silent but deadly.

Okay, I should have been done packing by now, but I am not. I should be asleep right now, but I am not. Why? Because there is a little problem that I am unable to solve and it is terribly distracting.

My whole house smells like a skunk. Actual skunk. It's revolting.

At around 9:30pm I went outside to do something and I totally smelled a skunk. I was grossed out so I came back inside right away. About 15 mins later I swore I could smell it in the house. It just began to permiate. It has seeped in through every available nook and cranny and is lingering in the air. It makes me want to throw up.

I have hypothesized that some a-hole from my neighborhood must have murdered a skunk without really thinking about the consequences. If the whole block smells like this, just imagine how bad that dude must smell right now! Gnarly. I hope all my stuff doesn't smell like skunk tomorrow. I am a girl. I'm supposed to smell pretty so that I might attract potential suitors. THIS IS TOTALLY THROWING A WRENCH IN ALL OF MY PLANS. Damnit.

As it turns out, your grandparents weren't lying to you after all...

They really DID invent rock n' roll.





Finally, proof that I am not the only kid with a swearing grandma who really rocks out.

This is why they invented text messaging.

To: Sarah
From: Lydia

Why did Snoop Dogg buy an umbrella when he got to Vancouver?


To: Lydia
From: Sarah

I don't know, but I'm already laughing my face off.


To: Sarah
From: Lydia

Fo' drizzle.


To: Lydia
From: Sarah

NICE!

One bruised toe and one inflated ego.

Today was the SUN RUN!!!!!! I actually ran in it!

I trained for a few months (off and on) to *try* and prepare myself to run 10k in the company of 55,000 other people. I was feeling pretty uneasy about the situation because I never managed to run more than 5k without walking. Things did not look good.

Then I started running. And I just kept going. It was flippin' amazing. I RAN THE ENTIRE WAY. I BLEW MY OWN MIND A LITTLE.

Amanda deserves mad props for reminding me to slow the frig down when I got a little too excited. I totally wouldn't have made it the whole way if I had kept up my show-off pace!

Carbo-Goo deserves mad props for containing enough sugar to keep an entire school full of 3rd graders on a sugar high for 3 hours at a time. Seriously. That stuff is magical. At about the 8k mark I felt like I was going to die. So I took a hit of my delicious carbo-goo and took off like a friggin' ROCKET. I'm thinking I should start using it recreationally.

The "shuffle" setting on my mp3 player deserves mad props for picking such awesome songs for me to run to. I only used it for the last 5k, but it gave me such a boost. Seriously. The song I finished the race to was Pink Floyd's "Run Like Hell". HOW COULD I NOT RUN LIKE HELL WITH THAT SONG PLAYING???? So I totally did. I ran like the wind. It was awesome. People were like, "Whoa, that girl is running like hell." (Well, not really... but I honestly was running like hell!)

And lastly, I deserve mad props because I totally did all the work. That's right, ME. If it weren't for me, this whole thing wouldn't have been possible. Yay me!

And now I am about ready to fall over. I'm so tired that I am actually watching Saturday Night Fever sitting down. I've never done that before. I always do the routines along with Travolta! Especially the solo that is on right now. It's killing me. Damn you, Travolta! Damn you and your sweet, sweet moves!

It only hurts when I try to think about numbers and words.

I think I broke my brain. I'm having immense amounts of trouble trying to form complete sentences when I'm talking to people. It's not cool.

This is what happens when you give a girl a week's worth of work to do in 7 hours.

It just ain't cool, man. Ouch.

Now we're talkin'.

Last night, I had a dream. I HAD A DREAM!!!!

This is big news, because that means I had some REM sleep for the first time in a week! It was only a little bit, as I still woke up several times during the night, but damnit it was good.

At this moment, I'm not sure if there is anything better than a good night of sleep. I can't wait to sleep again tonight! It is going to be awesome. To the extreme for real!

You might be wondering what finally did the trick... the answer is... gin and tonic! But don't worry. As of tonight, we go back to carbs before bed and melatonin. I promise I'll be good. Plus, I'm in full on Sun Run mode now, so no more getting drunk until after the race! I've got to be in top form, you know.

