Screw it, I'm moving to Detroit.

I just read this blog post by Matthew Good and it kind of freaked me out a little. Lydia and I had this same conversation last night, after hearing about ANOTHER shooting in Vancouver. It seems like you hear more and more about violent acts in this city. I've always thought that maybe that was just due to the ever expanding media coverage of such things, but maybe not. It certainly seems like it's getting worse.

Three years ago when I first moved back to Vancouver proper, I wasn't afraid in my neighborhood at all. It's all residential with young families, and was generally quiet. However, in the past year I have been kept awake by circling police helicopters on a few different occasions. In the past year there have been at least 3 times when we have been warned of random violent attacks on women waiting at bus stops in our general area. It's total bullshit.

It is getting worse, that is for sure. But is it as bad as they say it is? If so, I'll be considering a move to somewhere else. Like, in AMERICA. I've heard good things about that place...

Good morning.

This morning on my way into work I listened to the same two songs over and over again until I walked in the door. It was kind of awesome. I don't know what made me keep playing them again and again, other than the fact that they were making me smile. It's a nice thing to do, smiling. I think I don't do it often enough these days.

This is why I felt like sharing them with you. Maybe they will make you smile too.

I'm giving you links, because I could not bring myself to post horrible fan vids. Ha!

Vampire Weekend - Ottoman

Devendra Banhart - Lover

Blocked.

It seems as though I am suffering from a bit of a creative blockage. There's something lurking around in this brain of mine, but I can't get it out. This. Is. Frustrating.

I managed to come up with a few tweets over the weekend, but I wasn't proud of them. Much like this, it is writing for the sake of writing. Just so you can feel like you have done something, ANYTHING.

So now is the fun part. Tell me, buddies. How the heck do I get it out of me? I'd love to hear about your creative process. Help me!

In the meantime, I will leave you with the only two things I can think of right now, neither of which can help me write an entire post:

1) The Flight of the Conchords show here sold out in 30 mins or something stupid like that, so I did not get tickets. BOOOO.

2) I think that M.I.A. is adorable. 9 months pregnant and still a muthafuckin' GANGSTA. Awesome.

That is all. Will resume feeling frustrated now. Peace out, yo.

Sarah's Choice

I didn't bring a lunch to work today. Now I must venture out to get one. The problem is that I have NO IDEA what to eat. This happens pretty much every time I forget my lunch. I am completely incapable of making such decisions.

IT IS THE WORST.

You know, besides things that are actual problems.

Stay cool.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I can't believe that someone has managed to combine two of my very favourite things together in one ULTIMATE package!

That's right, kids. Someone has thought to combine adorably funny and attractive men together with DANCE FIGHTS! YESSSSSSSS!!!!!!!




I tried, but I just can't stay cool. Squee!

Well now I've really done it.

So I have to write some scripts. Like, two of them. Please join me on my horrifying journey through the panic of suddenly feeling like you do not have a single creative bone in your ENTIRE BODY. NOT EVEN IN YOUR FEET, AND THERE ARE LOTS OF LITTLE ONES IN THERE.

So yeah. This is going to be fun. Wheeeee!

Now if you will excuse me, I must go pray to the Almighty God, His Royal Highness Don Draper for some inspiration.

Meme me.

So I got tagged with another meme on Facebook this time, so I did it. Since some of you might not be able to see me on the FB, I am posting it here too. So here you go. 25 random things about me:

1. I love movies about the mafia, and have seen Goodfellas at least 25 times in my life. Probably more, actually.

2. I could not stand to eat onions until I was about 21. They suddenly became delicious.

3. I love to hug people.

4. When I was about 12, I decided that since I couldn't be pretty, I was going to be funny. It was an actual decision that I made. Because of this I am generally uncomfortable with compliments about how I look. But I love it if you laugh at my jokes.

5. I hate ice skating. This stems from an unfortunate incident at the age of 10, involving a mime.

6. I fall asleep listening to Kid A almost every night. (Though sometimes it is Amnesiac instead.)

7. I spent 3 years in college without ever taking a 2nd year course. That shit takes TALENT.

8. Every time I write something on Facebook, twitter or my blog about dancing, I am actually doing it. Every time. I just really love dancing.

9. I love wearing pants, but if I lived alone I would probably never wear them at home. Just because I wouldn't have to.

10. I want to travel, but I'm afraid to go anywhere by myself.

11. When I really like a song, I listen to it OVER AND OVER AND OVER.

12. I hope to one day find the perfect magical heels that will not make my feet hurt.

13. I am a bit of a label whore. I can't pass up a sweet deal on name brands.

14. Even before I got glasses, I secretly wished for them. I thought they would make me look
good.

15. If I ever say something awkward, I will obsess for DAYS about what I could have said instead of the awkward thing I did actually say.

16. I think the r's in my first and last name are too close together and therefore think my name sounds weird. I would totally change my last name if I get married, because I think I can do better.

17. I regularly forget to eat meals. I just get caught up in whatever it is that I'm doing and the thought of eating never occurs to me.

18. I often think about living in another city, but don't know that I could handle doing it all on my own.

19. I can sometimes control my dreams. When I'm falling asleep I just think about the thing I want to dream about, and then I end up dreaming about it.

20. I am almost always wearing at least two layers of clothing.

21. The eating of corn on the cob FREAKS ME OUT. If I ever have it, I cut the corn off with a knife. I don't like watching other people eat it either.

22. It drives me mental when grown adults talk like babies. Even when they are talking TO babies.

23. I had no idea that I wanted to be a writer until about 3 years ago. I wish I had known earlier.

24. I love nerds. A boy is so much cuter if there is a slight nerd element present. Nerdy friends are better too!

25. I don't like planning. I have no five year plan. I have no five minute plan. I'm cool with that

So there you go. WORD.

The piano has been drinking, but not me.

After the day I had today, I really felt like I should have been. (Drinking, that is.) Today was the day that I took on my first official writing duties. It was the most horribly stressful thing EVER.

But, I have the good fortune to have the kind of job where I can spin around in my chair and yell out random vulgarities until I calm the fuck down, so that I can get back to work. So that's what I did. And it was great.

I'm taking baby steps, but I'll get there eventually. When I *do* get there, I will blow your goddamn mind. (I'm going to be a writer. That is CRAZY!)

ANYWAYS... I ended my day by watching this at my desk with my homies. It's fucking HILARIOUS. I think I need to get some Tom Waits into my music collection. Enjoy!

I heart you.

So like, fucking Valentine's Day is coming up. In celebration of this wicked awesome occasion (which I will spend by myself, bt-dubs) my boss has filled our candy dish at work with those little candy hearts that say things on them.

Typically, I enjoy these candies very much. They serve as a self-esteem boost at times when these sorts of compliments are not flying at you in a fast and furious manner. I mean, who DOESN'T like to pull out a piece of candy that says "I like U", "U R Nice", or "Sweet Ass"?

However, this batch is a bit of a dud. I was expecting something way cute, and what do I get?

"Love Talk".

LOVE TALK?!?!? What the hell? These things are supposed to make up for the LACK of that. Pfffft. Love talk.

Normally, I'd be all, "Suck it!", but I can't really say that. Cause that's exactly what I did to the candies. (They were delicious.)

The sleeps.

I think I have the insomnias again. UGH. It has been awhile since I have had a bout of it. It sucks.

Ever since my ridiculous caffeine overdose on Friday, I have been one giant ball of intensely nervous energy. I just can't calm down. I suppose there are some factors that have made me slightly more nervous than usual, but I don't know. It just seems so amplified, considering that I can't think of one major thing that I am WORRIED about.

I wonder what it must be like to be a person who never has problems sleeping, and never finds themselves SO worked up (about NOTHING) that every muscle in their body is tense. It must be so very, very awesome.

Can you teach me how to calm the frig down?

It is funny because it is true.

So Lydia and Kelly read my tweets about the Dr. Pepper and both laughed their butts off, because they know that I seriously get like that. And was sort of still like that when I showed it to them. And am still sort of like that now. Like a bajillion hours later. I am a giant ball of nervous energy.

A giant goddamn ball. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Nighty night.

Ohhhh! Milk was a bad choice!

In this case, Dr. Pepper was a bad choice.

You see, what happened was that I had a coffee this morning because it's totally Friday and that's like, WHAT I DO ON FRIDAYS so I had a coffee. Then I got to work and it was Rob's 50th birthday, so being the mature grown up he is, he requested a Pizza Pop lunch which also included the following: Dr. Pepper, Twinkies and Sun Chips. So ANYWAYS, I totally ate some Sun Chips and like 2 Pizza Pops (those things are small! Don't judge me.) and had like 2 cups of Dr. Pepper, because IT WAS DR. FREAKING PEPPER, you know? I love that shit.

Then I started to feel weird. Like really nervous. So I turned around in my chair and was all, "Yo. Guys. Does Dr. Pepper have caffeine in it? BECAUSE I AM FREAKING OUT OVER HERE SO I SORT OF THINK IT DOES."

As it turns out, it does.

So, yeah. I suppose those who are hyper sensitive to caffeine should probably not consume mass freaking quantities of it. Because then you will speak/write exclusively in run on sentences and use caps lock FOR NO REASON and everyone will think you are crazy, but you aren't you really just had too much Dr. Pepper.

Rookie move.

An open letter to Microsoft Word

Dear Microsoft Word,

I know that you go out of your way to be helpful, but I think you should know that there is such a things as being TOO helpful. You are always there to point out potential spelling and grammatical errors, which I do very much appreciate. HOWEVER, I would really appreciate it if you would keep your font preferences to yourself.

Allow me to be frank with you: when I say "ARIAL 12 POINT BOLD", I mean "ARIAL 12 POINT BOLD". I don't care how many times you try to change it, I will always mean "ARIAL 12 POINT BOLD".

I assure you, I will never, EVER, mean "Times New Roman 10 point regular". Ever. Seriously, dude. NEVER.

Let this letter serve as notice to you, Microsoft Word. Your reign of terror is OVER. TIMES NEW ROMAN IS THE SHITTIEST FONT EVER AND I WILL NEVER USE IT SO JUST GIVE UP ALREADY.

Sincerely,

Sarah

PS: ARIAL 4 LIFE, A-HOLE!

Best. Day. EVER.

I am downright gleeful. FILLED WITH GLEE, I TELL YOU! Later on today, I shall celebrate this most wonderful day with a dance. The dance of joy.





Well, not THE dance of joy... but A dance of joy.

What the morning will bring.

Tomorrow is going to be a great day.

Thievery!

Never in a million years did I ever think Biggie got his flava from friggin' Herb Alpert.




I mean, seriously.

I like to imagine Diddy just chillin in the VIP lounge, when this song comes on and he's all, "Shit, son! Take out that whack-ass trumpet and you got a party!"

The rest, my friends, is history.

(Thanks to Alan for showing me this!)

Seven More Things.

This is for my sister, because she's a jerk and already knew that stuff.


1. Sometimes I really DO worry about living alone. If I got hurt, how would anyone know? It would be days before anyone tried to find me... Gah! So yeah, I'm not always joking about that.


2. I am a little bit psychic. I have had premonitions before. Usually they just come to me in the form of a thought. I'll just think about something happening and then it does. Sometimes they have come to me in dreams. I first realized this when I had a very vivid dream about my Grandpa dying. (I was 17 at the time.) About a month later it actually happened in the way I had dreamt about it. Creepy, huh?



3. I love to not speak. Sometimes I'll spend an entire day at home by myself without ever saying a word. I just think it's so nice to just SHUT UP every now and then. It makes me think about how sometimes when you are talking when you don't have anything to say you are really just throwing them away.


4. If you get your hair cut, I probably won't notice. At all. Unless it is like crazy different. This is because as soon as I see someone with a new look, I immediately forget what they used to look like before the change was made. So if you got your bangs cut but your hair is still long, it will look exactly the same to me. This is why I hurt your feelings by not noticing.


5. Using the microwave makes me nervous. Science tells me that I need not worry, but I am always convinced that the damn thing is going to explode right before it beeps.


6. Speaking of the microwave... I often tap dance in front of it when I'm waiting for my food to cook. I've been doing it since my parents got their first microwave back in the day. It just seems like the perfect time to tap dance. I mean, what else have you got going on?


7. I once had a play date with Jimi Hendrix's father. When I was little (maybe about 3 or 4?) my aunt was babysitting me at her house. Her boyfriend's family was quite close to the Hendrix family, and he was up visiting them. Apparently I danced? I don't remember it at all, but I wish I did. It's a cute story.



So there you go. Seven MORE things. Sister, I bet you know all of these too... but they are slightly more interesting, yes? If not, SUCK IT. Muah.

Seven Things

So there's this Twitter meme thingy going around where you write a blog post and tell people seven things about you that they may not know just from reading Twitter or your blog. I got tagged by @sugarmiss80, so here it goes...

1. I do not have pierced ears. I have my nose pierced and at one time had one in my lip as well, but nothing in the ears. Most people think that's really weird. Sometimes I think about giving it a try... but meh.

2. I still have my baby blanket. I used to keep it on my bed and sleep with it under my pillow for YEARS. I was seriously old when I stopped sleeping with it. It eventually migrated to the top shelf of my closet, but I never got rid of it. I think it is at my parents house still. I find it oddly comforting to know that it is still there. (Its name was (of course) Blankie.)

3. I am an accomplished trombone player. I started playing when I was 11 and played straight on through till I was about 20. I was freaking GOOD. Sadly, I haven't played it in years. Now when I try to play it mostly sounds like farts. (But like, really beautiful farts.)

4. I hate being alone in public places. It freaks me out. I was forced to do it when I travelled by myself but I do NOT like it. It is highly unlikely that you will ever see me sitting in a coffee shop all by myself, and you will DEFINITELY never see me eat at a restaurant alone. I just don't like not being able to talk.

5. I know all the words to "Gimme Dat Nut" by Eazy-E and can't hear the song without singing along. Cause I'm awesome like that. But that is the only time I ever sound that vulgar. I swear.


6. I watch "Save the Last Dance" and "Honey" pretty much every time they are shown on TV. Which means that I have seen each of them about a million times. And I'm not sorry.

7. I have weird childhood memories that no one else in my family remembers. They all think I'm crazy, but I swear they really happened. There are two in particular:

a) I was about 3 or 4 and was getting ready for preschool in the morning, when I got an attack of heartburn. I was standing in the kitchen and my dad was all, "WHATEVER, YOU'RE GOING TO SCHOOL." Can 3 year olds get heartburn? I think it's hilarious.

b) I was watching Magnum PI with my brother once when he turned to me and said, "Magnum PI is such a GAYLORD!". He then turned back to the TV and kept watching. I suspect he didn't really know what gaylord meant.

There you have it. Seven things you may not have known about me. Or perhaps seven things you totally already know about me, in which case I say, "Whatever. Suck it!" Haha, just kidding! You're awesome.

Most peculiar, mama...

Mondays are nothing but trouble, I tell you.

Coworker #1: "Looks like everything is under control here."

Coworker #2: "That's what we WANT you to think..."

Me: "That's what we want your Mom to think..."

SEE? And this stupid joke was made even AFTER I finished my coffee. *sigh*

It's going to be a long day.

Five.

I was drinking some tea and I saw my reflection at the bottom of the cup. I started laughing because my face was all weird like when you look into one of those wacky mirrors they have in fun houses. I thought I looked cute.