To be perfectly honest with you, I hadn't thought of that...

Amanda and I took a walk at lunch and I was telling her a story about Easter, when she helped me to have a moment of clarity.

ME: "So I let my sister give me a makeover mostly because I was too goddamn tired to argue with her about it. Do you know what that means? I had to sit there for half an hour while she put makeup on me and lectured me on the merits of mascara and how 'a little cleavage never hurt anybody'. I mean SERIOUSLY. Like I need another person hassling me about how I don't have a boyfriend and telling me how to get one. I know that I don't know how to find one! BLAHHHHHHH." *makes extremely unattractive face with tongue sticking out*

Amanda: "Well, for starters you could stop making that face in public."

*pause*

ME: "Point taken."

No sleep til Brooklyn.

SO WHY THE FRIG DOES BROOKLYN HAVE TO BE SO FAR AWAY????

So, the count is up to 5 days with practically no sleep. I'm seriously losing my damn mind. I need sleep. What can I do? I think I'm at the breaking point.

The breaking point is defined as the point at which I am so tired that standing up seems like a chore, I have lost all reason and good sense, and I run the risk of spontaneously bursting into tears. All of these things suck. Standing up really needn't be so difficult. Pretty much anyone could take advantage of me right now, as I have no reason and good sense. If I did cry and word got out, it would seriously damage my reputation as a sassy girl with no feelings! Plus, it would just be me, crying alone in my house which is really lame. What's the point of tears if you don't get anything out of it? (ie: hugs from boys, sympathy)

Ugh. Just let me sleep, PLEASE!

Dream on, dreamer.

It's a good thing I saw Grindhouse today, because I am turning into a zombie. Now I am familiar with how one should best go about eating someones face. Good to know.

But seriously, folks. I can't sleep. Since Wednesday night, I have not had a decent night of sleep. It basically feels like I lie in bed for hours at a time with my eyes closed, yet am otherwise fully conscious. I hear everything, I just can't open my eyes to see it. I'm starting to get worried that if I don't get some sleep soon, I might just pass out randomly in some sort of apparent narcoleptic fit. I have visions of myself at work, halfway through a meeting when in mid-sentence I just sort of just... fall over and go to sleep. HOW HUMILIATING WOULD THAT BE??

I bet they would send me to the hospital if that happened. Then I'd be all stuck in the hospital and no one would visit me. That would kind of suck. But at least I would not be tired anymore.

I really can't understand what is giving me this crazy case of the insomnias. People keep asking me if there is something bothering me... or something I'm thinking about. I have no friggin' clue. I'm not even capable of thinking right now, so basically there is no way to know... until I get some sleep. *sigh*

Here I go... giving it the ol' college try. Please just let me sleep!

It's just like in those Pepsi commercials...

... you know, the ones where they ask the grown ups what they could bring back from the old days? Then they proceed to still be their 40 year old selves, whilst acting like they are 19 and look totally ridiculous?

Yes. It was pretty much exactly like that... except instead of bringing back the 90210-esque haircut with the giant waterfall bangs, I shotgunned a beer.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, peer pressure. How I've missed you.

Ring the alarm!

So last night at about 9:45pm, I decided that I was done with trying to watch whatever lame crap was on tv and that I was going to go to bed. But first, I would try on random outfits as I so often do.

So it's just after 10:00pm, and I'm in my room, wearing a dress and shaking my booty to the Idlewild soundtrack. (Morris Brown, specifically.) Upstairs, I hear a commotion. The smoke alarm goes off, followed by very loud booming footsteps running towards the back of the house. The smoke alarm beeping gets louder. I open the door and stick my head out in the hallway. OUR smoke alarm is going off now. I run down the hallway, flipping on the light. Nothing is awry in the kitchen... so why the hell is the smoke alarm going off? Is the house on fire? Should I go outside? Shit, I'm wearing a dress! I can smell burning. I run back into my room, throw on some sweatpants and a hoodie and wander out into the backyard.