It made me think of my nephew, who is five, because this is exactly the kind of thing that he finds HILARIOUS. Because he is five. And awesome.

I hope I never stop laughing at the things I thought were so funny when I was five.

I'm having a real time of it...

The following events are what caused me to spin around in my chair and exclaim to my coworker, "I'm having a real time of it today, Rob. A REAL TIME OF IT!"

First off, I put this fancy new hair stuff in my hair. I like it, but I forgot to round brush my stupid bangs again, thus causing me to be annoyed with the way said bangs are sitting. The rest of my hair looks very beachy. It's nice.

Then I decided that I totally had time to make a latte, but only if I multi tasked by putting the coffee on and running away to brush my teeth in the bathroom. This is false. You do not have time to brush your teeth while you are making a latte. Because by the time your teeth are brushed you will run out into the kitchen, the espresso will be done and there will be no goddamn steam left for your milk. Then you will have to put your milk in the microwave, and that shit just ain't right. It is not the same. So do not attempt to brush your teeth whilst making a latte. Unless you make a latte in the bathroom, or brush your teeth in the kitchen.

Then there was the phone issue. I got my phone lines transferred at work, which meant that I had to un-forward my calls to my old number. I could not figure out how to do this, because the phone at my new desk is different than my old phone. We could only find a manual for the NEW version of the phone, which instructed me to simply press the "call forward" button twice. But my phone did not HAVE a "call forward" button. Hence my confusion. So THEN I got the bright idea to just switch the phones around. This involved me crawling around under my desk (in a shortish dress) trying to find the plugger-inner thinger. (That is the technical name for it, I believe.) I could not find the plugger-inner thinger, because it is apparently located far away from my desk and can only be found by following a complex trail of weaving wires. It took a very long time for me to realize that I could just remove this bottom platform thingy on the phone and unplug it from there. And then I felt really stupid and everyone laughed. (But to be fair, THEY could not figure it out either!)

Which brings us up to now. I've just gone ahead and continued to do EVERYTHING wrong today. And all I have to say about it is this:

Le sigh.

What a guy.

So last weekend I was sitting around, watching TV all day because I was sick. I was flipping through the channels and paused for a second on Entertainment Tonight. This is when it happened. This is when I got Rickrolled.

BY BARRY FREAKING MANILOW.

I am not even joking. It is a real thing. He ACTUALLY did this.




It's on an album and everything. He's so not even in on the joke... do you think he even knows about Rickrolling? Probably not. He probably just thought that this is what the kids are listening to these days.

Oy. And they wonder why the music industry is in trouble!

My taste buds is goin' WILD!

Forget about his taste buds... I'm going wild! Goddamnit, I love television.

Because I got tired of waiting.

I've been waiting to hear this ALL day. But, since the radio didn't cooperate with me and I am now all alone in the office...




Awwwww yeah. And one more thing, just because I can:



They really were like a factory of music!

Sick.

So I'm still sick. It just won't go away! Grrr.

As a result, I have spent the majority of my time cooped up in my house, hiding underneath blankets and passing the eff out 30 mins after taking my nightly dose of NyQuil. I actually did manage to leave the house for a bit yesterday, to go for a wander in the snowy city. It was quite pleasant, actually. Even with all of the cold and sniffling that came with it.

Today, however, was a totally different story. Last night I couldn't get to sleep, so I decided to watch Slumdog Millionaire. This was an excellent decision. This movie is amazing. It's such a great story, and it is very well told. It manages to be beautiful, horrifying, sweet, funny and intense all at once. I would highly recommend it. ANYWAYS... I ended up being awake until about 3am after that, so when I finally *did* fall asleep I was in it for the long haul. I totally didn't wake up until 1pm. It was at this time that I decided to remain in my pj's for the entire day. And so here I am, at 5pm. In my jammies.

I am such a rock star. *cough cough sneeze sniffle cough*

The man just asked you a question... answer him!

This was a Gap commercial from YEARS ago... but I always think of it when New Year's Eve rolls around. I just think it's so lovely. There is a full length version of this kicking around somewhere, but I just love the actual commercial so much.



So, what ARE you doing? Making out? Dancing? Making out while dancing?

I went out for some yummy sushi with Lydia and Kelly, and then came right back home to put on my sweatpants. I am kind of finding myself longing to be at a great big ol' dance party, but I am just not feeling well. I think my body needs tea and rest. But I seriously wish it needed beer and booty shaking. *le sigh* (Holy crap, that's a tweet. I'm using it. Look for it on the sidebar to your left in like 5 mins! LOL)

Will one of you take me to a dance party next year? I promise I'll try my hardest not to get sick.

Ice, ice baby.

The sidewalks are a slippery mess today. I nearly fell on the way to the bus stop about 3 times! Oy.

So like, Happy New Year or whatever. Got any big plans? I do not. As of this moment, I still do not know what the hell I am going to do tonight. My car is still not about to be driven anywhere, due to the icyness, so if I DO dare to leave the house it will be somewhere close to home.

Also, I am sick. My thoughtful family decided that they needed to pass on this wicked awesome cold to me. Yay! This makes me not want to venture too far from home. Mostly because the thought of not sleeping in my own bed when I feel like this is not appealing.

So whatever you do tonight, have fun! Think of me at midnight... I will probably be in bed in a NyQuil induced haze. WORD.

Good God, you all!

So I was at work today and I heard this song on the radio:



The actual song itself is enough to make me laugh. But it is especially bad because pretty much every time I hear it I think of this:




Man alive. I need help.

*whew*

Friends, I have finally made it back home!

I couldn't get home on Boxing Day cause it was too snowy and my Dad didn't feel like driving me home. I didn't come home on Saturday because we decided that it would be much more fun for me to stay another night so that we could go shopping on Sunday morning.

Despite all the rain yesterday, the streets all around my neighborhood are still TERRIBLE! My mom could only get the minivan about a block away from my house, (any closer and we surely would have been stuck!) so I had to grab as much as I could carry and run it into my house before going back for the rest of it. Thankfully, my sister helped me out, so it was much faster.

Now I'm finally home. I'll admit, it was actually really fun being stranded with my family. I got to play in the snow with my sister and nephew on Christmas Eve, play Wii all morning and eat dinner with my giant family on Christmas, spend an entire day in pj's and sweatpants with my mom on Boxing Day, play in the snow some more with my Dad and my dog, and go shopping with my Mom and sister! *whew*

And NOW... it's laundry time. The fun just does not stop with me.

On snow.

As you can gather from my last post, Christmas Eve had me quite stressed out. By the time I got out to my parents' house I was tried, hungry and miserable. 

But, in the end it was worth it. It was so much fun spending Christmas Eve and morning with my parents, sister, and my brother and his family. My nephew is 5 now, and it was pretty fun watching him get SO EXCITED about the whole thing.

My parents got a Wii for my brother's family and so you can guess what we did all morning. And now I want one. So fun! My nephew turned out to have a natural ability to kick ass at Wii Boxing, which was 100% hilarious to watch. 

It is snowing AGAIN as I speak, so it looks like I'm here for another night at least. Which isn't the WORST thing ever cause my mom is cooking another turkey for dinner! Nom nom nom.   

Suck it, Christmas.

I know. You are all, "Whoa, you are such a Grinch for posting that title on Christmas Eve!" And me? I'm all, "Yeah? Well, SUCK IT!"

If you had been through what I had been through today, you might also be of the same mindset. 

Since it was snowing like a mother-you-know-what-er, the snow on my unplowed side street was just far too deep for me to get my car out. So I was forbidden by my mother from trying to drive. My dad was being grumpy and refused to come pick me up. So this meant that my only option was to get on the old Skytrain. Which NORMALLY would have been fine. 

I made it to the train station in good time, but as soon as I got there the platform was PACKED with people. This meant that when the train finally did get there, I could not get on the train with my two giant bags because people are all self-serving assholes and budged in front of me even though I had been waiting for WAY longer then they had. 

After 3 trains passed me in 30 mins, one of them came back into the station backwards. A tree had fallen on the tracks and they couldn't move eastbound until it was cleared, which would take 30 mins. A bunch of people bailed at that point, freeing up just enough space for me to stand with my giant bags and my giant purse. 

An hour later I am still standing on the train. They assure us it is almost done. 

2 hours later, and seriously REALLY almost done. "You might as well keep waiting. It won't be long now!"

3 hours later and it FINALLY gets moving. After 2 stops I finally got a seat and was able to sit for the rest of the ride out to Surrey.

By the time I finally set foot in my parents' house it was a full 5 hours after I had left my house. I had been standing for 3 hours and hadn't eaten since breakfast at 7:30am. So yes, I yelled on the phone at my mom and sister. I'm not going to apologize for it either. 

So yeah. SUCK IT, CHRISTMAS.

Enjoy your white Christmas...

... IF YOU CAN ACTUALLY GET TO IT!

Oh sweet baby Jesus. On this, the eve of your non-literal birthday, I am SCREWED. As of this moment, I have no idea how I will be getting to my parents' house in the burbs. My mother has told me that I am not allowed to drive because she is afraid. So here's hoping that I don't have to brave the buses and that my Dad will come and get me!

Eeeeek!

I must say, though... it *does* look mighty pretty out there. You know what? The snow is like those really super good-looking guys who are total a-holes. Nice to look at, but do you REALLY want to deal with that shit? It's a tough call, really.

Also, MERRY CHRISTMAS or whatevs.
Kisses!

Captain Obvious

Well, shoot. How did I not notice this RIGHT AWAY???? This is exactly the sort of thing I am normally able to pick up on immediately. I've failed you, dear readers.

ANYWAYS, have a look and see what I'm talking about. IT IS SO OBVIOUS!!!!



Single ladies love FOSSE!

I'm seriously disappointed in myself for missing this at first. Wah. You are a clever one, Beyonce. If there was ever a pop star who could handle Fosse rip off choreography, it is you. I bow at your feet.

My mommy loves me.

Conversation with my mother from this weekend:

MOM: "After this year, I'm done with stockings. DONE. Your brother and Ashley live together, so they can take care of their own stockings. Same with your sister. She'll be living with Myles by then so they are on their own!"

ME: "..."

MOM: "I'll just do one for your father... and don't worry, I guess I can still do one for you too."

ME: "Wow. Okay. Thanks Mom. I'M SORRY I'M SUCH A BURDEN TO YOU."

MOM: "It's okay."

LOLZ! She loves me so much that she has committed to filling my stocking until I reach the age of 60, at which point we will re-evaluate the situation. HAHAHA! BEING SINGLE IS SO HILARIOUS!

Something to keep you warm.

Because it is SO FLIPPING COLD OUTSIDE!!!!!!!!!



You just TRY not dancing your butt off when you listen to this. (NOTE: I have tried. All attempts were unsuccessful. Which is actually kind of a victory, so yay for me!)

Enjoy! And don't forget to take a sweater. Or like, 7.

Somebody call 911!

Backdraft is totally on TV right now. Have you seen it? It is a film from long, long ago... back when Billy was totally the hottest of all the Baldwin brothers. It's true. There was a time in the 90's where he totally took over the title from Alec. It was awesome. Here's proof:




Damn. That is one good movie. Complete with an action montage set to a song about feelings. It doesn't get much better than that.

Sadly, time has not been totally kind to Billy. He is no longer reigns supreme in the Baldwin family. I think we can all agree that Alec has reclaimed the title of "Hottest Baldwin Brother By Far". Here's proof:



You know I'm right.

I knew that wasn't a total waste of time!

I am referring to two things with the above statement:

1) The 5 friggin years I spent in college, AND
2) All that time I have spent watching Mad Men over the past year.


Whaaaaaaa? How could those things possibly be related? Well, in January I will be moving into a new job. Which is actually *sort of* the same job I have now... except that I get to write. As a job. Writing. For money. (I KNOW, RIGHT?????)

I spent 5 friggin years in college so that I could learn how to communicate effectively via the written word. Which suddenly doesn't seem so stupid anymore. AND all that time I spent watching Mad Men actually turned out to be research. For my job. As a writer. (I KNOW, RIGHT???)

This is going to be crazy. Or one might also say it will be "of unsound mind". That's right, bitches. I know how to use a thesaurus.

Fast is the new regular speed.

Hey, what has two thumbs and up until about 20 mins ago was totally wearing her shirt inside out?

This guy. (girl)

*groan*

I should also mention that when I came upon the sign that said "SIDEWALK CLOSED" just around the corner from work, I just stood there for a minute thinking "WELL NOW HOW AM I GOING TO GET OVER THERE????" Try crossing the street or walking around the back way, idiot!

This day is going to be AWESOME.

Nom nom nom.

Macaroni and cheese
Originally uploaded by JuJu Coop

I eated this.

It is macaroni and cheese! With cheese cascading down the sides!

It is from Burgoo, and it was THE BEST.

OMG, I TOTES FORGOT TO TELL YOU THIS!!!

I should have mentioned this AGES ago... but I be forgetful, yo!

If you wish to check it out, you can also find me blogging over at the magnificent jcritty.com! It is the home of the podcast "JCritty's Talk Chat" and a few other awesome bloggers. Check it out, if you are so inclined. Critty is an awesome dude and makes me laugh my face off on a regular basis.

Yayyyyyyy!

I think maybe I'm tired.

Okay. So first things first. In order to understand the following hilarious transcription of Facebook interaction, you will need to know who Galen Weston is.
























Laaaaaaaadies! He's totally hot, right?


So, ANYWAYS... I noticed that my sister had this awesome quote on her Facebook profile. "Bullshit you had the flu! You had the I'm afraid of Patrick Swayze!" So I wrote this note on her wall:

Hey dorkus. Question: Where did you hear the quote you have about Swayze??? That shit is funny. FACT: A young Patrick Swayze can be seen as a backup dancer in the video for the Toto hit "Rosanna". YOU DID NOT KNOW THAT, DID YOU?

She then explained that it was from an episode of Trailer Park Boys. But that is not the point. After I wrote that, I totally got the song Rosanna stuck in my head. So I re-wrote the lyrics and posted it as my status:

Sarah ♪will meet you all the way, *DA-NA-NA!* Galen Wes-ton, yeah...♫.

Then when she asked me if I meant the guy from President's Choice I said "Indeed. He's so hot he's making me sexist. BOOM!"

And then I LOL'd for reals.

THE END.

Dream a little dream of Wolverine...

Here is the last thing I remember from my dream before my alarm went off this morning. It was awesome:

So I'm sitting there talking to Hugh Jackman, who is in character as Wolverine, but is not *actually* Wolverine, so I'm calling him Hugh the whole time. He doesn't seem to mind this.

ME: "Dude, you totally have like, the best sideburns EVER."

HJ: "I know, right? Why do you think I keep agreeing to make these movies? It ain't for the richness of the plot, if you know what I'm saying..."

ME: "But seriously. If I were a guy and I wanted facial hair, that is totally how I would do it up. Mega Super Chin Strap Sideburns!"

HJ: "Personally, I don't understand why more people don't rock this look."

ME: "It really is a shame."

HJ: "You know who would look totally awesome with these Mega Super Chin Strap Sideburns? That friend of yours who likes all the nerd comics and stuff. Dave?"

ME: "DUUUUUUUUUUUDE."

HJ: "I know."

ME: "If anyone on this planet ever tried to grow those and wear that look un-ironically it would be him."