I'm thinking, "Shoot! What if there is a fire? Can I go back in and grab my valuables? (laptop, wallet, shoes, and my Justin Timberlake CD) I can't see any smoke... the landlords aren't out on the lawn and I hear no sirens, so I figure we're okay. Just then, I hear the landlord coming out the back door.

He leans over the balcony and yells out, "Sorry! We left a pot on the stove. It's okay! It should stop in a minute." I reply with, "That's okay. I'll go back in when the beeping stops. It's really loud in there!"

He goes back inside and I stand there for another minute, feeling terribly grown-up and mature because I managed to not say anything about the fact that he was wearing a sweatshirt, work boots and underwear.

A gourmet dinner... consisting of my words with ketchup on the side.

Okay. So remember when I said the only time I wish I had a boyfriend was when I had to a) put something together, b) buy something big like a tv, or c) have a lot of groceries? I would like to add one more thing to that list.

d) when I go for a really long run and I hurt my back so I don't really feel like cooking myself some damn dinner.

I'm inclined to think that if I had one of those boyfriend-types hanging around that I might just be able to guilt trip them into giving me a piggyback ride home and getting me some damn dinner.

That's how it works, right? You just call them on the phone, sound as pitiful as possible and then they come and bring you things?

Shoot. That sounds kind of nice.

So... any takers?

Half Nelson? I'll take the whole damn thing!

Dear sweet lord, thank you for Ryan Gosling.

Not to take away from the boy's obviously BRILLIANT acting talents (as evidenced in Half Nelson, The Believer and United States of Leland) but I mean seriously...





















Talks about politics even when inebriated, has super hot facial hair, dresses kind of like a grandpa... BASICALLY PERFECT.

I mean, shoot. You put a dude like that in a movie and expect me to be able to follow the plot points?

So intensely attractive.

PS: Oh yeah, the movie was actually quite brilliant. I highly recommend it. Even if he was ugly it would have been excellent. Watch it!

PPS: Rachel McAdams is a whore.

PPPS: I'm sorry. She probably isn't really a whore. But the bitch is lucky.

Ohhhhhhhhh, kids.

I miss my kids. Well, they are not my kids per se... they are technically other people's kids that I have developed an emotional attachment to.

Steph sent me new pics of miss Ella today. She is so FRIGGIN' CUTE! I haven't seen her in awhile and seeing the pictures made me miss her a lot. I bet I could totally make her laugh now.


















Ummmm... CUTE MUCH????

I just saw this commercial on tv that showed a little boy crying. Suddenly I missed my nephew Gavin SO MUCH. He is about to turn 4 at the end of the month and is the most hilarious kid I've ever met. I love how he hassles my brother and laughs at all my jokes. I love how he thinks everything he says is the funniest thing EVER. I hope I get to see him soon. I miss my little buddy.

I also miss my actual baby. My dog DeeDee! I miss cuddling with her and watching her try to eat peanut butter. So funny.

Don't worry little ones. Auntie Sarah will come visit soon. And she's bringing gum!

One way or another, I'm gonna find you, I'm gonna getcha-getcha-getcha!

I am a girl on a mission. And I need your help on this one, ladies.

I was out shopping with the sister on Saturday and we stopped in at Roots, which is where I saw this:

It is the coolest fanny pack EVER MADE. Just imagine... I could be walking down the street in Vegas, carrying all my crap with me BUT NOT CARRYING A STUPID PURSE! It's amazing. I need it. I want it.

The problem is, Roots knows just how friggin cool this thing really is, so they priced it at $88.00.

I really don't want to spend $88.00 on a fanny pack. Mostly because if people found out that I spent $88.00 on a fanny pack, they would totally judge me... and we don't want that now, do we?

No. We don't. So, my mission is to find a similar version that is not leather and is therefore cheaper. I have no idea where I'm going to find such an awesome bag. Which is why I need your help. If you can think of anywhere that I might find a fanny pack that does NOT look like the one my dad wore circa 1992, please share this information with me. I will be forever grateful.