HJ: "I'm pretty sure that is his destiny."

ME: "Hugh, you are so right. So very, very right..."

BEEP BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!

That is when my alarm went off. Then I woke up and sat there for a minute trying to figure out why the crap I was dreaming about friggin' Wolverine and then I was all, OH YEAH I TOTALLY WATCHED HEROES RIGHT BEFORE I WENT TO BED.

The end.

Back in the saddle again.

Today was my first day back at work from my super awesome staycation. This working thing is less than awesome. I feel very sleepy and have a severe case of the "I don't want to be heres". I thought I had found the cure for those (which was applesauce) but I was wrong. It just made my tummy a little upset... so now I REALLY don't want to be here.

But there is good news, friends! My friend who currently lives in northern Alberta (gah!) just called me and she is in town. She is coming to pick me up at work and has promised me things such as tea and wonderful chats. Yay! This is also awesome because it means that I don't have to carry a giant sewing machine home on the bus. WOOT. (That is not as weird as it sounds. A lovely coworker of mine is letting me borrow her sewing machine while she is on vacation for a month. So she left it for me at work. RAD!)

The only thing I have to remember is to make sure I do not drink any caffeinated tea. I had some trouble getting back into my regular sleeping patterns last night. Frig. I mean, who actually gets up before 11am if they don't have to? NOT THIS KID.

There goes THAT idea...

Well, I was considering going out today... perhaps downtown to try and find those super hot True Religion jeans that were hardcore on sale. Cause I want them. But then I discovered this here Gossip Girl MARATHON on TV... so... the chances of me running off to find a deal are greatly decreased.

Seriously. Chuck Bass is kinda hot. Even more so now that I know that he's British in real life. *swoon* But he's like, 21.

Dang, yo.

Staycation time.

So. Here I am... on vacation! If the heat were ever on up in this bitch I would put on some steel drum music and pretend like I was in the Caribbean... just like my grandma did that one time. (It was HILARIOUS.) But alas, it is goddamn freezing in here so that just is not going to happen.

It is day 2 of my at home vacation, and so far I have managed to fill my time. Yesterday I went shopping with my sister, and today I slept in late and then wandered around downtown for awhile. I got some things accomplished, which was nice. But here's the thing. Now I have no idea what the heck I'm going to do for the rest of the week.

So, how 'bout it buddies? Do any of you kids ever find yourselves at home during the day in the middle of the week? If so, what do you do to pass the time? Do you go out every day? Where do you go? Help me out here, kids.

I don't want to get bored on my awesome vacation!

Step 1? We can have lots of fun... *If you know what I mean*

So. I got free tickets to NKOTB. Jess came with me. It was friggin' AWESOME.

It was pretty much exactly as I remembered it from Grade 4... they were dancing like nobody's business, and the whole time I was thinking about how awesome it would be if I were married to one of them. Preferably Jordan.

The only differences being that a) I was mildly intoxicated, and b) my concept of what goes on in a marriage is slightly different.

ANYWAYS... watch this. And replace these two dudes with me. With a beer in my hand. Voila! You have a mind-video of what I looked like at this show. Totally used the same moves, but was not wearing a vest or sunglasses.



Oh, I *know* that the time is right. HUH! (Please note that Jess and I waited the whole song for the part where we could re-enact the part where Jordan plays the fake violin from the music video.)

Sharif don't like it.

He really, really hates it! So do I!

I'm talking about Christmas music, of course.

Yesterday when I was out doing a little bit of shopping, I heard it. It was enough to make me stop dead in my tracks.

"Am I REALLY hearing this right now? WTF day is it? CRAP!"

Seriously, though. IT IS NOVEMBER, PEOPLE! NO-FREAKING-VEMBER!

It would appear as though my holiday-induced nervous breakdown may be arriving a little earlier than scheduled this year. Awesome!

I'm even socially awkward in my dreams.

Right before I woke up this morning I had a funny dream. The reason it was so funny is because it is entirely possible that it could happen in real life... and if it ever DID happen in real life it would probably play out exactly the same way. Because I apparently don't know how to talk to people. HAHA AWESOME!

In my dream, I was in this weird corner store on Main Street. (Oddly specific... I know.) I looked up and saw someone who looked really familiar to me. After staring at said individual for a bit I finally figured out who it was. It was a person that I had not actually met before, but had seen pictures and know from a mutual friend and Internet contact. The person then looked over and saw me. There was this weird "Hey, do I know you?" moment. So I decided to say something.

"Hey, are you ____?"

"Yeah... wait. Are you Sarah?"

"Yeah. Isn't this weird? Cause we've never actually met before. But it feels like maybe we have?"

"It is weird. How's it going?"

"Ummmm... good. You?"

"Good. Yeah..."

"Yeah."

*awkward silence*

"Well, ummm... it was nice to finally meet you. But, I've gotta get going. See you around! Say hi to ____ for me."

"Yeah, I will. Bye!"

Then I walked out of the store feeling like I was about to have a heart attack and feeling sure that this person was going to be all, "Oh, I met Sarah. She's SO WEIRD." And then I would have a lot of work ahead of me to prove that I am not a complete and total moron. Which would be really hard to prove, because I sort of AM a complete and total moron.

But if this ever were to actually happen, that is probably EXACTLY how it would play out. Because I have serious anxiety about situations like that. If I actually were to encounter this scenario, "hilarious and charming via the written word" me would high tail it out of there and would leave "nervous about unfamiliar social situations" me alone to fend for myself. Yay!

I am now really freaked out that this could really happen. I would much prefer to meet this person via proper introduction, because I would be far less likely to make a complete ass of myself if the friend is there as the buffer.

And just for fun... can anybody guess who this mystery person is?

Yo! What's the Haps? ... DOT COM!

Yes, kids. You read it right. I'm totally a DOT COM now!

WHOA. THAT IS CRAZY.

I hope this means I will get to hang out with Grizz now. You know, cause I'm a DOT COM.

Niiiiiiiice.

So, you want to hear something crazy? Apparently, when Tina Fey says something on 30 Rock, that means several people google it the next day. In this particular instance she said "What's the haps?" and then my blog traffic tripled in one day. AWESOMENESS.

They will probably never come back here, but WHATEVS. Thanks, Tina Fey! (I like your glasses. I too wear glasses. Please be my friend?)

Three.

Three years ago today, I started my job.

I have been working at the same place for three years.

I. Have been working. Here. For three years.

I do make more money than I did when I started.

I do sort of have more responsibilities that I did when I started.

But I don't get to write. Meh.

However, I have had the pleasure of working with some of the most awesome and hilarious people around, so I can't complain.

GUESS I WILL JUST HAVE TO KEEP BLOGGING, HUH?

The real night court is totally different. The hookers aren't funny...

OMG YOU GUYS! DID YOU TOTALLY WATCH 30 ROCK TONIGHT? DID YOU TOTALLY SEE ME GET MENTIONED ON TV EXCEPT NOT REALLY?

Allow me to explain. In one particular scene in tonight's episode, Liz Lemon and Jen Aniston were chatting. In this one part, two blogs were name-checked! (Except not really.) It went something like this:

Liz: "(blah blah blah) (Yo!) What's the haps?"

Jen: "(blah blah blah) Tentative plans... (blah blah blah)."

And then Lydia and I were all, "WHOA DUDE! THAT IS CRAZY!" Because it kind of was.

So now I will sit and wait for the phone call from Tina Fey, where she will tell me how awesome and HILARIOUS I am... and that is exactly why I should consider a move to the NYC so I can come and write for her show.

I have a feeling I will be waiting for awhile... I should probably pop round to the store and pick up some snacks.

The long walk home.