Please, people. Help me give my poor shoulders a much deserved break from carrying all my crap.

The sun'll come out tomorrow.

After the endless days of rain, the sun is finally back! This is very exciting news. But honestly, I don't think the rain is all that bad. When you live here for a while, you just kind of come to terms with it. It makes you all the more appreciative when the sunny days actually do come around.

The rain this weekend actually made me think of an amazingly awesome song that I had completely forgotten about. I never would have remembered it if it hadn't have been for the rain. Enjoy it, and put it away for the next rainy day. (Which I heard won't be this week!)





I love Supertramp like Brangelina loves foreign kids. They are THAT good.

Always read the fine print.

I went to the movies on Saturday to see Reign Over Me... but it was totally sold out! So then we decided to watch Zodiac instead, because it only started about 15 mins after. I was totally down with seeing Zodiac, cause I thought it looked pretty okay.

The movie started at 10:05. So I'm sitting there, watching the movie and really enjoying it... but then I started to think, "Wow, I feel like I've been sitting here for a really long time." The movie didn't seem to be wrapping up any time soon. Finally, at 12:50am it ended.

I seriously had NO IDEA that it was 3 hours long. Hence why you should always read the fine print.

A conversation with my favourite person...

This took place this afternoon.

"I've been looking at this bloody thing all damn day and I think I've finally figured it out. I think this makes sense... doesn't it? Yeah, dude. It totally does. Let's effing DO this shit!"

*pause*

"Why am I talking to myself? Because there is no one else here, that's why."

And I didn't even have coffee today. Weird.

DENIED!

This morning I heard something mentioned on the radio about Chicago coming HERE! Immediately I started thinking about how friggin AWESOME it would be to go and see Chicago. I was already imagining myself sitting in the seats, singing along. When I saw Rob this morning, we chatted about it:

Me: "I was looking for you! Guess what? CHICAGO IS COMING HERE!"

Rob: "I didn't know you were a fan of musicals."

Me: "What? Musicals?"

Rob: "Yeah... Chicago... the musical..."

Me: "Oh SHIT! I thought they meant the band!"

Rob: "Well, I haven't heard anything about Peter Cetera re-joining the band..."

Me: "Well, frig. That sucks. I was so excited! Stupid Chicago the musical."

Then Rob told me the story (for the 17th time) about how his girlfriend broke up with him and 2 days later, "If You Leave Me Now" hit it big. It was a rough time for him. I think he cried every time they played it.

Man. What a let down! I was dreaming of seeing this:

But instead, I get this:

Oh well. I guess I will just have to go have all my fun in VEGAS instead. Take THAT, Cetera!

5 things that you should know about me.

I feel as though this is a pro topic to go with whenever you can't think of anything else to write about. I'm pretty sure I'm right.

1. I am completely neurotic. I hate walking over bridges, am terrified of birds, cats make me nervous and I wander around all day secretly worrying that everyone thinks I'm stupid. (I have yet to prove them wrong on that last one, if it is indeed the case.)

2. Between the ages of 7 - 18, I flat out refused to wear skirts or dresses. The cycle was finally broken when my friends asked me if I was going to wear a suit to grad and I yelled out, "NO! I AM NOT A BOY!" My response was to go with an elaborate hairdo, a low cut dress and a feather boa. I probably just should have stuck with a suit.

3. Even now, whenever I wear a skirt or dress to work, people ask me if it is laundry day.

4. When I was 5 I spent most of my time watching music videos on Muchmusic instead of cartoons. Hence my weird love of Steve Winwood, Erasure and reruns of the Monkees.

5. There is currently an entire garbage bag full of shoes in my house that I am giving away. I haven't worn any of them in years, but it feels like I am giving away part of my soul. I think I love shoes too much.

And that's just the beginning...

weeeee-ooooh. WEEEEE-OOOOOH!

I just want to go on record as saying that I am not really all that appreciative of that new Gwen Stefani song. It seeps into my head and I don't like it! Plus, Akon is super annoying to the extreme for reals. But that was totally not what I wanted to write about at all.

I wanted to write an open letter. So here it goes:

An Open Letter to the A-hole Who Honked the Car Horn at 4:30am

Dear A-hole who honked the car horn at 4:30am,

Ummm... JERK. I was willing to give you the benefit of the doubt the first time. For all I know, you just flew in from Newfoundland and you forgot to change your watch back to BC time which wasn't helped by the fact that the clock in your rental car was TOTALLY BROKEN. But then you honked again. And again. And again. And one more time for good luck.

I have a strong suspicion that you did NOT just fly in from Newfoundland. Rather, it seems that you were raised in Inconsideratejerkfaceville, USA. Had my body not been in a coma like state, I would have been able to crawl over, open the window, stick my head out and scream, "I'M SLEEPING, YOU FUCKER!!!!!" like I really wanted to. I guess that last honk really DID bring you good luck.

However, please take note that the honking did NOT work... and you still had to get your stupid lazy ass out of the car anyways. I hope you scuffed your shoes doing so, asshole.

And no. I did NOT get back to sleep, because I couldn't stop thinking about how I wanted to kick you. IN THE FACE.

Sincerely,

Sarah

I've missed you, old love of mine...

My dear old friend came back to me today. Friend, I've missed you so! I never really realized how much I loved you until you were gone. But now that we are back together once again, I hope we will never be apart.

Full cable, I love you.

It is because of you that I am once again able to watch the TV edits of my favourite films for the 1000th time. Today it was Goodfellas. Who knows what tomorrow holds for us! (Besides TV Guide...) Maybe tomorrow it will be my most favourite of all TV edits...



I can't wait.

J'taime, full cable. J'taime.

Looking out for number one!

There is this great quote from Lauren on the Hills this season when her and the ladies are talking about dating.

"The only time I miss having a boyfriend is when I have to put something together, when I have to pick something like a TV out, or when I have a lot of groceries. Missing the boyfriend."

I think this is the most hilarious and profound thing EVER. In case you hadn't noticed, I'm a very single girl... who spends most of her time hanging out with her very married and encoupled friends. It never really bothers me... until of course someone looks over at your side of the table whilst holding hands or cuddling and says, "We need to find you a boyfriend."

In that very moment, I go from thinking about which pair of shoes is truly my favourite to thinking about everything in my life that could possibly be functioning as man-repellant. I then proceed to think about this for hours upon hours... never really seeming to find an answer. After about hour 5, I get really mad at myself for putting so much thought into it.

Eventually, I end up convincing myself that I will find myself at 42, still single and never having a meaningful relationship. It's kind of a terrifing thought. But then I think, why would that really be all that bad??? I could probably get a lot accomplished if I never get married and have kids. Like writing a hilarious screenplay adapted from the hilarious novel that I wrote at the tender age of 31. Or you know... buying a condo or whatever.

But for the moment, I'm inclined to agree with Lauren. Those really are the only times I ever feel like I'm missing out. And don't worry. I've been lifting weights to help me get this grocery situation under control.

This is what happens when you get TOO good at your job...

You finish all your work at 1:30pm and then you have NOTHING TO DO until 4:30pm when you are actually allowed to leave. So how do you fill your time? Here's how:

1) You devise a system which allows you to take files over to different parts of the building in 10 minute intervals... but that only kills 20 mins.

2) You make up a fake reason to go visit Dave.

3) You hang out with Dave and watch him work for a while... but that only kills 15 mins.

4) You star in a series of short films written by you and directed by Dave.

5) You come back upstairs.

6) You sit at your desk and think about what you've done.

7) You plan escape routes out of the building in case of fire, flood, or earthquake.

8) You start researching for your plan to zombie-proof your office.

9) You blog about all the crap you have done to kill the last 2 hours.

But that only takes 10 mins.

Only an hour to go... what to do, what to do...

If I lived in Kits and it was an island in Survivor I would so be voted off for this.

When I woke up this morning I was super excited for a change. No, it was not because the sun was shining (cause it wasn't) and it was not because I was going to do something really cool at work (cause I'm not). It was because this morning was to be the first time I got to use my BRAND NEW DEODORANT!