The day after Obama won, allib twittered the following:

"Made a little pact w/ myself: if Obama won, I'd do 100 days in a row of yoga. (If McCain won, it was going to be something far different.) "

Upon reading that, I was kind of inspired. So I decided to walk halfway home from work that day. And the next day. And the next. (I only walk halfway home because it is always raining. And I have been carrying groceries like 3 of those times.) So ANYWAYS, what I am saying is that every day since Nov 5th, I have walked more than I normally would have otherwise. Just because watching Obama win was so inspiring and seeing him makes me want to be a better person, be that physically, emotionally or spiritually. So for now, I walk. I'm thinking eventually yoga will be added in. Perhaps followed by being nice to people every once in awhile.

Normally when I walk home (or take the bus, for that matter) I have my iPod on. However, due to my current ear issues I haven't been able to use my headphones. So instead of listening to music, I think about strange and exciting things. I dream up stories that I promptly forget about upon my arrival at home. But today, I didn't make up stories. Today, I tackled the issues.

I was reading this thing about how the new Jennifer Aniston Vogue cover is practically THE SAME as the last Angelina Jolie Vogue cover. CONTROVERSIAL! It got me to thinking... in the Jen vs Angie battle, who is winning?

Let's see.

Angie gets Brad. Jen gets John Mayer and whoever is hanging around the pool that day. 1 POINT JOLIE.

Angie has like 20 kids and travels the world to hang out with poor people. Jen has no kids and therefore gets to do whatever the heck she wants. 1 POINT ANISTON.

Everyone knows that Angie at more than one point in her life has been a total friggin whackjob. Jen is just so lovely and normal. 1 POINT ANISTON.

Ummm... Angie is a homewrecker? 1 POINT ANISTON.

So yeah. I'm calling this one for Aniston. Mostly because I feel the Jolie-Pitts are too showboaty. I mean, really. It IS possible to be good looking, happy and successful without always frigging TALKING ABOUT IT.

So I guess this is what happens when you get inspired by Barack Obama and then get an ear infection. Awesome, huh?

Think, think, think!

I've got to figure out a way to work the phrase, "Suck on it, Trebek!" into conversation more often. I almost NEVER get to say it.




Maybe for today I can refer to my ears as "Trebek". Cause I'm about ready to tell them to SUCK IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Blurg.

Want to know what it's like to be me?

All you gotta do is stick your head under water for 3 days, then you would know how I feel right now.

Sweet. I gotta go. It's time for my nasal spray.

I could fall over at any moment, really.

Guess where I went today? To see the doctor! I KNOW, RIGHT??? It's so crazy. I never go there. So you know if I am willing to make a trip to see one, it is for a good reason.

For the past 2 days my ears have been wonky. They are all plugged up and I can't hear very well. BOOOOOOOOOOO! As it turns out, I totally have swollen eustachian tubes and a mild ear infection. Awesome, hey? Wooooooooo!

It sounds and feels like my head is underwater. It's pretty uncomfortable. Here's hoping it goes away soon.

The only good part about it is that I totally made the doctor laugh. I have this thing about doctors... when I am at the doctor I just HAVE to try to make them laugh. I just feel as though making a doctor laugh is a true test of my comedic abilities. Proving to myself that I am still CRAZY HILARIOUS makes being sick a little more bearable.

Like a bee, except I won't sting you. Stabbing is more likely.

Every once in awhile I will have a run of days where it seems like I have so much crap to do, and not enough time to do it. It's mostly when I have to be out and about during the week and therefore only spend time at home to sleep. You know, like wake up, go to work, go to stuff after work, come home, go to sleep, REPEAT. When that happens I get way whiny about it because this usually causes me to sleep less than I need to. I can be a bit of a whiner when I gets all sleepy-like.

So I'll be whining to myself about being SO TIRED and SO BUSY and SO GRUMPY and then I will remember something. I'll remember how I spent my first 3 years in college working 40 hours a week (at night and on weekends) while attending classes full time during the day. And I'll remember that in my 2 years of getting my diploma that I would often leave for school at 7am and would not get home until 11 or 12 at night. THAT was busy. I can't even imagine doing that shit now. That's probably because I'm old. When the fuck did THAT happen, yo?

Seriously. When did I get old? When did I start losing sleep because I was worried about the economy? When did I start using recipes? When did I stop being able to drink massive amounts of tequila without vomiting after?

Probably right around the time when I went for a jog and injured my hip. (True story. I think I was like, 24. I hobbled around for 2 days afterwards. It was embarrassing.) OH WELL.


Hey, if I leave work now I can still catch the early bird special...

Swoon.

(via Fussy)

Now THAT'S what I'm talking about. Damn.

The happiest nerd in town.

Last night Brie and I went to watch the election with some real actual Americans! It was one of the most wonderful experiences I have ever had. I'm not just saying that because I'm such a hardcore election nerd. I'm saying that because I am such a hardcore nerd for HUMAN BEINGS. I think this was a huge moment, not just for Americans, but for people in general. It is a moment that I will probably remember for the rest of my life, and I'm so glad I got to share it with people who were just as excited about it as I was.

I came home, spent way too long trying to catch up on all the Twitter action, danced around in my leggings and a t-shirt, and just sat there for awhile, smiling. Just before I went to bed, I took a look through my archives and found something kind of incredible. It will help to illustrate how excited I am about PRESIDENT OBAMA (!!!!!) and why. As it turns out, almost exactly 2 years ago after watching Bobby (the movie about Bobby Kennedy) I mentioned that after watching the movie, I immediately thought of Barack Obama as president. He won me over in 2004, and has only made me love him more since then.




















FINALLY!!!!!!!!!! (photo from Brie's Flickr.)

The best part about last night was before I went to bed, I rummaged through my closet and pulled out my old Fat Wreck Chords shirt. The one with Bush's face on it that says "NOT MY PRESIDENT". I put it on and wore it to bed. It felt great.

Oh, Internet!

Being that I am a hardcore election nerd, I decided that it would be appropriate to post some sort of election-related video. So I got to thinking. What song would be appropriate for this day? I shall now explain my journey to you.

Right away I thought, "HELLO. BOB DYLAN, OBVS!" But there are SO MANY awesome Dylan songs that I had trouble deciding. Then I thought maybe Sam Cooke? But I thought that was too obvious.

After a conversation with Dave, (who talked about how whether or not he agrees with people, he wants those people to have the freedom to make their own choices... which makes him AWESOME) I thought, "Hey! Freedom!" But that didn't have any options for embedding the video. Then I looked down at the related videos, and saw this awesome commercial for an 80's compilation called Freedom Rock. Which is 100% HILARIOUS. Because it led me to this song...



... which really has very little to do with freedom OR rock. Or voting. But it makes me laugh. So it's got that going for it, which is nice.

ANYWAYS... after thinking about it for awhile, I finally thought of the perfect song to sum up my feelings for today.



Oh the ant WILL move the motherfucking rubber tree plant, alright! Because we have
HOPE(s). High ones.

Huh.

This is probably one of the saddest things I've heard in awhile.

Barack Obama's grandmother died today. TODAY.

Can you believe that? The day before the election... life is a strange thing indeed.

El supreme-o lack-o of concentration-o.

I have had a bitch of a time focusing on things at work today. Could be something to do with the fact that I think I am getting sick. It has gotten progressively worse throughout the day... what started as the sniffles has now morphed into an achey body, stuffy nose and a little bit of coughing. I feel like my head is stuffed with cotton balls. MEH.

So this has all meant that I feel tired... and therefore can get about 3 mins into a given task before I star staring into space or some shit like that. About 10 mins ago OMD came on the radio. It was "If You Leave", which was on the Pretty in Pink soundtrack. So I'm sitting there, working away, when I hear the song and immediately stop doing what I am trying to do. I sat there for the entire song thinking about the moment in the movie where Andie totally chooses Blaine instead of Duckie, and how EVERY TIME that happens I yell out "NOOOOOOOO! ANDIE! WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? ANDREW MCCARTHY HAS A WEIRD FACE! AND HE'S BORING! DUCKIE IS AWESOME!" Seriously. I get all riled up whenever I see it. I mean, really. Who wants to see Awkward McCarthy make out with ANYONE? Yawn.

ANYWAYS, I finally noticed that I had stopped working so I started up again. But then I started thinking about how I had stopped working when I heard OMD and I thought I needed to write about that. So now you have this steaming pile of crap. And it's all because I have ADD. (Heh. When I first typed ADD I accidentally typed ASS.)

So... I'm sorry I got sick and made you read this.

Take a bite out of crime... or perhaps just this delicious apple.

When I walked into work today, one of my coworkers was wandering around handing out apples from a giant shopping bag. He put one on my desk, and right away I was really excited about it. You see friends, this is no ordinary apple. This particular apple comes from an orchard which is owned by said coworker's mother. This particular apple was picked from the tree, put in a box and brought right to my desk! (There was probably a little bit of a stopover along the way, but you get the point.)

There is no wax on it. It is a beautiful shiny red colour all on its own. The most remarkable thing about this apple is that it SMELLS LIKE AN APPLE. It is sitting in front of me, on my desk and I can smell it from here!

This is going to be the best apple I will have all year. I'm going to eat it right now. YUMMMMM!

A mavericky maverick.

That's me, a mavericky maverick! Particularly with regards to oatmeal.

Well, friends... I've done it again! This morning I decided to make a latte instead of just using the ol' french press. Making a latte requires more of my attention, since you can't really walk away from it. You kind of have to stand there the whole time. This meant that if I hoped to leave my house on time, I would have to skip making toast for breakfast as I had planned. So out came the tupperware and in went a scoop of plain quick cooking oats. I was just about to put some sugar in with it when I noticed the tub of peanut butter that I had set out on the counter when I had thought I was going to eat toast. "Hmmmm..." I grabbed a spoon and plopped a scoop of peanut butter in there with the oats.

When I got to work I added in the hot water and let it sit for a bit. When it was all cooked, I stirred in the peanut butter and added in a squirt of honey. IT. WAS. YUMMY.

In my mind, I thought it would end up tasting much like a peanut butter oatmeal cookie. And it did. But without all the insane amounts of sugar. I AM SO DAMN CLEVER SOMETIMES. I'm sure you are all intimidated a little by that, aren't you? ;)

The one where I totally saw your butt.

In honour of the celebration of the b-days of my super rad cousins, I went to a club. (I KNOW, RIGHT????) Yes, friends. It is true. I went to a club. A fancy one.

It is called Canvas Lounge. Perhaps you have heard of it? It's an art gallery by day, and bumpin' (shit. Do the kids still say that?) party spot by night. In the name of family drinking night, I agreed to go. It was a little crazy. Here's why:

First you wait in the line for a bit. We didn't wait too long cause we be rollin' with the VIP's and were on the guest list. So they check your ID outside, BEFORE you go in. No big deal. Then they checked in my purse. A little weird, but whatevs. Apparently if you are a boy, you also have to go through a metal detector. (WHAT?) So then you get inside and you show your ID AGAIN to another dude, who then scans it into a computer. Then he takes your picture. Then you move over to a new line where you pay cover. This is where the girl says, "That will be $21." Then I say, "SERIOUSLY????"

Then they move you over to another spot where another chick says "Mandatory coat check! $9." And I say, "Touche." Once you hand over your coat, you are FINALLY allowed to go in. Seriously. I half wanted to ask someone if this is where they housed the REAL Mona Lisa or some shit like that. But at least one can say with relative confidence that you are unlikely to get a cap in yo ass while you are inside the building. I think it is easier to obtain entry to most foreign countries.

So THEN we went in and found out that our peeps were in the VIP room. That was kind of alright. It was pretty hilarious drinking with the fam, as it always is. How does that saying go? The family that drinks together is fucking awesome? Something like that. ANYWAYS... this was where the real fun started. As the place started to fill up, there were more and more ladies out in their club gear. Which apparently means wearing an effing SHIRT and that is all. These chicks were wearing "dresses" that maybe covered their butts IF they happened to be standing still. Which they were not. Because they were very busy dancing like ho's. I think you can see where I am going with this. Basically, because the VIP room is sunken and located down some stairs, and the ladies were shaking it at the top of said stairs... it was all in plain view. And it was disturbing.

However, aside from those traumas, it was pretty fun! I really do have the most awesome family EVAR. Yay!

Tangled up in blue.

I want to be like Bob Dylan. He knows what people want of him. He knows that people want him to play his songs they way they sounded a million years ago. But he doesn't care. He has been playing these songs forever, and he plays them in new ways... the way HE wants to play them.

I hope that one day (when I need to) I will be able to say, "You know what? I'm going electric. SUCK IT."

But in a far more poetic and eloquent manner, of course.

Economic crisis? Meh.

Earlier this week I made a huge mistake. (I STILL laugh every time I use the phrase "huge mistake".) After work I was watching some TV and flipping through the channels. I paused for a moment on the news. Not because I wanted to see me some news, but because Kevin Newman is muy caliente! ANYWAYS... he was talking about the current state of our precious little economy and it sucked me in. After about 15 mins I was FREAKING OUT.

Money is something that has always triggered anxiety in me. I'm used to worrying about ME not having any money. But now I gotta worry about THE ENTIRE WORLD not having any money? That's enough to drive a kid insane! (Not really. But it *does* have the potential to make a kid spend some time hiding under a pile of blankets and engage in other avoidance behavior.) So after worrying about it for a good long while, I was prompted to write this statement (in the form of a tweet):


"Fuck this shit, I'm moving back to the barter system."

I thought I was being pretty hilarious there. But then I started to really think about how that might work out for me. Sure, I've probably got a lot of crap that I don't want anymore that I could trade in for things... but the barter system also relies heavily on bartering with your skills.

My marketable skills include: sarcasm, observational humour, tap dancing, trombone playing, writing jokes .000001% of the population understands, entertaining the elderly and I also make a pretty decent vegetarian chili.

So unless the goods/services I am seeking to obtain are along the lines of "let me guest blog for you" or "invite me to your party" I am kind of screwed.

Please. Offer me some help here, people. What else could I use to barter with? I have a feeling like this is something I'm going to need to know.

Heroes: Whaaaaaaaa???

Lydia is totally into watching Heroes, and therefore since I am home at the same time and it comes on right after Gossip Girl (WHICH IS AWESOME) I end up sort of half watching it as well. Which, since I have not watched any other seasons of the show, makes for a terribly confusing hour of my life.

First off, I'm always squinting at the TV because it is so dark! What, like people with random superpowers to not need the aid of light? Was this covered in Season 1? Did I miss the line where they were like, "Hey, welcome to Heroes. All of said Heroes can see in the dark. It is very eco-friendly and we save so much money on electricity bills."

I just sit there, trying to see if I can piece things together by myself. (I don't want to be THAT person who asks questions every 30 seconds because I don't know what is going on.) Every now and then she yells something at the TV like, "OH MY GOD!" or "HURRY UP! GET OUT OF THERE!" which helps me a little bit because I am able to determine that something sort of important just happened. So far I have determined that the blonde girl's Dad is kind of a jerk, there are lots of evil people, and I am supposed to think the Japanese kid is funny. (Which I don't, really.)

But at the end of each episode I am left sitting there thinking, "HUH?" I could probably make this easier on myself if I would just go watch the show from the beginning, but I'm not really interested in it at all. My verdict so far (after 3 episodes, I think) is: meh.

Don't just stand there, bust a move.

At midnight. In Walmart.