Normally this is not an exciting occasion for me. I always get some fruity smelling one filled with aluminumy-goodness (no hippie deodorant for this girl). Sometimes it's peach, sometimes pear. It's really no big deal.

Until yesterday. I purchased some Secret Platinum that smells like Vanilla Chai. VANILLA CHAI! It smells seriously wonderful. I am having to hold myself back from smelling my armpits because I'm at work and that would be weird. I also really want other people to smell them, but that would be weirder.

It's still early... perhaps someone will be standing beside me and notice that I smell like a delicious tea drink, then proceed to compliment me on it. Then I can be the classy lady I was raised to be and politely reply, "Why thank you! It's my armpits. New deodorant."

Right now my mom is thinking, "If I only had a nickel for every time Sarah asked someone to smell her armpits... I could retire and buy a small raft."

No problem, Mommy. I'm glad to help.

The waiting is the hardest part.

I am so tired. I want to go to bed, but I can't because I am waiting for my laundry to finish drying. It takes FOREVER. It is also made worse by the fact that in order to fetch said laundry I must venture out into the cold dark night and up a shady staircase.

When we move, we are so getting insuite laundry. Or at least some that does not require going outside in sub-zero weather. Because really, who needs that??

On a side note, I am watching Medium and I can't stop thinking about how friggin attractive the Detective guy is. Seriously so hot.























Sooooo hot. Want to touch the heiny. (Hey, don't look at me. Adam Sandler said it!)


Equally attractive is the husband type.

Dang.

I guess my point is, that even if this show totally sucked (which it doesn't...) I would watch is anyways. Just for the hotness factor. As should you.

Spy aides for amateur stalkers.

Otherwise known as... Facebook!

I signed up for Facebook yesterday and it kind of blew my mind a little. I got an account, set everything up and about an hour later I was in contact with people that I haven't seen in YEARS. It's kind of creepy... yet kind of awesome.

I would never go to any great lengths to track someone from high school down. That would be weird. But if you find them on facebook, it's suddenly not so wierd. They want to talk to you about old times. They want you to find them.

If nothing else, it's a handy tool for determining exactly how elaborate your back story will have to be at your 10 year high school reunion. I mean, I was planning on going with your standard "own a condo, work in media, own a YARIS, I know local celebrities and I saw Pierce Brosnan outside the art gallery... twice." But if all of my classmates are extremely successful, I might have to make my lies slightly bigger and more impressive. Like, say... "own a castle, work in movies, bought a hybrid Hummer, know many international celebrities and made out with Pierce Brosnan outside the art gallery... twice."

Just like the boy scouts always say, Be Prepared. They say that shit for a reason.

War. HUH! What is it good for?

KILLING ANTS, THAT'S WHAT!

We have ants in our house and I am fed up. This morning I openly declared war on these little buggers. On my lunch break I wandered over to Canadian Tire to fetch some ant killing spray. I stood in the aisle for ages, staring at all the RAID. Every single can I picked up was all, "Hey, I'm totally poisonous, so keep pets out of the room for 1 hour after you use this shit."

I was suddenly involved in this super-intense internal struggle. Do I kill the ants for reals even if I could possibly poison Lydia's cats? Hmmm... I really do hate cats... and they will probably be okay... and I do REALLY hate ants... but what if it DOES poison the cats? Hmmm... I really am not a huge fan of the cats anyways... but the poisoning of said cats is probably the kind of thing that someone would hold against you for a really long time, even if it IS accidental... OH FINE, I WON'T GET THE POISON!

Rather annoyed, I decided that surely Capers would have something I could use... or at least a good suggestion. So I dragged my ass all the way up there in the crazy winds. Again, I stood in the cleaning aisle, searching for something... anything that would kill the ants! No luck. So then I asked a guy that works there about it. Here is what was said:

ME: "Do you guys have anything that might deter ants? Well, maybe not just deter, but actually KILL them? I want to kill some ants."

CAPERS GUY: "Ummm... no."