I am terribly easy to please. Last night at around 10, Lydia said "Let's go to the Walmart that is open until midnight!" and I was all, "HELLS YEAH!"

It was a friggin awesome field trip. I am so amused by being in stores or restaurants that are open really late, or 24 hours. It just feels so crazy, like you shouldn't be able to do it. I love it!

So there we were, at 11:30 on a Friday night in the Walmart grocery store. Lydia was pushing the cart and checking out bargains, while I was having a Steve Winwood dance party. I think I danced my way through that entire store, and was not the least bit embarrassed. Because I was in Walmart. At 11:30 at night. It's like, the one place where nobody can judge you for acting like a giant dork. Because they are also in Walmart. At 11:30 at night. On a Friday.

I want to learn how to live every day like I'm in Walmart at midnight. Life is just so much more fun when you feel free to dance around like an idiot and are not worried about what other people are thinking about you.

Steve Winwood The Finer Things
Uploaded by Celtiemama

Sweaters and sneezes.

Normally I am a fan of Fall (or Autumn, as some call it), but not this year. As soon as the air decided to go ahead an become crisp, my nose got angry and staged a full scale revolt. For about a month or so, I have been fighting off allergies like CRAZY. It's pissing me off, yo!

If I do not take an allergy pill before bed, I get super stuffed up and don't sleep very well. So I take the allergy pill. I am fine for about 10 mins in the morning. After that, I have a really runny nose. For the remainder of the day at work, I sneeze like mad and alternate between runny and stuffy nose.

Upon my arrival at home the sneezing remains steady, but there is a gradual move back to full on stuffy nosedness. Then I take the allergy pill at bedtime, and we start all over again.

This is all very trying. It is making me a bit of a grumpy pants. Am I the only one dealing with this? It sort of feels like I am perpetually fighting off a cold that just never seems to materialize. What the heck? If that is the case, I'd almost rather get full on sick so that I can just get better already! Grrrrrr. Fall can SUCK IT!

ALSO... you may have noticed that I am making you jump through some new hoops if you wish to comment. You see, dear friends, I have finally gotten to the level of SUPREME annoyance with those who choose to leave negative and weird comments and are not brave enough to attach a name to them. That's the Internet for you! So please continue to leave comments, but know that they might take awhile to be published because now I have to approve them first. Look at me, ruling with an iron fist! (But don't worry. I am not hiding anything under my sweater.)

And here is where I roll my eyes and contemplate fleeing to America.

That's it. Tomorrow I buy a plane ticket to California to go hunt down Mr. Belding so I can drag his ass back up here to scold some people.

"Hey, hey, hey, WHAT is going on here?"

Indeed, Canada. WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? Michael Moore is SO going to kick your asses. You should be afraid. He's big!

Meh. Knowing Harper, we'll be voting again in a year anyways. Idiot.

VOTING DAY IS HERE OMG CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

If one were to take the time to repair the flux capacitor to travel back in time to the last time we voted, you would be able to see how excited I was about voting. Whoa! What's this? We can do so without the aid of a time travelling device? Magnificent!

Flash back to the present. I AM STILL REALLY FRIGGIN EXCITED ABOUT VOTING!!!!!!!!!! I brought my election card to work with me so that I don't even have to stop back at home for 5 seconds to grab it. I can just get off the bus and GO VOTE! I'm even going to take a different bus home so I can walk to the polling station on the way to my house! THIS IS GOING TO BE AWESOME.

I was totally going to make some coffee this morning, but then I was all, "WAIT. It is Election Day. I am so not going to need it, as I will be high... on DEMOCRACY!" And I am. I totally am.

Now I just have to debate whether or not I will choose to enforce the 3 hours of voting time rule so that I can jam outta here half an hour early.

OMG I CAN'T WAIT TO GET THAT TINY PENCIL IN MY HANDS!

Make up your mind.

Whoa! The election is on Tuesday! Can you believe it???

Voting can be very confusing an overwhelming to some. Who do you vote for? Why should you vote for them? Only you can really answer that for yourself, but I've found something to help you out if perhaps you are like me and are more than a little frightened by the notion of a Conservative majority.

I came across this article in the Georgia Straight about strategic voting. Basically, those crazy left-wing biased journalists at the Straight want to help you figure out how to best use your vote to stop Stephen Harper! How kind of them! It is broken down into 19 different ridings across the Lower Mainland, and they tell you who has the best chance of defeating the Conservatives in each one of them. (Keep in mind, they are not necessarily telling you who the BEST candidate is. Only who has the best chance of winning if we were all to vote strategically.)

Luckily for me, the candidate that they recommend in my riding is the person I would vote for anyways. So I don't have to feel guilty about strategic voting. However, I would say that it is definitely something to consider doing.

I happen to agree with the Straight, and would urge everyone to consider how to best use your vote.

HOLY CRAP I AM SO EXCITED ABOUT VOTING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dude.

When I was growing up, both my parents worked full time. They worked opposite shifts so that we would always have one parent at home. This meant that I ended up spending a lot of nights at home with my Dad and my brother. Which until now, I didn't think had had much of an effect on me.

But it has, because apparently I have a total man brain. It is Sunday night and there are a few movies on TV. One is Annie... one is Escape From New York. Most girls I know would totally pick Annie. I picked Escape From New York, because there is shooting, fighting and shit getting blown up. (!!!!!!)

However, Annie is full of delightful choreography, which you KNOW I am a fan of.

I'm just going to have to find a way to make the man brain work with the lady brain. If I can figure that out, we are in business.

***UPDATE***

This just in! As it turns out, A Perfect Storm is also on. This satisfies the man brain to a certain degree due to its depiction of EXTREME! weather, while at the same time greatly satisfying the lady brain due to its representation of GEORGE! Clooney. I might just be okay after all...

Use it.

I'm very lucky to have been raised by two people who believed that even as a child, I should be informed. We all used to watch the news together, every night. It probably had a lot to do with the fact that they wanted to watch it and we only had one TV... but they could have sent us out of the room while it was on. Instead, they made us watch it.

That's probably why I get so excited about elections. When I was really young, I used to LOVE elections. I remember waiting so anxiously for election day to arrive, because that meant HOURS of election coverage on TV. So much action! I remember watching out the living room window as my parents walked down the street to go vote and being SO JEALOUS that I couldn't do it yet. When I finally was old enough to vote in my first election, I was so proud. It felt so great to finally have the right and the authority to walk into that gymnasium and put a little X beside the name of my choosing. It is super nerdy, but I get a little surge of adrenaline from voting. Seriously.

This is why I simply cannot understand why anyone who is eligible to do so, does NOT vote. What the hell, people?? It is your RIGHT to be able to do so. It is your PRIVILEGE to be able to do so. For the love of god, USE IT!!!!!

I don't even care who you vote for. (Well, I do... but that shouldn't matter to you.) Just as long as you get off your ass and do it.

PS: I just watched Slacker Uprising. Can you tell? HA!

Barackin' out.

Holy crap. This is awesome. Here we find one of my favourite Bollywood movie songs combined with one of my favourite people EVER.





I'm just so glad that there are people out there with very little to do, because it gives me things like this. Love it.

Debate this!

I just watched both the Canadian PM and American VP debates... at the same time!!! It was a little crazy. Here are my thoughts:

• Elizabeth May is kind of alright.
• Jack Layton is awesome.
• Jilles Duceppe has pretty eyes.
• Stephane Dion has a really adorable accent.
• Stephen Harper is the most boring man alive.
• Joe Biden said "Bosniacs" and it was AWESOME. But only because I suspect that he is actually kind of smart.
• Sarah Palin does not pronounce the letter g. She also says "nuke-yuh-ler". This is not funny in any way, shape or form. She also says "also" a lot. (See what I did there?)

I'm tired. No more politics tonight!