ME: "Oh, that sucks. I was hoping I might find something that wasn't poisonous, but I guess not."

CAPERS GUY: "So you have an ant problem?"

ME: "Ummm... yeah. I can't figure out how to get rid of them."

CAPERS GUY: "Oh, you know what you should do? Clean. Ants will live forever in a dirty house."

ME: *getting angry* "Yeah, THANKS."

CAPERS GUY: "Why do you need to kill them? Can't you just live with them? Why can't you just live with them?"

ME: "BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO. Thanks for your help."

*grabbing a bottle of all purpose cleaner off the shelf and muttering to myself*
"Fucking hippies."

One way or another, I am going to kill those sons of bitches. Out of spite. In an environmentally friendly manner.

Put that in your hippie pipe and smoke it, CAPERS!

Music nerds unite!

I'm not even going to lie to you about this... I totally stole this from Brie's blog.

1. Of all the bands & artists in your collection, which one do you own the most albums?
Oddly enough, I have oodles of Outkast, Jamiroquai and Radiohead.

2. What was the last song you listened to?
“Your Woman" by White Town

3. What's in your CD player right now?
“Mezzanine" by Massive Attack, "Desperate Youth, Bloodthirsty Babes" by TV on the Radio and Simon and Garfunkel's Greatest Hits.

4. What are your favorite instruments?
Trombone, violin, synthesizer and kazoo. (I am really good at two of those...)

5. Who's your favorite local artist?
Young and Sexy and Sparrow... among others.

6. What was the last show you attended?
Octoberman, Blood Meridian, and The Mohawk Lodge at the Railway Club.

7. What was the greatest show you've ever been to?
That's a tie between Radiohead at Thunderbird (the 2nd time... with the REM combo) and Depeche Mode for the Exciter tour at the Coliseum.

8. What's the worst band you've ever seen in concert?
Oh god. American HiFi... IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, I SWEAR TO GOD! Phantom Planet was supposed to be opening, but they didn't show. I was trying to get me some Jason Schwartzman action.

9. What band do you love musically but hate the members of?
Oasis. I hear Wonderwall and I get all nostalgic... and then I see Noel and Liam on tv and I'm all, "You are both total douchebags."

10. What is the most musically involved you have ever been?
Grade 10 - 12 I was in 4 bands and got in about 3 solid hours of sweet trombone action a day on average. I was kind of a big deal on the local trombone scene. (NOT TO BRAG OR ANYTHING.)

11. What show are you looking forward to?
The Police on May 30th! Woot.

12. What is your favorite band shirt?
Well... I love my Depeche Mode "Violator" shirt is pretty amazing... though I am not entirely sure where it is. BUT... I am madly in love with my Clash t-shirt because they really are the only band that matters.

13. What musician would you like to hang out with for a day?
That is kind of an insane question. I have a million different answers. Here are but a few possibilities:
Tunde Adebimpe from TV on the Radio... mostly just so we could have makeouts.
OR Bob Dylan because he inadvertently changed my life.
OR Steve Winwood. Just because he's Steve Winwood and I've had this weird love of him since I was 4. I can't explain it.


14. What musician would you like to be in love with you for a day?
Tunde again. SWEET MOTHER HE IS HOT. Hot sex on a platter, that one. (Eh? Sweet musical reference!)

15. What was your last musical "phase" before you wizened up?
Erm... THE LATE NINETIES??? I own Everclear and Dave Matthews cds.

16. Sabbath or solo Ozzy?
I will say Sabbath, because anyone with a name like Geezer Butler deserves mad props. Especially now that he actually is one.

17. Did you know that filling out this survey makes you a music geek?
You haven't even scratched the surface, biatch!

18. What was the greatest decade for music?
Early punk, new wave, late 60's/early 70's folk and rock.

19. What is your favorite movie soundtrack?
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou and Pretty in Pink.

20. Where would you be without music?
This is going to sound dramatic, but honestly, WHAT WOULD BE THE POINT OF BEING ANYTHING?? That's how big of a nerd I am.